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Our Daily Thread 12-20-14

Good Morning!

5 Days!!!! 🙂

Today’s header photo is from Kare.

*It’s now Sunday the 21st, so I believe someone has a birthday today.

Happy Birthday Linda. 🙂

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On this day in 1790 the first successful cotton mill in the United States began operating at Pawtucket, RI.

In 1860 South Carolina became the first state to secede from the American Union. 

In 1879 Thomas A. Edison privately demonstrated his incandescent light at Menlo Park, NJ. 

And in 1968 author John Steinbeck died at the age of 66.

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Quote of the Day

“Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.”

Dale Evans

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 This one is a request.

And this one is because I like it. From King’s College Choir

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0aL9rKJPr4&feature=player_detailpage ______________________________________________

Anyone have a QoD?

7,368 thoughts on “Our Daily Thread 12-20-14”

  4. Well, then the internet appears to be lying as it says it is Linda’s birthday. But since the internet cannot lie, we have to think it is the people who are putting in the data. And we all know who that is. Don’t want to start any rumors of course, I am just sayin….

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  10. Another cloudy, humid day in my neighborhood. I don’t mind the clouds (I actually like cloudy days & rainy days), but I do mind the humidity.

    You wouldn’t be happy in my house right now, Mumsee, because we have the air conditioning on. The older I get, the more the humidity bothers me.

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  12. The sun ended up coming out after all, & the humidity went down a bit. Now Chrissy & I are babysitting Forrest for the evening. He made a little house out of couch cushions & such. I am pretending to be the grumpy neighbor. He thinks that’s funny. 🙂

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  13. I would make an excellent grumpy neighbor. Especially after last night with fourteen year old daughter who is over the edge again.

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  21. I tried to post a comment saying, “Happy Independence Day!” but a message told me that it was a duplicate comment. I must have said that last July 4th. 🙂

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  22. Don’t repeat yourself,Karen.

    Because it is Linda’s birthday here, Peter, why would we do Fourth of July in December?

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  25. You just missed daughter, She and her husband (and not yet born baby and two dogs) went to Tahoe for their week of vacation.

    On the home front, fourteen year old daughter has stopped her screaming and was content to sit at the table and coloring all day now that dad is home. Though she refuses to talk to him.

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  27. Husband took the two smallest to Lewiston for the afternoon, so I was home alone. Fourteen year old boy was off helping at the parsonage, digging out sewer lines. Fourteen year old girl was coloring all day. Seventeen year old was working on farm machinery down the road. I planted peas and beans, mowed, watered, rested.

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  29. Things are more peaceful here now. We are cautiously hoping that R will follow the rules of the protection order & not contact us. But we also have a kind of underlying feeling of alertness, if you know what I mean. We are not naive enough to let our guards down, but are being very careful about keeping our doors locked & our eyes open. If he even just shows up, we will call 911.

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  30. Why is your 14 year old daughter like that, Mumsee? Did she experience or witness some horrible stuff? It must make your heart ache, even as you carry on with tough love & discipline.

    Praying.

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  31. She is autistic and emotionally disturbed and low IQ. Basically stuck at age six with rebellious teen hormones in a lot of ways, that is the age she was when put in foster care initially. I don’t know how much of the violence in the home she experienced or how much of the alleged s abuse both in the bio home and foster care at the hands of her older sister and other foster girls. Her parents smoked and did drugs and alcohol while she was in the womb and out. Lots of stuff but she may have just been that way.

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  33. Me too
    I am in Portland visiting son and family, staying until Wednesday as Tuesday is the birthday of my oldest son who lives here.
    It is confusing to go so many places

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  34. Tomorrow is the birthday of my oldest daughter.

    I played tennis in Portland once, but I don’t think I ever went there again. That was probably about forty years ago. It may have changed since then.

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  48. I believe daughter has maxed out on her ability to get stronger at this point. We have shifted to maintenance but if she can not control her throwing things at me or otherwise aggressive behavior, we will have to medicate. Not my first choice.

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  49. I’m so sorry, Mumsee.

    Has she already started menstruating? The reason I ask is that 1st Daughter went through about a year of having horrible outbursts of anger (one time pounding me on the back as she chased me up a flight of stairs) around the same time each “month” (28 days) before she started her period at 14.

    It was my pastor’s wife, & dear friend, who clued me into keeping track of how far apart these incidents happened. She said she had seen that kind of thing before, & that it was hormonal. One girl she knew even seemed schizophrenic for a while before she started menstruating, but it went away when she started.

    That is what happened with 1st Daughter. Those episodes went away after she started menstruating. (BTW, she was very remorseful about the back-pounding incident.)

    I realize your daughter may have a much more serious condition, but thought this might be worth mentioning. God bless & help you, & God bless & help her.

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  50. Thanks, Karen, we did take her to the doc with those concerns about a year ago. He did not think it was an issue. She started her periods a couple of years ago but rarely has one. She claims it is her magic powers because she does not like them.

