Oh, Jo, that is not a good beginning. I would especially not be happy about someone else telling her about the spare key. Such things can be shared around too much.
Also, I found it interesting that Dj’s friend has been cleared to dive. Must be an Olympics thing. 😉
Morning! Hope you are getting some rest Kathaleena. Is the family still there?😊
Jo I am so sorry this adventure is off to a rough start. Praying the road smooths and there to be an understanding of consideration for her gracious hostess.❣️
Oh, Jo! Such a rude way to begin a visit. She needs to be staying in another situation. Maybe in a tent out back? It seems unimaginable to me that anyone would think that is okay.
Jo, hence the importance of ground rules. You have not talked yet so she would not know your expectations. After she has a good night of rest, have the talk. I, for one, will be praying for words and ears. Not really a setback unless she repeats after the talk.
One generation’s definition of considerate may well differ from another generations’ so be sure to discuss what that means to both of you. Not just: be considerate.
This could really turn into an incredibly beautiful time for you and a blessing of growth and family for her.
We are starting out in the high seventies and will get about ten degrees warmer today. Probably average for here. It does feel muggy since we had rain last night.
Happy Monday! I already dropped by the vet to get some calming med for when I take Miss B for her rabies shot appt.
Every three years is too frequent. If she never escaped for a jaunt around the carport then I think we could avoid shots, but she still has a bit of wanderlust in her.
We have visiting cats and other creatures around our home perimeter. Yesterday two squirrels came by, one on the window ledge, as I baked my apple banana almond cookie bars outside in the carport.
I see Mumsee.is so much more gracious than I am. At one point I thought I had the spiritual gift of mercy as it showed up on one of those tests, but truly, I can be so harsh! Hospitality has never been modeled for me so I need lessons at this late age.
Not at all, Janice! As I mentioned on yesterday’s rather long post about “ the talk”, I do have a lot of experience with this. Both in the area of children (whether foster, adopted, bio, nieces, nephews, neighbor children, or grands) and in the military hosting young folk in different situations. Some come in and get right to work helping the stay go well. Others are very shy and don’t know what to do so don’t do anything, but they would like to help (that is me). And others believe they are not accountable to anybody, even when staying for free.
It will be low seventies here, so quite pleasant for me. I get my permanent crown today and that will stop the slight pain I feel at times. So grateful for a good dentist and the others in the office.
NJ, I really had no problem getting rest, since the visitors were off with the other family for most of the weekend. I even had time to grab a nap. I also had to put most of the food we bought in the freezer. It took me awhile, but I have learned to fuss less when they come. Since we will have another daughter and 3 grands visit in a couple of weeks, the food can be used then.
We did have a good time together when they were here. We played a game with them and my granddaughter and a grandson had the pleasure of each winning a game. There is never enough time, however. Then again, if it were longer I would need to be setting out some rules like Jo.
Must be moving in. Let her know you both need to talk before she heads out on her next great adventure, get some ground rules in place and see how it goes from there!
Yes, what Mumsee said about one generation’s definition of considerate being different from another generation’s is what I was thinking, too. Where we would not consider a text as good enough, the younger generations see it as real communication.
With these inter-generational differences, let alone different personalities and temperaments, grace is sorely needed on both sides.
Son arrived for a visit. He is easy as long as there is food around, and he will go to the store if we don’t have the food that he desires. Our main entertainment is playing games and watching movies. Our long walks at the park are out for right now, but with the heat and bugs in August that is okay.
Kizzie, I am glad they are with you. I think that is a God made arrangement.
Son has been working in his room on what he will be teaching this fall. Occasionally I feel like it’s deja vu from homeschooling days. He has always been an intense academic.
We were out for an evening walk when the neighbor across the road was pulling into his driveway. His grown daughter moved out of their house a month or so ago and into her own little house just around the corner. I said she must be happy to have her own place and that he must be happy, too. He said he misses her. Honestly, they could hardly be closer in distance. Although, she is living with a boyfriend, so there is that. It is nice when the generations can get along.
You know, I was a very obedient child, never made waves, submitted fully to strict rules. I was 20 when I moved out, for instance, and I still had a 10:30 bedtime. Not a curfew, a bedtime. If my light wasn’t out at 10:30, Mom would come down the hall to chastise me and turn it off. (I didn’t even own a radio, wasn’t being noisy, and her bedroom was the complete opposite end of the house. I think her day just didn’t feel “complete” unless she knew everyone was in bed.)
Well, at 20 I was moving out and into an apartment with my sister and a friend, and somehow my sister and I ended up inviting our younger brother (who was 17 and still at home) to go to supper with us. And when we finished supper, either my sister or I came up with the idea that she and I could go to the all-night grocery store and get stocked up on staples (since we already had the key to the apartment), and we asked our brother to tell our mom we were doing so.
So, for the first time in my life, I was out past my bedtime without being with my parents . . . but it simply never occurred to me that it could be a problem for my mother. I wasn’t being disrespectful or willfully disobedient; I just was mentally all but moved out, and it was only a technicality whether I moved out today or tomorrow (since we’d already signed the lease and gotten the key).
