I need patience today. I am getting very near the end of my rope with almost everything I do being wrong and the condescension.
I can’t speak to people
I can’t attend educational opportunities
and NO I am NOT going to do a spreadsheet with my detailing my activities when I am constantly called and told to drop what I am doing and do something else.
Consider yourself lucky it’s a boss at a job laying those expectations on you, instead of a husband requiring you to account for your activities for your 16 waking hours every day.
Don’t read too much into that — it is not my present reality, but once was, and just about made me walk away, an option an employee has, but not a wife.
Praise God you don’t have it worse.
Excuse my b*tchiness today. I have a headache, which is no excuse, but anyway. 😦
Obviously, prayers for my attitude today. But also pray for my husband, as he has had it with the pain from the shifted vertebra I mentioned the other day. He’s on his way to the walk-in clinic now.
He and I seem to be at the ends of our ropes (physically for him, emotionally for me). Pray that the potential for volatility under those circumstances doesn’t become a reality today. So far it has not.
And to frame my 12:08 in a more positive light, if God can turn around a husband (there’s a lot more I *didn’t* mention that contributed to my wanting to walk away), and shape him into a more loving, accepting and compassionate man, which He did, then he can certainly by His will do that in a boss, as well.
6 Arrows, I once said on World’s blog that my experience with one really, really bad roommate sobered me about how awful it must be to be in a bad marriage. She wanted the TV on constantly when she was home (which drove me nuts . . . we were TV free for my first several months in that home, since the roommate who moved out and I replaced had owned the TV, but one day this roommate came home with a TV, and from that day it was never off when she was home) and she was obsessive-compulsive to the extent she once moved the knife next to my plate since it wasn’t straight enough for her, and she’d meet MY company at the door and tell them to take their shoes off, etc. When I asked her not to come stomping in when she came in at 2:00 in the morning, and if she had to talk on the phone at that hour to please, please use the extension in the living room and not the one two feet outside my bedroom (my door was open since I didn’t have heat in my bedroom, but she would stand and talk on the extension that was a yard from my door), she just told me she could do what she wanted in the “public” areas of our home, but weeks later she angrily asked me (without recognizing the irony) not to lock the deadbolt when I left for work at 8:00 in the morning, since the noise woke her up.
Well, what I realized was that as horrid as it was to live with that one rude person (and our very moody third roommate) for a year, at least I wasn’t sharing a bedroom and a bed, child-rearing, household finances, and vacations, and at least I had made no commitment for the rest of my life. I could, and did, get out. (I had a one-year commitment to the house, but left after 11 months and paid the last month anyway.)
But when I said on the World blog that I had once had a really bad roommate situation, and realized “if this is bad, how much worse it must be to be in a bad marriage,” I was told by someone inclined to misread everything I said that there is NO comparison between roommates and marriage, and I had no idea what I was talking about, and since I wasn’t married I knew nothing at all about marriage. I pointed out that I had said that marriage must be infinitely worse, that if putting up with a bad roommate for a few hours a day for a year was enough to start graying my hair, how much worse it must be to have an actual commitment only severed by death. It’s kinda like saying that a person who can’t take care of a dog may not be ready for a child yet,and maybe should get some experience with a dog first so that he can gain some experience. That isn’t saying that a dog and a child are interchangeable, just that care for a living being can help a person learn responsibility, and care in a lesser matter can help prepare one for a greater responsibility. Likewise, a young woman who is an only child (or who never had to share a bedroom with her one sibling) might have visions of marriage that are all romance and roses, but living a roommate (or siblings) can help prepare you to live with a spouse, and can help you to know what sort of spouse might be easier or hard to live with. For me, I might never have thought to put “he cannot be a TV addict” on my list except that I had once lived with one and knew that was a bad match for me! I also might not have known that as much as I don’t like to live alone, living with a bad roommate is worse, and living with a hard spouse would be infinitely worse.
I’m very glad for you that God continues to work in both your lives.
Thank you for that, Cheryl. I am grateful to God, too, for how He is working things out. Most of our marriage has been relatively good, but there have most definitely been rough patches, and the latest one went beyond weeks and months, to years.
Many years ago he sustained a couple head injuries, one of which may be at the root of the physical problems he’s having now, but, more significantly, perhaps, could have caused some of the personality changes I’ve witnessed in him in recent months/years.
