36 thoughts on “Our Daily Thread 10-3-18

  1. Peter, as I said last night , Mizzou at Carolina is fine with me.
    Gonna beat them Tigers. 21-17.
    Gamecocks can move the ball. It’s stopping the other guys that’s their problem.

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  2. Did anyone else watch the pathetic excuse for a post-season by the Cubs last night? Thirteen innings, including their three best pitchers, to finally lose 2-1. They did keep them to just one run past the very first out of the game, but you have to be willing to wait for a walk if the pitcher is throwing you one, and you have to get hits.

    I could have gone to bed anytime after 9:00 last night, but my husband was willing to hang in for the long haul, so I stayed up with him, till 1:00, and then was awake until past 3:00.

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  3. Good morning! I have not watched a game. Those who stayed up so late watching receive an award for dedication!

    I need to make some picks. Think I will head to the other thread now. Have a great day, y’all., ya hear?

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  4. Yesterday at lunch with Nightingale and Chickadee, we talked a little bit about plans for this Christmas. Nightingale mentioned that she didn’t yet know if she would be working on Christmas day. Chickadee then chimed in, requesting that we have our family celebration on Christmas Eve Day instead of Christmas Day because the McKs are having their Christmas at Mrs. McK’s sister’s house in Massachusetts, and so will be leaving sometime in the morning to travel up there. And of course, Chickadee wants to go with them.

    Nightingale was fine with that, as she can then work Christmas and make time-and-a-half. The day we celebrate doesn’t make much difference to me, but. . .the fact that Chickadee wants to be with the McKs enough to suggest we arrange our plans around theirs hurts. As I sat there, I wanted to cry, but I forced myself to rein that in, and acted like everything was fine. But I was dying a little bit inside.

    You may remember me mentioning two or three Christmases ago that Chickadee spent some time that afternoon crying in her bed because the McKs went to their relative’s house for their family Christmas without coming to pick her up. And then there was that recent time when she cried at the thought of having to stay here a couple extra hours because she’d forgotten to put her laundry in the dryer (and Nightingale could either take her back right then, or two hours later after football practice). That was after having not seen us for a few weeks, and only being here a few short hours. (She chose to take her mostly wet clothes home with her rather than wait.) Her deep bond with them hurts and disturbs me. There is something unhealthy about it.

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  5. We’re supposed to get some rain intermittently today, probably not a lot, but enough for the city to postpone a 9:30 a.m. news conference I was going to cover and write about (announcing another hipster scooter company coming to town).

    Good thing since I overslept and didn’t wake up until it was going on 8 a.m., though I did let the critters out at 6 — the days are getting shorter, it was nearly dark by the time I got home from work last night at (only) 6:30 p.m. and it was still dark, for the most part, at 6 a.m. today.

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  6. Tim Challies has a review concerning Francis Chan’s new book on his blog. Very insightful….I remembered ya’ll discussing Chan a couple weeks ago…
    Kizzie I read your comments and sensed thankfulness that chickadee did want to spend some time with her family during the Christmas season. When our kiddos grow up and leave it takes some adjusting to their “new lives”….we have had to do that with our kids. Son never spends the holidays with us….all are spent with his wife’s family in KY. Daughter living in CO will spend only Christmas Eve with us as her husband’s family has a tradition of Christmas Day. (Growing up with German heritage, our family always celebrated on Christmas Eve anyway so that was sort of convenient for me 😊) Thanksgiving is hit or miss being with us…we never know until a week or so before usually and sometimes we are totally left wondering until the day and find ourselves alone…and that is ok…. Easter once was a day they would spend with us. Then one year after making all the preparations, I asked when they would be coming over….you would have thought I grew another head the way they looked at me….not coming to our house, they were going to his sister’s home….ok then…..
    What I am trying to say I have learned to have no expectations, then you will have no disappointments…..be thankful and enjoy the time they are willing to give..it is not easy but that is my reality….

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  7. Nancy jill, that’s so true and it’s certainly been my observation and experience as a single as well — holiday “traditions” are always in flux throughout our lives. People come, people go — they/we get married, move, move on, develop new commitments via in-laws or otherwise.

    I always find Christmas Eve to be more meaningful than “the day,” though the household I grew up in valued Dec. 25 much more than Dec. 24. But it’s switched for me due to circumstances and more church involvement.

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  8. We have always wanted to be in our home for Christmas, therefore celebrating Christmas with extended family on other days. We now have our kids home sometime near to Christmas (shift work and in-laws to work around) but we always go to our dear friends home on Christmas eve. Last year we brought along our children for the evening. It’s a wonderful time of fellowship, food and outreach (they often invite non-believers). We sing carols, act out skits, play games and ALWAYS share the true Christmas story with the whole reason for it.

