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Our Daily Thread 12-20-14

Good Morning!

5 Days!!!! 🙂

Today’s header photo is from Kare.

*It’s now Sunday the 21st, so I believe someone has a birthday today.

Happy Birthday Linda. 🙂

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On this day in 1790 the first successful cotton mill in the United States began operating at Pawtucket, RI.

In 1860 South Carolina became the first state to secede from the American Union. 

In 1879 Thomas A. Edison privately demonstrated his incandescent light at Menlo Park, NJ. 

And in 1968 author John Steinbeck died at the age of 66.

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Quote of the Day

“Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.”

Dale Evans

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 This one is a request.

And this one is because I like it. From King’s College Choir

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0aL9rKJPr4&feature=player_detailpage ______________________________________________

Anyone have a QoD?

7,368 thoughts on “Our Daily Thread 12-20-14”

  3. Sunshine coming in today. We got hail yesterday but I did not see any snow. Strong winds but we had covered the tomatoes and they looked fine today. Husband is planning to make lots of tomato sauces and can it. How will he do that if he is truck driving??

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  4. yes, Mike does have a busy life. glad your garden is surviving
    It is hard for me to relate to the seasons when I am over here since we just have rainy and dry. The temperature pretty much stays the same all year.

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  5. We loved Okinawa, with the regular rain every afternoon. Lots of sunshine. Hurricane winds. Beach roving (we took lots of field trips to the beach when nobody else was there, exploring tide pools, watching sea slugs, collecting shells….) But I did miss the seasons. I love them all.

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  10. I love the way fog does that! The colors and lights are everchanging as it lifts.

    I think son is taking the other two sons to men’s breakfast today, but have not heard from him so it is wait and see. Last night he ran down to Lewiston to help husband get a new water pump in the trailer. He is such a nice guy. God has blessed us.

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  12. Hi, y’all. I’m resting up from a busy but really sweet weekend. I got to see two of my close Chicago friends, neither of whom I’ve been able to see in the last five or six years (or more, in one case), and some relatives of one of them that I knew when they were younger (her youngest daughter and one of her grandsons). One of them lost a leg to diabetes a year ago, and I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect in seeing her (although I knew from talking to her on the phone that she is stronger than she has been in years), but it was a joyous, even exuberant time for three old friends to connect. (Because of health problems both of them have, they haven’t seen each other for a while, either.) A guy friend was even thoughtful enough to come over and make supper, and refuse to allow any of us to help, so that we could visit uninterrupted. It was multiple hours of talking nonstop, and a real treasure of an evening.

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  14. had to go to a finance meeting this afternoon as they explained the new member budgets. We have to do things in a certain way to comply with the IRS. I already turned mine in. The amount has gone up, but I am doing just fine. Nothing really matters too much now as long as we are in the black. it is when you go home on furlough and then have to be at 100% in order to return.
    Good thing that God is in control and will use this for His good.

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  15. Another week is flying by. Husband has returned to his school after being home for a day. Less than two weeks left!

    I need to mow my rose garden today and several other places before it turns into my rose jungle.

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  17. We’re having some rain out here in Connecticut, too. Some people complain about dark, overcast skies, but I think they have their own special beauty.

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  18. living here, I am beginning to think that clouds are my speciality. Endlessly changing. I imagine that Mumsee has wide open land with lots of clouds.
    In California I lived in the woods and we mostly saw trees and not the sky. I can still remember trying to show my little boy an airplane flying by. he couldn’t find it through the trees.

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  19. Lots of sky here, and long views. We can see Montana and Oregon and Idaho and probably some Washington peaks as well. Unless the clouds are too low or the fog is rolling around. And on a clear day we often see the moon, and at night, the stars.

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  20. Hmmm, the computer has not been letting me post on the other threads so I have restarted and here I am. Amazing. Wonder if it will work on the others now.

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  22. A beautiful day in the neighborhood. The trees we planted are enjoying it, I am sure. As are the spinach and cabbages and kale and tomatoes and strawberries. We will be mostly indoors today, letting things quietly grow.

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  23. so glad that it is Friday. Need to talk to one little boy about stealing, already informed the parents. How did someone else’s toy that I took and had by my chair, end up in his desk? Praying that the truth will come out.

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  24. hey this post is 3030, I like that.
    Nice to make it to the weekend. The week went well. I went to the Teen Centre tonight with friends to eat dinner. This class is so affectionate. Everywhere I go I get hugs.

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  25. We are still looking for things that were most likely pawned by one of our eighteen year olds. He had sticky fingers and rarely seemed to know he had done it. His brother is quite similar. We are always praying for the Truth to come out. My children say they used to think I had people lined up in town to be spies. Nope, we just ask for God to reveal the Truth in His time. The Truth shall set you free.

