Prayer Requests 11-15-16

Anyone have something to share?

Psalm 45

¹My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.

Thou art fairer than the children of men: grace is poured into thy lips: therefore God hath blessed thee for ever.

Gird thy sword upon thy thigh, O most mighty, with thy glory and thy majesty.

And in thy majesty ride prosperously because of truth and meekness and righteousness; and thy right hand shall teach thee terrible things.

Thine arrows are sharp in the heart of the king’s enemies; whereby the people fall under thee.

Thy throne, O God, is for ever and ever: the sceptre of thy kingdom is a right sceptre.

Thou lovest righteousness, and hatest wickedness: therefore God, thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.

All thy garments smell of myrrh, and aloes, and cassia, out of the ivory palaces, whereby they have made thee glad.

Kings’ daughters were among thy honourable women: upon thy right hand did stand the queen in gold of Ophir.

10 Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father’s house;

11 So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him.

12 And the daughter of Tyre shall be there with a gift; even the rich among the people shall intreat thy favour.

13 The king’s daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold.

14 She shall be brought unto the king in raiment of needlework: the virgins her companions that follow her shall be brought unto thee.

15 With gladness and rejoicing shall they be brought: they shall enter into the king’s palace.

16 Instead of thy fathers shall be thy children, whom thou mayest make princes in all the earth.

17 I will make thy name to be remembered in all generations: therefore shall the people praise thee for ever and ever.

30 thoughts on “Prayer Requests 11-15-16

  1. MENTAL REHEARSAL

    I USE MY FANTASIES AND I SOLVE MY PROBLEMS

    Today I will put my fantasies to work. Instead of repeating in my mind what happened to me as a child, i picture what I would like to see happen in my adult life.
    If I am about to encounter a stressful situation, I will take the time to envision the scene; I will imagine how I want to feel, how I want to behave, and how I want to be treated. Mental rehearsal will prepare me to enter stressful situations with a supply of positive feelings.
    As the child of an alcoholic, I may be well-versed in fantasy. Perhaps it was through my imagination that I escaped the trauma of home. Today I can become my own nurturing parent and give myself the healthy messages I never received.
    As an adult, I will put my fantasies to work. I will learn to use fantasy as a tool in my recovery to help me cope more effectively with my life.

    Confession time. I have spent 20+ years off and on seeing a therapist. First it was a Christian therapist who came in to the bank where I worked and recognized something in me and gave me his card and told me to come see him. He counceled me and when appropriate released me to go forth and conquer my life.
    I laugh that I go back every now and then for a 100,000 mile tune up. I am currently seeing a therapist with Mr. P about how the events of May 19th rocked my foundation and security and have me leading two separate lives.
    What I have failed at is “If I am about to encounter a stressful situation….and how I want to be treated”. Oh, I can envision the scene and the desired outcome but I rarely come away from the situation with the result I had envisioned.
    Guy treats me as inferior. He is condescending and discounts anything I say to him regarding my worth to him. He makes sure that we never interact socially. He makes me feel inferior. Yesterday he asked my my spreadsheet of my hours and pay. He realized how much I am making this year. (I know it isn’t right or Biblical, but the amount I earn is a measure of my worth and that is my burden to carry). He is wanting to find a loophole so that I only earn the amount he deems me worthy of. Never mind that he is earning 6 or 7 times what I have earned. Any time I try to talk to him about this he twists my words, presents his argument and effectively cuts me off. It is the last and most disfunctional relationship I have left in my life. I need to walk away and severe any contact but my income is dependent on him and I have walked away twice before and ended up back where I am.

    Today, I am empty and have nothing left to give.

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  2. 6 Arrows (re: your comments last night) – Don’t worry; I took your words in the spirit they were intended.

    Nightingale is a very independent-minded, strong-willed young woman (hard to believe she’s 27 already) who bristles at her father’s words. She feels that he does not trust her & is not treating her like the adult she is. She learned a lot from her experience with Mr X, went on to educate herself about controlling & manipulative men, & what red flags to watch out for, & is doing well with the counselling she is getting due to that attack this past summer. She googles the names of the men she is dating, & she is very careful. But dads will be dads, & he worries about her. (Okay, I do, too, but I try not let to it show too much.)

    After hearing his tone of voice with her the other day, I gently told him (in private, of course) that that was the same tone & attitude my mom took with me at times, & I still remember how insulted I felt, & that it caused me to pull back & be even more private about my “love life”. He took it well, & understands, but sometimes has trouble keeping his thoughts & concerns to himself. (He does tend to blurt things out, & knows he doesn’t have a good filter over his mouth.)

