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Prayer Requests 3-16-17

It’s Thursday, so don’t forget to pray for Jo, her students, and the people of PNG.

Anyone else?

Psalm 15

1 Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent?
    Who may live on your holy mountain?

2 The one whose walk is blameless,
    who does what is righteous,
    who speaks the truth from their heart;
3 whose tongue utters no slander,
    who does no wrong to a neighbor,
    and casts no slur on others;
4 who despises a vile person
    but honors those who fear the Lord;
who keeps an oath even when it hurts,
    and does not change their mind;
5 who lends money to the poor without interest;
    who does not accept a bribe against the innocent.

Whoever does these things
    will never be shaken.

55 thoughts on “Prayer Requests 3-16-17”

  1. I am feeling a little “abandoned” right now. Everyone is looking to me to fix everything that has taken 19 years to get to. I used to try to make her try foods and everyone told me to let her be, she would grow out of it, she would eat when she was hungry, etc. NOW they are afraid she may have anorexia. NOW they are worried about what she will and won’t eat. NOW they want me to do something. Her father got her prescriptions filled on Saturday but has gone back to his life. THEY undermined my authority for years and now want me to fix it. She is strong willed, determined, and is going to do as she pleases and they rest of us can choke on it. I put her on the prayer list at work and no one (other than those I know on FB) reached out in any way. Yesterday the boyfriend came and got her and I am not sure what time she got home because I was exhausted and went to sleep. After last summer I don’t feel like I can talk to my husband about it because it feels like I am complaining and giving him ammunition to use again her and me.
    Even her godmother accidentally sent a text to me that she meant to send to someone else about how sad she was about BG. ” That girl will not live long. Who has a gallbladder out at 19 and how that will make her liver have to work overtime. Sorry to vent because venting to Kim doesn’t accomplish anything.” When I replied asking if she meant to send it to me she called it “Divine Intervention” and that it was a heart/attitude problem with BG. What do they want me to do? Tie her down and force feed her?
    I can’t even talk to her therapist because now she is 19.

    Thank all of you for the prayers and support.

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  4. Maybe you can tell them just what you told us – that you had been concerned all those years, but they undermined your authority, that you are doing everything you can, but BG just won’t listen.

    Maybe it’s not much, but we are here for you, Kim, & are praying. My situation with Chickadee is not the same as yours with BG, but it helps me understand that feeling of having no control, & knowing your words will not be heard nor heeded. It sucks.

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  5. Difficult times for you, Kim, and you, Chas. Keeping you in prayer.

    Kim, it is much easier to both blame and expect someone else to do the hard things. That is their sin, not yours. You can only do what you can do. BG will do what she wants. She will not be able to, truthfully, say she was not warned.

    We spent yesterday in the ER. Long story short I have GERD and need to make some eating changes etc. This was a relief, since we were concerned about my heart. Pray I have the wisdom and strength to make the changes I need to make. I have other eating issues because of allergies etc. so it gets to be quite a challenge.

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  6. Kim, I am so sorry, this must be such a hard stretch for you and BG to be going through. Praying the counseling sessions will provide some breakthroughs in time. Is this counselor experienced with these particular issues? Praying BG will connect with her quickly. Your girl is so young, so beautiful and, I can tell, so smart and charming. May this period strengthen and change her in ways that are needed as she moves forward.

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  8. Kim, I am so sorry.

    Eating issues are hard. Growing up I had to eat everything on my plate, even if I detested it, and sometimes that took me hours. Looking back, I realize that I pretty much lose my appetite in summer, in Phoenix “summer” is most of the year, and I simply never had much of an appetite and being forced to eat foods I disliked made it worse, not better. My sister once referred to it as a “power struggle,” but it wasn’t anything close to that from my side. I couldn’t make myself swallow (I couldn’t swallow pills till I was 20), and so if I didn’t like food, I chewed it and chewed it, many minutes per biteful, and eventually it made its way down with its saliva. But it is uniquely unpleasant to spend three hours chewing a meal you detest, and I think in my case it made me more picky and not less.

