Good morning again.
I had some problem last night because she wanted to go over to Polly’s.
I convinced her that Polly was already in bed with Mel.
So? It was easily resolved,
Good Morning Everyone. Why is it that you can have days, even weeks when nothing much is happening then suddenly everything is on fire and needs to be handled NOW and you are double booked? Such is life.
Tomorrow I will leave home, work, then attend Cirque Du Soleil Axel. Clare and I have dinner plans then the show. I will spend the night at her house rather than come home late. Friday I will haul myself out to P’cola Beach for the women’s retreat. Temperatures will be cool with some rain. The beach can be gorgeous in those conditions.
I told the staff at the meeting yesterday morning that I wanted to not have to answer an email, text, or phone call. They told me they had my back. Mr. P is somewhat jealous that I have this planned.
I realized this past week that at 5’4″ and “of a certain age”, I am going through a growth spurt. It all began with the situation with the receptionist. Then there was a book discussed here that sent me reeling. Next was the recommendation of a book Love Me Don’t Leave Me. Several years ago (2016), Mr P and I went to marriage counceling, when the therapist released us, she said that I had “abandonment issues” and she wanted me to come back. When her office called and wanted me to pay $500 as a “new patient”, I told them I was cured, thank you very much.
There is some sort of statistic that makes the rounds that there are 2,000 negative words in the English language and only about 1,000 positive ones. I know all the negative ones and repeat them to myself on an endless loop. I am working on rewiring my brain.
For today I will let go of the past so that I can be available for the present and the future.
Morning! Kim around here we would say “that’s good thinkin’ “. Sometime I find myself in a funk and I am reminded to “take every thought captive”. I try to encourage while still being realistic. Working through the yuck in this life with with the compassion and direction from our Lord is quite a comfort. Have a blessed busy time this week. As for me I will be hunkered down in the snow reading and doing some stitching 😊
I have church this morning, late afternoon and evening. I already had a chance to offer a ride to Bible study. Gotta get myself ready and in gear to venture out on the road. Beware! Student Driver, deja vu.
The butterfly is a variegated fritillary, and as far as I know I never saw one until a year ago. Isn’t it pretty? The outside of its wings are pretty, too, but this is a species that feeds with its wings open, and I haven’t gotten good photos with its wings closed.
First morning regimen for the cat meds, not going well. I need to give her a syringe filled with an antibiotic but it has to be given with food.
She seems to feel fine, but would not eat. So I decided she must be having some mouth pain. Out comes the syringe filled with pain med, I jam it in her mouth but don’t get much of it in before she vanishes.
I have a 9 a.m. meeting with someone at a local coffee house for a story I’m working on so I need to get ready and get out of here.
Meanwhile, someone posted a photo of a mountain lion on the roof of a local shopping center, supposedly. I may finally, after all these years and after so many mythical, never-confirmed sightings, get to do a real local mountain lion story.
I think most of us suffer from stinkin’ thinkin’ and that is why the bible mentions all it does about our thoughts. He even tells us to pray when we are anxious and He will give us that peace beyond understanding and GUARD our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Boy, do we need that! I have to remind myself all the time. So grateful we have the bible to help us remember and The Holy Spirit!
1/3 This past week (more than that, really) has been quite hard. I try to avoid posting personal stuff that involves other people, though some of you know of this. And I probably won’t post beyond this initial post, though if you have my e-mail address you are welcome to e-mail me and ask a question or two.
The first troubling thing has been our previous pastor (pastor of our last church) being in the hospital fighting for his life—and his wife told us yesterday that if it weren’t for the modern ability to cut through the ribs (a very painful surgery) and get into the lungs, this would have killed him. My husband was chair of the pulpit committee that brought him to our church, and sees him as the best friend he has had in many years and like a brother, so even from afar it has been really hard to “see” him suffer and to not know the outcome. (We have been calling and texting with his wife, and my husband has been the one sending out reports to other pastors.)
The second thing is an ongoing issue, very painful and sorrowful to me, that has come to a crisis point in the last few months and a sorrowful conclusion this month: My only sister (we have five brothers), the one who was widowed and left with five children six years ago, has become alienated from me by her own actions.