    We do try to keep track of her highs and lows. This one, with the slight exception of about four days, has been ongoing for nearly a month now, but she was on the edge before that for two months.

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  52. Close to three days have gone by since the last comment.

    Hoping Jo has a good school year, & is as blessed by her students as she is a blessing to them.

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  58. Sorry to hear about your computer getting tired. I had one a while back that I had to shut down for a period of time near evening, so it could get some rest.

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  59. This one I have always turned off at night. But things creep in and slow things down. Son is supposed to be able to clear things up remotely but I don’t usually ask him to. He is busy enough. And he came through for us last year when husband was looking near death.

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  62. To teach prayerfully is such a joy. God kept giving me ideas as the day went along
    One boy even pointed to a book, are we going to read that?
    The perfect book and my favorite, Baby Beluga

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  63. We had a little foster girl one time. Older son was probably eighteen or nineteen and when he would come home from college, she absolutely adored him. Called him daddy B.. Anyway, his term of endearment for her was my little beluga whale. She was a teeny tiny blond, four years old.

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  66. The freezer is going out, the seventeen year old is testing drinking, the fourteen year olds are still doing their own thing, ten year old is helping with the chores but does not think he needs to clean his room, and the eight year old still has the sore throat I still have. Maybe it is time for rest. The grass is not growing as quickly, the gardens are watered and weeded, the fruit and veggies are growing, time to sit in the shade and read a book.

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  70. Well, when you think you are having a private conversation with civilized people….

    Karen, I was able to talk with her about her fears yesterday. After little brother’s sermon, she came up for air and was able to have a give and take conversation rather than just yelling that she was being beaten. I again told her that she will always have a home with us if she can cooperate. We cannot have her hurting the small children with her words and actions. But, I told her, we did not believe she would ever be independent and the only hope we could see would be if she would get back on track with her schoolwork and chores and learning how to be an adult. And then it would probably be us paying for an apartment for her or finding her a roomie that could guide her. She continued into the evening with coherent conversation until bedtime. She says she is scared of life. I also found a couple of notebooks in her room where she was back to celebrating evil and talking of being magical and a witch and all of the same old stuff. She also mentioned her older sister showing her lots of porn videos on youtube. People have not done her a lot of good.

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  71. So sad. I will be praying for her. Glad she was able to converse with you.

    I don’t think that my dear 2nd Daughter (24 years old) will ever be able to live independently. But she is not dealing with that right now, & some of those Asperger/autistic-type of behaviors are getting worse. Living with the McKs has not been beneficial to her, spiritually nor otherwise. (Remember, one of the McK daughters is the one I’ve written about as YF, & the younger daughter, who is 2nd Daughter’s long-time best friend, is a lesbian, & activist about her views.)

    Last night in the shower, I began to weep to God for her. All I could say for a while in this weeping prayer was “My baby!”

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  72. It is hard, but we are only able to do what God enables us to get done. Each has to come to Christ on his own and let God work out His plan. Waiting on Him can be very slow…..

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  79. Here I am! the a key doesn’t always work, so who knows.
    So nice to have real computer instead of just the ipad. to actually have a keyboard for comments

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  80. I rented the singles van for several days this week. That helped since I had something four nights in a row and needed way to get there.
    I persevered the last two days:
    On Thursday I went to the helpdesk and got my computer. My friend at the helpdesk, his wife teaches with me, had found my product key for Microsoft office. He said it didn’t work so I would hve to call them. He even bookmarked the spot where I had to enter the key.
    I came home and did that right away. And it worked. I downloaded 388 mb. of the office program from 2010. just what I needed.
    Okay, you have to realize that this ranks aas a miracle. We get power and internet clitches. It took 1 1/2 hours and went smoothly. I even had time to go back to the helpdesk and leave the computer for them to set up email now that it had Outlook.
    My friend couldn’t believe it worked as it hadn’t for him.
    This is the program I hd on my broken computer, meaning I didn’t have to pay for anything but the download.

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  81. Then yesterday, Friday. I went back to the helpdesk. Pet peeve, I hadn’t gotten any messages from them and I check my email. Bruce said he didn’t have my password so couldn’t set up the program. So I gave it to him and sat there while he did it and asked me questions, severl of which I had no idea what he was talking aabout.
    But finally done and I haave a computer back.
    I will take it in next week for him to put all the files on it from my old computer.

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  83. Also, at morning recess I called autoshop about my car. They had the prts, but had never called or emiled. Got to persevere
    So they came to school and got my keys, but again, I never heard from them. When I got home, my car wasn’t there. After I got my computer back, I went back out to find my car
    It wasa at the autoshop and I went in the office nd she handed me my keys. I aasked what did they do and she said they put in a new battery just like I wanted. but no on told me.
    Well, I am down there in the singles van which I have to return, so I quickly think of the gal who has been borrowing it from me during the day and drove over to her place and asked her to do me a favor and take me to get my car and then return the van. She wasa happy to do it and wanted to keep the van. Yeah.
    So my car is working fine. What a relief.
    That van wasa a 15 passanger and so fr off the ground thata it wasa quite a clim.
    don’t you love my aa key and ll the fun it has messing up my messages???.