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  28. This thread is a little more private. I’m concerned about how to relate to a young lady who was “one of my girls” in Chicago. I loved her when no one else did, and I really think God let me be in her life because she needed someone to love her. But that was many years ago now, and she is now past 30. I saw her the summer I went over to Chicago when my husband and I got engaged, and I got the sense then (as in other recent contacts) that she has grown into a solid, mature young lady. She had had huge struggles (I won’t go into them here, but she had more than your average amount of struggles) and she still wasn’t really employed (just part-time work here and there), but I knew it wasn’t for lack of trying.

    Every year or so she’ll call me, usually with a crisis, and usually with a crisis involving a guy. She’ll ask for advice and I’ll give it, but the calls are draining, because she has to tell me every little detail. (“I ordered a sandwich with tomatoes, lettuce, and pickles. No, I don’t think I had pickles that day. Maybe it was cheese.”) I’m not inclined to want to talk to her often simply because (1) I limit phone calls to people who won’t let me get off the phone and (2) We’ve never really been friends, and I’m not inclined to call her or chat or ask for advice. She’s wise beyond her years and I love her . . . but she was a teenager when I left Chicago, and we’ve never actually become friends.

    A year or so ago she called me, and she had some crises, as is typical. I told her right away that I was on deadline and couldn’t really talk, but that I could give her 10 or 15 minutes, and that I’d like her number so that I could call her back sometime. (Generally when we talk, it’s 45 minutes or so, and I really couldn’t spare that.) I ended up losing the number, though I have looked for it.

    On this trip into Chicago, I tried to call her, and as I thought, the number I had was wrong. I then e-mailed, and I thought I had the wrong e-mail for her too (which is why I hadn’t tried it before) and I told her I didn’t have her phone number, that I didn’t have time to talk that day but I was heading into Chicago and if she was going to be anywhere close to Chicago, I’d love to see her and we could talk then.

    I got back an angry e-mail, telling me all sorts of things, including that I wasn’t really her friend or I would have called her within the last year, I would remember that she moved out of Chicago, and so forth. She even brought up the last Christmas letter she received from me (I didn’t send one last year), telling me what she had already told me, that she didn’t like it. She told me I “never” have time to talk to her, and that’s why she waited a year, and didn’t call me in that year, to see if I was enough her friend that I would call her.

    So I replied, beginning and ending my note with “I’m sorry” and finishing “Will you forgive me?” I told her that I had lost her number or I would have called her, that I had in fact asked mutual friends if they had her number, that I’m sorry if she didn’t like my last Christmas letter but it’s sent to a lot of people, that my last call to her I had been on deadline and I really can’t talk the day a book is due but rather than just say “I can’t talk” I told her I had ten or fifteen minutes and at least talked a little bit. I told her I’ve been bad about talking on the phone to anyone since I married, but I know have a better phone and am more inclined to talk on it. I apologized for forgetting how far she now lives from Chicago (but honestly, she might well be back in Chicago for all I know–her whole family is in Chicago), and I told her I do still care about her. She had said she is busy and hard to reach, so I asked if there is a good time for me to call her.

    A week went by, and I came back today from a weekend away to another angry e-mail. She tells me I’m obviously not her friend, that real friends can at least talk a few times a year and initiate the calls sometimes. And she ended by telling me she isn’t going to give me her schedule and “You don’t need to contact me any longer. We’ll just cut the ties here and now.”

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  29. So . . . I did get her phone number from her in that first e-mail, and obviously I have her e-mail address. I don’t have her address. I’m NOT inclined to send her another note of apology, grovel, beg her to please be my friend.

    Thing is, honestly I never did think of her as a friend. If I’d stayed in Chicago as she matured into her twenties and thirties, we might well have become friends. But we didn’t. She was a child and then a teen, a girl who lived around the corner (and attended my church) and was afraid of her own shadow, and who desperately needed love. I saw her as like a daughter, but never as a peer. She was mature for her age, but she never was someone I’d go to for advice or to chat. But she also didn’t call me to chat or to ask how I was–she called me when she was in crisis. She has outgrown her need for me, and I’m fine with that. But I do care about her, and when I was going to be in Chicago, and looking up people I might see, she’s one of the people who came to mind. She’s the third person I contacted.