2/3 When I was preparing to marry, she had all sorts of demands about how we should conduct the courtship, including tearful pleas that we commit not to touch each other until after we were married and an ongoing insistence that our oldest brother must sign off or we could not legitimately marry. (Remember I was 44 years old, and each of his trips to Nashville he stayed with my shepherding elder and his wife, who got to know him well and heartily approved—he stayed with them in all about 40 days, leaving a grocery gift card as a “thank you” at the end of each visit. My pastor also spent multiple hours with us and approved, and so did all my local friends; my second oldest brother, the one I was closest to, spent a few hours with us and agreed to “give me away.” The oldest brother who was “supposed to sign off” ended up not even meeting my husband until our first anniversary.) She had all kinds of charges about why my husband was not a good man for me (this before she even met him), and after she did meet him (the weekend of my bridal shower), she continued to oppose the match and try to get our oldest brother to intervene.
Shortly before we married, she told me that she “hadn’t felt close to me” since shortly after her own marriage, because allegedly I wrote her a letter demanding that we talk on the phone more and she thought that disrespected her husband. (I never wrote such a letter; we continued to talk on the phone several hours a week well past the period of this alleged letter, and anyway I would have understood if she had less time to talk than she did.) It was an “aha” moment for me, because in all the travels to be with her after the births of each child, her house fire, quite a few Christmases, and more, it always felt like there was a distance between us, though all of her children adore me. But I’d committed to call each child on their birthday and buy a gift for each child for each Christmas, to travel to see them several times a year while I lived in the South, and otherwise to play my role in letting her children have the “extended family” we didn’t have growing up. When her husband died suddenly, my husband and I dropped everything and drove down there, and stayed for two weeks, helping her get life insurance proceeds applied for, a will drawn up, better equipment for mowing their acreage, and so forth, as well as simply being there for her and the children and helping with household tasks.
After she was widowed, I determined to do as much as I could from afar, and tried to call her every week. She only accepted about one in three calls from me, and after six or eight months of that, I cut back to calling her every three or four weeks—and then she told me she thought I didn’t care about her.
3/3 Two or three years ago she closed off relationship with our youngest brother (who had been the sibling she was closest to in childhood); she has not accepted a phone call from him since. I chose not to take sides (though eventually I had heard enough to believe that she is actually the one at fault), and it angered her that I did not take sides. She began to make all kinds of accusations about me, including that I lack empathy for her, that we have a “fake” relationship, and that I am a master manipulator. More than a year ago she told me that she had decided to accept phone calls only on Sunday (she never makes phone calls herself, not having long distance on her phone—though now that she has a cell phone, she probably could). Though Sunday isn’t the best day for me to make phone calls, I tried multiple Sundays and only reached her once—I suspect in retrospect she found it easier to screen calls from me if she limited me to one day a week. In all of 2018 we talked a grand total of about two hours, nearly all of it before her “only on Sundays” stipulation made in spring 2018—remember this is someone with whom I talked three or four hours a week into our thirties.
At some point she sent me an e-mail saying she wouldn’t accept my phone calls until we worked through our “issues” with each other (my manipulation and lack of empathy). I answered her charges, showing her for example decades worth of times I have “been there” for her, and pointing out that the examples of manipulation she gave were not (by definition) manipulation. I also kept telling her all the things I like about her, how we are the only pair of sisters on my mom’s side of the family and that is something we shouldn’t take for granted but should treasure, and so forth. In the last year, we have talked by phone about 15 minutes (total), mostly just her answering the phone when I call for her children’s birthdays, with one call last week (about five minutes) to check on her and the kids. “Working through issues” with someone who is certain you are a bad person is not a useful exercise, and months of answering her charges (or apologizing if even vaguely warranted) has brought no progress. I told her I am willing to have relationship with her, but not to “work through issues” outside of relationship—I called her pretty much to see if she would accept my call or if it was time to call it quits. After the brief conversation, she doubled down and told me no further contact with her or her children until we have worked through the issues . . . and it is clear we never can work through the issues to her satisfaction. I am preparing one final letter (snail mail) to tell her goodbye. I continue to pray that God will soften her heart toward me, but meanwhile I do grieve for a 50-year relationship that is ending needlessly. I’ve told her I am not a perfect sister, but my conscience is clear concerning her, that I have loved her and all five of her children with all five of the love languages through the years, and that I am not guilty of the charges. Ultimately, this isn’t about me, it’s about her. But that doesn’t keep it from hurting.
