Dearest 6 Arrows,
This is not meant to be critical or brutal and I really hesitated saying it, but perhaps a thought from an objective perspective might be helpful. Many (MANY) times in the past you’ve said that your obsessive online involvement was negatively impacting your marriage and family. You, yourself, acknowledged that it was an addiction. You apologized for leaving us but said that for the sake of your family, you wouldn’t be back. But then within a week or so, you trickled back and quickly commenced posting regularly and often. This cycle repeated here just recently. So to me, as an outsider, it looks like you are not keeping a commitment you made to your husband and perhaps that is what he is reacting to. If this really is an addiction for you, you probably need some professional help to deal with it, as it appears that trying to address it on your own hasn’t worked. Perhaps you could start by both of you meeting with your Pastor, sharing your concern about your own behavior, and seeking his advice? You know we all care about you and are praying for you, so please take these thoughts in the spirit of Christian love in which they are intended. Blessings.
Please pray for Lindsey. She was home Monday with another migraine, went to school Tuesday and texted me at 5:30 that she’s very dizzy and throwing up but no migraine. She was thrown from the horse again last week–and fell on her head, though she was wearing a helmet. But this is second time since being thrown that she’s had nausea and dizziness…. I plan to take her to pediatrician later today….
Ann, yes, I’d do that right away. I don’t know for sure, but sounds like a concussion is likely, and that does need special treatment (including, for example, a darkened room).
Thank you, Linda. I understand the spirit in which you are speaking.
I am certainly not blameless in all of this, and hope I have not given the impression that I think I am.
There is much more that I could say, about things you don’t know, but it likely will only sound defensive, so I’ll refrain. You do, however, have the Christian duty to exhort fellow members of the Body to obedience when it looks to you that there may be some disobedience, and I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to do that. Do remember, though, Linda — and I say this with all due respect — that the Holy Spirit is active in my life, knows my heart, and does convict me of my sin. What may appear to you to be disobedience may be something entirely different. We only know each other through a screen.
I would just like to say one other thing. (Forgive me if this sounds defensive.) We are all sinners, but we Christians are also called to show mercy to others. It hurt more than you will ever know to have my own husband not show me mercy when I’m horribly ill, just because of my past sins. It feels like getting kicked while I’m down, figuratively speaking — he would never physically abuse any of us.
Is there no place a Christian woman can turn (other than to the Lord, of course) when she is hurting, and her husband is not only not comforting her, but is adding to the pain in a deeper way than any physical hardship does?
I was crying out from the depths of my heart yesterday. Yes, it was probably a mistake to do so publicly. I should have probably sought out some trusted advisers privately. But this place has been a place of comfort for me, and my husband understands that the relationships we have here at this blog, particularly through praying and being prayed for, has been a blessing that has brought me comfort many times, both in the giving and receiving.
And so this is where I came when the hurt yesterday was almost more than I felt I could take.
I know there’s a bigger picture to all of this, and we are all works in progress. But I am rambling now, and should wrap this up.
Thank you for your prayers and blessing, Linda, and to all of you reading this. God’s working it all for our good and His glory.
This is something 6 Arrows and her husband need to work out . . . but I suspect that, like Mumsee, she does find community here, among friends. Real-life friends might be more useful, but when a woman’s family needs keep her from leaving the house much and she doesn’t have neighbor women who are likewise at home and raising children, some sort of community can be useful. Whether she actually is shirking work at home, and whether her presence here or elsewhere is contributing to that, is something that is between her and God.
I’d be inclined, though, to say that anyone who finds comfort here is welcome here, though a presence here should not be used in place of available real-life support, or in place of necessary life tasks.
Linda’s words are at least worthy of some consideration, even if 6 Arrows feels that they missed the mark. I’m sure her words were, as she said, from love & concern, based on the little we can see from the outside.
The thing about admonishing each other is that sometimes we are spot on, & sometimes we are not. Grace towards each other will help smooth over any hurt feelings that may result on either side.
Once again Cheryl put my thoughts into words in a much better way that I could have. I have been on this blog since some time in 2005 (WorldMagBlog). There were times in my life I could come here for emotional and spiritual support that was not available to me in my real life. First, I did not have the funds to pay for private therapy, and second in some ways this place acts in an anonymous way much the way AA or any of those type programs work, but alas there is no place I knew of at the time who could provide that. Yes, we can all turn to our minister or a trusted mentor but sometimes we cannot be truly honest with them because of the perception we have of their perception of us.
You (this community) supported me through getting out of a bad relationship (not my first marriage), the downturn in real estate, the death of my father, isolation, loneliness, issues with BG, (you don’t know the comfort it gives me to know that you are praying for her)remarriage, loss of 2 jobs, feelings of inferiority, and much more than I can remember right this moment. How, then, could I not offer support to others?