    I don’t want her walking away thinking I never did care about her. I’m not inclined just to ignore her letter–but at the same time, I don’t know if she’ll hear anything I say. I’m not inclined to say, “Well, no, actually we weren’t ever friends.” However, I think for her sake it would be good if she realized that: “Wait, I’m asking Cheryl to treat me as a friend, but that isn’t the relationship we have, and that’s OK.” But I’m not at all sure that can come from me. She pretty much accuses me of trying to rub in that I’m married and she’s not . . . but that really isn’t something I’m at all inclined to do. It’s reality that when I married, I went from a landline to a cell phone that didn’t have good reception (one that has only recently been replaced) and went from living by myself to having a husband who is home all the time and two young-adult daughters, including one who works nights. That affects my use of the telephone. That isn’t “rubbing it in,” it’s reality. I tried to say it in a way that was neither bragging nor complaining, but just saying reality “I haven’t talked on the phone to ANYONE as much as I would have liked since I got married, partly because circumstances have made it hard to do so, but now that I have a better phone, I’m trying to do better with that.” That’s the truth, not an excuse! And it isn’t trying to justify myself. I apologized for the reality–that I haven’t been in touch as much as she deserves; that’s the bottom line, and I apologized for it.

    So, should I wait a week and then call her? Send her another note? Figure that her misunderstanding is her choice, and let it go? Or what?

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  31. Sounds like one of my crises oriented people (none of whom are friends with give and take). They tend to get offended if you do not respond the way they want to their crisis. I don’t know the woman’s heart, but I would just let it alone for now. Maybe in a month or two, send her a short small talk email with no apologies and no reference to the earlier conversation (you have already apologized, and by doing so more, you will just be feeding the beast in her). But that is up to you and God how He wants this particular situation handled.

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  32. I like Mumsee’s advice. You don’t want to carry on this conversation, so don’t reply too soon. Start a new very casual conversation after some time has gone by. Leave it to her to decide if it continues.

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  35. A beautiful day in the neighborhood and I was called in from my chores for a phone call from son in Japan so that was nice as well. He is enjoying his time and finding that the military involves a lot of menial work. Good.

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  38. It sounds like when my stepmom developed a UTI and she just shut down until they got that taken care of and went back to pretty much her normal. I hope that is all it is.

    Our hope is in Him and eternity with Him.

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  39. Thanks all for the advice re the young lady. I called my sister later and told her more about the situation. (She has never met the young lady, but knows of the real crises in her life I have loved her through.) I read her the e-mails back and forth, and she was shocked and grieved by the ones from the girl, and she told me I’d been handling everything well.

    I told her I was considering contacting the young lady and saying (more or less), “Listen, I’ve been an older woman in your life. I love you and care about you, but you do need to know that your response to me was inappropriate. Now . . . what is really bothering you?” I sort of get it that she feels “hurt” that I don’t call her as often as she calls me. Thing is, through the years I’ve had a lot of older women in my life, and some of them became true, mutual friendships and some of them did not. The ones that did, I worked hard to make sure I “gave” and didn’t just “take.” The ones that never became mutual (where, for example, the older woman never chose to confide in me or ask me for advice) and some of the ones that did become somewhat mutual, I am the ones who made all the phone calls. The lady was glad enough to hear from me and take time for me, but she never called me and I never expected her to. She was “there” when I needed her or chose to reach out to her, and that was enough. (One of them sent me a sweet letter after I dedicated my first book to her, but that’s the only time she ever wrote or called me, I think.)

    One thing that this young lady is absolutely stuck on is that my Christmas letter started with a couple of paragraphs of discussion on why I sen Christmas letters. I said that some people don’t like them because they think people send them to brag, and some people think that Christmas letters are sent to complain, but mine aren’t to compare my life to others at all. I send Christmas letters simply because once my Christmas card list reached 80, it became too daunting to write an individual note or letter to each person, and I started sending Christmas letters to update everyone at one time. Well, somehow she read that opening as me saying I was mad at people who don’t like Christmas letters, and rather than complaining to those specific people or removing them from my mailing list, I got mad at them publicly. She read it as angry (which it was not; I was actually expressing a bit of amusement), and she said she didn’t want to get my Christmas letter any more. Well . . . she’s also mad at me because I didn’t call her back after our last brief conversation, though I told her I lost her number and thus couldn’t call her back, though I did want to and did look for the number. But in that conversation she told me about a grown niece who died, and the death made her sad. But in this Christmas letter of mine that she has now mentioned several times, I told about the death of my brother-in-law that made my only sister a widow with five children under driving age. Did she even get that far in the letter? Thing is, she told me I wasn’t being a good friend to her because I didn’t call her back and she’s been a friend. But a real “friend” would have commented about the death of my brother-in-law, not the opening to a Christmas letter. I’m not really complaining, just pointing out that her idea that she is my friend doesn’t match my perspective. She’s simply a kid I helped years ago, one that I’m glad to still hear from sometimes, not someone who is a mutual friend and not someone who should expect to hear from me several times a year (as she more or less said in the last e-mail, that she’d “be happy with” just three or four calls from me a year).

    Anyway, my sister said that yes, pointing out that her response was wrong might well be a good idea. I then read her Mumsee’s reply (she knows who Mumsee is) and she said that might be a good idea, too. Either one would work.