I got home, quickly got ready for bed, and went to bed right away (I had to work the next morning). Mom came in, flipped on my light, and chastised me for getting home so late, which ended up stressing me out and making it a long time before I fell asleep.
It was quite a few years later that I realized Mom probably imagined that we’d have supper as a family and a quiet evening, maybe some reminiscing. She likely felt hurt, maybe disrespected, but I simply was in the process of moving out (and was only living a few miles away) and never thought about the specific details.
Sometimes it’s as simple as that, that you don’t think about the way the other person may think about the situation.
Before reading other people’s suggestions, I was going to say that really is the primary rule, if she’s an adult: She doesn’t need to ask permission to be out late (again, that’s assuming she’s an adult), but does need to give a general sense of when she plans to be back home, especially if it’s going to be late. Our daughters had to ask permission until they graduated from high school; after graduation, they simply had to tell us when they expected to be home, and to call us if that changed. Truth is, even unrelated housemates should give each other that courtesy. If you’re usually home by 8:00 and it looks like you’ll be out till 10:00 tonight, give a heads up. And if you’re inviting people to come to the house, give a heads up beforehand.
Also, think about what isn’t allowed (and don’t state it as something that only she is forbidden, but as something that isn’t done in this house (things you won’t be doing either)–again, assuming she’s an adult. If she’s a kid, I would state it as something that isn’t allowed. For instance, no unrelated males can spend the night and no guys can be in the bedrooms at all, that sort of thing.
Also tell her the positives, what she can expect from you. For instance, if you want her to cook once a week but you’ll provide the rest of the food (or she cooks once a week, you cook twice a week but you’ll provide the food), tell her what you are offering. If she’s welcome to have friends over as long as she tells you in advance, tell her so. If she can have a garden or a cat, tell her so. Maybe give her a shelf in the fridge and another in a cabinet. (These are ideas gleaned from twenty-plus years with housemates; they might not all be relevant.)
Wandering Views 
Oh, Jo, that is not a good beginning. I would especially not be happy about someone else telling her about the spare key. Such things can be shared around too much.
Also, I found it interesting that Dj’s friend has been cleared to dive. Must be an Olympics thing. 😉
Good morning. I hope everyone has a good week.
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Morning! Hope you are getting some rest Kathaleena. Is the family still there?😊
Jo I am so sorry this adventure is off to a rough start. Praying the road smooths and there to be an understanding of consideration for her gracious hostess.❣️
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Oh, Jo! Such a rude way to begin a visit. She needs to be staying in another situation. Maybe in a tent out back? It seems unimaginable to me that anyone would think that is okay.
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Good morning, all. Another beautiful day here, bird’s are singing, roosters are crowing.
mumsee
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Jo, hence the importance of ground rules. You have not talked yet so she would not know your expectations. After she has a good night of rest, have the talk. I, for one, will be praying for words and ears. Not really a setback unless she repeats after the talk.
One generation’s definition of considerate may well differ from another generations’ so be sure to discuss what that means to both of you. Not just: be considerate.
This could really turn into an incredibly beautiful time for you and a blessing of growth and family for her.
mumsee
LikeLiked by 3 people
We are starting out in the high seventies and will get about ten degrees warmer today. Probably average for here. It does feel muggy since we had rain last night.
Happy Monday! I already dropped by the vet to get some calming med for when I take Miss B for her rabies shot appt.
Every three years is too frequent. If she never escaped for a jaunt around the carport then I think we could avoid shots, but she still has a bit of wanderlust in her.
We have visiting cats and other creatures around our home perimeter. Yesterday two squirrels came by, one on the window ledge, as I baked my apple banana almond cookie bars outside in the carport.
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Janice, a lot of young people do, indeed, think that. They believe being grownup means no accountability.
mumsee
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I see Mumsee.is so much more gracious than I am. At one point I thought I had the spiritual gift of mercy as it showed up on one of those tests, but truly, I can be so harsh! Hospitality has never been modeled for me so I need lessons at this late age.
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Not at all, Janice! As I mentioned on yesterday’s rather long post about “ the talk”, I do have a lot of experience with this. Both in the area of children (whether foster, adopted, bio, nieces, nephews, neighbor children, or grands) and in the military hosting young folk in different situations. Some come in and get right to work helping the stay go well. Others are very shy and don’t know what to do so don’t do anything, but they would like to help (that is me). And others believe they are not accountable to anybody, even when staying for free.
mumsee
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It will be low seventies here, so quite pleasant for me. I get my permanent crown today and that will stop the slight pain I feel at times. So grateful for a good dentist and the others in the office.
NJ, I really had no problem getting rest, since the visitors were off with the other family for most of the weekend. I even had time to grab a nap. I also had to put most of the food we bought in the freezer. It took me awhile, but I have learned to fuss less when they come. Since we will have another daughter and 3 grands visit in a couple of weeks, the food can be used then.