    If she had an apartment elsewhere, & could afford babysitting (other than what she pays Chickadee, which is lower than the going rate), we wouldn’t even know when she is going out, or anything else, & wouldn’t have opportunity to worry beyond a general sense of “worrying” about her dating in general. But since she is here, & I am involved with the babysitting, we do know every time she goes out, & how late she stays out. I understand his feelings very well, & share a lot of them, but I also know we need to treat her as the adult she is, commit her to God, & trust Him.

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  3. Mr X posted on Facebook “I get to see my son this weekend.”

    Uh, no, he doesn’t.

    Please pray there will be no drama or trauma this weekend, especially for Little Guy.

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  4. On the other hand, if he makes trouble, that would only help Nightingale with regards to getting full custody, & would work against him in the upcoming court case. (All we know about that is that there is another court date for him on the 23rd, & so far, it looks like he still wants to go to trial.)

    So I guess mostly I am praying for safety for Nightingale & Little Guy, if Mr X decides to do something crazy.

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  5. You need to find a way out Kim. I knew a decade ago that this wasn’t good for you. If you have a contract, make him keep it. I know it’s easier for me to say that than for you to do it.
    But you can’t let other people make you feel little. Some people are big only because someone else is small.

    I mentioned that I sat thinking abut things night before last.
    I do mull over things good and bad. I didn’t have a “happy” childhood, but I always had a place that was mine.
    When my dad’s mother died, his father sent the kids out to live with aunts and uncles. My dad had to work on the farm to pay his way. I never knew what he endured. But when he was my age, he would sit in his recliner, and suddenly start crying.
    Seems you never get over it.
    You may think it strange that I was outraged my Mumsee’s daughter asking, “Am I coming back here/” That’s one reason. When my great-grands ask that, they mean “Am I sleeping over at grandma’s tonight?”

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  6. Praying for the above requests.

    I awakened with a migraine at 4:30…it”s much improved, thanks to migraine med’s, but is lingering enough that much movement causes pain…so it’s the perfect time to pray.

    Please pray for me. Connie (our nanny of eleven years, who morphed into my weekly housekeeper and personal assistant as the kids became independent) is leaving to return permanently to her home country of El Salvador January tenth. Connie is much more to me than an employee–I believe God sent her to me to be the nurturing mother figure I missed out on in childhood. She has become someone I dearly love and while I understand why she has decided to go home (her entire family is there, including her two grown sons and two granddaughters), I will miss her terribly. She is not an educated woman–but she is so wise and compassionate and patient. She has taught me many life-lessons and has loved me through some difficult times. I am grieving today.

    And, of course, it doesn’t help that both my mom and my MIL are not doing well, either. Please continue to keep both of them in your prayers.

    Thank you.

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  7. Chas, the children historically have only had that thought for the first two years. But she, in her confusion, has watched the older children grow up and disappear and she is worried. So, it is not exactly the same as when she first got here and had been removed from her home and six or so foster homes.

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  8. Karen, In Mr. Kizzie’s defense, it’s his house and his rules (I’ve thought all along that you should insist on taking Little Guy to church and Sunday School as long as they are under your roof). Until she “has an apartment elsewhere, & could afford babysitting” she isn’t an adult, even if she wants to pretend that she is.

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  9. Oh, Ann, your post brought tears. I’m sorry for your loss with Connie going back to her homeland. May the next couple months before she goes bring deep blessings to you.

    Kizzie, thank you for your understanding and kind words. Your description of Nightingale — independent-minded and strong-willed — reminds me a lot of myself as a young adult. But I kept in a lot of my bristling toward my parents, and it exploded when I was 27, after I’d already been married for three years and was expecting my first child.

    A story for another day (maybe). Thus my encouragement toward communicating rather than repressing one’s angst, if she is withholding her thoughts and feelings from her dad.

    My best wishes for blessings to your whole family.

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  10. Linda, she can still be an adult and live with her parents. Many around the world have multi-generational households, and it can actually take wisdom and maturity to realize that it makes more sense to live with one’s parents than to “prove I’m a grown-up” by moving out if it is actually more beneficial for everyone to live at home.