    She and I have never “chatted” by e-mail. I think (though I’m not sure) that if I dropped her a chatty note, it would come across as her successfully manipulating me or at least falling into line. I’m not inclined to just let her go. When I read the notes, my sister said she sounds extremely unhappy, like really she desperately needs me but is trying to sound as though she doesn’t. I didn’t read it that way, but I don’t know. I do hear that she is bitter at me, disappointed in me, and the only things I can think of are (1) I’m not in touch as much as she believes I should be, which is her problem and not mine or (2) she is upset because I have a successful marriage and she did not. (She accused me of trying to rub in her face that I’m married with children and she isn’t, but I did no such things. I simply pointed out that my current life circumstances–which include a bad cell phone and a daughter who works nights and sleeps during the day–make it harder to talk on the phone than when I was single and had a landline.)

    I’m not inclined just to walk away and let the friendship go. But I’m also not inclined just to be chatty. She’s bitter and angry at me, and I don’t think that can be ignored. (Bitterness doesn’t just fade.) I think I either address it as “It seems to me like you are angry at me. How have I hurt you?” or “Listen, I love you, but I’m old enough to be your mom, and this wasn’t appropriate.” IF I address it as “How have I hurt you?” I think I’d be back to the vitriol: “You didn’t call me back, and that was a nasty Christmas letter, and . . .” And even though I don’t think I did anything wrong, I did apologize for all of that already. So we’re back to, “I apologized that I didn’t call you back after I lost your number, but is there anything else I’ve done that has hurt you? I sense the hurt is deeper than just that one thing.” ???

    This is a young lady without good social skills or skills in general. I think it could help her to learn from this, and in the past she has shown wisdom and openness to advice, so I’m not inclined to write off her willingness to accept that, if it is the right thing for my role in her life. I’ve known her since she was 12, and I knew her family then and knew her to be quite unloved. I loved her when no one else did, or at least no one else seemed to. I have some credibility, or should. Also, when she was in crisis five years ago, I considered inviting her to come and live with me, and I prayed about it and talked it over with a couple of other people, and ended up deciding it was not ultimately in her best interests. (I knew already it wasn’t something that would be easy for me, but if it had been the best thing for her, I would have.) And then, soon after that, I was courting and knew I couldn’t ask her anyway. But maybe if she knew I had even contemplated it, she’d have an understanding of how seriously I take her and how much I love her. But loving her doesn’t necessarily mean being her buddy.

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  40. PS If it wasn’t clear, the Christmas letter she is still mentioning was sent in 2013. Basically, OK, you didn’t like my Christmas letter. I explained on the phone a year ago why I started it the way I did, and you still don’t like it. Get over it already! Oh yeah, and did you even notice when you read it that my brother-in-law died that year? Or were you so mad at the opening paragraph (which you obviously didn’t even understand) that you just threw the letter away?

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  41. Cheryl – I think asking in a more general way – “You sound like you are hurting. What’s really bothering (or hurting) you?” – would be better than asking what other way you have hurt her. With the latter, she may just continue to focus on her perception of you rather than on what else may be hurting her deep down.

    The possible problem of letting her know that you considered having her come to live with you for a while is that she could focus more on the fact that you rejected the idea than that you even considered it at all, especially since she seems to already be angry at you.

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  46. Thanks, Karen. That sounds like wisdom. She is a believer, and really up to this point I would have said she has been mature and wise beyond her years (though she has had extremely difficult life circumstances), but this lashing out at me leaves me baffled. I haven’t done everything perfectly, I’m sure, but I honestly think that the only thing in which she has a semi-legitimate complaint is that I haven’t done “enough,” not that I’ve treated her badly. And I don’t really think that an adult can turn to any one person (especially someone who is not a relative) and insist “you owe me more time and attention than you have given.”

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  48. Cheryl, she sounds like my eighteen year old. She tells me I did not do enough and what I did do was all wrong. I am sorry for her and that she is feeling that way and allowing resentment and bitterness take over, but there is really nothing I can do for her except not engage in her battles and continue to love her.

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  49. so glad that we are still on the top posts page so that I could jog over here easily. I suppose that I should get to work now that I have walked through the rain to my classroom on this Saturday afternoon. I think that I am ready for the summer break but there are still 7 weeks left of this term.

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  50. And I just got in from walking through the rain to do my morning chores. I love the rain. I had hoped my blueberry plants would have arrived before this series of rain storms, but they did not. They were supposed to be here by the nineteenth.

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  54. Lots of rain yesterday, my blueberries arrived, and they are planted and ready for more rain. They did not look too good, but they are still alive so am optimistic.

    Glad the boys are doing okay. Some of my children get very talkative when they are nervous. I hope that settles with time and the other is able to speak up with words as well as pictures. But not so comfortable they feel the rules do not apply to them!

