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Our Daily Thread 4-3-13

Good Morning!

On this day in 1776 George Washington received an honorary Doctor of Laws degree from Harvard College .

In 1882 the American outlaw Jesse James was shot in the back and killed by Robert Ford for a $5,000 reward. There was later controversy over whether it was actually Jesse James that had been killed.

In 1942 the Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S. and Filipino troops at Bataan.

And in 1996 Unabomber suspect Theodore Kaczynski was arrested.

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Quote of the Day

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.” 

Washington Irving

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Mr. Gibson gets the music today. It was a tough choice. It’s also Wayne Newton and Richard Thompson’s birthdays as well.

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Who has a QoD for us today?

41 thoughts on “Our Daily Thread 4-3-13”

  1. Good morning. I hardly slept again last night (I got about four hours), but feel okay this morning. We had bookshelves built in the study last week and the guy is coming to stain them today. So, I’m stuck at home today. My house is clean, so I plan on doing some baking.

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  2. I made a comment yesterday that “even though life has eroded me and worn down some of the edges…” I have developed thick skin over the years but can still easily be hurt– lot’s of people don’t see to know or care that they have hurt me. I don’t like change but realized a long time ago that it is going to happen and there isn’t a whole lot I can do about it so I may as well jump on board and go with it. I don’t like things not being fair but have realized that life isn’t fair and there isn’t much I can do about that either. I hate the feeling of being left out of the “inner circle” or that someonel else has taken over my job, that I am not the “go to” person. I have over the years gained an understanding of it and do my best not to let it bother me.

    What has life eroded on you? What edges have been smoothed? How are you different than you were 5,10, 15, 25, 30 years ago? Or longer?
    What have you gained from this process?

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  3. Jesse James became an outlaw after the Government used the process of ceasing his family’s land to push through the Rail Road. This is why Jessie James always robbed trains.

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  5. I like the song, and I like the Jordanares and I like Don Gibson. But I like his guitar better than his singing.
    Kim, I used to worry about what people were thinking of me.
    Then, sometime late in life, I realized that they weren’t thinking of me at all. They are thinking about themselves.
    That is liberating.
    No matter where you are in life, you can’t live up to your imagination of someone’s expectation.
    I have to confess, most of this realization occurred after I retired. It makes a difference if you don’t have to answer to anyone.
    But, as I said before, if it’s a friend who is hurting you, you don’t need to put up with that sort of thing. It’ll hurt you, your family and your spiritual life because you become obsessed with something you can’t change.

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  6. Rough edges: I’m much gentler when I disagree with someone. I learned that the hard way in offending a couple authors early in my editing career. I come from a family with lots of brothers, some hard debating, and no one gets their feelings hurt over something as simple as a heated argument. Saying “this is where you’re wrong, and why” isn’t an insult. But, um, it can hurt people. A friend of mine once told me, “Cheryl, when you say something, it is like God has spoken, and there’s nothing else to say.” Whew. That one hit home. I can still “come on too strong,” and I still state my opinions with conviction, but I’ve tried to put more grace in how I communicate.

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  9. Oh come on!

    Really Linda? 🙂

    We should just give up now huh? After all, with only 161 games left to play there’s no chance of a comeback. 🙄

    You O’s fans were alot more fun when you stunk. 🙂

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  10. Kim – I feel for you. I’ve recently been greatly hurt by family, as you know, & I’m still feeling the sting of it. It is so very hard to be misunderstood, or to have bad motives ascribed to you, isn’t it? But you know that we know you are neither racist nor sexist, but you are a sweet, intelligent woman.

    “Cyber hugs” may not cut it, but here they are anyway. 🙂 {{{Hugs}}}

    One of the things I’ve learned in life that has helped me greatly is that if you’re bothered by something, either change it or seek contentment in the midst of it.

    My current problem (see my prayer request from last night) is that neither of those seem to be working. I know there has to be an answer in the middle somewhere, but I haven’t found that middle yet. I need to break out of this “feeling worn out & feeling down” mode.

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  11. I read that blog post Cheryl. It seems from what the blogger was complaining about was that the PCA now has church tribunals? If that is so, why are they not just adhering to Matt chapter 18 on church discipline?

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  12. That really is too bad, Cheryl. But I have to say, the blog post at the link you cited epitomizes the soap opera around Federal Vision. I just can’t keep track of the players and acronyms and charges, etc. I’m so confused!! 🙂

    Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but how does the blogger go from having the discernment to recognize the heterodoxy (or heresy) of FV, to lacking the same sense and joining the Catholic church? And then he titles his post “Should have *stayed* in the PCA” when he prosecuted Leithart, whom the PCA just exonerated?