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  87. feeling very tired today. I think that I have been pushing it for several weeks and it is finally catching up with me. Trying to just get rested up for the week ahead.

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  88. cloudy, but no rain. I can see smoke across the valley. When it doesn’t rain, they burn the fields. The grass can grow 7 feet tall.
    At least the wind is blowing it the other way.

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  89. Good morning. Still have not figured out what exactly fourteen year old boy wants. He still is not capable of asking for anything. That usually goes away in the first two years. Something amiss in that boy. God knows.

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  90. Prayers for your 14 year old boy, Mumsee.

    That reminds me of when my MIL Mary lived with us. Part of the problem was that the advance of Alzheimer’s affected her reasoning, but also that she was, even without Alzheimer’s, pridefully independent & critical.

    We learned quickly that we had to keep an ear on the baby monitor we kept in her room. (She preferred to hang out in her room, which also had a comfy chair & a little table, & the downstairs bathroom was right off her room.) She wouldn’t come to us to ask for something, or even call out for help, but would sit & complain about what we weren’t doing for her.

    The first time I ever heard this was when L took her lunch to her, but forgot to take in something to drink. After a few minutes I heard Mary say (only over the monitor, not calling out to us), “I need something to drink. Doesn’t anyone have the brains to know that?” (I waited a couple minutes, so it wasn’t obvious that I’d overheard her, then took in a drink for her.)

    Another time, she was not feeling well, & was complaining that she needed help to get up. So I go in, ask her if she needs help at all, & she answers. . .no. Then I go out, & she starts complaining again.

    There were a lot of incidents like that. We really just had to learn to laugh at the situation. (Overhearing her call me bad names was not as funny.)

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  91. It is one thing when the individual is on the way out, but we are supposed to be teaching him how to be successful at interacting on the way in. I just read something the other day that said if they have not figured out authority by age ten (the age we got him) it will be a nearly out of reach goal. We were told to warehouse these two boys. But we don’t, we keep trying.

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  98. or perhaps they held their nose? I have to train my kinder kids that that is rude and we don’t do it. However if the girl with head lice keeps flinging her hair around, I may be rude…

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  100. Years ago, 1st Daughter got lice from spending the night with a friend who lied about having them. They spread to me & to 2nd Daughter. Those things were hard to get rid of! The first thing we were trying for a while didn’t work, & then it took a while for the second thing to work.

    Having to use that lice comb to carefully comb through thick hair was a pain in the neck. 1st Daughter said that if she ever got them again, she would just shave her head. 🙂

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  101. We have had lice around a few times. Once through public school, others through foster children. But after the public school experience, we never had them spread from one person to another. They are unpleasant but not the end of the world.

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  102. Karen, what worked for me when I got them (twice, from the same children–they were only in my home for two weeks the first time, and I didn’t know I got them from them until after they left, and I hoped I’d been successful in erradicating them from them, but I wasn’t positive . . . so they either still had them, or picked them up again in a few months back home): Every other day I would wet my hair (I didn’t need to put in shampoo, but it didn’t work dry) and then finger comb my scalp. Any lice that got caught under my fingernails, I either drowned it in rubbing alcohol or rinsed it down the drain.

    Once I had done it for several days, I’d removed any adults, including any that might have crawled off my head for a while and then back on. Once I was pretty sure I had all the adults, I washed my linen again, and kept finger combing every two days. That got all the babies as they hatched, before they were old enough to lay their own eggs, and eventually they were gone. And I have a lot of hair and it’s long. I just never quite figured out how to be as sure that I got all that were on the children. They were both blonde, and I caught every louse I found, washed their bedding, put all their stuffed animals in a pillowcase in the garage long enough for any lice to die, etc. Lice shampoo didn’t make a dent in the problem (they say lice develop an immunity), and lice combs seemed too time-consuming for little ones. I used mayonnaise on myself once, and spent an extremely messy evening with mayo melting and dripping down my forehead, but it did nothing at all to suffocate the critters. Finger combing a wet scalp was the only thing that worked.

