52 thoughts on “Our Daily Thread 1-22-19

  1. Good Morning Everyone. BG is home. I got a little out of joint with her father yesterday. They treated it like an event and if I had to hear how wonderful his wife was being another time, I think I might have had to jerk him through the telephone and kill him. (I hold no ill will toward her, it was him. He wouldn’t stop telling me how wonderful she was being while I am over here in Baton Rouge working on my career). He caved on some of the discussion he was going to have with her, but I expected that. He and Mr. P had a long talk yesterday when he went by my house to pick up something.

    So today I need the prayers. I will be doing a presentation in front of the other people who have taught this class with me. Please pray it goes well.,

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  2. Morning, Chas.
    Good night all.
    Oh, my trunk was delivered today. I have lots of goodies ready to take to school tomorrow, like tape dispensers. Who else would get excited by simple things like that.

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  3. Only three posts and it is almost ten a.m. EST?

    I was at Publix at 7:05 to buy a week’s worth of groceries, some cards, and some calcium gummies. IThis is my first time to try the gummies. They are really good.

    .

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  4. Thank you for the update, Kim. You have a lot to process, but being on a guilt trip about not being there is certainly not one of them. I remember all the times you were there for her in the past. Now she is GG (Grown Girl), and you do not need to hold her hand. The telephone is functional for comforting conversation if needed. Prayers for you as you make your presentation before your peers. I get requests from Wesley to pray for similar things he has to do.

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  5. Morning! We are living in a snow globe this morning and all the roads are closed out our way. Schools, stores and businesses closed..what a lovely winter day…except for the wind…oh my that makes the 14 degrees feel ever so much more cold and rather miserable to be outside! We are hearing of 5-7 foot snow drifts out on the highway….
    ‘Bout time for him to step up his game Miss Kim…don’t you dare let him have one toe over the line trying to diminish your tenacity in trying to help BG! You are learning to set your boundaries and that is a very good thing my friend!

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  6. A friend married to a firefighter who lives in Nancy’s area said her husband’s rig was called out three times after midnight last night and the fire truck slid off the road twice!

    My friend is staying home.

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  7. I have, as part of an assignment, been researching the culture and history of the six First Nations that Ontarians know as the Six Nations, who call themselves the Haudenosaunee, and who were historically called the Iroquois. Although I knew the history of the Six Nations as it related to the founding of Canada, I came across a few things I hadn’t heard before:

    1) Do you pronounce Iroquois as ee-roh-kwah or ee-roh-koi? I had never heard the latter pronunciation before, but a video by an American used that pronunciation.

    2) Did you know that in 1988, Congress passed a resolution recognizing the contribution that the Iroquois Confederacy had made to the development of the U.S. Constitution?

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  8. Thanks to the wonderful invention of texting and having the cell # for our local homelessness social worker, I was able to get a story written yesterday. Everyone I really needed to talk to was out for the holiday but the social worker managed to connect with someone who gave me some quotes — and that’s basically what I needed.

    Still no word on a teacher deal, but it’s still expected any time. So no school and more picket lines today. Negotiations went on through the night and they are talking about a joint news conference to be scheduled today, so that’s hopeful.

    We’re having high winds here and chilly nights. I walked the dogs rather late (around 8 p.m. I think) last night and it was all very brisk. 🙂 They love their walks.

    I also talked with Carol and she said she would pay the $75 back (for mobile notary service — I told her she didn’t have to pay the $26 it cost for the expedited delivery as that was my call, not hers). She said she could pay $25 in 3 installments but that won’t start for a few months as she already owes some back rent and needs to pay back her former roommate (whom she borrows money from every month, she seems to consider it part of her monthly income which is so unfair but …). I know I sounded a bit cranky last night as we talked — the frustrating part is I never see any sign that she’s even trying to address this habit of spending everything within hours and then being completely broke for the rest of the month. It’s just “what I do” she told me once. She doesn’t seem to understand it’s a burden to those around her.

    I know her mental illness gives her little impulse control (and in her case it pays out in crazy spending). Once in a while — just a couple weeks ago in fact — she’ll get these whims to do different but then she goes all the way to the other extreme, pledging to give all her money to charity or buy lavish Christmas gifts next year for everyone. She can’t seem to grasp “baby steps” and just starting with maybe consistently putting aside $10 each month for a while (problem is she has to NOT be able to get to that $10 or it’ll never work anyway).

