Prayer for us, please. We had a very pleasant visit with second son, who is now headed off to the airport and back to his home to prepare for another training trip. Husband was able to rouse himself for a few hours and even got out of his chair for some laps to the hallway. We are asking eldest son to come home for a few days to get a handle on the paper work so we don’t miss bill payments. If he can set it up so I can pay the bills, or so son can from a distance, or so husband can after his surgery and before the next one, that would be good. Thanks for praying.
The first, some sort of partial knee replacement/rebuild is the 23rd of March. We drive down on Thursday for the pre surgery assessment and another visit with the RA doc. It will probably be me driving the ten hours as husband is pretty well broken at this time.
I’ve been having a hard week. The time change in the spring always affects me negatively for a while, but this year has been so much worse. I’ve been tired and teary much of the time since Monday morning — day and night — despite the fact nothing bad has happened, and, in fact, we have been having the most gorgeous weather we’ve had all year. Sunny and in the sixties. That usually gives me a lift, but has not made a bit of difference that I can tell yet.
I am so discouraged, and if it weren’t for my piano students and having to go out in public a couple times this week, necessitating that I pull myself together, I would probably be crying all the time, and I can’t figure out why. I just do.
This Michelle on IPad . . . For those of you on FB with me, see if Linda Livingston’s post is on my page. If so, go through the comments to see two photos she posted and rejoice with us.
15 years ago, I spent a lot of time driving her to dr. appointments in San Francisco. She used a wheelchair and we had several hard conversations about her declining health and how to make the most of what years remained.
She had back issues, they checked for MS, auto immune. I can’t remember it all. She adapted (see my blog post about the Southwest death march), but a few years ago made significant changes in her diet, medications and started getting exercise. She’s been living in Arizona and eastern WA so I don’t see her often now.
Well, husband is up and moving today. He is making himself get up every hour for a few laps. Maybe it sank in when I explained that total lack of exercise would affect his kidneys. Maybe when I told him it supposedly hurt most in the morning but after working the kinks out it should hurt less, but if you never move then every movement is early morning pain. Or perhaps the Lord is answering your prayers… whatever, I am grateful that the Lord is using whatever means He is using to get him moving again. Thanks for praying. He is also changing his diet and meds. I expect to see him running marathons again soon. Well, maybe not, but shopping would be good.
I think most of us who come to this thread try to pray for all of it. And then there are the lurkers…Lots of folk praying and that is a good thing. But, yes, it is nice to get some feedback so we know people know we are asking for help.
I am finding so little encouragement here today, I wish I had never posted my prayer request in the first place. And now it is dark out, and I feel worse than ever.
Thursday is my media fast day, so try not to assume anything in my absence.
I am sorry for my lack of gratitude toward those who may have prayed. Life’s been hard lately, for many complex reasons beyond what any one of us, including myself, can comprehend, but that is no excuse for ingratitude.
My apologies to all who feel offended by my previous comment.
Are you suffering from burn out? That happens quite a bit to homeschoolers and folks working with special needs. It even happens to normal folk. Kind of a feeling of uselessness? Like nothing we do is important and will never end and we are drowning in children?
Mumsee, yes to the burnout question. It started happening in 2011 that it seemed the whole world was collapsing on me. Four friends and two relatives died within an eight-month period that year. I’d start processing one death, and then another one would happen. Homeschooling just about went out the window, but I figured it was temporary, my inability to keep up with my regular routine.
In February 2012, two months after the last in that string of deaths, I saw my doctor for a check-up. After mentioning all of that to him, he asked me if I thought I was depressed. I told him (honestly) that I didn’t think I was. I thought the sadness I was feeling was simply a normal response to the events of the previous year, and that I would be fine soon.
But I wasn’t. Eventually, the grieving eased, but other things happened. One of my children started rebelling against homeschooling. She wanted to go to school, and my husband and I started having conflicts over whether or not to send her. In the end, things turned out fine — she’s still at home, and is enjoying it now — but it was a stressful situation for about a year, maybe year and a half.
And yeah, special needs. You know, Mumsee. And I only have one.
I don’t feel like I’m drowning in children — two of them are adults now, and the third turns 18 next month and relieves a lot of my burden. But the children have been almost homeschooling themselves (and each other) while I’ve been in this tailspin the last few years. I think my job is very important, but I’m not doing it, and that causes me a tremendous amount of guilt. Everybody’s been filling in the gaps (or trying to) for too long, while I fall short again and again.