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  55. Had a friend for dinner. She is only here for two weeks. So nice to catch up and pray for each other. She has been here for years and truly understands the stress. A heart to heart talk, such a blessing

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  57. I am redesigning my room. For years, we have had to keep things in our room to keep them out of the hands of certain children. Those certain children have grown up and moved on, time to put things back. Husband will be surprised when he gets back from truck driving school on Friday.

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  62. Glad to hear it. One more area where I would not do well. Field trips. We have had our share, but I have experienced teaching tennis to a group of undisciplined children. I did not understand why they were there.

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  63. Glad you’re feeling better, Jo, & were able to enjoy the field trip as the driver.

    Forrest has tummy trouble today (vomiting & some diarrhea), so he’s home from school. Poor little guy. (Emily is scheduled to work later today, so she is with him for now.)

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  68. It is May! Had a good talk with my son today and got to share and he prayed for me. He was at work so I was going to hang up quickly, but then he said lets get your tickets. So I now have my tickets home in June.

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  70. I had a pleasant chat with one of my sons as well, yesterday. Hadn’t spoken with him since around Christmas. We had a good conversation. That is nice. Hard to believe my youngest bio child is now twenty nine years old!

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  72. What happened? But I would not go back anywhere. Speaking of the Hope that is in us, which Chas was, much as I love my life here and would like to be around for eight year old the next ten years, I am so ready to be Home with the Lord!

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  74. My pastor recently wrote on Facebook that our longing for the Rapture (or death) should be from our longing to be with Jesus, not from tiring of our earthly struggle, since Jesus has overcome the world. I have to admit that my longing often comes from the struggle. 😦

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  76. But, we only live here around eighty years and eternity is for eternity. I believe we will do many similar things but without the struggle. Kind of like weeding by myself or weeding with the one I love.

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  78. I am very stiff and sore from having to take down fourteen year old girl the other day. When she gets into one of these miffed times, I try to keep her on the far end of the property from me so we don’t get to that. She caught me by surprise.

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  80. Yes. And yesterday, my lawn mower would not start and the electric fence eight year old and I put up stopped working. If it is not one thing, it is another.

    She does that every six months or so. We are keeping track so we get a picture of who she is and how to help her. She is meek and mild, going about her business, but if we try to give her a bit more, she cannot handle it. My mistake was in telling her she must acknowledge other people. She can say hi to the other children, it is ok.

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  82. Praying Mumsee. God bless you (& help you, give you strength, & protect you) as you pour yourself into your children.

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  83. Strength, wisdom and endurance
    I have a girl in my class who loves me and hugs me, all sorts of praise until I cross her. Then I have to put her somewhere alone for a while

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  85. A tiring Monday.
    Did a reading assessment of one child, only 20 left
    We also pretended to fly to Australia and even had a snack on the plane

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  86. Morning all.
    it is so nice to have folks I can check in with and catch up with.
    I had the joy of shopping this morning for an ergo for my daughter to carry the baby.

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  88. I was stiff and sore yesterday but I think it was stress related. I am stiff and sore today but I think it is lawn mowing and weed eating related. Mentally and emotionally and spiritually I feel better.

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  94. I think I would just take a long nap. Busy days here. Apples are growing, cherries are growing, cabbage, tomatoes, corn….children….

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  96. Another beautiful Spring day, rain over night but not a lot. Son and I stayed up late last night to welcome husband home, now I am tired. Glad it is a day of rest but husband heads off again, then three days at home before a more major undertaking.

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  104. I have not seen a lot of the first three grandchildren. Hoping to see this one a bit more. But I do write to the others and they write to me so we enjoy that and talk about our letters when we do see each other.

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  106. Long distance family relationships can be challenging. Sometimes it works fine and sometimes resentments grow with no resolution as the resentee does not have a clue there is a problem.

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  107. so nice to get on here from a real computer.
    yes, it is hard to keep up with the family.
    My children honor me in many ways, so even if I don’t hear from them, I know they care.
    Mumsee, I think that you should call Kim. She needs to visit you again.

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  108. I have sent her an email, I will look for her number.

    I think we will stay home from church this morning. Not interested in dealing with fourteen year old daughter today. She is on a roll. Having Mike gone is very hard for her.

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  109. I sent Kim an email, too. She had said something about wanting to go away for the weekend, so I hope she is somewhere peaceful & relaxing, & that she is letting God minister to her spirit.

    Praying for your 14-year old daughter, Mumsee. And for you.

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  110. The vice principal is back, saw her on my walk this evening. She stopped to let me know that I would be getting a new student on Wednesday. That means this girl will be here for the last 13 days of school. And Friday is the last day for one girl who is leaving on furlough.
    Wednesday the younger students come to our room for a tour and on Friday we go to grade 1 for a tour with buddy’s.
    I am working on assessments, so much to do. pray that I keep it all straight and organized. meanwhile to be loving and caring with the students.

