I am feeling better today. I took a sleeping pill last night and got my brain to shut off and let me sleep. I have done a lot of soul searching. I have come to the conclusion that I am one of those chosen to not have an easy, stress free life. I realize we all have our burdens, but I am one who feels them more deeply. As far as I can tell it all began in childhood. This is my life and I am the only one who can live it. I just need to learn to smile and pray, When I think I know the rules they change and when I think I am doing OK the earth shifts. If I look forward and know it is going to happen then it won’t take me by surprise like it has in the past.
I still feel unsettled, but now I think I know the reasons.
Kim – I struggled for years wondering why I couldn’t “handle things” as well as others seemed to. I finally realized it is part of how I am made, & I need to forgive myself, but also seek God’s help to overcome the feelings of being stressed or overwhelmed (by things that others seem to handle much more calmly). I also understand that feeling of thinking you’re doing okay, but then the earth shifts.
Something we need to fight against, at least I do, is the tendency to become bitter or resentful towards others, towards the situation, or even towards God.
Kim, a lot of that can come from the need to be in control brought on by your mom’s lack of control. Letting go of the old anger helps in letting other things go and letting other folks do their stuff differently. Water off a duck’s back…praying.
Please be in prayer for the staffing needs at Ukarumpa International School. I got the staff minutes yesterday and a teacher returning has been delayed by health concerns and we now need a 4th grade teacher plus 5th and 6th.
also, my friend and neighbor, the doctor and his wife whose brother died are now on their way home. The brother had no family and lived with his sister who needs help dealing with it all.
Thirteen year old son has his anger just at the verge. We know he has a lot of anger and we have been trying to get him to deal with it. Sadly, all of the big people but me are away right now so we don’t want an eruption just now. But God is here. Prayers please and thanks.
“Every morning of your ministry, you’ll wake up with some emotion in your soul.
“Some mornings you’ll wake up with fear and dread, recalling a painful crisis the night has not taken away. Some mornings you’ll wake up discouraged, overwhelmed and overburdened by your shepherding responsibilities. Some mornings you’ll wake up angry and bitter, feeling underappreciated, undervalued, and misunderstood.
“Every morning of your ministry, it won’t be hard to find reasons to complain or feel discouraged. But every morning, you’ll have an opportunity to experience a comfort from the Lord that overwhelms all these negative emotions.
“Here are 5 reasons why you can experience comfort each morning of your ministry, or on the contrary, 5 reasons why you may be experiencing dread and discouragement each morning of your ministry. … ”
________________________________________________
Mumsee – That is interesting what you wrote about Kim’s mom. My mom was not an alcoholic, but she was the daughter of two alcoholics, & she never dealt with the consequences of that. She needed to feel in control of her life (one reason she had trouble surrendering to God), & she was controlling of others. She knew she could intimidate me, & often used that, although when she was older, she regretted that & tried not to do it.
So yes, for myself, I can say that I have some “control issues”. God keeps putting me in situations where I feel I have little-to-no control. You’d think I’d have learned by now to just let go & go with the flow.
I am better than I used to be in this matter, but still have a ways to go.
Update on R: He called again last night around 9, saying he was about to leave the hospital, so my guess is he wasn’t admitted. He asked me to look out the window to see if there were any strange cars around, & was concerned when he heard, over the phone, Heidi give a bark. He even suggested putting her outside so she could alert us to anything going on.
Emily says he has always acted paranoid, as long as she’s known him. I wonder if it’s getting worse. He is at the age (mid-20s) when some serious psychological problems start to manifest.
Still praying. With all he’s put us through, & some of it was indeed traumatic, I have a heart for him.
That’s great, Jo – I know the feeling of relief getting the passport back with visa inside.
Karen – You remember I thought R might have borderline or narcissistic personality disorder? Well, borderlines can have psychotic breaks. What really bothers me about all this is that he is becoming paranoid, owns a gun and ammunition, and has occasional custody of a child. The system is failing E & F in a serious way.
Roscuro – Yes, we have been convinced for a while that he has, at the least, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We don’t think he has his own guns anymore, as he had to relinquish them after being committed to the psych ward the first time. (The recent incident with guns was with a friend who owned the guns, we believe.)
Wandering Views 
I am feeling better today. I took a sleeping pill last night and got my brain to shut off and let me sleep. I have done a lot of soul searching. I have come to the conclusion that I am one of those chosen to not have an easy, stress free life. I realize we all have our burdens, but I am one who feels them more deeply. As far as I can tell it all began in childhood. This is my life and I am the only one who can live it. I just need to learn to smile and pray, When I think I know the rules they change and when I think I am doing OK the earth shifts. If I look forward and know it is going to happen then it won’t take me by surprise like it has in the past.