I have found this place to be judgement free and supportive when I have poured out my heart.
6 Arrows, I wrote my note before you posted yours, but I see now that you posted as well. So let me say this: it tore my heart out to read what you posted yesterday. (I didn’t read it till this morning, because generally I read the prayer threads at the end of the day or the next day.) It seems to me that marriage counseling is in order.
You have the e-mail addresses of several of us. If at any point you would rather say things more privately and not in this forum, you have that option. (I for one would willingly give you my phone number, if you wanted it.)
I consider you a friend, and care deeply for you, and hate that this week has been so awful for you on so many levels.
Concussions require rest and second concussions are more dangerous. My daughter was told to do nothing for at least a week, with a fairly mild concussion from a horse fall. She was not to read, not to listen to loud music, not to watch TV, and definitely not to go to school or work for that entire week. She had to go back to the doctor for a check on further symptoms after the week. Not something to take lightly. The brain needs to heal.
6 Arrows – I hope you don’t mind, but I told Lee about the situation, & asked him to pray for your husband. Lee could be like how you describe your husband, especially when he was drinking, & I remember the depth of that hurt. My heart aches for you. (I’m sure we all are feeling that way.)
Be encouraged that God can soften the hardest of hearts. He healed my marriage, & has healed many others. We are lifting you both up in prayer.
I do consider this online community to be real life and not a fantasy or unreal world. I have not found many close friends in the community I have lived in all my life. I speak to my closest friends on the phone or by email much more than I ever see them. I do not count any of you to be in an alternative world of sorts that is not integrated into my real world (for what it is worth).
Husband’s who do not act kindly to sick wives are only hurting themselves. I am familiar with others who treat their wives poorly in sickness. I think it happens more when there is a real distinction in the “man’s work” and the “woman’s work.” The men really don’t know how to take up the slack so it makes them feel badly about themselves for failing in that manner. Instead of looking to God, they just do an outward show of bitterness. It is damaging to the marriage relationship. But it is understandable because when the man can’t do his job, the woman is not expected to go in and take up his slack. I hope this helps anyone in this situation. It is a part of living in the fallen world and having to forgive seventy times seven plus times.♡
Husbands can be oblivious to a woman’s needs. Like, all of us, they can be self-centered. They can be ignorant about how much effort running a household and caring for children can be. In my experience men, who are sick, are bigger babies than women when they are sick. They also just assume women can handle it all, which is a back-handed compliment. That does not make it easy to take.
I have complained to the Lord about this myself. After all, I believe He brought us together. Praying for my husband and my own conduct to him and my responsibilities helps. Talking to other women, who understand also helps, as long as it isn’t a constant complaining session.
I only have to read through 1Cor. 13 to realize how far I fall short. That makes me understand others also falling short and appreciate what God has done for all of us.
I believe you spoke in love, Linda, too. None of us know the truth of the situation. Probably Six Arrows and her husband don’t even know, since often we humans misunderstand and do not clearly see each other’s hearts. I know I have often been wrong in how I thought MY husband was thinking.
It is these times that we must hold on to truth and trust God to help both spouses.
I lift up Lindsey to You for she is having symptoms that indicate a serious situation maybe related to concussion. You are fully aware of the inner workings of her brain, and also You know if she is having a virus. Either way, she feels horrible and needs Your help right now! We call out to You during this trouble time, please, show Your ability to heal her from whatever the ailment may be. I pray for awareness of the doc and for correct diagnosis and treatment. May nothing be overlooked. Thank You for Your thoroughness in care for her. Please help Annms not to become anxious, but to give all concern to You and trust completely in You.
Lord, You know the needs of 6 Arrows and her husband. Help them to have a vibrant marriage and to build up, encourage, and cherish each other. I pray for any roots of bitterness to wither away as Your roots of pure and true love replace them. If 6 Arrow’s husband has issues with his work that negatively affect their marriage, I pray changes will be forthcoming so that hindrances can be addressed and he can be a happy worker appreciative of his job. Help him with any pain he is having. If he has any undiagnosed depression, I pray You will help with that situation. Please give 6 Arrows ways to find more balance as she meets the responsibilities of being a homeschool mom. Thank You for Your caring presence in the life of her family.
Janice, I apologize. I did not mean to diminish this community by calling my in person friend “real life” and therefore not making this one real. I have met several of you in person and know you to be REAL in the Velveteen Rabbit sort of way.
What is REAL?” the Velveteen Rabbit asked the Skin Horse one day. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Velveteen Rabbit .