    In college one year (I would have been 23 or 24, not a little child) the last bite of food never looked good. Even the luscious brownie, when I got to that last bite it just didn’t look good. It was one school year and one school year only, but I gave myself permission not to eat that last bite. But one girl from my floor (not a friend) would pick on me to eat. I know she saw me as underweight and was concerned about me, but it simply wasn’t helpful. She couldn’t make me want to eat it by pushing me to eat; my parents did that for 20 years and it didn’t help. I didn’t need counseling or any sort of intervention (other girls might, but for me it was just something to get over), but I just needed to give myself permission not to eat something I didn’t want to eat. Likewise, if I had an evening I had the munchies, I gave myself permission to keep eating even if I “should” have had enough. (I simply made sure I didn’t eat only junk food. I’d eat some cookies, then a banana, then some chips . . . and if I still felt hungry, I’d eat more. It was OK. I was learning to trust my body’s signals after having to eat for decades when I wasn’t hungry. I “made myself” eat something three times a day even if I wasn’t hungry at all, but if all I wanted was a slice of toast or a banana, that was OK.)

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  9. By the way, I do think that parents can and should make children “try” something. My thought was always that I’d serve meals with several options and a child can say “no” to one side dish. So if I find that a child always says no both to lima beans and to broccoli, one day I’ll have both in the same meal and the child will have to eat one of them, but won’t have to eat both. (If those are the only two items he refuses, I wouldn’t do that. But if he says no to pretty much all veggies, then I would.) But we had to take some of everything on the table, even if there were six side dishes, and if Dad determined you hadn’t taken enough then he’d add several additional spoonfuls and you had to eat it all. That was very, very hard for me and I learned to detest family meals.

    I was at my sister’s house once for Thanksgiving. My sister’s tastes and mine aren’t the same, and three of the side dishes didn’t look good to me (e.g., green bean casserole). I was going to skip those three dishes–after all, there were 10 or 12 foods on the table–but her children asked if they could skip them, and she said no, they had to have some of everything. It didn’t seem fair to me that the children had to eat them when their aunt didn’t, so I took some of everything, too, but then kicked myself for doing it. The children wouldn’t have noticed, and it’s a holiday meal with a lot of choices, so there is no good reason to have to take some of everything. (I think I would have told the children that they could skip one thing, or maybe that they could skip two. Since you’ll probably serve the same foods every holiday and children do often get “used to” eating something and learn to like it, pushing them just a little bit seems OK. But adults feel perfectly free not to take everything on the table, and children should have freedom to say “no thank you” to one choice if there are several options. For a holiday meal, with 10 or 12 choices, saying no to two and letting the emphasis be on things they DO like seems perfectly fair.)

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  10. The rule at my house is you have to taste everything on your plate. 2 bites. If you have served the food yourself , you must eat it, if I served you, you must taste to be polite. I encourage small potions. You can always have 2nds.

    I, too, was made to eat everything on my plate. It is a habit that has lasted my entire life, to my detriment.

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  11. I suspect that ‘nature’ & subsequent peer/social influence (as opposed to — or as much as — parental ‘nurture’) has more to do with these behaviors later in our lives. Teens are especially vulnerable to this, no matter how well they were raised. We’re all so uniquely wired and influenced. Parents shouldn’t be too hard on themselves.

    And God uses it all, of course, the good and the bad, all our struggles and weaknesses and stumbles, to bring us to himself; his grace has brought us safe thus far.

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  12. I really don’t remember if I was required to eat everything on my plate, but that probably was the general idea and encouragement 🙂 I can understand the thinking — it was seen as a way to help us be grateful for the abundance we have here (and to remember there are so many others without that ‘wealth’).

    My dad loved liver and onions and that’s one of the meals my mom would make that was hard for me to appreciate. I probably had to eat at least some of it. Fortunately, it was a rare menu item in our house. 🙂

    I turned out to be a generally “picky” eater, I’m afraid. At company buffets, I take a pass at many of the offerings.

    And I never could develop a taste for most Asian foods (and I actually did try in my 20s and 30s to learn to like Chinese food which is so popular with so many out here). My mom never liked it either, and I think that psychologically that may have played a role in my being resistant to it as well, but who knows. I’ve just finally accepted that I don’t like it, no apologies offered. (One reporter who was Vietnamese hinted once that maybe I was prejudiced, which struck me as so really odd.) If we have a work lunch at a Chinese restaurant, I’ll order a simple plate of white rice, nothing on it, and get by with that.

