75 thoughts on “Our Daily Thread 2-13-16”

  4. The sunlight flickers like a strobe light when the wind blows and makes tree leaves sway. Miss Bosley is missing out on the light show since she joined the Watching the Backside of Eyelids Club.

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  5. I mentioned late last night that Goodreads is having a contest to give away 3 copies (signed by author) of The Elegant Entrepreneur. It’s a good book for those interested in starting a business or growing a business.

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  6. Good Saturday morning….oh no…another woodpecker!! I’m thinking my puppy might be part woodpecker…I have been fighting with her to stop chewing on the deck wood and this morning she started chewing on the stucco of the house…this is a high maintenance dog and she’s about to do me in!!! Grrrrrr….and I have sprayed that bitter stuff all over everything and she still goes at it…she has plenty of chew toys….which includes our other dog 😛

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  8. Good morning! Never skim the thread — I quickly transposed two words in Michelle’s last sentence and thought it read “my new husband.” 😛

    Enjoy your weekend, all! 🙂

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  10. Photo, another woodpecker looking for Nancyjill’s house?

    I woke up to the moan of fog horns in the harbor. Always a very peaceful sound … And Annie the cat was on top of me so it was hard to get up.

    I was watching a TV show last week, Scorpion, which does a lot of filming in our town, and was amused when the kid in the show — upon finding himself in a post-earthquake jam with one of the team members — says his mom always tells him he’s an “indoor cat.” Meaning he may be smart, but he’s sheltered.

    So the team member thinks about that a moment and then says they’re both going to have to learn how to be “outdoor cats” to get themselves out of this crisis.

    Annie was outdoors briefly this morning and now is stretched out on the fleece throw on the top of the back of the sofa (which I’ve heard is also called a catwalk).

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  11. Happy birthday to Mr. Arrows. 57 is a good number.

    Sunshine and cold. It’s 7°F with bright sunshine. I still cannot get used to the sun not warming things up. As a child in Arizona, I remember when the sun came out it meant a warm day, regardless of the season.

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  12. Donna- I watch that show every week. I didn’t realize that was your neck of the woods. Oh, and that older character you mentioned is named Sylvester. Ironic? Maybe not. He also is a germaphobe, so doing much outdoors is out of his comfort zone.

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  13. They were filming at our local beach just a couple weeks ago and have done location shoots here quite a lot in the show’s first year especially.

    But, yes, Sylvester, another indoor cat by nature. 🙂 Especially since his glasses had broken.

    I smiled at the indoor-outdoor cat analogy.

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  14. I appreciated this article by Russell Moore: http://www.russellmoore.com/2016/02/12/bedroom-photography-women/. The immediate subject is a trend I hadn’t heard of before, although I agree with Moore’s analysis of it. But the quote especially resonated with me:

    For all our culture’s supposed feminism, the message constantly bombarding women is that their worth is found in their sexual attractiveness and availability to men. This is true not only in the scourge of pornography, but also in virtually every aspect of life. Look at the way women are expected to meet culturally-defined male standards of beauty in everything from advertisements to television news anchors. Is it any wonder that eating disorders are rampant, and that it seems that aging for women in our culture is fraught with even more anxiety than it is for men?

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  17. I have that book, roscuro, just haven’t read it yet. There have been quite a few books coming out on that theme, actually. And this could be a time of deepening faith for the church. God is surely doing something …

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  18. Regarding the Moore quote on women, I now am in a position also to notice how available men my age all seem to have no trouble attracting much younger women. Older women who have reached an age beyond “youth” are left pretty much out of the game. (A colleague in his 60s, for example, has been seeing a gal who *looks* 13 — but is probably in her early 20s 🙂 ) Oy. And it’s not unusual.

    Men value youth, sex and looks; women value security. So I guess it works out if you’re on the *right* side of that equation.

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  20. Yeah, Donna, I noticed that one too.