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  112. We had a downpour here earlier, but it didn’t last too long. It is now overcast & humid, about 60 degrees, & the birdies are singing sweetly.

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  114. Last day of school today, for the public school child. He got an F on his final so he has to go back today and retake. Kind of difficult to get an F when they do open book tests but there you go. It will be interesting to see what he does next year. I won’t be putting any expectations on him, it will all be between him and the school. Unless husband steps in and says he has to do something. It will be easier having him done with school in some ways and much more difficult in others.

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  115. My dad once tried to purposely fail a multiple-choice test, but got an A anyway.

    He was feeling angry & resentful after his step-mother questioned why he was taking college prep courses, since they (she & his dad) weren’t going to help him out at all. (His dad had previously told him they would.)

    But his teacher knew he had to know all the correct answers to get all the wrong answers, & gave him an A.

    Dad’s stepmom really was like the “evil stepmother” stereotype. If he wasn’t home from work by curfew, she locked him out of the house. She made him do the dishes on the night of his prom, making him late for it. She made Dad & his little sister take her own son with them when they visited their mom. (My grandmother had let their dad have custody of them because he had the house, & she only lived in a small apartment.) Dad began working at around age 10 or 11 to buy all his own clothes & needs because she refused to let his dad pay for those things. When Dad & his dad tried to have some time to talk, just the two of them, she butted in, not letting them be alone. And I’ve been told there’s a whole lot more that I don’t know.

    After my grandfather died, she tried to confiscate the jewelry from his mother that was supposed to go to Dad’s older sister, & she was going to bury their dad with the ring he had promised to leave to Dad. (Dad went up to the coffin & took the ring off his father’s finger.)

    From what Dad said, my grandfather had been an overbearing husband to my grandmother, leading to divorce, but then became a wimp with his second wife.

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  116. Relationships.

    The evil stepmother sounds a lot like me in many ways.

    My dad had an evil stepmom also. His dad remarried a few days after my dad’s mom passed away, leaving grandpa with seven children at home. The remarry was called Battleaxe and did not last long. After that divorce, grandpa married again and got a gem.

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  117. Mumsee – I doubt that you are really much like Kathleen (the evil stepmother). You have rules to encourage responsibility & growth in your children. Kathleen used rules to bully.

    For instance, the curfew thing. Curfews should be obeyed. But if you knew your 16 or 17 year old son had to work until 10:00, & thus couldn’t get home by a 10:00 curfew, wouldn’t you make the curfew a bit later for those nights? Dad & his sister & step-brother took turns washing the dishes, but wouldn’t it have been okay for him to switch with one of them on his prom night? And I can’t imagine you interfering in the relationship between Mike & one of the boys.

    My dad was a responsible young man. She didn’t need to treat him that way.

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  119. With all of the different ways to rear children, it is amazing any of us survived. But most of us did.

    Today is four year old in glasses’ tenth birthday! (makes me think of NJL)

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  122. Nice day with Forrest. although it was unexpected that we’d have to babysit today. He loves hanging out with his Papa & Mimi, & we enjoy him (most of the time).

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  124. We’ll be babysitting Forrest again tomorrow, with Chrissy’s help. Too bad Emily wasn’t able to have more time with him on this three-day weekend.

    But she is planning of having lots of time with him this summer.

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  129. The end of May has arrived. How much longer will this thread last? I can imagine our grandchildren reading this thread in 30 years and adding to it. Of course, that would mean AJ would have to pass the blog onto someone, unless he lives to be that old. Oh, wait. He just turned 50 so he’ll be a spry 80 year old. Yeah, he can keep it going.

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  131. Mumsee – You mean you are not sorry that Mike is disillusioned with the truck driving? I can understand that. I am sorry that he thought he found something to give him purpose, & now is disillusioned with it, but I am praying that he will find his purpose at home with you & the children, or at least something closer to home that keeps him more involved.

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  132. His plan was to get the CDL and the hours with a mentor driver (200 hours) and then find something local. The activity seems to be helping his arthritis but it might just be the adrenalin of something new.

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  135. The noise level would be challenging to me, and all of the activity. Even with eleven children here, we kept a fairly quiet house. The outdoors was for noise. I do love my solitude.

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  136. Me, too, Mumsee.

    Tuesday night was the end of four days of babysitting much of each day. Forrest gets talkative to me in the evenings that I babysit. He was being so sweet, & I love that he likes to talk to me & ask me questions, but it was indeed wearing on my nerves. But I behaved myself, & was patient with him.