    The first time I got them, they got an established presence in my hair, because I didn’t know yet that the trick was you could only catch them with wet hair. So I’d finger comb my hair and never find anything. I even had a friend look through my hair and she didn’t find anything. When I was a bit itchy and thought I might not have gotten away without lice after all (several weeks after the children had left) I had a nurse practitioner look through my hair. She admitted she didn’t have any experience doing that, but she found nothing. A few days later, on a Saturday night, I was washing my hair, and I looked at my hands and saw what looked like two lice (an adult and a juvenile) under my fingernails. Horrified by fascinated, I rinsed my fingernails under the faucet and scratched my scalp some more. I ended up being up the entire night (and missed church the next day). I washed all my bedding, washed my hair multiple times, coming up with more lice hour after hour. When I got all I could find, a few days later a nurse friend came over and went strand by strand removing eggs (she didn’t find any live ones, so I’d been effective at the part I was doing). Over the next few days I did the wet-and-fingercomb several times. The nurse friend asked me a few weeks later if she had missed any, and when I said yes, she asked how many and I told her: about 100! That’s how many babies I found in the weeks after she had searched me carefully for eggs, and I never found another adult, so I was getting at them before they could breed. So I really had to keep on top of it. But the next time I got them, with not as bad an infestation, I didn’t bother looking for eggs at all, just kept fingercombing to find live ones, and that worked.

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  105. We moved the fridge from the garage to the house last night, no more walking back and forth to get some forgotten item. There goes my exercise program. Fourteen year old girl did most of the reloading of the fridge. I looked in and everything was neat and orderly in precise formation, shortest to tallest, spaced in rows one inch apart. I pointed out to her that the counter was covered with things that needed to go in there along with things on the table. She managed it, still very neat but no more neat and tidy rows. Good job!

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  107. I have always imagined a home with very sparse stuff. Just a few pieces of furniture. A quick dust mop daily. But that is not me as I like books and gardening supplies and such in arm’s reach. Problem is, during the summer, I almost never sit in my chair so it is not in arm’s reach but is cluttering.

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  108. That is funny. I have given away almost all of my furniture. I have two tables, a dresser, and a love seat left. But…. I have lots of boxes of books! and my kitchen stuff is all packed up

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  109. We married off our firstborn Saturday! Lovely, lovely day, but wow what an exhausting weekend. The end of Saturday, my husband kept saying how tired he was, but I’m the one who had five hours of sleep (combined) for Thursday and Friday nights, and events from 10:30 to 9:00 Friday and 6:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Saturday, with him needed just for rehearsal and rehearsal dinner and then the wedding and reception.

    Anyway, we are very happy for them, and it was lovely. I teared up a little, but didn’t actually cry until I was walking down the aisle and it hit me hard “I’m the mother of the bride! This is my girl getting married!”

    And it’s also good it’s over, but our house is a nightmare. We told them we can keep some of her stuff for a year or so until they get a house, but we imagined four or five boxes of her stuff, neatly off to the side in her old bedroom. We did not expect that somehow our living room would have several boxes of Star Wars Legos in it, and that the whole house would have boxes. Saturday night we simply had to go out to eat: neither of us had eaten much during the day, I was so tired I might not have been able to safely heat a can of soup, and the entire kitchen table was covered in wedding paraphenalia (sp?).

    In the middle of it all, I got a new computer that is taking more time than expected to set up (I still don’t have my photos on it and have been told not to put any on it yet because the defaults were set up wrong by the computer company) and our younger daughter is trying to buy a new car after totaling her first one (she’s OK) and she wants her daddy’s help in that. That’s before even mentioning that I actually have editing to do. And he has church business to take care of, including some for our new pastor (new within the last month). The four-and-a-half weeks out of town in May and June were just part of a crazy, crazy summer. With the wedding, most of the craziness is behind us, but there is still plenty to do (normal life crazy, not extra crazy).

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  111. Well, today I’ve talked by phone to my two closest friends (neither of them local, neither at the wedding) and my favorite brother, but several calls to my sister have gone unanswered. In her book a telephone is solely for her convenience, and if she chooses not to answer (even if she isn’t doing anything), she just won’t answer. It’s rather maddening, actually. She doesn’t make phone calls (she doesn’t have long distance on her phone), so I simply have to call her back until I get her. And sometimes I worry about her a bit if I can’t reach her (she’s a single mom with a bunch of kids, and I’m the closest family she has) and sometimes I want to tell her something very important in my life. But she answers if she wants to, and if she decides not to answer the phone today, she doesn’t. (And she doesn’t have e-mail, so I can’t drop her a note.)

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  112. Hmmm, I am like Cheryl’s sister. I have a phone for my convenience and I don’t like talking on it. I don’t make outgoing calls other than to husband and the one son living at home. They can call me and I will pick it up but I have not given the number to any others and don’t pick it up for any calls but theirs. The exception is my neighbor who helps with the children now and then. She calls when she wants ten year old to come over. Anybody who wants to tell me something or ask me a question is welcome to email me or write me a letter.

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  113. Cheryl – There have been times when I didn’t want to answer the phone because of some harassing calls that we were getting. L & I came up with a signal – he would let the phone ring two or three times, then hang up & call again. When the phone rang that time, I would answer, knowing it was him.

    Maybe you could share your concern with your sister, & use the signal idea for when you really want to reach her. That would especially be important if there was an emergency. I’m assuming she doesn’t have an answering machine?