    So glad BG is home, that must be a real relief. Prayers for a strong change in course for her. Did she have to wear orange? That could be motivation enough.

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  9. Hope you see at least some of that money, DJ.

    We always use the koi sound on the end of Iroquois. Sounds like an interesting study.

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  10. I watched a good documentary last night on MLK. Tumultuous times, I was a young teen and remember much of it.

    One segment interviewed participants in the civil rights marches regarding the opposition faced in the north vs the south. Often, they said (and this was punctuated by some pretty shocking film clips), the opposition they faced in the north was far nastier and scarier with larger, angrier crowds, many made up of young men who truly were out of control.

    For all his human faults, and the flaws of the movement itself at various twists and turns, one has to admire King’s seemingly unwavering commitment to nonviolence in the face of so much active resistance and physical threat.

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  11. DJ. just a thought. I think you’ve mentioned that Carol has a smart phone and knows how to use it. Might you be able to convince her to download and use Dave Ramsey’s [free] “Every Dollar” app? The goal of using it is to acknowledge the exact amount she’d be getting for the upcoming month (each month) and “spending every dollar on paper” ahead of time. Of course then she’d have to stick with it but if, in her boredom, she’d get “into” it, either 1) it would work for her or 2) you’d be able to call her on it.

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  12. I just heard on the radio that the teacher’s strike in LA is over.

    Some people just can’t handle money. I used to work with a guy who said he couldn’t have money. “If I have some, I have to spend it.”
    Some, because of the way they understand money. One guy defines money as “a medium of exchange”. I define money as a store of value.

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  13. For Carol, money is a drug (at least that’s how she described it once to me). It sets off something uncontrollable in her head and behavior. Part of it is the mental illness which comes with a lack of what’s called “impulse control.” So it’s not just a normal “can’t handle money” situation with her, it really is something that’s deep seated.

    That still doesn’t prevent her from making a decision to turn part of her money over to someone or something that will prevent her from accessing it. But she’s already spending her money in her head before she gets it — I’ve taken her shopping before to places like Rite Aid on paydays and she literally roars through the aisles just tossing things into the basket, willy-nilly, much of it junk food, until it’s overflowing. When she gets to the cashier, she always has to have them take things back as she’s overshot what her limit was.

    I now won’t take her “shopping” if there’s anyway to avoid it. If I do, I make sure to wander off by myself, especially when it’s time for her to check out so I won’t be stuck with being asked to pay her overages.

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  14. Thanks Linda, I’ll suggest that to her — but I doubt she’s motivated in any way to do that. Some of the women she got to know at Hollywood Pres (after she stiffed them by not paying back money they’d graciously offered to her to buy some new shoes she needed) wanted to help her with putting together a budget. But she told them no thanks, it just “won’t work” for her, people have tried all her life to tutor her but it comes to nothing.

    Her behavior, she’s said, “is just” what she does (gets paid and spends all her money in one fell swoop, come what may). I think maybe she has tried in past years but now has convinced herself it’s just something she cannot change about herself so she’s quit even trying.

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  15. Does Carol call herself a Christian, dj? If so, she has little faith in God being able to help her. She is to walk by the Spirit just like everyone else, whether she has mental illness or not. Mental illness can become an excuse for people. Lying by telling someone you will pay them back is sin, as is not paying them back when you very well could, if you curbed your own self-gratification. The bible is very clear about letting our ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and our ‘no, ‘no.’

    Our relative was terrible at handling his money and we all tried to help. Finally a BIL stepped in. He took him shopping and helped him learn to budget his money. This was an individual that the relative could not fool or walk over. The rest of us had to learn to communicate better, since it is easy to think you are the only one ‘helping.’ Believe it or not, the BIL died years ago and the lessons have still stuck. In fact, our relative has loaned money to another relative sometimes. He lives on SS, so is not wealthy by any means. He has learned to give more with the help of the BIL and of pastors that have encouraged him to consider others.

    How much is selfishness, immaturity or mental illness? Only God and Carol know. She needs to hear, though, that God calls her to honesty and thoughtfulness of others just like he does everyone else.