    I was very glad I didn’t have to work the one election night shift a couple years ago when there was a decision to replace the traditional newsroom election night pizza with Chinese food. 🙂 What were they thinking??

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  13. The rule at our house is if anyone is displeased with everything served, then a second meal (third…fourth…) must be prepared where there is something to please everyone. It is the adults’ responsibility to make the children happy. (And that extends beyond meal time.)

    Now you know one reason I’m stressed so much of the time. A child-centered household is exhausting. 😦

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  14. No. She ate everything until she was about 3 or 4 and it was like someone flipped a switch. There was no making her eat something. She gagged and threw up. This is deeper than just being picky.

    Thanks for the support. I had a crying melt down this morning and all of you got the results.

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  15. Making her try something or eat something is where I was undermined. Then everyone else thought I wasn’t a strong enough disciplinarian to just make her try it or eat it.

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  16. I’ve never heard of eating disorders that young, that must be a different animal than the usual weight-loss-driven variety I’m familiar with in teens and pre-teens. Praying for answers and guidance, Kim.

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  18. 6 Arrows – I’m not overly strict, but I would suggest you institute a new rule about mealtime: If a child does not want to eat the dinner you have prepared, that child can make him/herself a sandwich. (Or if the younger ones aren’t good at that, you will make it.) You have too much to do without having to make more than one meal, & you are not a short-order cook.

    (Sorry if this sounds harsh. I really don’t mean it that way.)

    At our dinner table, when the girls were little, if they didn’t like the whole meal, they had some bread & butter, & a glass of milk, to fill in. But then again, they would usually like something that was offered. I am glad that both girls grew up to like vegetables & salads.

    I credit my mom with their enjoyment of salad. She would frequently take them out to eat for lunch or dinner, & it was a treat to get to share Gramma’s salad. 🙂

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  19. Praying for you and BG….just my two cents but listen to the therapist concerning BG’s eating…it is not the food….it much more than that….
    I have a dearly loved gal in my life who is now an eating disorder therapist because of her desire to help those who are now facing what she walked in her young life….a good caring therapist is what I am praying for…and above all…for BG to hunger for wholeness which is found only in our Lord…. ❤

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  21. Kizzie, your comment doesn’t sound harsh, and I understand you would never intend it to be that way, either. I’m just not at liberty to institute new rules about mealtime.

    I’m sorry I made the comment, It had nothing to do with Kim’s situation, and didn’t belong on here for any good reason. AJ, if you see this, would you please remove my 12;41 pm? Thank you.

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  22. “… More understanding of the role of biological, sensory and other factors suggests that we need to move away from pointing the finger at parents for “causing” conditions such as eating disorders. …” (from an article on eating issues seen in toddlers)

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  23. AJ, I ask that you ignore 6Arrow’s request to remove her comment. It added to the discussion and I was about to make a comment on it.

    6, Could you institute a night where the Arrows planned a meal and were responsible for it. I started cooking when I was 6 or 7 with my grandfather. He had me convinced that ONLY I could make the spaghetti sauce when we were at his house and that is what we ate for dinner. I wouldn’t eat spaghetti noodles until between second and third grade. I didn’t like them and my uncle told me it was a good thing because they really were dried worms. I informed him they were not and he told me to prove it. Trick was on me–lifelong love of pasta.

    I WISH I could have done these things with BG. She can’t touch raw food and she can’t touch leftovers that need to be reheated. It’s not that she won’t. It’s that she can’t. She will sit there and be hungry rather than touch it.

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  24. My dearest friend in the world cannot touch raw meat….nor can she eat warmed up food! It was learned a few years ago (she is now 56) that she has extreme food allergies…she also has a heart condition ( long q-t) that was not diagnosed until she was in her 40’s….and only then because her 4th child was diagnosed , thus doctor ordered the rest of the family be screened as well. So many factors play into symptoms and issues with our health….continued prayers…

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  25. If I had to take two bites of liver, onions or sea scallops, I would still be there.
    Or dead by now.
    The scallops would likely kill me. I’m allergic to them.