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand. But once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
6, I haven’t said this before, because I didn’t want to look like I was encouraging you in what you perceived to be an addiction, but I wanted to share something of my experience when it comes to the internet and especially this blog. When I started posting on World, I was living by myself in a bad neighbourhood in a large city. The World community became something of a family to me when I missed my real family. I didn’t have a job, although I was actively seeking one, so except for choir practice and another evening where I volunteered with a church ministry and Sundays, I had a lot of free time. So, I had a lot of time to spend on the internet. I had heard of internet addiction and I didn’t want that to happen to me. I felt guilt ridden about the amount of time I spent debating topics. Every few days I would tell myself that I wasn’t going to go back there any more. Something kept drawing me back. When I had to return to my parents, my mother was concerned that I spent so much time on the internet. Then she noticed something. A good deal of the time I would be typing, I had a Bible open next to me.
That was the first benefit I realized to my time spent on World. It caused me to search the Scriptures for myself to find what I really believed as I locked horns with an assortment of atheists, libertines and heretics. Now, as issues come up in my church and in other areas of my life, I find myself drawing on the body of knowledge which I acquired during those internet debates. I know how to navigate and find information in the Bible so much better because I had spent hours flipping through it to make a point. I can also articulate my beliefs much better because I had to think through of how to say things in words which would be clearly read by the person on the other side. The next benefit, you all know about. First, Mumsee inviting me to Idaho, and all that followed. Had she not done so, Aji Suun would probably never have thought to invite me to West Africa. Then Kim so generously asked you all to send support to me rather than gifts to her, and so many of you responded, and you all prayed for me. I acquired not only new and valuable experience, but dear friends.
So, 6 Arrows, I’m not encouraging you to stay if it is affecting your ability to function, but I did want to point out that my conscience played me false. I needed to spend that much time on the internet. Without being presumptuous, I would say that in seeing the fruit of that time, that God wanted me to spend that time on the internet. Oh, undoubtedly at times I have and still do waste time on the internet, but that doesn’t negate its benefits. When that happens, I have a Saviour who intercedes for me and a Heavenly Father to whom I can ask for forgiveness and help to do better. I was and still am in a unique position where my ability to physically interact with others is limited. The internet is my communication line to the outside world. So please, place Christ and then your husband and family first, but if this blog is providing a valuable outlet, do not feel you have to give it up simply because you sometimes spend too much time on the internet. I think, as long as one prioritizes one’s life properly, that this verse applies to internet use as much as other things people sometimes feel they should deny themselves to be more Godly:
“If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world, why, as if you were still alive in the world, do you submit to regulations— “Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch” (referring to things that all perish as they are used)—according to human precepts and teachings? These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh.(Colossians 2:20-23)
Janice, I too do not consider this an alternative to the real world. It is part of it, and I refer to each of you as real people in conversation with my family. After all, having met two of you in person, who are exactly as they appear on the blog, and knowing those two have met several more of you and so on, I have no reason to think you are not real.
I fear that I have not expressed myself well. In no way was I suggesting that this isn’t a useful community or that anyone is participating too much. I was addressing a commitment that was made and apparently broken and the possible consequence. And I could be 100% wrong. It was just mentioned as something to consider.
Linda, you made a valid point for consideration. I had noticed what you mentioned at times happening, but I just counted it as a lovely personality quirk like we all have. You are bold in your ways of helping and saying hard things to hear. I see your helping heart motivating you to say what no one else will say.♡
I just got an email from my CA friend asking if we’ve had the nasty cold that her husband and a child she sits for have been afflicted with. She talked about its cough. It’s everywhere!
6 Arrows I had also noticed your posts of leaving and then returning. I admit I became very frustrated with it. Sometimes we go to that place we feel safest. If you feel safe here, then by all means reach out to us for comfort. It is my belief that women need to support other women. Older women need to mentor younger, and those with experience in something need to mentor those who need that experienced wisdom.
Please don’t ever feel that you can’t come here for comfort and support.
Linda–I will admit to you that I noticed the same thing you did but in a different way. I saw the opposite side of what you saw. What I have posted today is in no way meant to be argumentative with you. You spoke from your place of knowledge and concern.
Oh, wow, quite the response today! I have read each comment, and thank you all for them. The compassion shown here and in emails have been very soothing.
And your comments have also stimulated a lot of thought for me, and I may address several of your responses sometime, just not today.
We’re getting back on our feet now, health-wise, for the most part in our family, so thank you for the many prayers to that effect. School is back in session, and I could even scrub my kitchen floor and do other household tasks this morning without huge coughing fits!
If asked whether this site (and other similar ones) are “real life,” I’d have to say it depends on what that means. I think there are advantages to relationships in which we can touch, make eye contact, hear each other’s voices, and see each other’s expressions.
If I had found this site when I lived in Chicago (my later years there), I don’t think I would have “needed” it. I had lots of personal contact, including going to work every day, having a housemate about half the time, and seeing friends regularly. I’ve never been an extrovert (I’m halfway in the middle of the scale), but I choose a few deep friends and keep them.