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  137. I keep telling myself, only ten more years…. but then, I suspect, even when youngest grows up and moves on, the current fourteen year old girl will probably still be with us. She is not loud. She sits in a chair in the living room when I am in there, and stares at me. Sometimes I tell her to turn the chair around. Rather disquieting. The fourteen year old boy does the same thing. I make him keep his chair facing an outside window.

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  138. oh, Mumsee, I can so relate. One of my students will not stop talking, even follows me when I go to the office/teachers room. I just keep walking quickly and ignore her. Now she keeps saying I see you and I saw you first. I am so not into this game. just got back from several hours in my classroom. I love working there when it is quiet. Got all organized for this week.
    And did grades. Now tomorrow I will have to do comments.

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  139. You will understand this praise. I will be staying with my friend and her husband while I am home for a month. For the last year and four or five months her daughter, daughter’s husband and two little girls have also been living there while they look for a home to buy that they can afford. By living with her parents, hey were able to save more down payment money.
    Today, escrow closed on a house for them and they got the keys.
    It will be quiet when I am there and I will probably have the quiet upstairs bedroom.

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  141. That sounds like it has been a full house! Nice that they found something. Ours was a foreclosure. I felt bad for the previous owners, but it is perfect for us.

    Seventeen year old son has taken fourteen year old starer son off to work at the Classic Car Show. The day should be a bit more relaxing.

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  142. what a difference it can make to have even one less child when that one is a challenge.
    I am doing report card comments. Must be careful of my words and I would never write this, but I did think of a perfect description: cheerful, lazy, braggart!

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  144. I did not know you had my son in your class! Very pleasant congenial fellow but if he does not feel like it, it is not happening, at least not in the way one would expect.

    We may finally make it to church today. Fourteen year old daughter decided her room is incredibly boring so she finally came out and has been quite cooperative. Whew.

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  145. Well eighteen year old daughter we have been concerned about was broken up with by her boyfriend but not to fear, she has found a new one. Poor child. She cannot stop herself. I thought she was going to be able to be busy with horses for at least a little while.

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  146. so many concerns for each of our children. Have to remind myself that the Lord is working in their lives and keep my mouth shut. Of course mine are now adults.
    My class? I have lots to say to help them choose the right path

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  147. Hi, all. Just caught up on this thread. I see a couple of days got skipped.

    We have a super busy summer here, and I don’t know whether to hope it goes slow I can savor it (there should be some sweet moments in there, like last week in the Smokies with my hubby) or just want it over with because I prefer calm.

    Mostly I want it over with. But a daughter’s wedding is one of the events, and as much as it really does complicate things when a daughter who lives at home is engaged to be married (like 50-60 pounds of meat ending up in the fridge and freezer over the weekend), it is also an extremely important transition period. Though I don’t necessarily like transition periods, they’re important. And there should be plenty of time for calm afterward–and more room in this small house.

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  148. Cheryl – I agree about periods of transition.

    When a mother is in labor, there is a phase called transition, & it is the hardest part.

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  149. Jo, I tried the keep my mouth shut plan but she complained I did not care and never gave her any help. Realizing I am dealing with an eighteen year old girl who has not yet settled into her adult emotions, water off a duck’s back. But finding the fine line…..

    Cheryl, hi, nice of you to drop by. If I had my druthers, I’d rather not attend any more social functions. No weddings, showers, or funerals. I don’t plan to have another wedding myself or a funeral. However, the dictates of society and family deem otherwise. So I will be back in the Fall, looking for mother of the bride jeans and a tshirt. Though I have not worn jeans in close to thirty years.

    Karen, don’t remind me! But that is a good reminder.

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  150. Mumsee – You’re supposed to wear jeans & a t-shirt to a wedding?!

    Speaking of funerals. . .

    Okay, I just made myself laugh when I realized I wrote “Speaking of funerals” right after mentioning a wedding. 🙂

    But I was really referring to Mumsee’s mention of funerals. Anyway, what I was gonna say was. . .

    It seems kind of popular for some people to say they don’t want either a funeral or a memorial service for themselves when they die. But that strikes me as false humility. The service is not for the person who died, but as a way for the loved ones left behind to say goodbye & it is part of the process of grieving.

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  151. Yesterday I saw a wedding picture in which all the family members – groom’s & bride’s – wore color coordinated outfits.

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  152. Well, since I’m so close, I may as well shoot for my number, which I rarely do. (Sorry for snagging the ’57 from ya, Mums.)

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  156. I don’t know, I don’t attend weddings very often. But it seems like a lot of people wear jeans and a t shirt to about everything so I just figured.

    Funerals. I am leaning more and more toward cremation. And I don’t care if the family wants to get together and have a dinner or whatever, but many of them live far from here and have lives. Coordinating for such a thing is cumbersome. They could get together at the next family reunion and discuss my attributes and failings and that would be fine. I don’t suppose a lot of people got together when I was born and this is not that much different. What about cremation? It makes sense to me these days but I used to be opposed to it. Probably based on other people’s opinions. But God can fix me either way.