    However, in this case I agree: his home, his rules; and if other people are making financial sacrifices for her (such as getting paid less for babysitting), then she isn’t functioning as a full adult. She can’t simultaneously have a social life that requires her family’s sacrificial time (for childcare) and insist that she’s an adult and what she does is none of their business. By the very nature of the arrangement, she doesn’t have the privacy or the freedom she would have if she lived elsewhere–and neither do they. (In other words, you can’t be a dependent on someone else, and limit their freedom, while insisting they can’t limit yours.) But if his tone is condescending toward her, then that can be a problem.

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  11. Kim, I hope you can find a way to remove yourself from that employer, but mostly that you see your worth from a biblical perspective. We all struggle with this; some more than others. Letting this man use you is not helpful or loving to him, either. Sadly, I realize he will probably just do it to someone else.

    Prayers for all.

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  12. There was more today when he didn’t raise his voice but may as well have been shouting at me about something he told me to do then said he didn’t. If he hadn’t told me to do it I would have had no way of knowing about it. He then told me not to talk back to him and that he was angry.
    We are communicating via text and email. Let me assure you that I am tired of hearing myself complain about him so I know the rest of the people in my life are too. My husband said that’s it –quit. Oh and today is payday. He “forgot” like he usually does. If I am lucky I will get a check late this afternoon, when his wife gets home.

    I am working on an exit plan right now.

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  13. I think it is interesting that the bible tells us to “not think too highly of ourselves.” Often, this is our problem in a roundabout way. That is, we tend to think more like we are God and thus, should be able to know and do all perfectly. Of course, that is not true so we fail and thus we put ourselves down. I am commenting about humans (myself included), in general; not on anyone in particular.

    I do think, Kim, that the biggest issue, with the boss you put up with, is trusting the Lord. I say this as someone who also has a difficult time trusting anyone. If we have difficulty trusting humans, it is not strange that we have a difficult time trusting God and having faith to do what is right.

    The truth is that we might never, ever FEEL like we have enough resources put away. Often, we can get along with much less than we think we need. There is nothing wrong with taking a job to supplement our incomes or to make more to give to others. In fact, scripture tells us to work and to sometimes do that just to be able to give. (Work can be on our own or with an employer, of course.) However, if working for this man is not good for you or him, it is something to bring to the Lord.

    It is scary to do things that the world says is foolish. It is scary to do them and wonder if God, Himself may be ridiculed for our actions. Those are thoughts that can go through our heads when we consider employment issues and others about money. No one on here can really tell you what is best to do, since none of us really know all the situation but you. I pray you will make the right decision about your job and trusting the Lord to provide for you just what you have need of.

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  14. My neighbors (who are providing me with bathroom facilities today) are headed off for an MRI as husband had some scary black out kinds of incidents — they’re worried, of course (not believers) so prayers appreciated

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  15. Wait, so I’m not an adult until I can support myself fully and live on my own? And what about the married stay-at-home woman – is she not an adult because she isn’t supporting herself?

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  16. Nightingale is indeed an adult. Of course, she has areas in her life where she still needs to mature, but she seems in many ways to be more mature than others her age. (She has two close friends who are in their late 30s. One of them has expressed to me that she is impressed with how mature Nightingale is.) As Cheryl said, her living with us (which she does, although she has her own apartment upstairs) doesn’t make her any less of an adult. It is an arrangement that helps us, too, as she does a lot of yard work in all seasons, & drove me to all my post-op appointments (she did not schedule to work on those days).

    We walk a thin line between not being taken advantage of & “doing for family”, helping each other out. It is a balancing act, & sometimes we err on one side or the other, but we keep the lines of communication open. Nightingale’s dates have been few & far between – she’s not going out every week, & usually arranges for her dates to be when Little Guy is in school or ready for bed in the evening. Yesterday was an exception, but she asked Chickadee if she would watch Little Guy on her own (to give me a break, as I’ve been tired lately, & getting a cold), & paid her extra this time. She also asked me if that was all okay with me, too.

    As for not insisting that Little Guy go to church with us. . .I think that could work for some families but not for others. (We did insist our daughters come to church when they were minors, & they continued past that for a while, Chickadee longer than Nightingale.) In our case, we could end up winning the battle but losing the war, pushing Nightingale out of our home, & losing the chance we have now to speak into, & love into, Little Guy’s (& her) daily life. Hubby has gradually increased the times he mentions God to Little Guy. We hope to eventually take him with us, but right now is not a good time.