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  26. My husband had to eat everything on his plate. He threw up peas several times. His parents finally lifted the rule–I don’t know what their policy became after that. My sister allows her children one food “pass”–meaning that her child who doesn’t like peas doesn’t have to eat peas, not that he doesn’t have to eat peas on this meal, onions on this other meal, but that he has only one “skip.”

    When I had foster children, I only remember one meal they didn’t eat (pizza). I didn’t offer any substitutions; they nibbled on it a bit but then simply waited till snack time for anything to eat. I made sure the snack that day had nutritional value, maybe celery and peanut butter or something. With the girls I figure if they don’t like something, they can skip it, and they’re free to make themselves something else later. For my husband, if he doesn’t like something, I will make an alternative. He still can’t stand peas–who knows but that he might be able to eat them today if it wasn’t for that childhood experience–and he’s pretty close to being unable to be in the same room if someone else is eating them. If I have soup or something that has peas as one ingredient, I’ll eat it in front of him, but I won’t make peas as a veggie unless he isn’t home, and I only eat my split-pea soup (a favorite) if he isn’t home. He has several other foods he detests (lima beans, squash, etc.), but none so violently as peas. For me, I won’t touch raw onions, and I have a bunch of foods I avoid.

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  27. I remember not being able to eat any school cafeteria food in elementary school, no matter what it was. That was after I woke up from a dream (I was eating in the cafeteria) violently ill with a stomach virus.

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  28. I would still be sitting at the kitchen table staring at the mixed veggies had it not been for the mercy of my Dad…Mom was a headstrong woman! I would always suggest a “no thank you” portion for my kids….if upon tasting that portion they decided it wasn’t for them….they could henceforth say “no thank you”. My son would turn absolutely green when the green beans hit the table….he still hates them to this day….and fresh green beans are my all time favorite.
    DJ too bad you did not attend my elementary school….my Grandmother was the cafeteria lady at our school….everything made from scratch back then…I loved lunch time…she was the best ever cook!

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  29. We were required to eat everything on our plates, which mostly we took ourselves and try all the food. I did throw up trying to eat a sea food meal finally and that exempted me from those. I found meal time stressful. It was not just the eating (I am a slow eater) but that was the time too many negative things were talked about, since that was when we were all together.

    It took me years to understand why anyone would find a pot luck or dinner event was fun. It is still not something I, generally, look forward to attending.

    My Aunt took in some special needs adults for a few years. One could not be in the same room or see her prepare food. She happen to look through a window and spot my aunt preparing some food. She got very loud and agitated and my aunt had to go attend to her and settle her down out of sight of the kitchen. I have no idea why she responded this way. It was certainly not being rebellious.

    I have no problem with children not eating all the foods served. I do have a problem if they cannot find any nutritious food to eat and then whine and beg for candy or other treats. I also have no use for adults that make a child eat what the adult will not (for no good reason) or use it as a power struggle against a child. I also do not believe that every occasion is a good time to make an issue out of what a child eats. Sometimes parents make a big deal out of giving a child everything and they know full well the child will not eat it. It either becomes a big struggle in front of everyone or the food is wasted. I see no point. Lots of times it is our pride that is really hurt.

    It is too bad that children are given the idea that someone should cater to all their particular tastes. That is not how life happens. You may find yourself in many places where you will have to eat what you are given or go hungry. It is good to learn it while young within reason.

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  30. Cheryl, I like your sister’s system. My parents did the same thing. Once they saw how canned spinach made me gag I was exempted from canned spinach for life. My brother was allowed to pick the mushrooms out of Mom’s spaghetti sauce, which was great for me because I loved adding his mushrooms to my serving. I can’t remember what exemption my sister had. But only one food was exempted like that for each of us, and we had to eat everything else.

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  31. I know that my sister sees “eating what is served” as simple good manners. It’s easier to cook for someone who happily eats what you prepare. I get it; as a wife of a picky eater (and mom of another), I sometimes find it hard to prepare something everyone will eat. I end up cooking chicken and broccoli more often that I prefer either myself, simply because they are two foods everyone will eat. One doesn’t like ham, one fish, one beef. My mother-in-law doesn’t like poultry (turkey or chicken) or fish or eggs. She’ll prepare them for others, but not eat them. I’m with her on the eggs, but I think one’s diet is quite limited if chicken is eliminated!