A feeling of uselessness? Most definitely.
I’m going to be brutally honest now (not that I’ve been dishonest in anything I’ve said here so far — I haven’t).
The really hard part about what happened yesterday was not as much the unexplained tears the past few days as what happened here after I posted my prayer request (at 4:38 pm). It was met with almost complete silence. (When I came back 4 1/2 hours after I’d posted my request, only Karen O had acknowledged it, a gesture I appreciated very much, as I told her, but, human nature such as it is, I focused more on the number of people whom I knew had seen my request and didn’t make any effort to comfort me or indicate they were praying, even though they did provide evidence of their having been here since I made my request, by “liking” other people’s posts that weren’t “liked” before I posted my request.)
I know that sounds selfish, and it probably is. People have freedom of choice to whom and how and when they respond, if at all. I recognize that. And not saying anything to me doesn’t mean they’re not praying.
But yesterday was one of the hardest days I’ve ever experienced. I have no idea what is happening to me, and, frankly, it’s a little scary that I’m so emotional over — what? — I can’t even put a finger on it.
So when I come here and give you a small glimpse into how difficult things have been for me lately, and it’s met with virtual silence from a group of people who have time and time again shown their love and concern for others when they’re down, I feel like I’m nothing but a complainer whom people just want to avoid.
It’s like walking into a room where everyone is freely chatting with each other. There are folks rejoicing with those who rejoice, and mourning with those who mourn. Then I enter the room with tears streaming down my face, and suddenly, there’s dead silence. As if to say, Ew. Look who just showed up. What’s her problem again?
This is how my mind works when I see people who I know are loving, caring Christians respond very differently to me than they do to other hurting people. It increases my sense of worthlessness. It’s like I’ve been judged and found wanting, based on the tiny slice of my life you see on this blog, and I don’t deserve any bit of compassion because it might just feed my self-centered tendencies.
I have no doubt mischaracterized some of you. Forgive me if I have. I am not very intelligent, and I have a hard time interpreting silence.
This has been very hard to write, and I hope I have not burned bridges.
6 Arrows – (I hope you see this.) – I understand more than you can imagine. Some days I feel my only worth is that I can clean house & clean up after people.
But deep inside, I know that you & I are worth much more than what we feel we are worth, especially to Father God. I guess that knowing is part of walking by faith, not by sight.
Last night, praying for you, I was wondering if maybe you are suffering from depression. I battle it on & off, & even when it’s “off”, it’s kind of still lurking there, coloring my thoughts. I have to keep going to what I know the Bible says to combat depressive thoughts, & to bolster my faith & trust.
My husband has been encouraging me to go to Charles Stanley’s site & listen to some of his sermons, & there are some others he recommends, too. (I’m not much for sitting & listening, so I haven’t done that yet, but I intend to at least let one play on the computer while I putter around when my laptop is fixed.)
I seem to be in tears a lot, too, incredibly overwhelmed by what is going on in my husband’s & my life together. (That doesn’t sound like it’s worded right.) I keep calling out for God to help me & change me. But what if He wants me to be this way for a while, to constantly run to Him with my (what seems like) childish feelings? Will I continue to run to Him, to not give up? I hope the answer is yes, & I hope you do that, too.
But you may decide that you need medication to help you. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to get that kind of help, if you feel you need it. I was on an anti-depressant for several years, through a particularly hard time. It helped me tremendously.
I’ll admit that I do sometimes wonder why some prayer requests get more “likes” than others. But I can’t imagine anyone here reading a request & not at least lifting a quick prayer for it.
I love you, 6 Arrows, & I’m pretty sure many/most others here do as well. But most importantly, I know that God loves you, & you are precious to Him.
I pray God will help you deal with your daily life in bite-sized pieces, & help you “keep on keepin’ on”. From my own experience, I know that is not always as easy as it sounds.
Thank you for sharing your heart here, even if it was painful to do. That took courage.
Okay, I think I’m rambling now, so I’ll end this. Praying for you, dear sister.
Thank you so much, Karen. Your love and kindness mean so very much to me.
I was very against using antidepressants (for myself, not for others if they choose), but I am reconsidering that. I see my doctor on April 20, and if things aren’t going well by then, I may actually accept them.
I love you, too, Karen, and appreciate your faithfulness in prayer on my behalf.
Many people read the requests here and pray without saying a word. It’s usually what I do. But know this, we’re still praying for ALL the requests, whether we chime in or not.