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  16. That is why we are trying so hard to get seventeen year old daughter to understand budgeting. She is more than willing to fly through money and borrow from everybody and the state is happy to oblige (up to a point) due to her mental illness. It would be scary being her.

    Twenty two year old, we tried to convince my dad he could not just hand her money, but he did not believe people could not be as steady with money as he is. And everybody else wants to help her as well. They slowly learn to not help but it takes a while. And meantime, she continues to develop really bad habits but communication, as mentioned above, helps the helpers to realize they are all being used.

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  17. Kathaleena, you’re right. She’s pretty dutiful about reading a stack of “devotions” every day and then saying she “feels happy now.” But applications in her problem areas seem ignored at least from my perspective. I fully acknowledge with humility that these besetting sins are awfully tough and can require much battle that can be fraught with failures and setbacks — but for believers, that is to be followed by prayer, re-engaging the battle and standing up to it again.

    I did give her a couple books one Christmas about fighting the “sin within” etc., but I think she may have taken offense (yet these are books that have really helped me and I told her that at the time). Not sure she read them, she never mentioned them to me.

    Knowing the power of God’s grace — and her years-long confession of the faith along with the impediments of mental illness — I believe she is a believer. But I have always wondered at what seems to be a lack of conscience in some of these behaviors.

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  18. I guess it’s the lack of any evident battle going on that bothers me. It may be going on internally and she doesn’t talk about it, I don’t know. But it doesn’t seem to be a focus for her from what I can see.

    Failure is disheartening (though can also bring with it a higher appreciation of God’s free grace), but should not ever become an accepted “way” with no efforts to get up and try again, appealing of course to the Holy Spirit for intervention. But I do think sometimes there’s a spiritual purpose to the “fight” and problem areas are not just immediately whisked away supernaturally.

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  19. When I was leaving Chicago, I knew there were people in my church who’d tried unsuccessfully to move into my neighborhood (I was one block from church), and so I let it be known my house would become available soon. One man from church approached me about a co-worker (which wasn’t at all what I had in mind, honestly–I was hoping that a Christian single or family would be able to extend the church’s ministry in that neighborhood by renting the house); since no one else came forward, I told him yes, the house would be available. I asked if he knew the teacher enough to recommend him, and he said he did.

    I went to my landlady and said one of my friends had a referral, but I very carefully said I had not met the man myself and was NOT giving a recommendation for him, that she needed to check him out for herself. It was two or three months before I would be moving out, so she had plenty of time to check him out and/or get another boarder.

    Some weeks later my landlady–who lived in the upstairs unit and rented out the downstairs to me–told me that the incoming tenant had been chatting with her daughter-in-law outside our house. (The son and daughter-in-law lived around the corner from us, and every day the daughter-in-law brought their son to be babysat by the grandmother while she went to work.) The future tenant asked about borrowing money from her. At that I became alarmed and said something like this: “Remember I told you I do not know this man and can’t recommend him, that he’s a co-worker of a friend. If he is asking to borrow money from his future landlady’s daughter-in-law, who he does not know, it means that he has already ‘burned through’ all his family and friends and owes money to all of them! I would not let him move in; he won’t pay the rent.” She said well he seemed like a nice guy, and she already said she would let him move in. I told her she had time to get another boarder, that if she let him move in she would end up needing to evict him, and that if she still wanted him, she needed to at least do a background check and credit report on him.

    On the day I was moving out, I made the mistake of allowing this same friend to offer the next tenant a computer I wasn’t keeping. (I offered it to people helping me move, and no one immediately took me up on it, so when he asked if he could let his friend have it, I said yes. And an hour or so later a church friend asked me if it was still available, and I kicked myself for giving it away to someone else . . . and the new tenant took the excuse of coming to get the computer to come and hang around outside the house while we moved out, which I had actually made efforts NOT to have happen by telling him the next day as the day the house would be available!) So he came and hung around, and one of my friends told me he smelled of alcohol. I mentioned that to the landlady and she said, “What?! He told me he didn’t drink or smoke!” Well, I was glad I’d made it clear I hadn’t recommended him, and not at all surprised she eventually had to evict him. Apparently the friend who knew him at work either saw only his best side or he was gullible.