    This year we are celebrating Christmas with my family (parents and sister and her family) on December 1st. Then the children will be home closer to actual Christmas. Some years we don’t get to Calgary to see my parents for Christmas at all. We just can’t afford the trip.

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  9. We worked it out with the relatives that one year we celebrate Thanksgiving together ( the even year), on the odd year we celebrate Christmas together. That has worked out pretty well.

    My big Italian family has an enormous reunion every Thanksgiving at my brother’s house. This way we can go every other year with them and that seems to satisfy. This year we’ve got a family wedding in Salt Lake City two weeks before Thanksgiving–so I’ll see them all there and it will be a perfect Thanksgiving season for me.

    My son doesn’t want to travel to his wife’s family at Thanksgiving and Christmas because of cost and weather, so they’re often around anyway and go a couple days after Christmas. Works for me, but I feel bad for the other side of the family.

    In my own case, I’ve found the more accommodating I can be to the other sides of the family, the easier it is on our mutual children and grandchildren.

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  10. We have made lots of accommodations about the holidays, including celebrating a few weeks either side of Christmas. The important thing to us is being together. I heartily wish we could be together for the actual holiday, but the more people involved who also want their time makes it more and more difficult. In a few years we could be dealing with yet another generation of in laws who want their time.

    Having said that, Kizzie’s issue with her youngest is a bit different. I suspect she is just more comfortable with those who don’t have the expectations of a mother and a sister. They will tell you the truth when they love you. The other family has another dynamic. One can only pray. As you well know, Kizzie, things can change in a short amount of time. Keep praying and hoping. Many here will keep praying, as well.

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  11. We used to get together on an off day for Thanksgiving dinner with my dad and brothers but now that my dad is not able to travel, we don’t. I miss it. And with our challenges, we have not seen some of our bio children or grandchildren in five years. I miss them. But I kind of figure they know where they live and are in jobs that pay far more than we earn so if they wanted to see us, they would. We hope to be able to travel after on turns eighteen next year. It is sad in some ways, but they were raised to become productive adults making their own decisions.

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  12. Chas, I caught the edge of the road and got pulled in to the ditch and hit a tree very hard. All because of the mouse in the car. My ribs hurt – that’s all.

    Thank you for reminding me that it wasn’t worse – it sure could have been if another tree hadn’t held my car up at the edge of the road. It was a pretty steep little gully and without that tree I would likely have rolled (as the RCMP member told me).

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  13. Kizzie, no one can hurt us like our children.
    I just got home from work. Master Amos is full of himself today and has even taken one of his chew toys back from Lulabelle.

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  14. Amos!

    So sorry about the car, Kare, but more glad you’re OK. And the mouse?

    Busy day with both a coyote AND a homeless story.

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  15. It’s hard to fully describe why I am convinced that the McK family has some serious dysfunction, and that this is an unhealthy situation for Chickadee. Nightingale feels the same way.

    *******
    We were always accommodating with other family members about holiday plans. Sometimes Hubby and I felt that we were the only ones who were willing to be flexible, for the benefit of Brother and his family. But it all worked out, and we enjoyed our holidays together. (Until after my mom died, when Brother and SIL started making plans with their friends instead.)

    Now that Hubby is gone, we are in transition to new traditions. Last Thanksgiving, the three of us had a Thanksgiving breakfast, then Nightingale took Chickadee back to the McK’s, then went to her friend Virginia’s house for dinner. I stayed home alone, but I was okay with that. I actually felt that I needed that.

    For Christmas, we kept to most of our traditions.

    On Easter, Nightingale worked, The Boy was with his dad’s family, and Chickadee was with the McK’s. Nightingale and I had a lovely “Easter Brunch” the following Saturday with a couple of her friends (who are also quite friendly with me) and their children. (Chickadee begged off, because she would be too anxious with six children running around.)

    As I’ve mentioned before, this Thanksgiving, we are hosting Virginia, her boyfriend, and her brother (who has been living with her). Nightingale and I weren’t sure Chickadee would want to be a part of it, since she doesn’t know our guests (I’ve only met Virginia once, and not met the two men at all), but she said she will come.

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  16. Kizzie, I don’t think anyone here doubts you that the family is dysfunctional and not the ideal situation for your Chickadee. But all of us were young once, and probably all of us had friends our parents (rightly or wrongly) did not approve. And many of us have young adult children, and we don’t always approve of all their choices.

    So, we pray when we can, advise when we can, accept when we can.