    Totally confusing.

    What does SJC stand for? Something something Court?

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  13. Drivesguy, his main complaint is actually that they came to a conclusion that is not in accord with our stated doctrine: first the Word of God, then the Westminster Standards, and then a “position paper” written by the PCA on the very subject being addressed (Federal Vision). But he does say that maybe it doesn’t make sense to have such a judicial committee in the first place; I assume he means that the General Assembly should be the one judging such things, but I don’t know the details of such things and that’s just a guess. As to whether they can just adhere to Matthew 18 on church discipline, that isn’t the answer when it is the pastor who is out of accord with Scripture, as in this case. In such a case, there needs to be a court beyond the church. That’s what happened here. Only his presbytery found him “not guilty,” the case was appealed, and apparently the larger body also found him not guilty.

    SP, SJC= Standing Judicial Committee

    He prosecuted the case initially, but at some point he himself was out of accord and left. My husband has followed his defection (he was very saddened by it), but I don’t really know anything more than that.

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  14. Also, I’ve learned that one of the big causes of frustration & anger is when we feel we don’t have control over something we think we should have control over.

    I was so very frustrated & angry with R on Saturday. He has been out of work for a bit, & so has had time to take Forrest while Emily is working. His pattern, though, is to say he’ll pick him up, but then wait until he’ll only have to have him for a couple hours. There’ve been a couple times Emily worked all day, R said he’d take Forrest “for the day”, then picked him up around 4 in the afternoon.(But he also brags that he’d take him full-time if he could.)

    On Saturday, Emily was working noon to 5pm. I figured that being a weekend day, & being that she wasn’t working earlier hours (so R wouldn’t have to get up early, which he will refuse to do), she could drop Forrest off with R, & I would then have several hours of peace & quiet, & be able to catch up on some stuff.

    Emily knew I really wanted that time, so she texted R that she’d be dropping Forrest off around 11:30. (R’s home & Emily’s workplace are in the same town, about 1/2 hour away.) He texted back that he would pick him up. She texted back that no, she needed to drop Forrest off. He didn’t reply. When she tried again, he’d turned his phone off so she couldn’t reach him.

    I was so angry at his selfishness & arrogance. This was also on the heels of a day last week when I wasn’t feeling well, but had to babysit for 5 hours before R got around to picking up his son, less than an hour before Emily would get out of work.

    So, anyway, Forrest (I really do love my little guy!) was with us for most of the day. R picked him up just 5 minutes before Lee got home, so I didn’t have any time that day to do the things I’d wanted to do.

    I don’t mind babysitting when both parents are working, even if I don’t feel well, because “that’s life”. But when this young “man” is available but just won’t take his son, I can feel so frustrated with him. In this situation, I can’t say “I need you to take Forrest” or “You have to…”, because he just won’t. He just won’t. I have no say in it.

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  15. OK, just went to Green Baggins and saw the post about this (I like Green Baggins; I should have been going there more often to keep up with this mess). So between that and your clarification there, Cheryl, I’m a little less confused. Man, you have to read descriptions of this stuff 17 times just to keep things straight. Thanks a lot, Federal Vision! 😦

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  16. Karen O, one of the biggest ways children develop attachment disorders, which will make later years very difficult, is by not having a primary caregiver in the first three years. Changing caretakers is hard on them. If God is allowing you the opportunity to have him and give him the time to bond properly so he can avoid some of the later problems, it is a good thing and well worth your time. Don’t look at it as babysitting, but as an opportunity to make a huge difference. I am sure he seems bonded and is all happy but that does not mean his emotional needs are getting met. When that does not happen, a child will often stop looking to having them met and become very angry.

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  18. Interesting posts today! The men are doing a beautiful job of staining the bookshelves. I’ll be so excited when they are all through and I can finally take my books out of boxes!!!

    Kim’s QoD: Before dealing with chronic, debilitating migraines for about a decade, I used to get easily frustrated with people who couldn’t seem to “get it together.” I was very Type-A. Now, I’m able to realize that I have no idea what someone could be dealing with in their life or where they’ve come from. I’m much slower to anger and/or frustration (although I do still have my moments!). I have had to learn that it’s okay to not do things perfectly; sometimes, it’s okay to just do it “good enough” and be done with it. I’m much more compassionate than I was as an unbeliever because I realize how much compassion has been shown to me. I now pray for those who have heart me rather than focusing on how I can hurt them back. I, too, am sensitive to slights from other people, especially from members of my family. But, I’ve had to learn to live for an audience of one. My worth must come from my status as God’s daughter, not from people’s opinions of me.