And another thing, I don’t feel comfortable “liking” some requests. It seems the wrong response at times. When bad things happen and someone makes a request, the LIKE button doesn’t seem right to me. It seems like I’d be liking the bad. You know what I mean? Praises are much easier, you can just like away on those.
Take care of yourself sister, and don’t worry, we’re continuing to offer prayers on your behalf, whether we say so or not. :).
For the record, I don’t always read the prayer thread. I try to read it at the end of the day (when people have had time to post requests) rather than at the beginning, but I don’t always get to it, nor do I always hit “like.” What AJ said.
Also, reading your first post on here, it reads like you did what I would be inclined to do in that situation–discuss it at a bit of arm’s length. No “I’m really desperate here. Please guys, I urgently need your prayers” but “I feel kinda down, but no good reason for it, so I guess it will pass once we get used to this time change.” (I know that isn’t what you said, but it’s kind of the “feeling” I got from it, much less desperation than you felt.)
I too am the person who often “feels” overlooked. I identify with that big time. Two examples should show I am “not just saying that.” One, my freshman year in college, my church sent a bus to my college to take any students who wanted to go. The posted occupancy was 72 people. Two per seat. There were times–several times–when I got on it early and smiled a friendly smile at every person who got on the bus, and watched as the bus fulled up totally, as many as 71 passengers, with me the only one sitting alone. One girl would sometimes sit with me, and I had the sense she did it to be kind (more than that she actually wanted to sit with me), though most of the time she too she would sit with other people. Why didn’t I sit with other people instead of waiting for them to sit with me, you might wonder. Because it seemed pretty obvious to me they didn’t want my presence. (I really had no idea why. I have some “clues” today, but at that time I tried simply to be quietly friendly and not pushy, and hoped desperately that someone would just sit with me.)
Several years later, I was at a party, and a casual friend showed up. I wasn’t close to her, but had had some connections (including co-teaching a Sunday school class for a year or so). I hadn’t seen her in ages, but she was a social butterfly and people were eager to see her. She was thronged by people. She came into the living room and hugged everyone in there . . . everyone but me. I said hi to her, but so many people were saying hi I really doubt she heard me. I knew she wasn’t rejecting me; she just somehow hadn’t seen me. So, polite little Cheryl just casually drifted into the next room, where once again the lady hugged everyone in there but me. And so forth throughout the whole house. Even as I did it, it seemed really silly to do it, and pathetically desperate to wait for her to notice me and hug me too. But we managed to get through the whole house with her never hugging me, never seeming either to notice me or avoid noticing me. I am quite sure she wasn’t being rude–I was quite simply invisible to her. I could give other examples–I really do know the feeling–but those two should be more than enough.
All that said . . . you are one of the people on here I really value. Your life experience, your perceptiveness, your desire to do hard work when it IS hard work (like doing the best job you can for the piano students). May you know the love of God, of your family and friends, and of your online friends too.
Cheryl, I thought of that earlier today, too, that maybe my original request didn’t sound like anything too out-of-the-ordinary or heart-wrenching. I was crying at the time I typed “I would probably be crying all the time,” but no one reading would know that, since I didn’t disclose that.
Some of it, too, was that it was still daytime when I typed my request, and I can cope a little better then than after dark, when everything troubling seems to multiply in intensity.
I can relate a lot to the experiences you shared above. I have never been a social butterfly, and have not been sought out by very many people. There have been some people over the years, and currently, who would probably consider me a good friend, but I don’t think I’ve ever been anyone’s best friend.
It’s hard not to carry a feeling of inferiority into adulthood when you feel like something of a take-her-or-leave-her person in others’ eyes. Makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me. And when I feel ostracized online, I have to (but don’t always successfully) push away the feeling that “Boy, even people who have never met me can tell that I’m nothing special.”
Which, of course, is wrongheaded thinking. I place far too much value on what humans think of me, instead of finding my worth in God.
You are so kind to share those sentiments that you did in your last paragraph, Cheryl. I value our friendship, and your wisdom, evident in so many ways, especially in regard to relationships.
Wandering Views 
Prayer for us, please. We had a very pleasant visit with second son, who is now headed off to the airport and back to his home to prepare for another training trip. Husband was able to rouse himself for a few hours and even got out of his chair for some laps to the hallway. We are asking eldest son to come home for a few days to get a handle on the paper work so we don’t miss bill payments. If he can set it up so I can pay the bills, or so son can from a distance, or so husband can after his surgery and before the next one, that would be good. Thanks for praying.