    And remember the young woman who married the old rich man several years ago? I don’t remember either of their names, just that when he died his children sued to push her out of the will. My younger brother said that was totally unfair–they made a deal in which both of them “used” the other. He basically bought a young, sexy bride, and she sold her sexual availability because he was rich and wouldn’t live very long. They both knew what they were doing, and they both knew what the other one was doing, too. The kids might not have liked splitting the inheritance with her (as I recall, everyone involved was getting filthy rich), but that’s really their problem. Is it a “good” way to look at marriage, as a tit-for-tat traed-off? Of course not, but it is the deal they made. Much like Bill and Hillary Clinton apparently married for mutual political advantage. Oh well.

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  21. I think it is the Fall. If, before the Fall, there had been other men and women, Adam wouldn’t have regarded any of the other women as potential sexual mates. They would simply have been other people. There was no shame in Adam and Eve’s nudity not because they were the only people around, but because it would never have occurred to them to even look at anyone else in that way before they ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Now, of course, all those barriers have been broken down and it is hard for men to look beyond the sexual appeal, or lack thereof, of women to see them as fellow humans.

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  24. Donna, as I’ve reached my thirties, I’m beginning to notice my “shelf-life”. Not that I’ve ever been particularly popular. It is funny, because older men and other women have described me as pretty/lovely/beautiful, but men my age never seem to notice me. I’ve always wondered if it is because my kind of looks are not the fashion. Younger men are accustomed to the long, sleek lines of the movie star/supermodel look. I’ve actually sat in a group of my peers and heard the men drooling over the likes of Taylor Swift and Scarlet Johannsen. Yea, that was one of those times, all the women looked at one another and thought, “Well, that rules us out!”

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  25. Michelle, when I was leader of the prayer team in a church I asked a woman to make bookmarks for me. They had the first names of each Sunday School child in a class and their teacher(s) on the back. On the front they had scenes with scripture verses on them from an old calendar. Then she laminated them.

    We then asked for volunteers from the congregation to take one and pray for each class. This was a small church, so worked for us. My idea was that the homebound or the elderly are sometimes limited in what they can do for others, but they can still pray. They not only would be doing for others, but a part of the church in a closer way. Those bookmarks were quickly snatched up and not by just the older members.

    It is an idea that could certainly be used in other settings and groups of both those who pray and those for whom we need to pray. The bookmarks could be kept in bibles, prayer journals or on the fridge for a reminder.

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  26. Haha “Shelf Life.” Hadn’t thought of it like that before. 🙂

    OK, I’m off for my Saturday rounds — first to Inglewood (my childhood home town & future home of the returning LA Rams) to pick up meds for dogs at my vet’s office; then to Hollywood to help Carol return 30 (!!) library books; then to Downey so she can have a ‘Valentine’s’ visit with her boyfriend (though I’m told they want me to take them to a pizza restaurant, but since he’s in a wheelchair & she has a really bulky walker, that might be complicated; the Jeep just isn’t all THAT big); then back to Hollywood to drop Carol off; then back home to the port again (eventually).

    I’ll be doing my share to add to the pollution on the highways today. (Someone on FB last week suggested I was one of the ‘elite’ “haves” because I pay to use the faster toll lanes which is inherently unfair; I reminded her that the money we choose to pay to do that goes back into road repair and carpool lane creations for the common good … so you’re welcome!) 🙂

    Bernie.

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  27. Here’s kind of an odd question of the day. My husband and I are walking that new experience of welcoming a future son-in-law into the family; my husband has never had sons, though in my family boys far outnumber girls, and both of us have been a son- or daughter-in-law but not at the other side of that. So . . . whether you are the parent or the child in-law: How much does your same-sex in-law initiate contact? If you’re a son-in-law, would your father-in-law or future father-in-law call you about going to see a movie, or going out to lunch, or anything of the sort, or would your contact be more likely that as a couple you go to their house or they come to yours? The same question in reverse if you are a father-in-law (and of course women can feel free to answer for their husbands or other family members).