In Nashville I lived alone and worked alone, and had good friends at church and good neighbors, but I did not see people enough, and this site was a true blessing. Now I see family all the time, but usually only see people other than family on Sundays (or strangers at the grocery store), and I still value this site. (I’m not in a place in life to have many close, local friendships, partly because I’m way out in the country.) I think a couple of hours of in-person contact greatly exceeds the value of sitting at a keyboard, even though we truly are friends.
But we do find encouragement, advice, and more here. And for me, in the World blog days I enjoyed the chance that Roscuro mentioned, interacting with all different types of people, and honing my thinking skills but also keeping my writing skills in practice.
I just lost my temper. I have a horrid temper. I mean you would be surprised at the temper I have. After I injured an animal once by slamming it’s paw in a door I mostly got control of it. This afternoon I completely lost it in a way I have not for years. The last time was about 4 or 5 years ago when I threw my Blackberry across my back yard. Today I threw a mouse. I didn’t throw it just once I threw it four different times. It is dead. I will have to go to Best Buy and replace it, so my fit only hurt me. I also lost control of my mouth. I yelled and cursed. Luckily no one was home when it happened. I know Paul has never seen that side of me, and unfortunately BG came in in the middle of it.
I am taking a self improvement class that is supposed to empower me to make the necessary changes in my life that I know I need to make. We are in Week 2. This probably caused me to be set back to way, way way before Week 1
Sorry, Kim, but my mental picture was that you were so angry that a small rodent had crawled into your house that you grabbed it and threw it, and did so several times. It made sense that throwing it killed it, but not that you’d want to “replace” it or that you could do so by going to Best Buy.
Now, now, Kim, Honey, we are ladies. We never lose our tempers. We never raise our voices. We never use those words. And we never throw rodents. Well, maybe sometimes. But then we repent and move on.
I, too, had the vision of small rodents flying. Especially as I have sent so many flying the past few weeks while in the feed shed. But they were always dead before I threw them.
I, too, thought it was a real mouse! I was surprised you would pick it up once to throw and then you had said four times! Kim’s being quite macho in her fit of anger♡ Miss Bosley approves of throwing mice around the house. She has burlap catnip filled mice and little suede ones, too.
Catching up on this page….and was wishing I had your email 6arrows….
I will say that when I read your heart’s cry yesterday, I was prompted to bring the matter before our Lord…asking Him to heal your hurts as He listened to your cry….many of us have felt the pangs of rejection at times…and it hurts….as a little girl, my Dad was quick to not believe I was ill….even when I had the mumps….my swollen neck, fever and pain meant nothing. At times, when I have been ill…..which has been rare…. my own husband has not taken it seriously, believing I should keep on keeping on with my daily obligations…of course it is my view that when a man gets ill, the whole world must stop and pay attention…now!!! I chalk it up to the differences in men and women…and I am blessed that you felt loved by us all to ask for our prayers….I continue to lift you up and please know….you are loved…..
It happened late in the afternoon that I received a call from a person I knew from the blog I frequented before I got attached to Worldmag blog and y’all. I have never met her but we have continued to be friends. She is on the other side of the country but has roots here in Atlanta. We used to both be on a prayer site and she asked for prayer to get a computer for her children My cousin had one available that I was trying to get for her, but then I found out she was all the way across the country.
It was neat to talk to one of my “real” virtual friends today. 🙂
I too thought of the rodent. It’s probably because Kim mentioned a previous incident with an animal.
Kim, I confess to having laughed — at great length — at the image of the rodent being thrown four times. But be assured you are in my prayers. I sympathize because I too have had a bad temper.
One night years ago I couldn’t get to sleep, and I got angry at my clock radio. I felt like it was mocking me, showing me all the minutes of the sleepless night slipping away. After awhile I lost it completely, jumped out of bed, grabbed the clock radio, and threw it – hard – to the floor. It was as dead as your mouse. And I loved that clock radio. My parents had bought it for me when I went away to college, and I’ve never since found one so easy to set and easy to read.
I wish I could say there was a point in time when I overcame the temper, but it’s been very gradual. I’ve worked at it some, I think I’ve just mellowed with age, and God has given me grace.