I still feel unsettled, but now I think I know the reasons.
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Kim – I struggled for years wondering why I couldn’t “handle things” as well as others seemed to. I finally realized it is part of how I am made, & I need to forgive myself, but also seek God’s help to overcome the feelings of being stressed or overwhelmed (by things that others seem to handle much more calmly). I also understand that feeling of thinking you’re doing okay, but then the earth shifts.
Something we need to fight against, at least I do, is the tendency to become bitter or resentful towards others, towards the situation, or even towards God.
Praying for peace & calm in your spirit.
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Kim, a lot of that can come from the need to be in control brought on by your mom’s lack of control. Letting go of the old anger helps in letting other things go and letting other folks do their stuff differently. Water off a duck’s back…praying.
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I am in complete control of my life. 😮
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I look to be so calm and in control, but can easily get lonely and depressed. I have to make myself keep doing the next thing.
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Please be in prayer for the staffing needs at Ukarumpa International School. I got the staff minutes yesterday and a teacher returning has been delayed by health concerns and we now need a 4th grade teacher plus 5th and 6th.
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also, my friend and neighbor, the doctor and his wife whose brother died are now on their way home. The brother had no family and lived with his sister who needs help dealing with it all.
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Thirteen year old son has his anger just at the verge. We know he has a lot of anger and we have been trying to get him to deal with it. Sadly, all of the big people but me are away right now so we don’t want an eruption just now. But God is here. Prayers please and thanks.
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Praying for all of the above needs.
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Aimed at those in full-time ministry, but really applicable to all of us as Christians, I think;
http://www.paultripp.com/articles/posts/every-ministry-morning
______________________________________________
“Every morning of your ministry, you’ll wake up with some emotion in your soul.
“Some mornings you’ll wake up with fear and dread, recalling a painful crisis the night has not taken away. Some mornings you’ll wake up discouraged, overwhelmed and overburdened by your shepherding responsibilities. Some mornings you’ll wake up angry and bitter, feeling underappreciated, undervalued, and misunderstood.
“Every morning of your ministry, it won’t be hard to find reasons to complain or feel discouraged. But every morning, you’ll have an opportunity to experience a comfort from the Lord that overwhelms all these negative emotions.
“Here are 5 reasons why you can experience comfort each morning of your ministry, or on the contrary, 5 reasons why you may be experiencing dread and discouragement each morning of your ministry. … ”
________________________________________________
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Mumsee – That is interesting what you wrote about Kim’s mom. My mom was not an alcoholic, but she was the daughter of two alcoholics, & she never dealt with the consequences of that. She needed to feel in control of her life (one reason she had trouble surrendering to God), & she was controlling of others. She knew she could intimidate me, & often used that, although when she was older, she regretted that & tried not to do it.
So yes, for myself, I can say that I have some “control issues”. God keeps putting me in situations where I feel I have little-to-no control. You’d think I’d have learned by now to just let go & go with the flow.
I am better than I used to be in this matter, but still have a ways to go.
LikeLike
Update on R: He called again last night around 9, saying he was about to leave the hospital, so my guess is he wasn’t admitted. He asked me to look out the window to see if there were any strange cars around, & was concerned when he heard, over the phone, Heidi give a bark. He even suggested putting her outside so she could alert us to anything going on.
Emily says he has always acted paranoid, as long as she’s known him. I wonder if it’s getting worse. He is at the age (mid-20s) when some serious psychological problems start to manifest.
Still praying. With all he’s put us through, & some of it was indeed traumatic, I have a heart for him.
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WOOHOO!! Praising God that my passport is already back with my new PNG visa in it.
I am good to go!
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That’s great, Jo – I know the feeling of relief getting the passport back with visa inside.
Karen – You remember I thought R might have borderline or narcissistic personality disorder? Well, borderlines can have psychotic breaks. What really bothers me about all this is that he is becoming paranoid, owns a gun and ammunition, and has occasional custody of a child. The system is failing E & F in a serious way.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Roscuro – Yes, we have been convinced for a while that he has, at the least, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We don’t think he has his own guns anymore, as he had to relinquish them after being committed to the psych ward the first time. (The recent incident with guns was with a friend who owned the guns, we believe.)
The system certainly leaves much to be desired.
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Do t kid yourself Karen. If he wants a gun he has a gun.
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all is quiet on the western front.
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Yeah, Kim, I realize he could get one if he wanted one.
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