    I ask father/son both because that is our actual situation, but also because I suspect (but don’t know) that mother/daughter might be more inclined to work that way. Anyway, we’re still trying to figure out the “rules” of how this works: what level of contact feels like intrusion, what level feels like neglect, etc., and how other families might work this out.

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  28. I think it must vary by family and possibly culture, Cheryl. My husband does not initiate contact with our SILs, generally. They may go golfing or some other outing if the ‘girls’ are doing other things. Otherwise, most things have been done through our daughters or as couples.

    My dad did not initiate things with my husband, either. Things were initiated through me.

    None of us live really close by, so that may make a difference. I also suspect it would make a difference if there was a previous relationship and/or a real affinity match.

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  29. Cheryl, my father had only girls, so there are only sons-in-law. Thus, I have observed the interaction three times over. When it comes to issuing invitations, my mother usually phones up whichever daughter and then daughter and son-in-law make the decision together. My father made it pretty plain that he wanted to still see his daughters after marriage, and each son-in-law has honoured those wishes. Before marriage of course, the prospective sons-in-law were expected to spend a decent amount of time with the family and would be invited either directly or, as the relationship progressed, via the daughter they were courting. It is good for courtin’ couples to have to put up with the friction of having other people around occasionally 🙂

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  30. Roscuro, yeah, he has spent a lot of time over here, and we’ve had quite a few meals as a family. It’s the question of whether fathers-in-law and sons-in-law do one-on-one time together in terms of making plans in advance instead of just “Hey, I can help you with the car if you like; I think I know what’s wrong with it.”

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  31. We only have daughter-in-laws, but I have a daughter and sometimes we’ll suggest “girl” things to do together, but not often. I keep meaning to . . .

    I do try to be sensitive to the perfect daughter-in-law’s needs and have given them gift cards to get their cars washed and massages and haircuts and while pregnant, always gave them $300 to blow on themselves during the pregnancy–clothes, haircut, whatever they want. I figure they’re doing our family a service by providing more adorables.

    I’ve gone shopping with them a couple times and paid for whatever they wanted, just as I do now with my daughter. (Here’s the advantage of finally having money to spend anyway I please. I scraped for many, many years.)

    I used to do things occasionally with my mother-in-law, but we lived a continent apart so it usually was when she visited us.

    I don’t remember my father ever taking my husband anywhere, or even offering to. Of course, he rarely invited me to do anything either–though once after my mother died he suggested I come live with him and take care of him. “You could bring the kids.”

    The strokes did brain damage . . . or he never would have mentioned the kids. 😦

    Funny, though, both my father and brother never wanted to cross my Commander. They wanted to use my name on a business dealing once and when I said I needed to talk to R, they backed down immediately. “Oh, never mind.”

    They always respected his opinion, too. Mine?

    What do I know?

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  33. Being the in law can be tricky…personalities certainly play a huge role in relationships. My “local” SIL was introduced to back packing/rock climbing/hiking 14ers/running by my husband….those two are two peas in a pod in that aspect. But, my SIL doesn’t “hang out” with my husband on a regular basis….we feel very comfortable in asking him for help if there is a need such as heavy lifting and we have a relatively good relationship. My other SIL who lives in CA….we have no relationship and quite frankly IMO…he’s a bum. My DIL…we have a “cordial” relationship with…but honestly…I don’t believe she likes us for some reason…I’m mean come on…what’s not to like!!! 😛

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  34. That is a hard one. I am shy and one of my SIL rather intimidates me. I am getting to know and appreciate him more though. It is hard to form these new relationships and really let them know how much I appreciate them.