Wandering Views 
Dearest 6 Arrows,
This is not meant to be critical or brutal and I really hesitated saying it, but perhaps a thought from an objective perspective might be helpful. Many (MANY) times in the past you’ve said that your obsessive online involvement was negatively impacting your marriage and family. You, yourself, acknowledged that it was an addiction. You apologized for leaving us but said that for the sake of your family, you wouldn’t be back. But then within a week or so, you trickled back and quickly commenced posting regularly and often. This cycle repeated here just recently. So to me, as an outsider, it looks like you are not keeping a commitment you made to your husband and perhaps that is what he is reacting to. If this really is an addiction for you, you probably need some professional help to deal with it, as it appears that trying to address it on your own hasn’t worked. Perhaps you could start by both of you meeting with your Pastor, sharing your concern about your own behavior, and seeking his advice? You know we all care about you and are praying for you, so please take these thoughts in the spirit of Christian love in which they are intended. Blessings.
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Please pray for Lindsey. She was home Monday with another migraine, went to school Tuesday and texted me at 5:30 that she’s very dizzy and throwing up but no migraine. She was thrown from the horse again last week–and fell on her head, though she was wearing a helmet. But this is second time since being thrown that she’s had nausea and dizziness…. I plan to take her to pediatrician later today….
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Ann, yes, I’d do that right away. I don’t know for sure, but sounds like a concussion is likely, and that does need special treatment (including, for example, a darkened room).
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Thank you, Linda. I understand the spirit in which you are speaking.
I am certainly not blameless in all of this, and hope I have not given the impression that I think I am.
There is much more that I could say, about things you don’t know, but it likely will only sound defensive, so I’ll refrain. You do, however, have the Christian duty to exhort fellow members of the Body to obedience when it looks to you that there may be some disobedience, and I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to do that. Do remember, though, Linda — and I say this with all due respect — that the Holy Spirit is active in my life, knows my heart, and does convict me of my sin. What may appear to you to be disobedience may be something entirely different. We only know each other through a screen.
I would just like to say one other thing. (Forgive me if this sounds defensive.) We are all sinners, but we Christians are also called to show mercy to others. It hurt more than you will ever know to have my own husband not show me mercy when I’m horribly ill, just because of my past sins. It feels like getting kicked while I’m down, figuratively speaking — he would never physically abuse any of us.
Is there no place a Christian woman can turn (other than to the Lord, of course) when she is hurting, and her husband is not only not comforting her, but is adding to the pain in a deeper way than any physical hardship does?
I was crying out from the depths of my heart yesterday. Yes, it was probably a mistake to do so publicly. I should have probably sought out some trusted advisers privately. But this place has been a place of comfort for me, and my husband understands that the relationships we have here at this blog, particularly through praying and being prayed for, has been a blessing that has brought me comfort many times, both in the giving and receiving.
And so this is where I came when the hurt yesterday was almost more than I felt I could take.
I know there’s a bigger picture to all of this, and we are all works in progress. But I am rambling now, and should wrap this up.
Thank you for your prayers and blessing, Linda, and to all of you reading this. God’s working it all for our good and His glory.
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Praying for Lindsey, Ann. It’s good you’re getting that checked out.
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Linda,
This is something 6 Arrows and her husband need to work out . . . but I suspect that, like Mumsee, she does find community here, among friends. Real-life friends might be more useful, but when a woman’s family needs keep her from leaving the house much and she doesn’t have neighbor women who are likewise at home and raising children, some sort of community can be useful. Whether she actually is shirking work at home, and whether her presence here or elsewhere is contributing to that, is something that is between her and God.
I’d be inclined, though, to say that anyone who finds comfort here is welcome here, though a presence here should not be used in place of available real-life support, or in place of necessary life tasks.
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Linda’s words are at least worthy of some consideration, even if 6 Arrows feels that they missed the mark. I’m sure her words were, as she said, from love & concern, based on the little we can see from the outside.
The thing about admonishing each other is that sometimes we are spot on, & sometimes we are not. Grace towards each other will help smooth over any hurt feelings that may result on either side.
I love you ladies!
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Once again Cheryl put my thoughts into words in a much better way that I could have. I have been on this blog since some time in 2005 (WorldMagBlog). There were times in my life I could come here for emotional and spiritual support that was not available to me in my real life. First, I did not have the funds to pay for private therapy, and second in some ways this place acts in an anonymous way much the way AA or any of those type programs work, but alas there is no place I knew of at the time who could provide that. Yes, we can all turn to our minister or a trusted mentor but sometimes we cannot be truly honest with them because of the perception we have of their perception of us.
You (this community) supported me through getting out of a bad relationship (not my first marriage), the downturn in real estate, the death of my father, isolation, loneliness, issues with BG, (you don’t know the comfort it gives me to know that you are praying for her)remarriage, loss of 2 jobs, feelings of inferiority, and much more than I can remember right this moment. How, then, could I not offer support to others?
I have found this place to be judgement free and supportive when I have poured out my heart.
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6 Arrows, I wrote my note before you posted yours, but I see now that you posted as well. So let me say this: it tore my heart out to read what you posted yesterday. (I didn’t read it till this morning, because generally I read the prayer threads at the end of the day or the next day.) It seems to me that marriage counseling is in order.