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  114. Today I am glad that my phone here shows me who is calling. I would only answer for a couple of people. Frustrating.
    Better go throw out the beef stew that I made. Something in it is now making me not feel too good. It uses v8 juice for the liquid and I was fine with it last year, but not now.

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  116. Still trying to figure out where fifteen year old is getting food. I assume he is. He is not getting skinny but he does football practice morning and evening and presumably goes to work during the day. Don’t really know as we don’t see him except glimpses.

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  118. Karen, I don’t think it’s anything like that. Growing up, we saw nuclear family as pretty much our whole world. Anyone other than Mom, Dad, and us kids was included in such things as family dinners only after they were engaged to one of my brothers. If somebody from school, came to play, we made a big deal out of it, plans made days in advance. And I think my sister kinda thinks the same way–she had her husband and children, and anyone else is an outsider. When she was married and I was single, it was sometimes lonely, like the time I went back home when I’d just been to visit my brother’s family for two or three days and my sister-in-law was very close to death, I called my sister to “decompress” but after just two or three minutes her husband told her it was late and she had to get off the phone (it was 9 p.m.) and without telling him “She needs to talk, so can we talk a few minutes more” she just said OK and goodbye. When I was in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver who totalled my car, it was 11:00 at night and I didn’t call her (or anyone else) and it felt lonely to feel like I didn’t have any family (even though I have six siblings).

    Now the shoe is on the other foot. I’m married, but she is a single mom, the only driver in her household, living way out in the country. She just changed churches a couple of months ago, so she doesn’t really have much of a “community.” But she doesn’t have e-mail and she doesn’t have long distance on her phone (she has to pay by the minute and she doesn’t like to do it, so she doesn’t make calls), so if I want to talk to her, I just call several times until she picks up. I’m her “next of kin” and I don’t like it when she just brushes me off like that. If I called daily, fine, but we talk once or twice a month, and I’ve been a very active part of her children’s lives, but I have to do all the initiation and all of that, and sometimes I wished she’d do the simple courtesy of picking up the phone when she is available rather than leave me feeling like I’m “begging” for her attention by calling several times before she bothers to answer.

    When I was getting ready to get married, she told me I couldn’t marry until my older brother gave his blessing. (This older brother was unable to attend my wedding because of business commitments, and didn’t even meet my husband until our first anniversary, so waiting around for his approval seemed rather stupid.) At the time I felt like she was trying to have it both ways–since most of my siblings were married and saw me as “extended family” I was left with no family of my own, and no financial or emotional support, and yet I wasn’t “allowed” to marry and have family until this non-family family said I could (though I was 44 years old). Now I’m trying to be more supportive of my family than they were of me, but it’s annoying when all the effort comes from me year after year. (I only barely got her to agree to drive two hours to attend my bridal shower and meet the man I was marrying and his children. She wanted to just come to the wedding, but to have us drive over there to meet her rather than her coming my way. Since I had gone her way several times when she was planning to marry, and once or more for the birth of each child, and again most years at Christmastime with gifts for her whole family, it was very much “her turn” to come over and I told her so–and then she accused me of “keeping score.”)

    So basically it’s just “I get it–I’m the one who initiates, the one who comes to see you, the one who buys gifts for your family, but you can at least do the bare minimum of picking up the phone when I call. That doesn’t seem like too much to ask.”

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  121. Cheryl – So you don’t think a suggestion of “When I need to get a hold of you, I’ll let the phone ring a couple times, then hang up & call back. . .” would be acceptable to your sister? That is really a shame. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that, & the feeling of being somewhat cut off from family. I’m glad you have your new family.

    As you may remember, my only brother (& only sibling) & his family have cut off ties with us (& they live only a few miles away, in the same town). Even before “the end”, Brother didn’t bother coming to Little Guy’s first or second birthday parties because he was golfing for one & bowling for the other. Those were his priorities. 😦

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  122. Kizzie,

    I don’t think I’m important enough in her life for me to be giving her helpful suggestions of how I can reach her more easily. And the thing is, she can sometimes be quite busy–they have several acres of land, and when they were with the old church they were quite involved. So I never know when I call if she doesn’t answer because she’s outside gardening, or in town shopping, or at some church event, or somewhere else, or if she is simply ignoring the phone. (I know for a fact she does that. I’ve seen her not even bother to look to see who is calling when she is literally doing nothing at all but just standing a few feet away from the phone.) It’s just not priority to her, and I’m not priority to her, and I don’t think she has ever fully understood how much I have worked to make her family, and her, a priority to me. I had a suitcase packed and sitting by the front door for the birth of the last three of her children. (Before that I was a plane ride away, not a car ride away, so I flew down to help out.) When her husband died unexpectedly, my husband and I got our life details wrapped up and drove down the next day and stayed there almost two weeks, and we agreed to be guardians for her children if anything happens to her . . . but she simply doesn’t see us as “close,” so she doesn’t think in those terms even though I have always operated as though we are sisters a little more than a year apart and we are “close.” She doesn’t really get close to women, and that’s that. (Not that she gets inappropriately close to men other than her husband, just that a life with a husband and a bunch of sons was all she needed in life, and sisters were extras that weren’t really necessary.)