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Mumsee, keeping you and your family in prayer for things fiscal and physical.
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Are the surgeries scheduled? So very sorry.
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The first, some sort of partial knee replacement/rebuild is the 23rd of March. We drive down on Thursday for the pre surgery assessment and another visit with the RA doc. It will probably be me driving the ten hours as husband is pretty well broken at this time.
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I’ll be praying, Mumsee.
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Praying, Mumsee.
I’ve been having a hard week. The time change in the spring always affects me negatively for a while, but this year has been so much worse. I’ve been tired and teary much of the time since Monday morning — day and night — despite the fact nothing bad has happened, and, in fact, we have been having the most gorgeous weather we’ve had all year. Sunny and in the sixties. That usually gives me a lift, but has not made a bit of difference that I can tell yet.
I am so discouraged, and if it weren’t for my piano students and having to go out in public a couple times this week, necessitating that I pull myself together, I would probably be crying all the time, and I can’t figure out why. I just do.
Thank you for praying.
LikeLiked by 2 people
This Michelle on IPad . . . For those of you on FB with me, see if Linda Livingston’s post is on my page. If so, go through the comments to see two photos she posted and rejoice with us.
15 years ago, I spent a lot of time driving her to dr. appointments in San Francisco. She used a wheelchair and we had several hard conversations about her declining health and how to make the most of what years remained.
She had back issues, they checked for MS, auto immune. I can’t remember it all. She adapted (see my blog post about the Southwest death march), but a few years ago made significant changes in her diet, medications and started getting exercise. She’s been living in Arizona and eastern WA so I don’t see her often now.
She ran a marathon today.
I’m jaw dropping joyous!
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Well, husband is up and moving today. He is making himself get up every hour for a few laps. Maybe it sank in when I explained that total lack of exercise would affect his kidneys. Maybe when I told him it supposedly hurt most in the morning but after working the kinks out it should hurt less, but if you never move then every movement is early morning pain. Or perhaps the Lord is answering your prayers… whatever, I am grateful that the Lord is using whatever means He is using to get him moving again. Thanks for praying. He is also changing his diet and meds. I expect to see him running marathons again soon. Well, maybe not, but shopping would be good.
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Our pastor is having his biopsy on the tumour in his chest today.
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Thank you for your prayers, Karen O. I appreciate your acknowledgment of my prayer request. I needed that encouragement more than ever today.
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You’re welcome, 6 Arrows. I’m sure others were praying, too. Hang in there.
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I think most of us who come to this thread try to pray for all of it. And then there are the lurkers…Lots of folk praying and that is a good thing. But, yes, it is nice to get some feedback so we know people know we are asking for help.
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God help me.
I am finding so little encouragement here today, I wish I had never posted my prayer request in the first place. And now it is dark out, and I feel worse than ever.
Thursday is my media fast day, so try not to assume anything in my absence.
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I am sorry for my lack of gratitude toward those who may have prayed. Life’s been hard lately, for many complex reasons beyond what any one of us, including myself, can comprehend, but that is no excuse for ingratitude.
My apologies to all who feel offended by my previous comment.
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Six Arrows,
Are you suffering from burn out? That happens quite a bit to homeschoolers and folks working with special needs. It even happens to normal folk. Kind of a feeling of uselessness? Like nothing we do is important and will never end and we are drowning in children?
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Mumsee, yes to the burnout question. It started happening in 2011 that it seemed the whole world was collapsing on me. Four friends and two relatives died within an eight-month period that year. I’d start processing one death, and then another one would happen. Homeschooling just about went out the window, but I figured it was temporary, my inability to keep up with my regular routine.
In February 2012, two months after the last in that string of deaths, I saw my doctor for a check-up. After mentioning all of that to him, he asked me if I thought I was depressed. I told him (honestly) that I didn’t think I was. I thought the sadness I was feeling was simply a normal response to the events of the previous year, and that I would be fine soon.
But I wasn’t. Eventually, the grieving eased, but other things happened. One of my children started rebelling against homeschooling. She wanted to go to school, and my husband and I started having conflicts over whether or not to send her. In the end, things turned out fine — she’s still at home, and is enjoying it now — but it was a stressful situation for about a year, maybe year and a half.
And yeah, special needs. You know, Mumsee. And I only have one.