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  35. Cheryl, no my father has never done any organized male bonding time with his sons-in-law. It is just casual, like the “Hey, I can help you with the car if you like” example. Even that varies between the sons-in-law. Eldest and Youngest usually accept proffered assistance if they don’t have the know-how, as both of them were raised in a slightly higher income bracket where one didn’t have to figure out how to change the oil to save money on a service charge. Second comes from a similar income bracket, and tends to want to do things for himself. All his sons-in-law respect my father, but I would say that only Eldest and he are real, close friends thus far. The others haven’t had time to establish that bond, and it would only be awkward for both parties if it was obligatory to form it. The man is marrying the daughter, not the father after all 😉 😛

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  36. Hello everyone, just stopping in briefly to say hello. Usual busy weekend here. Getting the laundry done now, then time to get ready to go out to dinner and a concert. (The dinner and concert is not usual – the local symphony orchestra has a program with optional dinner beforehand, scheduled nicely on Valentine’s Day weekend.)

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  37. I’m waiting in the retirement home library while Carol and her beau visit in his room — heard on the radio that Scalia died, which is huge news – or yuge, even

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  39. Thanks, Roscuro, that’s especially helpful. We had one person tell my husband that he needs to be making regular efforts to get together with him, and my thought was that “male bonding” is something that happens if you have shared interests, and not just something that is forced. Over time, it is likely to develop as you find common interests, but not just because “you’re supposed to.” He also isn’t inclined to do ritualistic get-togethers.

    But when someone tells us “You should do this,” sometimes it helps to ask “Is this really the norm, or were our first instincts accurate?” And it sounds like they were.

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  40. Cheryl, I have no experience with it. My in-laws were so advanced in age that all we ever did was go to the grocery store or to doctor appointments. Art worked so much, as did my father, that they never got together except for holiday meals with the family. Our son is not married, and if he someday gets married, we will be even more clueless than you 🙂

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  41. My dad and husband were never close, but had a decent relationship. We do have a picture from my daughter’s wedding, which shows both my dad and husband toasting the couple. The photographer actually thought THEY were father and son. They do not look that much alike. It is a nice picture.

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  42. “Male bonding” is not something you plan or create.
    it just happens. If it happens some other way it doesn’t work.
    You can be friends without “bonding”
    Fathers and SIL do not bond.
    They have a common interest that both care about.
    Each in his own way.
    They shouldn’t get in each other’s way.

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  43. Sounds wise, Chas.

    One big advantage I have in this is that I don’t find men mysterious creatures–I grew up surrounded by them, part of a family that has a much higher percentage of males than females. (My mom is the only one on her side of the family who had two girls–well, two surviving girls, I should say–and she didn’t have two girls until she’d had six children. The only way any of my siblings had two girls was by adopting the second one; boys outnumber girls exactly three to one among my siblings’ children.) I also was still living at home when three of my brothers married, so I had lots of chance to see my parents as in-laws (and by all accounts my mom was an excellent mother-in-law).

    But I’ve been a wife less than five years, and haven’t lived in the same state with my own parents for more than a quarter century, so this part is brand-new territory for me.

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  44. Art and I married in 1985 and my dad died in 1988 so there was not much time to develop a relationship. Art’s dad died a year after my dad died. My dad was 74 when he died and Art’s dad was 87. My dad died six months before I had Wesley and Art’s dad died six months after I had him.

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  45. Finally got home, what a long day with so much driving.

    Nice to see Carol enjoy her visit with Ben, we wound up ordering delivery pizza to the retirement home. At one point I had to silently laugh at my “Valentine’s” day celebration being the 3rd wheel, sitting in a tiny wheeled walker (’cause that’s all the furniture he had in his room) watching Tv with the love birds. Just another romantic holiday for me! 🙂

    The boyfriend and I pooled our cash and ordered pizza (thankfully, instead of trying to actually go to a restaurant). Carol only had 85 cents for the rest of the month, so I guess the $100 I spent to pay her phone bill vanished (despite her passionate promises she’d have the cash for me this time). I wasn’t really surprised. Still, no more phone bill payments for her from now on, she’s on her on.

    We returned the 30 books to the library, she took out another 15.

    Lots of bumper-to-bumper traffic, day and night, really an awful commute getting around the city today. Glad I’m home.