He was thrown from a horse around 30 years ago and lost consciousness for a while. Then maybe 12-15 years ago he hit his head hard against a pipe one time, and experienced neck problems as a result.
I know head injuries can cause behavior problems in the short term, but what I don’t know is if they can lead to personality changes far down the road. I don’t remember any problems like that at the time of those accidents, but whether they’ve had a mental impact recently after a slow build-up over the years is anyone’s guess, I suppose.
I just know it was baffling and frustrating up until very recently, and it was hard not to think, “I didn’t sign up for this.” It seemed like he was turning into someone very different than the man I married.
It is amazing to me how God uses unexpected events to bring about changes.
(Forgive me while I ramble, but there has been something in my heart and on my mind for almost two months now that I have shared with few people, but I think now is the time to bring it up here. Thanks for listening.)
One praise I have to God is that He gave me a husband who has a tender heart for his children. That did not change, with all the other changes I’ve talked about above.
Something happened nearly two months ago that may have been what God used to sort of “give me my husband back,” if that makes sense — the tender man I used to have before some of these recent challenges I mentioned.
That “something” was God “springing” (not sure that’s the right word, but it’s the one that comes to mind) me out of menopause (after my doctor had pronounced me officially through it).
(As an aside, I kind of like those examples of God showing us how we humans don’t know it all.) 🙂
Anyway… with that event came the very real possibility that I may have gotten pregnant. At nearly 53 years of age.
Though I love children, I struggled for several days with that possibility. My age. What will people say? Etc. etc.
But within a week, God brought me to a place of peace, and I could truly say I was not only OK with a possible pregnancy, but was EXCITED that the Lord may have blessed us again that way!
I’ll skip all the physical details and cut to the chase, but, in the end, the pregnancy test I took (at the same time I’ve always taken them) turned out negative.
That was hard for me. It felt like a loss, even though there had never been any baby.
I cried that day, and was OK after that, but kind of burrowed into home and family life and God a lot more, and that was very therapeutic.
And after all that… I got my old husband back. With tenderness and compassion I hadn’t seen in a long time.
I don’t know exactly how God worked all that — maybe none of this had anything to do with anything I just told you — but I know He is faithful in all the areas of our lives.
Minor in the big scheme of things, but looks like my headache is an all-day one, and now I’m getting nauseous. I’m going to see if eating supper helps.
6 Arrows – Rejoicing with you! (And praying your headache will dissipate quickly.)
We haven’t had exactly the same situation, but there was a long time when Lee was a challenging man to be married to. He could be quite insensitive & hurtful. (Part of that was related to his drinking, & then the lingering effects of “stinkin’ thinkin’ ” that alcoholics have.)
As we were approaching our 25th anniversary a few years ago, wondering what we would do to celebrate, I had a bitter thought…”Why bother? What is there to celebrate?” (I did not give voice to that thought, though.)
But God has done an amazing work in my husband over the past few years, especially the past year. He is so much more appreciative & sweet, among other things. Now, as we approach our 30th anniversary next March, we have plenty to celebrate.
6 Arrows, re the combination of headache and nausea (some form of a migraine?), for some time Altoids sold a ginger version, and very few stores sold it, but we were told they were good for migraines and so we keep the last ones that we managed to buy only for “medicinal” purposes, headache and/or tummy issues. But ginger in various forms can be good for that. Trader Joe’s sells a ginger candy (wrapped drops) that are too strong for me but that my husband likes, and that help his stomach and/or give him energy. Ginger ale can be good, too, definitely for tummy issues though I don’t know about the headache part.
Cheryl, thanks. I wish we had a Trader Joes near us, but the nearest one I know of is a couple hours away. Other forms of ginger I can find around our area, though, so might try that out. We don’t have any on hand right now, unfortunately.
I broke down and took an ibuprofen just now. I rarely use pain killers, but in addition to the headache, my mouth is really hurting tonight where I had the dental work done on Tuesday, more so than yesterday or even the day of. I’m hoping that knocks out some of the pain so I can sleep tonight.
Wandering Views 
I need patience today. I am getting very near the end of my rope with almost everything I do being wrong and the condescension.
I can’t speak to people
I can’t attend educational opportunities
and NO I am NOT going to do a spreadsheet with my detailing my activities when I am constantly called and told to drop what I am doing and do something else.