You have the e-mail addresses of several of us. If at any point you would rather say things more privately and not in this forum, you have that option. (I for one would willingly give you my phone number, if you wanted it.)
I consider you a friend, and care deeply for you, and hate that this week has been so awful for you on so many levels.
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Annmsw,
Concussions require rest and second concussions are more dangerous. My daughter was told to do nothing for at least a week, with a fairly mild concussion from a horse fall. She was not to read, not to listen to loud music, not to watch TV, and definitely not to go to school or work for that entire week. She had to go back to the doctor for a check on further symptoms after the week. Not something to take lightly. The brain needs to heal.
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6 Arrows – I hope you don’t mind, but I told Lee about the situation, & asked him to pray for your husband. Lee could be like how you describe your husband, especially when he was drinking, & I remember the depth of that hurt. My heart aches for you. (I’m sure we all are feeling that way.)
Be encouraged that God can soften the hardest of hearts. He healed my marriage, & has healed many others. We are lifting you both up in prayer.
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I do consider this online community to be real life and not a fantasy or unreal world. I have not found many close friends in the community I have lived in all my life. I speak to my closest friends on the phone or by email much more than I ever see them. I do not count any of you to be in an alternative world of sorts that is not integrated into my real world (for what it is worth).
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Husband’s who do not act kindly to sick wives are only hurting themselves. I am familiar with others who treat their wives poorly in sickness. I think it happens more when there is a real distinction in the “man’s work” and the “woman’s work.” The men really don’t know how to take up the slack so it makes them feel badly about themselves for failing in that manner. Instead of looking to God, they just do an outward show of bitterness. It is damaging to the marriage relationship. But it is understandable because when the man can’t do his job, the woman is not expected to go in and take up his slack. I hope this helps anyone in this situation. It is a part of living in the fallen world and having to forgive seventy times seven plus times.♡
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Husbands can be oblivious to a woman’s needs. Like, all of us, they can be self-centered. They can be ignorant about how much effort running a household and caring for children can be. In my experience men, who are sick, are bigger babies than women when they are sick. They also just assume women can handle it all, which is a back-handed compliment. That does not make it easy to take.
I have complained to the Lord about this myself. After all, I believe He brought us together. Praying for my husband and my own conduct to him and my responsibilities helps. Talking to other women, who understand also helps, as long as it isn’t a constant complaining session.
I only have to read through 1Cor. 13 to realize how far I fall short. That makes me understand others also falling short and appreciate what God has done for all of us.
I believe you spoke in love, Linda, too. None of us know the truth of the situation. Probably Six Arrows and her husband don’t even know, since often we humans misunderstand and do not clearly see each other’s hearts. I know I have often been wrong in how I thought MY husband was thinking.
It is these times that we must hold on to truth and trust God to help both spouses.
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Heavenly Father,
I lift up Lindsey to You for she is having symptoms that indicate a serious situation maybe related to concussion. You are fully aware of the inner workings of her brain, and also You know if she is having a virus. Either way, she feels horrible and needs Your help right now! We call out to You during this trouble time, please, show Your ability to heal her from whatever the ailment may be. I pray for awareness of the doc and for correct diagnosis and treatment. May nothing be overlooked. Thank You for Your thoroughness in care for her. Please help Annms not to become anxious, but to give all concern to You and trust completely in You.
Lord, You know the needs of 6 Arrows and her husband. Help them to have a vibrant marriage and to build up, encourage, and cherish each other. I pray for any roots of bitterness to wither away as Your roots of pure and true love replace them. If 6 Arrow’s husband has issues with his work that negatively affect their marriage, I pray changes will be forthcoming so that hindrances can be addressed and he can be a happy worker appreciative of his job. Help him with any pain he is having. If he has any undiagnosed depression, I pray You will help with that situation. Please give 6 Arrows ways to find more balance as she meets the responsibilities of being a homeschool mom. Thank You for Your caring presence in the life of her family.
I pray in Jesus’ name, Amen
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Janice, I apologize. I did not mean to diminish this community by calling my in person friend “real life” and therefore not making this one real. I have met several of you in person and know you to be REAL in the Velveteen Rabbit sort of way.
What is REAL?” the Velveteen Rabbit asked the Skin Horse one day. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Velveteen Rabbit .