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  17. My parents helped us out financially a couple times when we were young marrieds, & once later when we needed an expensive renovation to the home (needed, not only wanted), & Mom later cancelled the debt we owed her for that. We helped them out in various ways as they aged, including me cleaning Mom’s house for her, & accompanying her to her appointments. (She drove, but she liked me along for the support.) Later, I sat with her during her chemo appointments, & SIL & I took care of her in her home the last couple weeks of her life (each of us staying 24 hours at a time).

    Nightingale is already planning on having me live with her if I am widowed. She’s even said that whenever she can afford a house of her own, she’d like it to be big enough for Hubby & I to live there, too. She also knows that she will probably have to take care of her sister in some way, too.

    Interestingly, she is not the clingy, dependent type. She’s always been an independent thinker. She reminds me of my dad in that respect.

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  18. Roscuro, the head of the household is head of the household even if others in the house are adults–and more so if they are dependents. A wife who is managing the household funds and resources and working within the household is obviously not taking financial advantage of her husband because she is not earning an income. There is also obviously a huge difference between the 20-year-old who chooses not to work (or who works but spends all the money on her own desires) and who also chooses not to do any tasks for the household and the 35-year-old who is paying toward the expenses of the home, but who is also sometimes voluntarily picking up a few groceries, who mows the lawn or takes out the trash because she sees it needs done, and who respectfully suggests Mom should go to the doctor because she should have gotten past this cough by now. The one who does the bare minimum that can be done, and expects to be treated as an adult merely because of her age, is not acting as an adult.

    So, it doesn’t matter how old the child is (even if she is 50), if the head of the household says no, you may not have a friend of the opposite sex spend the night, then that should be accepted as a household rule. At one point my sister and her husband briefly talked about inviting our mother to live with them and letting her use their downstairs (basically a basement) bedroom and bath. My sister told me she didn’t think Mom would want to live with them, though, because they wouldn’t allow her to have a television. Well, in my opinion even if an adult moves in with her child, her son is head of the household and he does have authority . . . but we’d be stretching our authority to the breaking point if we said our adult daughter couldn’t have a TV or a computer, and it’s all the more ridiculous to tell one’s 70-year-old mother such things, even if your biggest concern is for your children. I think in that case they could “technically” say that no TV is a household rule, but they would have been much better suited to tell Mom that if she had a TV, the children would not be allowed to go into her room, or could not go in if the TV was on, not that she could not have a TV in her own bedroom on a separate floor of the house. But technically speaking, adults can have unreasonable rules of their children (or their parents), and the children can move out if the rules are too unreasonable.

    I think that is one place where patriarchy gets it way wrong, the idea that a daughter may not move out of her parents’ house and must be under her father’s authority, or under the authority of another man he appoints if she marries or her father dies. She should be welcome to live at home as long as she wishes, and should truly feel welcome, and she should contribute to the household in ways mutually agreed by herself and her parents. Her father is still the head of the household, but he should respond to her as an adult and not as a child. Our daughter, for example, does us the courtesy of telling us she is leaving the house to go to town, but she neither asks permission to go nor (usually) tells us exactly where she is going; she simply tells us she is going. But if she chooses to move out, then that choice is also a valid one.

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  19. Kathaleena, I understand what you are saying. I know that I have “issues” where money is concerned. Mr. P tells me I have a poverty mindset. He doesn’t understand. It might not have been a whole lot in the military but he had other benefits to offset it and he got a paycheck deposited every month. He was a single dad but he did a lot with his boys that I was never able to do with BG.
    I also lived through the real estate crash and an oil spill. It’s irrational I know, but I have been down to counting out change for some things. I always managed to have food and BG never went without too much. A positive bank balance spells security to me and not have to clear every purchase I make with someone else and being told no we can’t afford it also spells security. I don’t think I frivolously spend money but if I want to get a pedicure I can afford it now. I spent until I was 35 being told it wasn’t in the budget.
    I probably need “money therapy”.

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  20. Kim, on the other hand, your husband is offering you protection by telling you to quit. He probably feels like his hands are tied a bit when you have another man who is bullying you and yet you aren’t trusting your husband (and God) enough to say OK, it’s time to walk away.

    This isn’t really the same thing, but kind of along the same line. When I was living in Nashville, I wasn’t earning very much at all the last few years, and a friend told me about a part-time evening job that was just a couple months in spring and early summer. It was actually the wrong time of year for extra work since it was my busy season for freelance, but I needed the money and so I took the job. It was a “yes, I’ll take this shift” sort of assignment, 20 hours a week of work until the assignment was done (it might be two weeks or six weeks) and then a few weeks later they might offer a new assignment. Well, when we were courting I did one assignment early on, and then I was just working on editing for a few weeks. Then I got an offer for a new assignment, and I said yes, I’d take it . . . but before it could start, I got another editing project, and there was simply no way I could do the editing already on my schedule, the part-time job, and the new editing. Since editing is more important to me than the part-time job, I said no to the part-time job.