    Karen O: I’m so sorry for the situation with Forrest’s dad. That must be so difficult. I’m glad you are able to have a relationship with him. I’m sure it will be so important to his development. I can completely understand your need for a few hours respite; that’s a difficult age! I’ll be praying for things to change…

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  19. Drivesguy, I know you’re joking, but first of all I didn’t say they didn’t follow Scripture about an accusation against an elder; I think that taking it to a church council is exactly what the New Testament church did. But this court came up with the wrong response, or seems to have, based on what we know so far. But we’re not interested in a Reformed Baptist church; we like our theologically sound church. We’re just dismayed and saddened at what this means for the future of our denomination.

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  20. The Lord today has lead me to read Jeremiah 1, as I am moving into the second month of being out of a job and the money in check is growing smaller and as faith is getting tested. This is what has jump out at me in Jeremiah 1.
    Jeremiah 1: 6 Then said I:“Ah, Lord GOD!
    Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth.” 7 But the LORD said to me: “Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’ For you shall go to all to whom I send you,
    And whatever I command you, you shall speak.
    8 Do not be afraid of their faces,
    For I am with you to deliver you,” says the LORD. 9 Then the LORD put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the LORD said to me: “Behold, I have put My words in your mouth.
    10 See, I have this day set you over the nations and over the kingdoms,
    To root out and to pull down,
    To destroy and to throw down,
    To build and to plant.”
    That God has called me, and I must put my faith in that. He has put his word in my mouth and I must speak the truth, regardless how people will respond. God will take care of the money issue, He will give me the strength for the family, to keep moving forward in Him and to keep speaking the truth.
    Jeremiah 1: 17 “Therefore prepare yourself and arise,
    And speak to them all that I command you.
    Do not be dismayed before their faces,
    Lest I dismay you before them.
    18 For behold, I have made you this day
    A fortified city and an iron pillar,
    And bronze walls against the whole land—
    Against the kings of Judah,
    Against its princes,
    Against its priests,
    And against the people of the land.
    19 They will fight against you,
    But they shall not prevail against you.
    For I am with you,” says the LORD, “to deliver you.”

    The God has given me the strength to stand, He has prepare me to face what is to come. In both my finical side of the family and the Spiritual side. That people will not understand, what God has called me to do and many will fight against it. But I must trust in God and speak what He has lead me to speak.

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  21. QoD, I seem to have had the opposite change than some others here. I have had to learn to take criticism. When I get a critique I have learned not to argue or discuss the matter at that moment. When I go away and think it over I can usually sort through constructive criticism that can be useful vs. good advise but not for me and my situation vs. an emotional or vindictive responses from the other party that should just be ignored.

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  22. As I have grown older and hopefully wiser, I do not get so easily angered or upset over things or feel the need to control people and environments as I see that other people need to. I use to be more of a perfectionist. Now I have relaxed in that aspect realizing there is a great correlation between escalating everything to be the best it can be and stress levels. God is the only perfectionist who can really get it right. At the Seder we sang some of the Jewish song about, “It Would Have Been Enough.” Most of you probably know of the song about all the wonderful things God has done but He kept on doing more. Now, I personally grant myself the peace of saying, “It is enough.” This goes along the lines of K.I.S.S. I also feel that life is too short to get drawn into many petty arguments. Some are worthy of my time, but not most.

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  23. I hadn’t thought of this, but I read in the Carolinian that someone with a computer and antenna can sit in a car outside my home and determine the time I leave home and return on a schedule. Also, if I’m out of town for a while.
    There’s no end of things that strangers can learn about someone today.
    😦

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  24. I have grown more patient over the years. I have learned to control the temper that runs in my family.

    AJ- Yeah, the Yanks will do better. And my Diamondbacks will not. .500 today, .333 after tonight’s game. That’s what they get for starting the season with a team like the Cardinals.

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  26. Do not read this comment. Two books (among many others) affected me a great deal. At the age of 10, I read the Bible. (I got stuck at Revelation and did not finish it.) I said to myself, “Written by humans.”

    At the age of 21 or so, I was told my a professor of English at Graduate school ( as I was studying English literature in general and Milton’s Paradise Lost in particular, to review a book on that poem for the seminar.

    Already bored with the class and the degree program, I floundered in the stacks and grabbed a book called MILTON’S GOD by William Empson. As soon as Empson started describing how God is clearly evil, I knew I had found the right book for me for me to review. As the Eagles said in their great song “HOTEL CALIFORNIA,” “They stab it with their steely knives, just can’t kill the beast…..” . As I reviewed the book before the class, the pompous professor looked at me with a look on his face that clearly said, “Oh, G*D, why do I have to have this nasty twit in my class. Why didn’t he take someone else’s seminar?” (As I am sure everyone who regularly reads this blog also says.)