    I figure she doesn’t know what she’s missing, and may never know, and I guess that is her loss. But I make an effort to stay in her life partly because I didn’t know any of my aunts and uncles and I want it to be different for her children. They know and love me (and now my husband), and so I make sure they continue to know me, even though I don’t get the sense she much cares either way. (We had a bit of a crisis about the time of our wedding because her kids were in shock–their mom had told them that since I was getting married and moving far away, they’d probably never see me again. We have in fact seen them at least four times in the less than five years since we married, but she told them that and they were in grief when they came to our wedding, believing themselves to be saying a final goodbye to a beloved aunt.)

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  123. You just never know aabout families. My sister has moved back to my town with her husband and has had me over several times. I also appreciate how much she likes my children. They chose not to have children aand mine are very special to her.

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  125. Cheryl – Again, I am so sorry for your situation with your sister. How painful that must be. It is not healthy for her to not have any close friends other than her children. She will find herself needing you one day, & it is good for her that you are keeping that door open.

    With my brother & his wife (who had no siblings), their friends always came first. My parents noted this, too. For all of us to gather as a family, we took their plans into account first, to see when they would be available to squeeze us in. I recall one Easter when SIL claimed they were too “fried”, from being so busy, to get together with the family for Easter dinner. But we also knew that they were getting together with their friends that weekend.

    The year I realized we had finally been cut off (a year or two after Mom died), we were told that they couldn’t come to Thanksgiving at our house, because SIL’s old friend D would be visiting, & D wasn’t very social. (The tradition for several years was that we would have Thanksgiving at our house, & Christmas Eve at theirs.) But a day or so after Thanksgiving, Niece shared photos on Facebook of their Thanksgiving with a group of friends, including D, who seemed to be having a great time.

    As Christmas approached, we were told that they were getting together with friends on Christmas Eve instead of our traditional family gathering, & they were just too busy to fit us in any other time. (Although they were fitting in other friends & parties.)

    Nightingale still has some contact with Niece, but they don’t get together much at all.

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  126. Kizzie, I’m sorry that you have such distant relations with them. It sounds like family really just isn’t that important to them! I think my sister does have friends, but my husband asked me once if she has any friends she sees as her “equals” or if all of her friends are people she sees as ministry projects (people who need her), and I think it tends strongly toward the latter. Pretty much if she calls me (and has me call her back so she isn’t paying for the call) it’s always because she wants some advice because someone in her life is facing a crisis and she wants some advice on how to counsel them. It isn’t to tell me about something important in her own life, to check on how my family is doing (wedding prep, for example), or to chat. So if I want to tell her how we’re doing or see how they’re doing, I have to call her, and sometimes have to try several times over two or three days before I get her.

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  127. It is to your credit that you haven’t just given up.

    Brother & SIL say that family is very important to them – their nuclear family, that is, just the three of them (now four, with Niece’s “marriage”). One Christmas several years ago, Niece was hurt that Brother did not want to include her “boyfriend” (now “husband”), who had no where else to go due to family troubles. Brother was highly reluctant, but finally gave in.

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  129. I have come to the conclusion that families are like that. One person gets to be the initiator and the rest are busy doing their thing and they get together when it works or don’t. I have not been an initiator, my sister was. Since she died, we have made attempts and they have worked but none of us are much into that. My two brothers are quite busy with their own families. It is all good because we know that we can rely on each other if it ever is important.

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  130. Yes, families (and other relationships) are like that. My oldest brother and I are probably best at making sure everyone is accounted for. Basically he and I are both firstborns (not only am I the first girl, but there’s nearly a seven-year gap between me and my next older brother).

    Funny thing is, though, that I have long accepted that in most of my relationships I will be the one who does most of the initiation . . . but my sister had told me a few months ago that she stopped calling a friend because she was always the one who reached out, and the friends saw each other at my wedding and her friend told her she was sad that they don’t talk anymore. My sister thought maybe she didn’t care because she wasn’t making any effort at communication. So she HAS had the shoe on the other foot.

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  131. I appreciate the work my sister does to have me over and she always has my stepmom over too, so I get to connect with them both. She has been close to both families as my Dad remarried after mom died and my stepmom has five daughters of her own. In fact I just saw photos on Facebook showing her (it looked like) officiating at a nieces wedding. Hard to tell when Facebook photos are all the information your have.

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  133. Another situation at school. Not sure what all is going on. We are having an achievement type test in the computer lab this week. One of my boys gets pulled out for other help. I asked that they not do it this week since that will be enough testing. I was overruled. Not something that has happened before. Prayers for wisdom on how to deal with the situation please. How to deal with the principal. Or just quietly submit. We need to at least talk this out. Very strange.