    After I said no to the part-time job, my husband (then my fiance) said he was relieved, that he really didn’t like me working in that part of town into the late evening. I told him that validated my choice to say no, but that he also should have told me earlier if it made him uncomfortable. Now, the fact is I needed the money, and we were not yet married and so he was not my head. He could not have forbidden me to work there. But his sense of protection over me was important to me, and I wanted to honor it by not giving him cause to worry about me. (Now, that job rarely made me uncomfortable. We were working till 10:30 at night, but we all finished at the same time and went to the parking lot more or less together, and it wasn’t like it was in the inner city, anyway. But my comfort level wasn’t the only thing that mattered at that point. My fiance who lived six hours away–far enough away to feel helpless about his sense it wasn’t a good job for me–also played into the issue of whether it was a good job for me.)

    In other words, I think that honoring your husband is a relevant part of this decision. I don’t think he has told you that you “have to” quit, but he has told you that he wants you to. I think that even apart from the other issues, that means that you should. My two cents.

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  21. Cheryl, the concept of a head of the household is really not a Biblical idea, not from the instructions to the family in the New Testament at least. The husband is head of the wife, not the head of his children. The command to children to obey their parents cannot be said to mean that adult children must continue to obey the instructions of their parents as they did when they were young and immature. It is true that the parents might own the house, but, thinking of the parable of the Prodigal son, that house is the childrens’ inheritance. Before you think I advocating for anarchy, I just cannot comprehend the idea that in order to be independent and a ‘real’ adult, one must live on one’s own and be self supporting. My parents, even with all the times we’ve disagreed and misunderstood one another, have never said that. There is not some economic goal I must reach in order to attain complete maturity.

    I do not invite a friend of the opposite sex to sleep over, i.e. in my bedroom, not because of where I live, but because of who I am in Christ. Now that I live in a rented room, nothing has changed about what I do in that regard, because the decision to seek the purity of Christ comes from the Holy Spirit, not from imposed rules. Incidentally, my parents have invited friends of the opposite sex, including the young men who were courting my sisters, to stay, i.e. overnight, in the house, and simply trusted their daughters, as well as the young men, to behave ourselves and they did not misplace their trust. If an adult child has decided to commit immoral acts, not the strictest house rules will keep that person from being immoral, and my parents recognized that fact. I think in the idea of the head of the household setting the rules there is far too much emphasis on householder’s rights and not enough on the grace and mutual submission that should embody the life of Christian parents. My parents have made mistakes, but their willingness to lay down their rights produced a similar desire within their children and that is why we helped out where and when we could – not from a sense of obligation but from a deep love and appreciation for one another.

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  22. 😦 I wrote “Hubby & I” when I should have used “Hubby & me.” I can see how people can mix the two up when they are writing or talking quickly. There has been such an emphasis on “John & I, not John & me, went to the movies” that many have it stuck in their heads that “John & I” always sounds right.

    Not really pertinent to anything else in this conversation. Sorry.

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  23. Roscuro – I like what you said about grace & mutual submission, & laying down our rights. That pretty much sums up what we are trying to do here. And most of the time, it works well, & it fosters a good relationship.

    The prayer request for Hubby that started this all off was not just from my perspective. He, too, wants to be more aware of the impact of what he will say before he says it, & the wisdom to say what he should & not say what he shouldn’t.

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  24. Kizzie, I have appreciated reading your perspective. Your Hubby reminds me of my father, saying things he afterwards would take back. I understand that in your case that Nightingale isn’t a Christian at this point, but I think the idea of grace and mutual submission still applies. So many times in my life, and I’ve seen this in other Christians, we fear to obey Christ’s simple commands because it appears too risky. I’ve come to realize that is why Christ said “he that saves his life will lose it.” He wasn’t just talking about the great persecution where denying His name could save one’s life; he was talking about everyday things, where choosing to forgive that person or to help this one places us at risk of emotional hurt or financial loss. Our crosses are seldom actual instruments of execution, often they are simply choosing to place ourselves in a potentially uncomfortable situation. For parents, that may mean supporting a child who has made poor choices in the past but needs another chance. I think that the wise parent will recognize the difference between enabling laziness and helping the weak.

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