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Consider yourself lucky it’s a boss at a job laying those expectations on you, instead of a husband requiring you to account for your activities for your 16 waking hours every day.
Don’t read too much into that — it is not my present reality, but once was, and just about made me walk away, an option an employee has, but not a wife.
Praise God you don’t have it worse.
Excuse my b*tchiness today. I have a headache, which is no excuse, but anyway. 😦
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Obviously, prayers for my attitude today. But also pray for my husband, as he has had it with the pain from the shifted vertebra I mentioned the other day. He’s on his way to the walk-in clinic now.
He and I seem to be at the ends of our ropes (physically for him, emotionally for me). Pray that the potential for volatility under those circumstances doesn’t become a reality today. So far it has not.
Thanks.
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And to frame my 12:08 in a more positive light, if God can turn around a husband (there’s a lot more I *didn’t* mention that contributed to my wanting to walk away), and shape him into a more loving, accepting and compassionate man, which He did, then he can certainly by His will do that in a boss, as well.
There is always hope.
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6 Arrows, I once said on World’s blog that my experience with one really, really bad roommate sobered me about how awful it must be to be in a bad marriage. She wanted the TV on constantly when she was home (which drove me nuts . . . we were TV free for my first several months in that home, since the roommate who moved out and I replaced had owned the TV, but one day this roommate came home with a TV, and from that day it was never off when she was home) and she was obsessive-compulsive to the extent she once moved the knife next to my plate since it wasn’t straight enough for her, and she’d meet MY company at the door and tell them to take their shoes off, etc. When I asked her not to come stomping in when she came in at 2:00 in the morning, and if she had to talk on the phone at that hour to please, please use the extension in the living room and not the one two feet outside my bedroom (my door was open since I didn’t have heat in my bedroom, but she would stand and talk on the extension that was a yard from my door), she just told me she could do what she wanted in the “public” areas of our home, but weeks later she angrily asked me (without recognizing the irony) not to lock the deadbolt when I left for work at 8:00 in the morning, since the noise woke her up.
Well, what I realized was that as horrid as it was to live with that one rude person (and our very moody third roommate) for a year, at least I wasn’t sharing a bedroom and a bed, child-rearing, household finances, and vacations, and at least I had made no commitment for the rest of my life. I could, and did, get out. (I had a one-year commitment to the house, but left after 11 months and paid the last month anyway.)
But when I said on the World blog that I had once had a really bad roommate situation, and realized “if this is bad, how much worse it must be to be in a bad marriage,” I was told by someone inclined to misread everything I said that there is NO comparison between roommates and marriage, and I had no idea what I was talking about, and since I wasn’t married I knew nothing at all about marriage. I pointed out that I had said that marriage must be infinitely worse, that if putting up with a bad roommate for a few hours a day for a year was enough to start graying my hair, how much worse it must be to have an actual commitment only severed by death. It’s kinda like saying that a person who can’t take care of a dog may not be ready for a child yet,and maybe should get some experience with a dog first so that he can gain some experience. That isn’t saying that a dog and a child are interchangeable, just that care for a living being can help a person learn responsibility, and care in a lesser matter can help prepare one for a greater responsibility. Likewise, a young woman who is an only child (or who never had to share a bedroom with her one sibling) might have visions of marriage that are all romance and roses, but living a roommate (or siblings) can help prepare you to live with a spouse, and can help you to know what sort of spouse might be easier or hard to live with. For me, I might never have thought to put “he cannot be a TV addict” on my list except that I had once lived with one and knew that was a bad match for me! I also might not have known that as much as I don’t like to live alone, living with a bad roommate is worse, and living with a hard spouse would be infinitely worse.
I’m very glad for you that God continues to work in both your lives.
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My my my I cannot begin to imagine who that might have been Cheryl.
He isn’t going to change.
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Thank you for that, Cheryl. I am grateful to God, too, for how He is working things out. Most of our marriage has been relatively good, but there have most definitely been rough patches, and the latest one went beyond weeks and months, to years.
Many years ago he sustained a couple head injuries, one of which may be at the root of the physical problems he’s having now, but, more significantly, perhaps, could have caused some of the personality changes I’ve witnessed in him in recent months/years.