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  135. Some education folk are easier to deal with than others. Unfortunately for us, most have training on how things are to be dealt with and there is not a lot of room for parental input. Though they seem to like our children well enough. It will be an adventure for seventeen year old to go to public school this year. He basically graduated two years ago but it will be a good experience to have traditional teachers for a year. He will learn new things, not all of them bad. I hope. He is not ready to move on so wants to fill his time with this.

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  136. That’s interesting, Mumsee, that your son has graduated but will go to school. Will he graduate from the public school, too?

    I sometimes have dreams where I have to go to school for the end of the school year (& of course, don’t know where my classes are or what we’re studying). Then I remember that I graduated 37 years ago. But for some reason, I have to sneak out so they don’t see me.

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  137. Nope, we have never had any challenges with our homeschool diploma. Children have gone to various Universities/Colleges, the military, found jobs, no problem, so he is not doing it for the diploma. Just enjoying doing the senior project and being around his friends and the teachers.

    Those are not dreams, K, they are nightmares. I have not had one in years. So probably tonight I will find myself back in school unable to open my locker or find my classes or my schedule….

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  138. oh, yes, I have had that dream.
    You know I had one teacher that I really didn’t like and he treated me like I was his pet student. Well, my kids went to the same high school. When I went to a back to school night one time I was in the same room. It was a very strange feeling and I did not like it. Probably a situation in which the Lord was protecting me. But I could still feel the emotions, years later.

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  139. Mumsee, I think it is interesting that you are wondering about what to do next. How many children/kids 🙂 do you still have at home?
    Something about working with kids that lets you know that your life has meaning.

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  142. I’m sure that those in your home now will take all of your attention for a while.
    As the economy tanks, we may all need to come fill up your home. I have visions of my family needing my place now that it is paid off.

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  143. All are welcome. As long as they are willing to pitch in. Five acres can handle quite a few people.

    I am starting to have a bit more freedom as the younger two reach nine and ten. They are able to play correctly together now. They are incredibly bonded but have some serious behavior challenges that we have been working on to correct. They were compounded by certain of the older siblings. At times, we have wondered if only having one in each age would have been better. They did a lot of inter talking that was detrimental to the family. But overall, I believe the group idea kept them more accountable. Now we have one fifteen year old who has no fear or respect of parents. That was held in rein by the older group as they also discussed our power as parents and it produced a healthy fear and respect. This guy is totally on his own, does not do anything we tell him so, in order to not promote that, we tell him very little but give him responsibility for himself. He has to provide his own food and school supplies We will sign nothing for him (field trips, etc). Should be interesting.

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  144. Sounds wise. I will pray that God continues to give you creative wisdom as you parent each one. That’s how I feel about my class they are such individuals. In order to teach them I have to study each one and get to know them.

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  145. We do try to treat them that way. Fifteen year old daughter has been very envious of him and trying to copy him. She got a good time of solid teaching with the librarian and that seems to have helped open her eyes. She just told me that even though fifteen year old boy appears to have a lot of freedom, he is not happy. He does not have family. That has to be hard. Family is here but he will have no part in it. Sad. But very hopeful she is going to grasp this lesson and do much better than she has been of late.

    Prayer for fifteen year old boy especially as he is going through enormously tough times. Though, so far, no drugs or alcohol seem to be part of it.

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  146. And prayers for Mumsee as you deal with each one.
    are you able to talk to Mike each day? or is he too busy driving?
    The stress here as things change is so much better when I have a like minded friend to talk to.

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  147. We talk a couple of times a day. More if I need it. Yes, it helps to talk with somebody who knows and understands. Thanks for praying.

    How are things going? Did you get the two new boys yet? Get some help with the physical challenges?

    School starts here in a bit over a week. I hope fifteen year old bought his school supplies as instructed. Last I talked with him about it, he had not. His other option was to have gone to the store to price the stuff and find out what was available locally and then give husband a list of what he needed from the bigger town. That did not happen and husband does not plan to do it for him at this late date as he is out driving truck. Children…..

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  153. Warm & sunny here in Connecticut, with a bit of a reprieve from the tropical humidity we were having. Looks like it may be back soon, though.

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  154. Wow another sunny day. They are few and far between. And it is a national holiday. So I have sheets hanging on the line. a couple of hours and they should be dry.

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  155. I was invited to a new school dedication in a valley up and over the hill. I have never been there, but it is where my haus meri comes from. I thought that it was on Oct. 31st, but just found out that it is August 31st. I need to find my own sub and make plans for the day.
    The hard part is that I am getting a new student on Monday. hmm… to go or not.