I don’t feel like I’m drowning in children — two of them are adults now, and the third turns 18 next month and relieves a lot of my burden. But the children have been almost homeschooling themselves (and each other) while I’ve been in this tailspin the last few years. I think my job is very important, but I’m not doing it, and that causes me a tremendous amount of guilt. Everybody’s been filling in the gaps (or trying to) for too long, while I fall short again and again.
A feeling of uselessness? Most definitely.
I’m going to be brutally honest now (not that I’ve been dishonest in anything I’ve said here so far — I haven’t).
The really hard part about what happened yesterday was not as much the unexplained tears the past few days as what happened here after I posted my prayer request (at 4:38 pm). It was met with almost complete silence. (When I came back 4 1/2 hours after I’d posted my request, only Karen O had acknowledged it, a gesture I appreciated very much, as I told her, but, human nature such as it is, I focused more on the number of people whom I knew had seen my request and didn’t make any effort to comfort me or indicate they were praying, even though they did provide evidence of their having been here since I made my request, by “liking” other people’s posts that weren’t “liked” before I posted my request.)
I know that sounds selfish, and it probably is. People have freedom of choice to whom and how and when they respond, if at all. I recognize that. And not saying anything to me doesn’t mean they’re not praying.
But yesterday was one of the hardest days I’ve ever experienced. I have no idea what is happening to me, and, frankly, it’s a little scary that I’m so emotional over — what? — I can’t even put a finger on it.
So when I come here and give you a small glimpse into how difficult things have been for me lately, and it’s met with virtual silence from a group of people who have time and time again shown their love and concern for others when they’re down, I feel like I’m nothing but a complainer whom people just want to avoid.
It’s like walking into a room where everyone is freely chatting with each other. There are folks rejoicing with those who rejoice, and mourning with those who mourn. Then I enter the room with tears streaming down my face, and suddenly, there’s dead silence. As if to say, Ew. Look who just showed up. What’s her problem again?
This is how my mind works when I see people who I know are loving, caring Christians respond very differently to me than they do to other hurting people. It increases my sense of worthlessness. It’s like I’ve been judged and found wanting, based on the tiny slice of my life you see on this blog, and I don’t deserve any bit of compassion because it might just feed my self-centered tendencies.
I have no doubt mischaracterized some of you. Forgive me if I have. I am not very intelligent, and I have a hard time interpreting silence.
This has been very hard to write, and I hope I have not burned bridges.
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And Mumsee, thank you for taking the time to reach out to me with those questions.
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6 Arrows – (I hope you see this.) – I understand more than you can imagine. Some days I feel my only worth is that I can clean house & clean up after people.
But deep inside, I know that you & I are worth much more than what we feel we are worth, especially to Father God. I guess that knowing is part of walking by faith, not by sight.
Last night, praying for you, I was wondering if maybe you are suffering from depression. I battle it on & off, & even when it’s “off”, it’s kind of still lurking there, coloring my thoughts. I have to keep going to what I know the Bible says to combat depressive thoughts, & to bolster my faith & trust.
My husband has been encouraging me to go to Charles Stanley’s site & listen to some of his sermons, & there are some others he recommends, too. (I’m not much for sitting & listening, so I haven’t done that yet, but I intend to at least let one play on the computer while I putter around when my laptop is fixed.)
I seem to be in tears a lot, too, incredibly overwhelmed by what is going on in my husband’s & my life together. (That doesn’t sound like it’s worded right.) I keep calling out for God to help me & change me. But what if He wants me to be this way for a while, to constantly run to Him with my (what seems like) childish feelings? Will I continue to run to Him, to not give up? I hope the answer is yes, & I hope you do that, too.
But you may decide that you need medication to help you. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to get that kind of help, if you feel you need it. I was on an anti-depressant for several years, through a particularly hard time. It helped me tremendously.
I’ll admit that I do sometimes wonder why some prayer requests get more “likes” than others. But I can’t imagine anyone here reading a request & not at least lifting a quick prayer for it.
I love you, 6 Arrows, & I’m pretty sure many/most others here do as well. But most importantly, I know that God loves you, & you are precious to Him.
I pray God will help you deal with your daily life in bite-sized pieces, & help you “keep on keepin’ on”. From my own experience, I know that is not always as easy as it sounds.
Thank you for sharing your heart here, even if it was painful to do. That took courage.
Okay, I think I’m rambling now, so I’ll end this. Praying for you, dear sister.
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Thank you so much, Karen. Your love and kindness mean so very much to me.
I was very against using antidepressants (for myself, not for others if they choose), but I am reconsidering that. I see my doctor on April 20, and if things aren’t going well by then, I may actually accept them.