    Thing is, I don’t think we really choose to be picky or not. I’d happily be the sort of person who can eat anything and enjoy it. But I’m not. I can’t stand onions or spicy foods, and I was forced to eat eggs enough as a child that I still resist them. It isn’t a character defect, but an unfortunate limitation. And I choose not to be the hostess/cook who is easily offended by others not liking what I cook. Other than avoiding peas since my husband has very strong reactions to those, and avoiding onions and foods I myself can’t stand, I pretty much cook what I want to cook and let others eat it or not.

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  32. I have always believed and practiced that no person should have to eat anything he doesn’t want, nor more than he wants.
    When you’re finished eating, stop.

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  33. Kevin, the problem with only one exemption is that in my family we ate a lot of foods that most households don’t eat. If I could have had only one exemption, it probably would have been eggs, since they were the most commonly served (two or three times a week). But that would have meant I’d still have to eat onions, radishes, turnips, mushrooms, rutabagas and parsnips, black-eyed peas, etc. Having grown up eating lima beans and spinach (including canned spinach), I love them, and I didn’t initially like beets or pizza but learned to like them. I like brussel sprouts and other veggies that most people don’t . . . but whether or not your child likes radishes should be inconsequential. If he won’t eat any veggies, that is a problem, but if you serve three veggies and he has to eat two, he’s still getting vegetables. I don’t like spicy foods and I don’t like foods with a particularly strong taste–but I like all meats, most vegetables, all fruits except pears, etc. Just don’t make it strong or overly fancy and I’m good. I like green beans but I don’t like green-bean casserole–so set aside some green beans for me before you ruin the rest and everyone is happy.

    Mom remembered canned codfish from her childhood as something tasty. I love fish, including cod, but canned codfish doesn’t even resemble fish, or at least it doesn’t when fried into balls like hush puppies. They were mushy, strong, and utterly impalatable. But I had to choke some down whenever she made them. She found them when we visited Connecticut one summer and bought a can, and from the label she ordered a case. When we finished the case, she considered ordering another case, and I was scared until she decided not to. They were really appalling.Now, I have some things from my childhood that I like and I know not everyone does (such as canned spinach). If Mom had made the codfish balls but had also served canned tuna or a different kind of fish, I’d have been happy. Or if she had let me simply say “no thanks” and go hungry, that would have been better than eating them. I live canned sardines–but I’m the only one in my family who eats them, and I wouldn’t even consider serving them for dinner. They’re “my” thing, not other people’s, so I have them for lunch and everyone’s OK with that.

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  34. Chas, they say now that the “eat everything on your plate” guideline may contribute to obesity, because children are taught to ignore their own body signals as to whether or not they’re hungry. I’m inclined to say focus on healthy food more than things like pretzels and candy and make sure that children get the basics (protein, vegetables, etc.) and the details will take care of themselves.

    I know people who will go through a different drive-thru for each child, and I think that’s nuts. One time it will be Joe’s favorite and one time it will be Sue’s, but surely each of them can find something to eat on any menu.

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  35. But Nancyjill, as you said yourself, it’s not really about the food 🙂 It’s the mental or even subconscious messages that drive those ideas — if you believe something caused you to be sick, it’s all over

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  36. I still shudder at the mental image and smells of what was my elementary school cafeteria, I don’t think I ever went back there for lunch !

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  37. Kim, I have assisted in removing gallbladders from people not much older than BG. My aunt had hers removed in her early twenties. Gallbladders are like appendixes, some people have to have them removed early, some people develop problems later, and some never have problems. So the gallbladder is a non-issue. Of more concern is the smoking of marijuana.

    BG might have some undiscovered food sensitivities, which may make it less motivating to eat – if it hurts, it can be easier to avoid it. However, the drug use may mute her sense of hunger, which would otherwise override the fear of it hurting. Also, now that the gallbladder is gone, certain foods, such as those high in fats, may not hurt so much, and BG will figure that out.