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  47. The first Valentine I gave Elvera was hand made.
    I wrote something nice and folded it over.
    On the back I drew some hills and wrote “Hillmark Cards”
    She says she may still have it. She doesn’t know where it is.
    I believe all of that.
    I just told her she’d look fine in that green outfit and white coat.
    She may have worn it last Sunday. I don’t remember.
    It doesn’t really matter, does it?

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  48. My husband found out a year or two ago that he can go on Walgreen’s website, upload a photo, and play with it for special effects and print it out as a card, and that (so far) he can always find a 40% off coupon and get it for under $2. Since then, for every “holiday” we have stopped by Walgreen’s. And, since he doesn’t carry cash, he asks me for two dollars. 🙂

    But I make cards for him.

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  49. I love my handwritten/drawn cards from Paul…and I keep them hidden away…they never have gotten tossed away….he didn’t make one for me this year….he did take me to Rosie’s Diner last night for dinner….I always get him a card…and some toffee…his favorite. I made him a nice breakfast this morning….and now the house smells like bacon…ugh…. 🙂

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  50. We never do anything special for Valentine’s day. Well, there was the time in Fulda, Germany, when husband managed to snag a ride on a nap of the Earth flight home for the day while he was off at training for a few months. We had a lovely baby boy born about ten and a half months later. We knew he was late.

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  51. 1. Chas, it matters to Elvera. You should make yourself a note.

    2. Cheryl, I am thinking back to my dad’s relationship with my ex-husband. My dad held out hope that I would marry Mr. Navy until the day I married ex. They tolerated each other and I have to give ex credit here–he reached out more to my dad than my dad reached out to him. The C family included my dad in all holidays and get togethers. Eventually my dad and my ex husband developed a relationship and got along great. It took several years. They never went golfing together or out to lunch or dinner or anything like that. For years the 3 of us would go to dinner together but that was something Daddy and I planned. The only thing my dad said negative about ex husband was when I told him I was divorcing G, Daddy said, “well I told you not to marry him in the first place”. Of course this marriage produced the GRANDCHILD that my dad tried to bribe me into having. The only thing the man ever desperately wanted was a grandchild.
    As my dad was dying ex husband came to the house and cut the grass for him and visited with him. I am sure they had a conversation in which my dad probably discussed that he was dying and wouldn’t be here to look after me and exacted a promise to make sure I and “that Baby” were taken care of.
    Relationships happen. They can’t be forced.

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  53. My father made my mother a handwritten Valentine for today. You would think he had handed her the moon, she is so delighted with it 🙂 She snuck into my room before I was fully awake to give me a handmade valentine – in the classic style, a red paper heart in the middle of a paper doily – with some chocolate. Then before Sunday School, Little Niece gave me two tiny valentines, the kind you get in books in the store, one from her and one from Baby Niece – who greeted me with open arms this morning. So, while I usually ignore the existence of the day, I did end up enjoying it today and felt rather badly that I hadn’t made any valentines. It reminded me of my childhood, when we made Valentines out of paper, or got the funny/silly ones from the store and gave them to each other. My grandmother used to make little ones with red paper hearts and sticks of gum attached, and my mother was remembering how she (my grandmother) used to help her make Valentines to give to her classmates in their boxes. My father likes to remember the smart remarks on the Valentines his classmates would give to one another, such as: “I love your eyes, – (inside) All four of them” and “If you were the only girl in the world, and I were the only boy – (inside) I’d kill myself.”

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  54. Roscuro, when I was a child we decorated paper sacks and then hung our on our desk, and each classmate put a card in each. I liked the one or two that had candy attached and the funny ones or ones with animals, but the homemade ones always seemed “cheap” to me. Now I know that even though they were made childishly, some classmate spent a lot of time making more than two dozen valentines, and I just signed ones Mom bought from the store.

    For about eight years now, each Valentine’s Day I have made cards for my nieces, girls from church, and a small number of women friends (which now includes my mother-in-law and my daughters). I start in January and play around with craft supplies until I come up with a template, and then I make 20 or 30 that are either all alike or variations on a theme. One year, for example, I made a card that included two paper hearts (using scrapbook papers), and the papers had several different designs. Well, I made the same card in pink, purple, and red, and so if a family had two or three girls, they got the same basic pattern, but they were different because all the papers were different.