We did have a good time together when they were here. We played a game with them and my granddaughter and a grandson had the pleasure of each winning a game. There is never enough time, however. Then again, if it were longer I would need to be setting out some rules like Jo.
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And some of their parents would be aghast at their behavior, and others think it just fine.
mumsee
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it was quite noisy here at one am. Lots of bumps and thumps
prayers for wisdom
jo
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Must be moving in. Let her know you both need to talk before she heads out on her next great adventure, get some ground rules in place and see how it goes from there!
Praying.
mumsee
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Today, the youngest two begin driver’ training. Of the fifteen, only three took that, but we are not up to teaching these two.
mumsee
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Yes, what Mumsee said about one generation’s definition of considerate being different from another generation’s is what I was thinking, too. Where we would not consider a text as good enough, the younger generations see it as real communication.
With these inter-generational differences, let alone different personalities and temperaments, grace is sorely needed on both sides.
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I am also praying for the visit.
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Son arrived for a visit. He is easy as long as there is food around, and he will go to the store if we don’t have the food that he desires. Our main entertainment is playing games and watching movies. Our long walks at the park are out for right now, but with the heat and bugs in August that is okay.
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My daughter and grandson are visiting for a long stretch.
Oh, wait. They live here.
Never mind. 😀
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kizzie, haha
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Kizzie, I am glad they are with you. I think that is a God made arrangement.
Son has been working in his room on what he will be teaching this fall. Occasionally I feel like it’s deja vu from homeschooling days. He has always been an intense academic.
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Janice – I am glad they are with me, too. 🙂
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We were out for an evening walk when the neighbor across the road was pulling into his driveway. His grown daughter moved out of their house a month or so ago and into her own little house just around the corner. I said she must be happy to have her own place and that he must be happy, too. He said he misses her. Honestly, they could hardly be closer in distance. Although, she is living with a boyfriend, so there is that. It is nice when the generations can get along.
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You know, I was a very obedient child, never made waves, submitted fully to strict rules. I was 20 when I moved out, for instance, and I still had a 10:30 bedtime. Not a curfew, a bedtime. If my light wasn’t out at 10:30, Mom would come down the hall to chastise me and turn it off. (I didn’t even own a radio, wasn’t being noisy, and her bedroom was the complete opposite end of the house. I think her day just didn’t feel “complete” unless she knew everyone was in bed.)
Well, at 20 I was moving out and into an apartment with my sister and a friend, and somehow my sister and I ended up inviting our younger brother (who was 17 and still at home) to go to supper with us. And when we finished supper, either my sister or I came up with the idea that she and I could go to the all-night grocery store and get stocked up on staples (since we already had the key to the apartment), and we asked our brother to tell our mom we were doing so.
So, for the first time in my life, I was out past my bedtime without being with my parents . . . but it simply never occurred to me that it could be a problem for my mother. I wasn’t being disrespectful or willfully disobedient; I just was mentally all but moved out, and it was only a technicality whether I moved out today or tomorrow (since we’d already signed the lease and gotten the key).
I got home, quickly got ready for bed, and went to bed right away (I had to work the next morning). Mom came in, flipped on my light, and chastised me for getting home so late, which ended up stressing me out and making it a long time before I fell asleep.
It was quite a few years later that I realized Mom probably imagined that we’d have supper as a family and a quiet evening, maybe some reminiscing. She likely felt hurt, maybe disrespected, but I simply was in the process of moving out (and was only living a few miles away) and never thought about the specific details.
Sometimes it’s as simple as that, that you don’t think about the way the other person may think about the situation.
Before reading other people’s suggestions, I was going to say that really is the primary rule, if she’s an adult: She doesn’t need to ask permission to be out late (again, that’s assuming she’s an adult), but does need to give a general sense of when she plans to be back home, especially if it’s going to be late. Our daughters had to ask permission until they graduated from high school; after graduation, they simply had to tell us when they expected to be home, and to call us if that changed. Truth is, even unrelated housemates should give each other that courtesy. If you’re usually home by 8:00 and it looks like you’ll be out till 10:00 tonight, give a heads up. And if you’re inviting people to come to the house, give a heads up beforehand.
Also, think about what isn’t allowed (and don’t state it as something that only she is forbidden, but as something that isn’t done in this house (things you won’t be doing either)–again, assuming she’s an adult. If she’s a kid, I would state it as something that isn’t allowed. For instance, no unrelated males can spend the night and no guys can be in the bedrooms at all, that sort of thing.
Also tell her the positives, what she can expect from you. For instance, if you want her to cook once a week but you’ll provide the rest of the food (or she cooks once a week, you cook twice a week but you’ll provide the food), tell her what you are offering. If she’s welcome to have friends over as long as she tells you in advance, tell her so. If she can have a garden or a cat, tell her so. Maybe give her a shelf in the fridge and another in a cabinet. (These are ideas gleaned from twenty-plus years with housemates; they might not all be relevant.)
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