    However, it is, frankly, nonsense that it could be anyone’s fault she is in that state. I have a couple of friends, one in her early 70s and one in her late 30s, who have to maintain strict diets because of multiple food sensitivities; but they took responsibility for their own problems and figured it out for themselves. The 70+/- year old looks and acts more like a thirty year old, the 30+/- year old has other serious health issues and is truly an invalid. Incidentally, the 70+/- year old has thyroid problems that are similar to BG’s (hypothyroidism, if I remember correctly), so there may be a link between the condition and diet.

    As for having multiple health problems so young, there are plenty of us out there. I have had asthma officially since I was eight, but I had symptoms of respiratory problems since I was about a year old. I didn’t realize until I was in my late teens that the burning sensation I have had since I was a young child was heartburn, which often accompanies asthma. I have had digestive issues since my early twenties which not infrequently make it painful to eat – but hunger overrides the dislike of pain. Chronic illness is no indication of lifespan – the average lifespan of an asthmatic, for example, is the same as that of the average person. Those with thyroid disease also have an average life expectancy with medication.

    Finally, I will leave you with this word which I find helpful when I overhear something about myself that wasn’t intended for my ears: “Don’t pay attention to everything people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you, for you know that many times you yourself have cursed others.” (Ecclesiastes 7:21-22, HCSB)

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  38. Not saying this to anyone in particular; just adding to the conversation, or tangent that I apparently introduced:

    I understand food sensitivities — I have them myself, to gluten and especially to MSG. I had a horrible reaction to the latter once, and it’s only by the grace of God I didn’t do something to end up in prison for the rest of my life. I flew into a violent (but internal) rage, and simply left home on foot and took a long, long walk. Stomp, really. I was pregnant at the time, so maybe hormones made for a more virulent reaction, but I read labels now and don’t consume anything that has MSG anymore.

    So I’m not one of those who demands everything served must be eaten in its entirety, or eaten at all. There can be all sorts of reasons, many mentioned already, why some foods are so unpalatable to some individuals, and even dangerous.

    The first time I ever made quinoa, my 1st Arrow (who will eat almost anything, and eat well) found it so disgusting, he threw up on his plate. Not purposely, by any means. It was simply revolting to him. We have not had it since. (I think I did fix some one time after that, but no one would eat it except me, and I didn’t blame them, or make them eat it. Now I don’t bother fixing it at all.)

    And, in a side note, we had two identical plates, one of which got to be known after that quinoa incident as “the barf plate.” 😉 Second Arrow WOULD NOT ever eat off of either plate because she might be eating off the dreaded barf plate. And now, when she comes home for a visit, she still won’t eat off of the one plate that either looks like or is that plate. (One of the two plates broke years ago, but we don’t know which one it was.) So I do understand people getting grossed out by things like that, associated with food experiences.

    The larger issue, when allergies, sensitivities, etc. are taken off the table (sorry for the bad pun), is, IMO, the issue of gratitude. When children know they can complain about the entire meal, and do it regularly, and get their narrow wishes catered to without fail, it makes for a very unpleasant environment in which thankfulness does not get learned.

    I should make clear that I am not the only one planning and preparing meals. My teenage daughters do so, as well. But they’re facing the same thing I am when making a meal consisting of nothing one or both of the two youngest children like — complaints, and then do-overs. The younger two are having spaghetti or pancakes at nearly every meal, and not a whole lot else.

    Maybe it is time that 5th and 6th Arrows started learning to prepare balanced meals for the whole family…

    Sorry to be so full of complaints today. This catering to the young children at mealtime is just the tip of the iceberg at our house.

    Time to head to the kitchen for supper prep now.

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  39. I am better this afternoon. She has a therapy appointment tomorrow. I don’t think she is anorexic or bulimic. I think this is OCD manifesting itself in eating issues. She eats a hamburger but not meatloaf. She eats steak but not roast beef. She eats fried chicken but not baked chicken. She eats fries, but not a baked potato and she told me she can’t eat a soggy fry.
    I get it. I eat cooked tomatoes but can’t stand them raw. I eat raw squash but can’t stand them cooked. But my texture issues haven’t effected my health and I will eat almost any fruit and almost all vegetables. I don’t care for lamb and prefer not to eat it, but if it is noticeable that I not take a serving I can eat it. If I get a bite of raw tomato in my mouth I don’t throw up. I have eaten squash casserole by accident and lived.
    I never really pushed her to finish her plate. I would tell her to take 6 more bites if she was 6 years old, 7 and so on when she was younger. She was in charge of the size of the bite. It worked. My grandfather used to feel my tummy and tell me I wasn’t full. It took a long time for me to learn to listen to my body rather than finishing my plate.