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  20. Tired and sore today. No holidays this entire term. The van is not here, perhaps it will come soon, or not? Waiting for the haus mere to come and clean. I want to take lots of stuff to school, but it would probably be a mistake if I am walking.

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  21. DJ, while we should expect some fruit, the application of Christ’s parables of the Sower and the Talents would indicate that we are not all granted the same measure of faith and do not all bear the same measure of fruit. Mental illness is a wildcard, and two people with the same mental illness diagnosis will have widely different abilities. We will not know until eternity how much the grace of God has been at work in the weak brothers and sisters in the Church.

    I mentioned last week that my cousin had lost his wife. I only ever saw her a couple of times in person, but she friended me on FB, so I learned more about her over the years I have been on FB. I had known that she had mental health problems and that her relationship with my cousin’s family was not the best, although they had tried to reach out to her. She had borderline personality disorder, and even on FB, I could see she had good times and bad times. A tendency of those with borderline is display attention getting behaviour and to drive away those they are close to, and I witnessed that kind of behaviour just through what was posted on FB. Yet, there were limits to her behaviour, places that non-Christians with borderline go that she wouldn’t go, a commitment to her marriage even as she had problems with her marriage, a commitment to Jesus Christ even at her darkest times. I was left in no doubt that she was a Christian, even as she displayed the symptoms of borderline personality disorder.

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  22. Roscuro, I’ve only ever heard /koi/ at the end of Iroquois, though now that I know it’s pronounced /kwah/ by others, that latter pronunciation actually makes sense. (Qu generally sounding as /kw/, like in ‘quit’ or ‘quiet.’)

    Although, hmmm, mosquito…that’s not pronounced mus-quit-oh. 😉

    This is interesting. It would seem that qu at the beginning of a word is more often said /kw/, and qu elsewhere in a word is maybe more often the /k/ sound?

    Can anyone think of other examples of words with qu and whether they follow the pattern I mentioned in my previous paragraph?

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  23. Mumsee, 2:38. second paragraph, I think I am going to have to do with my 21-year-old (probably my 17-year-old, too, since she also lives at home and is a wage-earner) what you mentioned telling your dad. Both girls pay us for their portions of cell phone charges and car insurance, plus the 21-year-old pays some room and board for the privilege of living here as an adult.

    Last fall my husband decided he couldn’t pass up buying another vehicle (why a household with four licensed drivers needs vehicles numbering into the double digits is something I’ll never understand), and he didn’t tell me about it, but instead went to 21-year-old and asked her to pay for it. In exchange, he told her that she could skip paying her rent/phone/insurance amount for three months.

    So just like that, we were out $900 that was to go toward the phone and insurance bills, some food and household items, and savings.

    Does anyone have any suggestions for what I can say to my daughters about how to say no to their father if he wants to make financial deals with them without my knowledge? Because my talking to him about budgeting has had little effect. He does what he wants to do, and he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to be in charge of the budgeting. He wants me to do it, but doesn’t want to live within the bounds the budget was supposed to provide.

    What do I do in a situation like this? How do I teach my children not to be enablers of his impulse spending?

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  24. Thanks roscuro — yes, that’s mostly how I’ve come to view Carol, as a saint weakened by mental illness and, as frustrating as it is, she may never be able to deal with the money problems.

    I tend to be too easy a mark for her (in getting money or a free lunch). I’ve tightened up significantly with her but last weekend was again very frustrating. If she could just have a little bit set aside to at least help cover these financial hiccups that are bound to come along, I kept thinking … but she spends everything she gets literally right down to the penny or beyond and is left with zero balance or is overdrawn, month after month. “I don’t have any money” is her constant refrain when we stop at a restaurant.

    She did say the other day she was going to try to be a better steward this coming year, but her plan to do that is to send nearly all her money to some wildlife fund and Feed the Children or something like that — a completely unrealistic idea of course for someone who can’t even set aside $5 a month. I suggested instead she start with very small amounts sent to her home church. But I know that neither will happen.

    Her thinking is just off — despite her LCMS upbringing, she will also buy into some of the conspiracy theories (blood moon = world is ending soon).