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand. But once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
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6, I haven’t said this before, because I didn’t want to look like I was encouraging you in what you perceived to be an addiction, but I wanted to share something of my experience when it comes to the internet and especially this blog. When I started posting on World, I was living by myself in a bad neighbourhood in a large city. The World community became something of a family to me when I missed my real family. I didn’t have a job, although I was actively seeking one, so except for choir practice and another evening where I volunteered with a church ministry and Sundays, I had a lot of free time. So, I had a lot of time to spend on the internet. I had heard of internet addiction and I didn’t want that to happen to me. I felt guilt ridden about the amount of time I spent debating topics. Every few days I would tell myself that I wasn’t going to go back there any more. Something kept drawing me back. When I had to return to my parents, my mother was concerned that I spent so much time on the internet. Then she noticed something. A good deal of the time I would be typing, I had a Bible open next to me.
That was the first benefit I realized to my time spent on World. It caused me to search the Scriptures for myself to find what I really believed as I locked horns with an assortment of atheists, libertines and heretics. Now, as issues come up in my church and in other areas of my life, I find myself drawing on the body of knowledge which I acquired during those internet debates. I know how to navigate and find information in the Bible so much better because I had spent hours flipping through it to make a point. I can also articulate my beliefs much better because I had to think through of how to say things in words which would be clearly read by the person on the other side. The next benefit, you all know about. First, Mumsee inviting me to Idaho, and all that followed. Had she not done so, Aji Suun would probably never have thought to invite me to West Africa. Then Kim so generously asked you all to send support to me rather than gifts to her, and so many of you responded, and you all prayed for me. I acquired not only new and valuable experience, but dear friends.
So, 6 Arrows, I’m not encouraging you to stay if it is affecting your ability to function, but I did want to point out that my conscience played me false. I needed to spend that much time on the internet. Without being presumptuous, I would say that in seeing the fruit of that time, that God wanted me to spend that time on the internet. Oh, undoubtedly at times I have and still do waste time on the internet, but that doesn’t negate its benefits. When that happens, I have a Saviour who intercedes for me and a Heavenly Father to whom I can ask for forgiveness and help to do better. I was and still am in a unique position where my ability to physically interact with others is limited. The internet is my communication line to the outside world. So please, place Christ and then your husband and family first, but if this blog is providing a valuable outlet, do not feel you have to give it up simply because you sometimes spend too much time on the internet. I think, as long as one prioritizes one’s life properly, that this verse applies to internet use as much as other things people sometimes feel they should deny themselves to be more Godly:
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Janice, I too do not consider this an alternative to the real world. It is part of it, and I refer to each of you as real people in conversation with my family. After all, having met two of you in person, who are exactly as they appear on the blog, and knowing those two have met several more of you and so on, I have no reason to think you are not real.
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I fear that I have not expressed myself well. In no way was I suggesting that this isn’t a useful community or that anyone is participating too much. I was addressing a commitment that was made and apparently broken and the possible consequence. And I could be 100% wrong. It was just mentioned as something to consider.
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Thank you Roscuro. I had forgotten. It made me smile to remember.
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Linda, you made a valid point for consideration. I had noticed what you mentioned at times happening, but I just counted it as a lovely personality quirk like we all have. You are bold in your ways of helping and saying hard things to hear. I see your helping heart motivating you to say what no one else will say.♡
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I just got an email from my CA friend asking if we’ve had the nasty cold that her husband and a child she sits for have been afflicted with. She talked about its cough. It’s everywhere!
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6 Arrows I had also noticed your posts of leaving and then returning. I admit I became very frustrated with it. Sometimes we go to that place we feel safest. If you feel safe here, then by all means reach out to us for comfort. It is my belief that women need to support other women. Older women need to mentor younger, and those with experience in something need to mentor those who need that experienced wisdom.
Please don’t ever feel that you can’t come here for comfort and support.
Linda–I will admit to you that I noticed the same thing you did but in a different way. I saw the opposite side of what you saw. What I have posted today is in no way meant to be argumentative with you. You spoke from your place of knowledge and concern.
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Oh, wow, quite the response today! I have read each comment, and thank you all for them. The compassion shown here and in emails have been very soothing.
And your comments have also stimulated a lot of thought for me, and I may address several of your responses sometime, just not today.
We’re getting back on our feet now, health-wise, for the most part in our family, so thank you for the many prayers to that effect. School is back in session, and I could even scrub my kitchen floor and do other household tasks this morning without huge coughing fits!
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*has* been very soothing 😉
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Lindsey does have a concussion, but the CT scan was normal, meaning no bleeding in her brain, which is huge blessing.
Thank you for all the prayer support.
The pediatrician wants us to follow up with her neurologist. I’m going to schedule the appointment now.
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I have been asked to pray over a situation very dear to my heart and very serious. Please pray that I will be faithful in prayer.
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If asked whether this site (and other similar ones) are “real life,” I’d have to say it depends on what that means. I think there are advantages to relationships in which we can touch, make eye contact, hear each other’s voices, and see each other’s expressions.