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  40. Sorry, no time to read the above.
    Prayers please as our branch is having our biannual conference. The reports are wonderful, but they are trying to make some changes, some are good, and some are bad. Prayers for wisdom and for unity. I spoke out in my group, something I don’t usually do.
    Also the children have an all day vbs with a team that has come so pray for them as this is a long day.

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  41. 6 Arrows, we are here to listen to one another. Oddly enough, we don’t think less of your family because you sometimes vent about what is bothering you. I have heard of enough children who refused to eat anything but their favorite foods – and these children have come from all styles of parenting – to know that sometimes there is little the parent can do. My eldest nephew is an extremely picky eater and could fly into absolute rage if food isn’t as he sees fit (he has the stereotypical Irish temper from his father, who has learned to control it). He is gradually learning to reign in the temper and his opinions about food, but his (strongly suspected) Asperger’s makes it a longer battle than, say, his younger brother, my second nephew, who quickly learned to stop complaining about food (for the most part) and even try new foods. One of my lecturers in college once mentioned that there seems to be a genetic element to picky eating – how much evidence there is to back that up, I’m not sure.

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  42. For a year or so I had a housemate in Nashville who was sweet, intelligent, beautiful, talented, etc. She was about 26 and had a master’s degree, and she was having a hard time getting a job in her field so she lived with me and did all sorts of odd jobs.

    Her diet consisted of lunchmeat ham, frozen chicken nuggets, yogurt with Oreo pieces, some variety of granola bars, and I think maybe one other food. Maybe it was cheese. I mean she never, ever bought any other food. She came home from a restaurant meal once with leftovers–chicken nuggets. I asked her if she had any vegetables she liked, and she said “French fries.” She decided she had some sort of problem with the granola bars, so she stopped buying them, but everything else remained the same. I asked why she didn’t eat fruit or vegetables, and she said she didn’t like the texture. I told her that they varied tremendously in texture and she should do some sampling and see what she liked, and that I would help her if she wanted.

    She came home all excited one day because she had discovered that some company was now making gummy vitamins for adults. I told her that wasn’t the same as a balanced diet, and she said yeah, she knew. But here was a stunningly beautiful, healthy young woman limiting herself to an extremely boring and unhealthy diet, and it is really only a matter of time until it catches up to her. If she lived in a war-torn region and that’s all the food she could get, fine. But as a voluntary limitation it was astounding, and it made me sad. Someday she may be married and pregnant, and her body won’t have the proper nutrition, nor can she set a good example for her own children. That is not an acceptable diet range, and had I been her mother I would not have settled for it.

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  43. Oh, one of the picky eaters I have heard of was my uncle on my father’s side. He refused to eat any meat but hot dogs – this was back in the ’50s. Now, my grandmother has always been a no nonsense woman, and she wasn’t the type to coddle a child’s preferences – so this wasn’t a problem of spoiling a child. Now, she just laughs over how her youngest son wouldn’t eat any meat but hot dogs. He grew up to be a worthy and constructive member of society, so no permanent harm was done by only eating hot dogs.

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  46. Keeping you in prayer Jo…and amen to what Kevin said….speaking up is being heard….sometimes 🙂
    6arrows….I’m with 1st arrow concerning quinoa….feels like tiny little bugs in my mouth…yuck!!
    My second daughter loves potato chips, fries, hash browns….but hates mashed potatoes…it’s the texture…I get it!! 🙂 Praying BG’s therapist is discerning with keen insight….and has a clear direction towards healing ❤

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  47. What Roscuro said. Some people have multiple health issues and it’s nobody’s fault. My own “BG” (now 24) really struggled for several years after high school. It was tough for us as parents at first trying to discern if she was “faking it” or overly fussy, or if there were real medical issues. Then we hurt for her as accepted that the issues were real and understood how hard it was for her to get through each day.