I love you, too, Karen, and appreciate your faithfulness in prayer on my behalf.
LikeLiked by 1 person
6,
Many people read the requests here and pray without saying a word. It’s usually what I do. But know this, we’re still praying for ALL the requests, whether we chime in or not.
And another thing, I don’t feel comfortable “liking” some requests. It seems the wrong response at times. When bad things happen and someone makes a request, the LIKE button doesn’t seem right to me. It seems like I’d be liking the bad. You know what I mean? Praises are much easier, you can just like away on those.
Take care of yourself sister, and don’t worry, we’re continuing to offer prayers on your behalf, whether we say so or not. :).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Six Arrows,
For the record, I don’t always read the prayer thread. I try to read it at the end of the day (when people have had time to post requests) rather than at the beginning, but I don’t always get to it, nor do I always hit “like.” What AJ said.
Also, reading your first post on here, it reads like you did what I would be inclined to do in that situation–discuss it at a bit of arm’s length. No “I’m really desperate here. Please guys, I urgently need your prayers” but “I feel kinda down, but no good reason for it, so I guess it will pass once we get used to this time change.” (I know that isn’t what you said, but it’s kind of the “feeling” I got from it, much less desperation than you felt.)
I too am the person who often “feels” overlooked. I identify with that big time. Two examples should show I am “not just saying that.” One, my freshman year in college, my church sent a bus to my college to take any students who wanted to go. The posted occupancy was 72 people. Two per seat. There were times–several times–when I got on it early and smiled a friendly smile at every person who got on the bus, and watched as the bus fulled up totally, as many as 71 passengers, with me the only one sitting alone. One girl would sometimes sit with me, and I had the sense she did it to be kind (more than that she actually wanted to sit with me), though most of the time she too she would sit with other people. Why didn’t I sit with other people instead of waiting for them to sit with me, you might wonder. Because it seemed pretty obvious to me they didn’t want my presence. (I really had no idea why. I have some “clues” today, but at that time I tried simply to be quietly friendly and not pushy, and hoped desperately that someone would just sit with me.)
Several years later, I was at a party, and a casual friend showed up. I wasn’t close to her, but had had some connections (including co-teaching a Sunday school class for a year or so). I hadn’t seen her in ages, but she was a social butterfly and people were eager to see her. She was thronged by people. She came into the living room and hugged everyone in there . . . everyone but me. I said hi to her, but so many people were saying hi I really doubt she heard me. I knew she wasn’t rejecting me; she just somehow hadn’t seen me. So, polite little Cheryl just casually drifted into the next room, where once again the lady hugged everyone in there but me. And so forth throughout the whole house. Even as I did it, it seemed really silly to do it, and pathetically desperate to wait for her to notice me and hug me too. But we managed to get through the whole house with her never hugging me, never seeming either to notice me or avoid noticing me. I am quite sure she wasn’t being rude–I was quite simply invisible to her. I could give other examples–I really do know the feeling–but those two should be more than enough.
All that said . . . you are one of the people on here I really value. Your life experience, your perceptiveness, your desire to do hard work when it IS hard work (like doing the best job you can for the piano students). May you know the love of God, of your family and friends, and of your online friends too.
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Thank you, AJ and Cheryl.
Cheryl, I thought of that earlier today, too, that maybe my original request didn’t sound like anything too out-of-the-ordinary or heart-wrenching. I was crying at the time I typed “I would probably be crying all the time,” but no one reading would know that, since I didn’t disclose that.
Some of it, too, was that it was still daytime when I typed my request, and I can cope a little better then than after dark, when everything troubling seems to multiply in intensity.
I can relate a lot to the experiences you shared above. I have never been a social butterfly, and have not been sought out by very many people. There have been some people over the years, and currently, who would probably consider me a good friend, but I don’t think I’ve ever been anyone’s best friend.
It’s hard not to carry a feeling of inferiority into adulthood when you feel like something of a take-her-or-leave-her person in others’ eyes. Makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me. And when I feel ostracized online, I have to (but don’t always successfully) push away the feeling that “Boy, even people who have never met me can tell that I’m nothing special.”
Which, of course, is wrongheaded thinking. I place far too much value on what humans think of me, instead of finding my worth in God.
You are so kind to share those sentiments that you did in your last paragraph, Cheryl. I value our friendship, and your wisdom, evident in so many ways, especially in regard to relationships.
Love and blessings to you ~
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