    I read something not long ago on the Desiring God site that reminded me of her, it was how we need to understand that there are weak saints among us but that doesn’t mean they aren’t saints.

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  25. The reason Canadian pronounce Iroquois as ee-roh-kwah is that the word is apparently of French origin (the French had an awful habit of naming the tribes of North America something other than what they were actually called – they are also responsible for the perpetuation of incorrect use of the terms Eskimo, Esquimeaux, and Huron, who were really the Inuit and Wyandot respectively) and the vowel combination of ‘uoi’ or ‘uois’ at the end of a word in French is pronounced ‘wah’ (the ‘s’ at the end of a word in French is nearly always silent). The word for ‘what’ in French is ‘quoi’, pronounced ‘kwah’. Interestingly, the word for ‘what’ in Hindi is pronounced ‘kyah’ – there are a lot of intriguing similarities between the Indo-European languages.

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  26. this was the article I’d read (some of it is very heavy on the psychological front and seems to be written for the Christian counseling community but there are, I think, some good biblical points made; it’s a tough balance dealing with these issues)

    https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/still-saints

    ________________________

    …. People with a (personality disorder), Christians included, are in a relatively constant state of internal conflict. Sometimes, the conflict is obvious, as in cases of borderline PD; sometimes, it is masked, as with some versions of narcissistic PD. Typically, the lives of such brothers and sisters are hard, their relationships are difficult, and the prognosis for their getting better is not very high. …

    … We learn from the Bible that God is especially concerned for those with weaknesses (Deuteronomy 24:19; Psalm 82:2–4), and the apostle Paul remarkably reframed weakness as a site where God’s glory can shine the brightest (1 Corinthians 1:27–31; 2 Corinthians 11:16–12:10), since it shows “that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (2 Corinthians 4:7). He modeled boasting in weakness, knowing “that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9), and he taught that its presence should affect our treatment of others: “Encourage the fainthearted, help the weak” (1 Thessalonians 5:14). …

    … we can safely assume that those with a PD have usually suffered a fair amount, from an early age, resulting in their specific biopsychosocial disabilities. Knowing this should dispose Christians to view those with a PD with compassion and care. …
    ____________________________

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  27. I grew up with the ‘coi’ pronunciation, but the French would say ‘kwah’, and they are the ones that gave us the spelling of the word. They also gave us the name ‘Illinois’.

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  28. DJ, I observed, when I was in a mental health clinical placement as a nursing student, that schizophrenics (I think you said that was Carol’s diagnosis) are very vulnerable to others’ suggestions of conspiracy theories and other unsound ideas such as faith healing. Their ability to reason is impaired, as schizophrenia is a disorder of thought processing, so that suggestions that sound ridiculous to many of us can sound reasonable and realistic to them.

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  29. Which reminds me of the fact that the Spanish gave us the wrong names for tribes as well. One is the Tohono O’Odham tribe of Southern Arizona. The name means “Desert People”, but the Spaniards named them Pima. The story is that the Spanish asked what they were called and the tribe replied “Pima”, which supposedly means “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand” in their language.

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  30. roscuro, yes, schizophrenic — and yes, that all fits her.

    Her mother also was mentally ill (as was her younger brother now deceased) — both wound up in mental hospitals.

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  31. I have heard and used both pronunciations for the Iroquois and have heard of the Wyandot, probably from the Last of the Mohikans or The Pioneers by James Fenimore Cooper.

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  32. 6 Arrows – Quiche breaks your rule. 🙂 (Of course, it’s also a French word.) What about quinoa? Is that French, too?

    As to what to tell your daughters, perhaps you could suggest they say something like, “Let’s talk to Mom about this.” Or, “Well, if Mom’s okay with that, too, then I’m okay with that.”

    Of course, either one can sound like they need to get your “permission”, which could rub him the wrong way. But maybe that’s a risk that needs to be taken?

    Maybe tell them to say, “Let me think about that a bit,” and then come to you?

    It really is a tricky situation, and I don’t envy your position in it one bit.

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  33. Today was awful on multiple levels. George caves exactly as I thought he would. Turns out he Los through me under the bus. I didn’t do well on my presentation. I received a nasty text from my daughter and when I got home my husband said I needed to be more sensitive to DIL because I could have hurt her feelings over the bigger the bow the better the mama comment on Facebook. I have deleted The whole post. I am emotionally done. Just done. I can’t win.