    Most of the class looked on with ennui and disdain and said nothing, but one young woman (clearly an evangelical, I am pretty sure) said to me with great concern, “I would be very careful, if I were you. There might be more to Christianity than you think.”

    That was almost 50 years ago. I am getting closer and closer to the day when I will find out for myself if there is any there, there. Perhaps I will meet Mr. Milton

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  27. Mumsee – Forrest (almost 2 & 1/2) is very bonded with his beloved mommy (they’re still doing extended nursing, although not nearly as “on demand” as when he was a baby), as well as with his Papa & Mimi (Lee & me). He lives with us, remember, so we are there for him every day, with lots of interaction & lots of affection. We adore that little boy, & he knows it.

    Emily says we are Forrest’s secondary parents, that we are better parents to him than his own father. And Emily has our support, both emotionally & financially, to only work part-time, so she can spend more time with her son.

    When Emily leaves for work, Forrest is secure in being in his own home, with his Mimi & Auntie (& sometimes Papa, if it is his day off), so he waves goodbye, knowing “Mommy be back later.” Then he dives into happily playing with Mimi.

    R watches Forrest every now & then, but not very often. I only occasionally ask Emily to have him watch Forrest, & even then, he either bails on us or shortens the time he actually spends with him.

    In fact, it is a bit of a dilemma for me to even ask or want R to spend time with Forrest. We know that he isn’t even that good with his son, often relying on his mother or sister to help entertain the little guy. And we know (well, we very strongly suspect, due to a past experience) that R says bad things about Emily & us to him.

    So why on earth would we want R to spend time with our precious grandson? Because R is Forrest’s father, & Forrest needs to have a relationship with him. But we also know that eventually, that relationship is going to cause pain & confusion for this sweet little boy. (I’m crying as I type this.)

    What leads to the frustration that I mentioned in my previous comment is that R promises to “take him for the day” every now & then, but doesn’t. The few times I wasn’t feeling well, & he wasn’t working, he didn’t care, either not picking up Forrest at all, or only later in the day.

    The kicker is that he brags about how “mature & responsible” he is, accuses all of us of being “immature & irresponsible”, & claiming that he is “above [us] in every way”, claiming that he would take his son full-time if he could.

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  28. The fact that R is Forrest’s biological father doesn’t mean that he has to have a relationship with him. Not if that relationship is toxic. He needs a man in his life, but it doesn’t have to be his father.
    If he were my responsibility, I would keep him away from the other family as much as possible. (I say that only on the basis of your previous posts.)
    Chuck & Linda used to swap their kids off with us and the other grandparents often. Now, Becky & Brian send their’s over to Chuck & Linda. It works well.
    It’s just another place to be.

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  29. I agree with Chas. A child (especially a boy, but girls too) needs a man in their life, but it doesn’t HAVE to be their biological father. It sounds as if Forrest already had your husband, and that would be plenty if Dad is toxic.

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  30. Chas – The real man in Forrest’s life is his beloved Papa (Lee). Forrest gets so excited when Papa comes home from work, & loves to hang around him & “help” him with things. Lee often takes him with him to do errands. It is so cute to see my 6′ tall husband walking hand-in-hand with his little toddler grandson. 🙂

    As for R, he wants to be in Forrest’s life, & we can’t legally keep him out. R’s parents love Forrest & Forrest loves them.

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  32. Oh, hi Tammy. Your comment popped up after I posted.

    Our prayer is that God would take R out of Forrest’s life somehow, maybe by sending him away, or – even better! – saving & delivering him, replacing the “old R” with a new creation.

    There’s some snag in his plans to join the National Guard, but we hope they take him & send him away somewhere. And that when he comes back, he’ll be a changed man.

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  34. Karen O: Forrest is so fortunate to have you and your husband in his life, as is your daughter. I know of many single mothers who would love to have supportive parents who delight in their child. I will be praying for all of you.

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  35. Bookshelves were supposed to be finished today, but, alas, they are not. Men are returning to finish the project tomorrow morning. My house smells absolutely awful. I’ve got all the windows open and the smell is still quite strong. Yuck!!!

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  37. I wrote a book over on the prayer thread. 😉 I welcome any comments or advice any of you would like to offer regarding the situation I mentioned there. Thank you.

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  39. Thanks, Kim. 🙂 And thanks to everyone who chimed in with words of advice or encouragement.

    Our sweet little guy zonked out early this evening. He had quite a day, playing outside for most of it. Tomorrow is supposed to be pretty nice – a high of 53*, mostly sunny, so I’m sure we’ll be outside for much of the day.

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