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  156. Another beautiful day in the neighborhood. Still have to figure things out for fifteen year old boy. He was given time to go get his list of school supplies, take it to the store, price things, come back with a list of what he needed husband to pick up in the bigger town as it was not available here. He did not. Then he was given one hundred dollars for lunches and his school supplies (out of his money he had earned) and he did not. He may be going with no school supplies which usually means the teachers step up. We will take more money from his account and donate it to a mumsee’s boy fund at the school.

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  157. That kind of tough love is hard, but necessary. I remember my kids losing money and I wanted to replace it, but they would not learn the lesson that way.

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  158. Does school begin this week?
    I haven’t had a sub in years, so it will be interesting to make plans for one this week. Luckily I saw the preschool teacher from last year and she agreed to sub. That means she will know all but two of the students.

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  159. Hard to keep up with new email addresses of folks. I change then in my contacts when they send me a new one, but not in my newsletter groups. So now I have to figure out how to contact some people.

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  160. I got an email from my friend that I stayed with in June and she broke her wrist. Now she thinks she has acute compartment syndrome. I looked it up and it is very bad. The swelling could have caused that area of her wrist to be without circulation. Anyway this may be permanent damage that can get progressively worse. and she could lose all use of her hand.
    Please pray for her.

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  161. Amen.

    Yep, ours is the last school to start up in this area. Most of the others started last week. It will be interesting to see how the two boys handle school this year. They were confused on where to put seventeen year old this year until he sat down with the superintendent and explained that he was there for sports. His dad would give him a diploma when it was time, meanwhile he would take classes and participate in sports. No problem, he is a senior.

    The other one has yet to buy any school supplies, though I did convince him to pay for his student body card so he could be at the game he was supposed to play in. He did not play as he is a newbie but he did get to be there.

    And then the younger ones will go back into fulltime school. Which will probably be a couple of hours each day and that will keep us going for a while.

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  162. Friend sent an encouraging email. She went to the doctor and he didn’t think it was quite that bad. he is having her wear a brace at night which is helping the circulation and the swelling has been less.

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  163. So how many are you home schooling this year??
    Of course everything you do is school. Taking care of animals and gardens and learning to cook and feed themselves.
    Those are skills that many children miss.
    My most useful high school class was typing which my dad told me to take.

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  165. We are down to three students. Two in fourth grade and one who thinks she should be in ninth but is going to be doing fifth.

    Yep, we consider it to be all day school. Learning all of the time.

    Sounds like little boy is off to a good start. Hopefully he will get some good habits before boredom sets in.

    Glad to hear about the good doc report.

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  166. Little Guy goes back to school this Thursday. He’ll have two days of school, then a three-day weekend for Labor Day.

    In some ways, that sounds silly, but then again, getting their feet wet for those two days, then having a little break, could help ease them into the school year, I guess.

    I’m glad he’ll have the same teacher this year, especially in light of what he has gone through this summer.

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  168. Wish I could talk that kind of sense into one of my parents. This child only made the cutoff by 3 days. Oh, well
    I always have to remember that God gave them their parents and I am not the one in charge.

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  169. I still remember being told first child would be held back and next thing I knew, they were sending me forms to put him in the talented and gifted program. He was not a close to the line child, just in the middle. But because the children next to him wrote their names backwards, he thought I had taught him wrong. That same mindset continues to this day, though he is developing a love of gardening in his mid thirties.

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  171. I am told that happens. Daughter seems to have more of a grip on reality. She is expecting her first in October. It will be fun to see how the ensuing years look!

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  175. Nope, second son has three already. They are the same ages as my youngest. We don’t see much of them, in part because they are in Kansas, headed for Pensacola and he has been overseas for a year.

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  177. No, I have not seen them in about three years. But that is okay. They have their lives to live and my life does not really fit what most of my children envision as the good life.

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  180. I have an ipad, which I got for free, and my daughter set up something on it called instant messenger. Now I can text them. They also use it to send me pictures and videos. They don’t seem to email anymore, but this works for them. Of course it means that they have smart phones. But it has helped us keep in touch. They always have their phones and can just send a quick message.

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  186. Mumsee, I think that it is hilarious that you woke up 17 year old. Not sure that he appreciates logical consequences. Life is just not fair. Looking forward to what happens next. Stand firm!

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  187. Saved a good picture of my son in law from facebook today. Such an encouragement to me because the last pictures I saw of him I was worried that he was seriously depressed. Looked happy to be holding his new nephew. He has diabetes and not sure how his health is doing.

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  188. One of the eighteen year olds stopped by yesterday, he sure appears to be doing well. Still having a tough time conforming to laws but he is working regularly and has a good relationship with some good people. He goes to Mass about every week.

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  189. Such a blessing to see someone blossoming, isn’t it?
    All of my children are working hard and doing well. It will be interesting to see how the home schooling goes for my daughter.

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  191. Fall is definitely in the air. And our smoke alarms went off last night. I suspect it is time to change the batteries, normally done in mid September. Then I dreamed that we had an arson fire.

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