If I had found this site when I lived in Chicago (my later years there), I don’t think I would have “needed” it. I had lots of personal contact, including going to work every day, having a housemate about half the time, and seeing friends regularly. I’ve never been an extrovert (I’m halfway in the middle of the scale), but I choose a few deep friends and keep them.
In Nashville I lived alone and worked alone, and had good friends at church and good neighbors, but I did not see people enough, and this site was a true blessing. Now I see family all the time, but usually only see people other than family on Sundays (or strangers at the grocery store), and I still value this site. (I’m not in a place in life to have many close, local friendships, partly because I’m way out in the country.) I think a couple of hours of in-person contact greatly exceeds the value of sitting at a keyboard, even though we truly are friends.
But we do find encouragement, advice, and more here. And for me, in the World blog days I enjoyed the chance that Roscuro mentioned, interacting with all different types of people, and honing my thinking skills but also keeping my writing skills in practice.
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I just lost my temper. I have a horrid temper. I mean you would be surprised at the temper I have. After I injured an animal once by slamming it’s paw in a door I mostly got control of it. This afternoon I completely lost it in a way I have not for years. The last time was about 4 or 5 years ago when I threw my Blackberry across my back yard. Today I threw a mouse. I didn’t throw it just once I threw it four different times. It is dead. I will have to go to Best Buy and replace it, so my fit only hurt me. I also lost control of my mouth. I yelled and cursed. Luckily no one was home when it happened. I know Paul has never seen that side of me, and unfortunately BG came in in the middle of it.
I am taking a self improvement class that is supposed to empower me to make the necessary changes in my life that I know I need to make. We are in Week 2. This probably caused me to be set back to way, way way before Week 1
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Sorry, Kim, but my mental picture was that you were so angry that a small rodent had crawled into your house that you grabbed it and threw it, and did so several times. It made sense that throwing it killed it, but not that you’d want to “replace” it or that you could do so by going to Best Buy.
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Now, now, Kim, Honey, we are ladies. We never lose our tempers. We never raise our voices. We never use those words. And we never throw rodents. Well, maybe sometimes. But then we repent and move on.
I, too, had the vision of small rodents flying. Especially as I have sent so many flying the past few weeks while in the feed shed. But they were always dead before I threw them.
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I thought of a small rodent too.
Tells which generation I’m in.
🙂 Just heard from Linda (my Linda)
The thyroid cancer is gone!
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Wonderful news, Chas!
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I, too, thought it was a real mouse! I was surprised you would pick it up once to throw and then you had said four times! Kim’s being quite macho in her fit of anger♡ Miss Bosley approves of throwing mice around the house. She has burlap catnip filled mice and little suede ones, too.
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Yup, it wasn’t until the mention of Best Buy that I realized what kind of mouse was being thrown. You had us all going there for a moment, Kim.
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Catching up on this page….and was wishing I had your email 6arrows….
I will say that when I read your heart’s cry yesterday, I was prompted to bring the matter before our Lord…asking Him to heal your hurts as He listened to your cry….many of us have felt the pangs of rejection at times…and it hurts….as a little girl, my Dad was quick to not believe I was ill….even when I had the mumps….my swollen neck, fever and pain meant nothing. At times, when I have been ill…..which has been rare…. my own husband has not taken it seriously, believing I should keep on keeping on with my daily obligations…of course it is my view that when a man gets ill, the whole world must stop and pay attention…now!!! I chalk it up to the differences in men and women…and I am blessed that you felt loved by us all to ask for our prayers….I continue to lift you up and please know….you are loved…..
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It happened late in the afternoon that I received a call from a person I knew from the blog I frequented before I got attached to Worldmag blog and y’all. I have never met her but we have continued to be friends. She is on the other side of the country but has roots here in Atlanta. We used to both be on a prayer site and she asked for prayer to get a computer for her children My cousin had one available that I was trying to get for her, but then I found out she was all the way across the country.
It was neat to talk to one of my “real” virtual friends today. 🙂
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I too thought of the rodent. It’s probably because Kim mentioned a previous incident with an animal.
Kim, I confess to having laughed — at great length — at the image of the rodent being thrown four times. But be assured you are in my prayers. I sympathize because I too have had a bad temper.
One night years ago I couldn’t get to sleep, and I got angry at my clock radio. I felt like it was mocking me, showing me all the minutes of the sleepless night slipping away. After awhile I lost it completely, jumped out of bed, grabbed the clock radio, and threw it – hard – to the floor. It was as dead as your mouse. And I loved that clock radio. My parents had bought it for me when I went away to college, and I’ve never since found one so easy to set and easy to read.
I wish I could say there was a point in time when I overcame the temper, but it’s been very gradual. I’ve worked at it some, I think I’ve just mellowed with age, and God has given me grace.
Don’t be discouraged!
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