He was thrown from a horse around 30 years ago and lost consciousness for a while. Then maybe 12-15 years ago he hit his head hard against a pipe one time, and experienced neck problems as a result.
I know head injuries can cause behavior problems in the short term, but what I don’t know is if they can lead to personality changes far down the road. I don’t remember any problems like that at the time of those accidents, but whether they’ve had a mental impact recently after a slow build-up over the years is anyone’s guess, I suppose.
I just know it was baffling and frustrating up until very recently, and it was hard not to think, “I didn’t sign up for this.” It seemed like he was turning into someone very different than the man I married.
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Yeah, Kim, sometimes they don’t change. I’m sorry.
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It is amazing to me how God uses unexpected events to bring about changes.
(Forgive me while I ramble, but there has been something in my heart and on my mind for almost two months now that I have shared with few people, but I think now is the time to bring it up here. Thanks for listening.)
One praise I have to God is that He gave me a husband who has a tender heart for his children. That did not change, with all the other changes I’ve talked about above.
Something happened nearly two months ago that may have been what God used to sort of “give me my husband back,” if that makes sense — the tender man I used to have before some of these recent challenges I mentioned.
That “something” was God “springing” (not sure that’s the right word, but it’s the one that comes to mind) me out of menopause (after my doctor had pronounced me officially through it).
(As an aside, I kind of like those examples of God showing us how we humans don’t know it all.) 🙂
Anyway… with that event came the very real possibility that I may have gotten pregnant. At nearly 53 years of age.
Though I love children, I struggled for several days with that possibility. My age. What will people say? Etc. etc.
But within a week, God brought me to a place of peace, and I could truly say I was not only OK with a possible pregnancy, but was EXCITED that the Lord may have blessed us again that way!
I’ll skip all the physical details and cut to the chase, but, in the end, the pregnancy test I took (at the same time I’ve always taken them) turned out negative.
That was hard for me. It felt like a loss, even though there had never been any baby.
I cried that day, and was OK after that, but kind of burrowed into home and family life and God a lot more, and that was very therapeutic.
And after all that… I got my old husband back. With tenderness and compassion I hadn’t seen in a long time.
I don’t know exactly how God worked all that — maybe none of this had anything to do with anything I just told you — but I know He is faithful in all the areas of our lives.
In Him is our sure hope.
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God continues to work.
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Yes he does.
Minor in the big scheme of things, but looks like my headache is an all-day one, and now I’m getting nauseous. I’m going to see if eating supper helps.
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Yes He (capital H) does.
And thanks for the prayers. Headache is the same or a little worse, but nausea is less.
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6 Arrows – Rejoicing with you! (And praying your headache will dissipate quickly.)
We haven’t had exactly the same situation, but there was a long time when Lee was a challenging man to be married to. He could be quite insensitive & hurtful. (Part of that was related to his drinking, & then the lingering effects of “stinkin’ thinkin’ ” that alcoholics have.)
As we were approaching our 25th anniversary a few years ago, wondering what we would do to celebrate, I had a bitter thought…”Why bother? What is there to celebrate?” (I did not give voice to that thought, though.)
But God has done an amazing work in my husband over the past few years, especially the past year. He is so much more appreciative & sweet, among other things. Now, as we approach our 30th anniversary next March, we have plenty to celebrate.
God is so good.
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6 Arrows, re the combination of headache and nausea (some form of a migraine?), for some time Altoids sold a ginger version, and very few stores sold it, but we were told they were good for migraines and so we keep the last ones that we managed to buy only for “medicinal” purposes, headache and/or tummy issues. But ginger in various forms can be good for that. Trader Joe’s sells a ginger candy (wrapped drops) that are too strong for me but that my husband likes, and that help his stomach and/or give him energy. Ginger ale can be good, too, definitely for tummy issues though I don’t know about the headache part.
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Thanks, Karen. And I’m glad to hear the good report with your marriage, too. Praise God!
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Cheryl, thanks. I wish we had a Trader Joes near us, but the nearest one I know of is a couple hours away. Other forms of ginger I can find around our area, though, so might try that out. We don’t have any on hand right now, unfortunately.
I broke down and took an ibuprofen just now. I rarely use pain killers, but in addition to the headache, my mouth is really hurting tonight where I had the dental work done on Tuesday, more so than yesterday or even the day of. I’m hoping that knocks out some of the pain so I can sleep tonight.
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