    And listening to the breeze rustle through the leaves or sing in the pines….

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  157. We like the idea of cremation, too. Both of my parents were cremated, as well as my mother-in-law. We had simple, but moving, memorial services for each one.

    My parents’ wish was that after Mom died (Dad died first), their ashes would be mixed together & scattered in the ocean. My brother & sister-in-law did that, but they didn’t tell me about it until afterward. 😦

    I probably wouldn’t have been able to go (they did it from a friend’s boat in Maryland), but it would have been nice to know it was happening.

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  158. My dad didn’t want a service so we just did a get together at the house. Somehow It felt like I missed saying goodbye.
    I want a hymn sing for my funeral. I love hymn sings and they can sing favorites.

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  159. We are starting later today so I just wrote something up for my book report. maybe I will put it in her box over the weekend as I really don’t want to know what the principal thinks of my report, I just want to be done! You know what, that is a good idea.

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  160. So I will be getting together with my family next week. Somehow I think that living all alone over here I lose all my social skills, if I ever had any. I am not sure that I know how to relate. Mostly I am good at observing.

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  162. it is just hard to become part of a different world and families that don’t know me much anymore. But they do love and honor me. Pray especially that I would become closer to my daughter in law.

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  163. Amen, It is difficult to be part of their lives when people have moved in different directions and are experiencing different challenges and accomplishments. But it is nice to reconnect.

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  165. Daughter in laws can be a challenge. They are generally young and insecure and think you are telling them how to live. My first one was very concerned we were too controlling and he was a mama’s boy. Later, she called us when we were living in Greece to tell us we did not spend enough time with our son. Fine line. But we believe they need to listen to us while living at home and when they move out, they can call if they want something but we are not going to be chasing them down.

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  166. And then there are the mothers-in-law who make it hard to be a daughter-in-law. Mine was very difficult to please for everyone in her life, & I admit I was intimidated by her. (She had the most intimidating scowl I have even seen.) But I think she loved me anyway, & I did my best to take care of her as she descended into Alzheimer’s Disease.

    A friend, Joy, was a kind of laid back lady when it came to housecleaning. She kept a clean house, but it wasn’t up to her MIL’s standards, & her MIL let her know it. (For instance, Joy didn’t mind leaving dishes in the sink overnight, & would do them in the morning.)

    One day, when her MIL had made some remark about something, Joy said something to the effect of, “I make your son happy, & that should be what really matters.” Her MIL agreed, & never said a word about her housekeeping after that. 🙂

    Another friend, Marilyn, has a DIL she loves, but DIL keeps her at arms length, unless she needs something from her. (And Marilyn is not one to interfere or offer unasked for advice.)

    What is it like for mothers-in-law & sons-in-law? Does it tend to be the same sex relationships (MIL & DIL, FIL & SIL) that are most fraught?

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  167. Husband and my dad get along great. Sons and their father in laws get along great. I am sure it depends on lots of things. Most importantly, how the daughter is being treated.

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  169. My mom, by most reports, was an excellent mother-in-law. My mother-in-law is a sweet lady. I hope I can be a good mother-in-law. Having only been a mom five years (well, not counting being a foster mom and all of that stuff), it’s a bit of a jump to plan on being a mother-in-law. But since we’re gaining a son-in-law and not a daughter-in-law, I figure less will be asked of me in that department. We’ll see.

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  170. I think part of the hard part has been me living over here and not having time to get to know her. I do admire and respect her, but get the feeling that I have offended her somehow.
    Must be time for a Sunday afternoon nap, but prayer time for the Highlands region is in half an hour.

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  171. I have always offended my daughter in laws. By not being their moms I suspect. My own mother in law terrified me. I was sure she was criticizing every thing I did. When she stayed to help with second birth, I found her standing on the couch dusting lightbulbs in the lamp. I was hurt and dismayed because when they first visited, I was told the shower was not clean enough for them. After the birth of fourth son, they were visiting and she and I went for a walk. I apologized for my fear of her and told her I would be happy to have her clean any thing she wanted. She laughed and said she had gotten too old for that and all was well. We got along fine after that.

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  179. Husband is home! He still wants to drive but wants to find a job more along his terms. Not so much away from home. He figures if there really is such a shortage of drivers, somebody will be able to accommodate him.

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  182. Getting warm here. Many of our church missionaries are going to be in town and I am excited to see two sisters who serve in different countries today

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  192. My husband is somewhere in western Connecticut. His route takes him all over much of the western part of the state, often with an hour’s drive between some stops & other stops. But he gets paid for his time, so he doesn’t mind.

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