    I like doing them, but I’m always glad when the last one gets its note and gets sent off.

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  55. Kim @ 11:47
    Every month I print out a monthly calendar from Microsoft Works calendar. I use it for trivial appointments vice the big things that come up months ahead on my Purdue pocket calendar.
    I just added “green outfit” to the monthly calendar.
    You’re right. I don’t generally notice those things. I seldom remember what I wore. Though it’s easy for me. I have only three choices.

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  57. I remember the Valentine’s classroom cards and the bags on the backs of chairs 🙂

    One year, my mom and I were filling out the cards late the night before & she was adamant that we have a card for EVERY one … including Pierre and Reggie, two kids who were not very popular because they were transplants (Pierre from France, Reggie from Texas).

    No one should ever be left out, my mom always taught me that for which I’m grateful. She always had a heart for the kids who were the outcasts.

    Sure enough, hardly anyone was putting cards in Pierre’s basket the next day. When I deposited my card, his little face (I remember he had very large ears for a small boy) lit up.

    I still remember one recess playing 4-square with Reggie and Pierre. 🙂 They were my friends forever after that Valentine’s day.

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  58. I wore a red sweater to church. That is my recognition of Valentines Day. And I recently bought some Red Door fragrance at Sam’s so I may put some on later. One of the health care workers had it on while tending to Art, and I thought it reminded me of a fragrance my mother wore. When I saw it at Sam’s I splurged and thought sinceI I never get a valentine that it would be a nice gift for myself. I usually don’t think of the day as for adults but more as a holiday for children to enjoy making heart crafts and cookies. Of course, if Art brought chocolates I doubt I would tell him to return them to the store (after I got up from fainting from shock at having received a gift). It is tax season which is always a good reason to not celebrate 🙂

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  59. my class learned to cut out a heart. One girl was sobbing when the first one didn’t turn out, but I encouraged her to keep trying. We had lots of doilies to use as they made family valentines.
    I always had my children make their valentines. One year I even sent a large package of craft supplies to my daughters so that they could make valentines with others in the dorm.
    Now one of those daughters has their children make them. Only she goes a step further. The last ones that saw they were cutting out two sizes of hearts and stitching them together with a junior mint inside.

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  61. I bought small boxes of chocolate candy for $1 at the grocery store on Wednesday and tossed one to my husband and one to my son when they came in that day.

    Since I gave up chocolate for Lent, everyone feels a little muted around here ! 🙂

    Spaghetti for dinner–that’s red!

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  62. My husband took me to the gig he was playing at the assisted living place. We had the lovely lunch employees and relatives had made for a 92 yr. old’s birthday. She had 7 of her 8 grown children there. This is a very rural area, so I am quite impressed. One lives in an RV and is in AZ, so wasn’t there. That was a first for Valentines Day. 🙂

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  65. A short ebook is free on Amazon for Kindle. The Rescue by Suzanne Woods Fisher (not sure I spelled her name correctly). She is a popular author usually enjoyed by the ladies.
    This is her Valentines Day gift, so I can’t say I did not get a gift!♡

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  67. Cheryl, they should delete that position and reduce the agency the funds for that position
    They should also fire or officially reprimand whoever was supposed to be his supervisor.
    That was amusing, but not funny.

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  69. When I was in elementary school (late 60s, early 70s, in Ohio), we children brought in decorated shoe boxes with a slot cut out of the top to put the Valentine’s cards in. I think we all brought cards for everyone, at least that’s what I did.

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  72. Cheryl & Chas– that story is from Spain, I think and could never (I hope) happen here. One does have to wonder why it took so long to discover the guy wasn’t at work.

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  73. When I was part of a class, as teacher, that made valentines for everyone, what I loved the best was hearing the spontaneous thank yous from all around the circle as everyone opened their cards.

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