    It can take time and persistence to untangle interrelated symptoms and issues. In the last two years we’ve uncovered and dealt with hypothyroidism, gall bladder problems, and a visual misalignment that few doctors recognize but that is easily treated if correctly diagnosed. Learning how to work within her limits and getting appropriate treatment have done wonders.
    Life is still physically more challenging for her than for most people, but she’s engaged in life and moving forward now after a few years in the wilderness.

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  48. Kim, I’m not trying to say anything about your parenting–I’ve already said my parents did it wrong in making me eat everything even if it meant sitting at the table two or three hours. I’m assuming BG has more items she will eat than five. (And this particular young lady wasn’t stubborn; I don’t sense that her parents did ever try to get her to eat anything she didn’t like. They just assumed she’d grow out of it.)

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  49. My mother takes the cake for being strict about eating what was on your plate. We three elder siblings were pretty good about eating what we were given, but youngest sibling was persistently fractious about food. For a period of time, she would manage to sneak away from the table and surreptitiously dispose of her disliked supper in the garbage bin. My mother, finding large amount of food in the garbage, caught on to her. The next time youngest sibling pulled that stunt, my mother made her eat her dinner out of the garbage. I told you my mother had a will of iron. Youngest sibling did so, and never made a fuss about what she had to eat again. Now, lest you think that my mother was some inhuman beast, she herself is still shocked that she ever made youngest sibling do such a thing. I think, she was just plain fed up at the time by youngest sibling’s behaviour and snapped a little. None of us would attempt to imitate our mother’s example with our own offspring, but it sure makes for a good family story.

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  50. I thought of this earlier, but didn’t say anything. But since this thread has centered on diets & food, I decided I would for a laugh.

    Once in Falls Church, years ago, I was speaking to a Wednesday night crowd. I started out: “My youngest granddaughter was having physical problems, so her parents took her to the doctor. The doctor put her on a regimen to increase her vitamin intake. She wasn’t getting enough nourishment. It isn’t that her parents couldn’t afford to feed her. Her father is a chemical engineer doing well. But she wasn’t getting enough nourishment to sustain her body.”
    Many Christians are like that. They have spiritual problems that affect….” And I went on that way for about fifteen minutes. Then concluded, “We often think we can exist on a spiritual macaroni and cheese diet but it isn’t sufficient for Spiritual growth”.
    Or something like that.
    Jenn would only eat macaroni and cheese. She is a grown woman now with a son. I presume she has her diet worked out.

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  51. Roscuro, 6:09, thank you.

    NancyJill, 6:42, LOL! I’ll have to ask 1st Arrow if it felt like little bugs to him, too. 😉

    That reminds me that I have made muffins with quinoa flour in them on occasion, and they’re actually pretty tasty — more flavorful than muffins made with blander flours, but not as pungent as eating quinoa in seed form. And the flour won’t feel like bugs in your mouth. 🙂 (Well, hopefully there aren’t bugs in the bag of flour!) 😛

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  52. Kim, you have a hard task ahead of you. I care about you and your BG–I’m worried about her, honestly–and I know the rest of us are too. May God keep you strong and wise, and may she begin to understand how much you love her.

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  53. We still laugh when my daughter threw her green beans under the kitchen table, because she didn’t want to eat them. We didn’t have a dog and I was bound to notice them. Can’t blame a kid for trying.

    Kevin, you are so right. I have had my own issues with diagnosis challenges. Many diseases have the same symptoms and are not so easily discovered. Sometimes feeling bad is so gradual that we don’t even realize it or know how to explain it.

    Our bodies are amazing.

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  54. Interesting thread. My violent illness this week was my body’s reaction to something that I ate, still not sure what. Basically my body just cleanses itself, violently, and an hour later I am weak, but fine. I haven’t been sick like that in quite a while as I am working to figure out what causes it each time.

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  55. Hi. Still trying to figure this thing out. Good thing son is here or I would have thrown it out the window.
    Sounds like another area home is burning to the ground. Prayer for house owners and emergency service folk.

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