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  34. More prayers going up for you tonight, Kim. I’m very sorry all this is happening at once. May God give you strength to endure. He is for you and with you all.

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  35. Kizzie, I forgot about quiche and quinoa. 🙂

    I wasn’t sure of the origin of the word quinoa, but found this interesting article after a little googling: http://takeourword.blogspot.com/2015/01/why-is-quinoa-pronounced-as-though-it.html

    Quinoa came to English from Quechua via Spanish. Quechua is a native language family of South America, with most speakers living in the Andes. The OED says that Quechua was the name of a specific group of people who spoke the language, and the word came to refer to the language itself. The name of the native group is said, by several sources, to mean “people who live in a temperate valley” (which is where, I think, one would want to live if one were in the Andes hundreds of years ago).

    The Quechua word for “quinoa” is kínuwa “KEEN-u-wah”. You can see where the “-wah” pronunciation arose. The central u sound was eventually elided in English, and the result was pronounced “KEEN-wah”. However, in America, we like to stress the final syllable of French and French-like words (ballet, pâté, gourmet), so for some speakers here it became “keen-WAH”. In the UK most speakers keep the accent on the first syllable (as they also do with ballet, pâté, and gourmet) and so they stuck with “KEEN-wah” for the most part.

    That explains the pronunciation, but what about the spelling? The earliest Spanish spelling was quinua (“keen-OOH-ah”), but a contemporary form was quínoa (“KEEN-oh-ah”). While the former spelling hung around in English for some time, after turning up in the late 16th century, quinoa appeared by the late 18th century and eventually became the preferred spelling.

    Interesting information on other words at the link, too: potato, jerky (as in beef jerky), even puma. The Quechua word for potato is papa, for example.

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  36. Kizzie, thanks for your suggestions at 7:45. I’ll think about those. I’ve been reluctant to draw the kids into any of our financial mess, trying to work it out without their knowledge, but I suppose one way to look at it is that he’s now drawn one of our children-at-home into it, so I need to help them know how to deal with it.

    I probably should have been proactive in the first place, telling them what to do/say if a situation like that ever came up, since he’s done that with other relatives (borrowed money from them, then told me after the fact that he had to take paycheck money out to pay them back). It should not have been a surprise that he would turn to his employed children eventually. 😦

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  37. Driveway was cleared this afternoon after the snow finally stopped! We shoveled and used the snow blower. Tonight the plow came through and pushed a nice wall of cement snow in front of our driveway. I appreciate their hard work, I truly do but man…we will be out there with ice axes in the morning just to break through that wall!!
    Praying for you Kim… ❤️
    6arrows you are in a tricky spot and I am so sorry. My advise to my kiddos would be that they would respond to their parent when such a situation should arise…”you know I am working hard and trying to budget my finances…I just cannot invest in this with you now”….that is taking responsibility on their own and it shows the parent their child is “adulting”….and you do not have to be the one in the middle. 😊

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  38. NancyJill, thanks for sharing that sample conversation. Good idea.

    I should ask 3rd Arrow if she’s worked up a budget. I gave her a little introduction to budgeting when I taught her how to balance her checkbook after opening a checking account when she got her job, but I don’t know if she’s set up a budget.

    She is diligent in paying her rent and such, and has been giving an offering to church every week since getting her job, so is doing well. Having a budget in place would be just the thing to have in case she’s asked (by anyone, I suppose) if she can help them in a financial pinch.

    (Of course, how one defines “pinch” is another matter.)

    “Adulting.” Yes. Yes she is. 🙂

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  39. The earliest Spanish spelling was quinua (“keen-OOH-ah”)

    Whoever wrote that article obviously does not know Spanish pronunciation. Since the ‘u’ is considered a weak vowel, and ‘a’ is a hard one, it gets the stronger stress when the two are together, forming a diphthong similar to the English [wah]. Plus, since the word ends in a vowel, the stress would be on the first syllable, so it would be pronounced [KEEN-wah]. The only way the ‘u’ gets stressed in that spelling is if it has a written accent mark: quinúa.

    Thank you for attending today’s Spanish lesson.

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