    My mom heartily disapproved of friendships I had with some older women. One of those women I can say clearly that if any relationship in my life was ever 100% positive for me, that one was. She was a godly older woman (at 50 years my senior, she was the grandmother I never had), she loved me, she forgave a starkly rude gesture from my mother toward her and did it in such a way that she actually encouraged my love toward my mom, she showed me hospitality, and as she aged into Alzheimer’s she continued to love me and she taught me new things about love. But my mother was jealous and she never accepted that friendship as a wholly positive one.

    In another case, the friendship was very good and very bad–mostly good in the early years, mostly bad before it ended. (I matured spiritually and emotionally past an older friend, and the friend responded in ways that were very emotionally unhealthy and in ways that could have sabotaged my career–telling some of my authors half-truths about me, for example.) But the “good” this friend did for me was hugely good, which I can acknowledge even to this day. She was very generous to me when I was a college student (paying for me to get new glasses, buying me clothes on more than one occasion), she helped me learn to make friends, and in several different ways she helped me get started in my career. In choosing to see only the bad (and imagining much of that, since my mom never knew 90% of the “bad”), my mom put one more of my friendships into a category of people I couldn’t talk about with her.

    When my sister and I shared an apartment with a young friend, my mom once did something that was very smart. Even though we were out of the house and we normally all paid for ourselves if we went out to eat or attended some event, she invited the three of us–my sister and me and our friend–to the circus, and she paid for all four tickets. That was a welcoming gesture, and it allowed our mom to get to know someone we were spending a lot of time with, and for our friend to get to know our mom. With two of my roommates in my twenties, their mom likewise reached out to get to know me. She might send me a card, or chat with me for a while if I’m the one who answered the phone, or invite me to come along if she was taking her daughter out to eat. The sister of one of my college professors once sent me a care package after seeing me say nice things about her sister in an interview with the college magazine–that was an unexpected but lovely gesture.

    Kizzie, clearly you wish that Chickadee didn’t live with that family, and you would like her to live with you again. But choosing to accept the family as her friends and respect her right to make that choice will go further, I think. Surely there is something positive in these people and in this relationship? Can you find ways to speak positively of them to Chickadee, speak positively to her of the good things (for instance, that she is being a loyal friend to them, that she is being proactive in finding a way both to take the Christmas trip with them and to spend time with you), and even reach out to them? Can you send homemade cookies of someone’s favorite variety home with her, for instance, or invite one of the young women to come along to a meal? You can at least pray for them and look for opportunities to love them, I think.

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  17. Cheryl – The things I have written about the McKs are things I have only shared in private. With Chickadee, I have never let on about my concerns. I often ask how they are doing, and show an interest in what she might reply. For instance, I have been enthusiastic about the younger sister (Chickadee’s best friend) going to school to become an RN. I have asked about Mrs. McK’s sister, who has been in bad health for several years, and rejoiced to hear that another sister has been reunited with the daughter her parents forced her to give up for adoption when she was a teen. I have not told her about the Facebook exchanges with YF, but will ask how she is doing.

    I send them Christmas cards. Until recently, when Chickadee said she doesn’t think they read them anymore, I was sending my copies of World over to them with her. There are others things I have sent to them, too.

    As I think I’ve said before, in my desire to not push my daughter away or hurt her feelings, I have only spoken positively about the McKs, and have shown an interest (genuine, I might add) in their lives. And yes, I pray for them every day.

    (Re: the sister I mentioned who gave up a baby for adoption. What made that so sad was that her daughter was conceived in rape, and then giving her up was another emotional trauma. This sister is in her 60s now, and has had emotional problems throughout her adult years. I was so very glad when I heard she had been reunited with her daughter.)

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  18. Chickadee may be chronologically an adult, but she is more like a teenager in many ways, even a child in others. I so wish she could get some real help, and not be so almost pathologically dependent on them. Remember, that although Mrs. McK is just about the sweetest lady you’d ever want to meet (and I do love her), she has kept her own daughters dependent on her. YF turns 31 today, has a college education, but has not been pushed to get a job to help out. (Especially odd since they were often talking about how “poor” they are.)

    Nightingale’s friend Stephanie was in Aldi one day at the same time as Mrs. McK and her daughters, and heard them talking. She told Nightingale later that she was shocked at how Mrs. McK spoke to her grown daughters like they were little children. So I suspect that the young women – their daughters and Chickadee – are allowed to live as if they are still dependent teenagers.

    The younger daughter is very strong willed, which is probably why she has taken the initiative to go to school to train to be an LPN. She also had saved a lot of money from her part-time cleaning job and bought a van so she could drive her friends when they went out.

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  19. Wow! It’s been over six and a half hours since the last comment, with no other comments. Was it something I said?

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