I haven’t said anything on here because I don’t want to disrespect her in any way, and I’m not looking to host a pity party. But I think all of you know how much I have worked to be part of her life (even our move a year ago was partly to be closer to her), and I thought it was time for an update and a request for prayer.
Oh, Cheryl, that is so sad. I am praying that she will see what she is doing and soon correct her thinking. I can’t imagine not being able to talk with my sister.
It is sad to see relationships broken and sometimes for the strangest of reasons. They are so important. But sometimes you just have to let it go and leave it in His hands. Praying for you.
Kim, I know nothing of her current church except one thing that I won’t say because not everyone in Alabama fits the caricatures–I only know she left her previous church because one of my brothers told me a few months ago, but there have been strong concerns about her last four churches. (For instance, the church two churches ago–whose pastor is still legally the named guardian of her children–the pastor found out that she was looking at other churches, and he told her that was spiritual adultery and he would bring her under church discipline if she persisted. A fairly new widow at the time, though part of her knew that he was wrong–and when she called me, I confirmed with Scripture that she is wrong, because spiritual adultery is leaving Jesus, not going from one church to another one–she still ended up being intimidated enough to stop looking at other churches for a while.) I know she is going to patriarchal churches and that there have been serious issues in each of her last four churches, but I have no idea if that is the primary problem, or something else.
I’m so sorry, Cheryl. Seems that you’ve done all you can and it is her issue, but that doesn’t make the ‘break’ any easier. Praying she’ll come around sooner rather than later.
Had a 2-hour interview with a source (and another one stopped by which was good, too) about all the residential development in the works for our smallish seaside area. Big changes ahead and I don’t think many people are quite aware of it all.
We’re having another very hot day and it’ll be hotter tomorrow — 91 degrees (it’s only 80ish today, but I suppose since I was sitting at a cafe table outside in the mid-morning sun if felt a whole lot hotter).
The cat seems to be missing, I locked all the animals in this morning when I left for my interview so she’s probably somewhere in the spare room hiding; but it’s odd behavior for her and makes me think she’s having some pain and is not feeling so good today. I tried to give her a pain med dose this morning, but most of it misfired. She wouldn’t eat anything and won’t even meow when I call her, which is odd. I need to give her an antibiotic dose, too, which is important, but that needs to be given with food. And it helps if the patient/cat is visible.
Much of the new development is being sparked by our area being declared an “Opportunity Zone” which is: an economically-distressed community where new investments, under certain conditions, may be eligible for preferential tax treatment.
DJ, any chance she is on the roof of a local shopping center? She is probably just tucked away, complaining about the mistreatment, exercising her right to rest and recover. It would be nice if she would cooperate with her meds though.
I, too, am sorry to hear of the pain your sister is causing you and herself. From what you said it sounds like she has depression that has opened up a route into her heart for a bitter root to take over. Do you know what her love language is? After my friend blew up at me, I sent her a few meaningful small gifts to show I cared about her and wanted to bring her joy. That seemed to help us to get back on better terms. In making my movement toward peace without expressing any need for reciprocation I was leaving the whole situation in God’s hands if He wants relationships to thrive and flourish then He will make a way.
Yeah, I’m not super worried about the cat, just a bit concerned. She’s probably done this in the distant past, just isn’t her usual MO, she’s pretty social (although at the vet’s, once she’s out of her crate, she hunkers down so they’ll often just throw a blanket over her so she can hide better).
Janice, believe me that the issue is not that I haven’t done enough to love her well or that if I just did that one more thing she would change her view of me. Going any farther down that route lies madness–I have already mentally gone through the list of all five love languages, and I have loved her in all of them, even the ones that come least naturally to me.
Morning all. Yes, it is morning here. Yesterday a friend at school came to tell me that she has a car for me. What!! They don’t have a car, but someone asked them to care for their car while they are gone and they asked if I could use it until my furlough in December. What a blessing.
The cat reappeared, I managed to get some more pain med into her but she still doesn’t seem to want to eat. I violated the vet’s recommendations by letting her meander into the backyard. A cat’s gotta do what a cat’s gotta do.
I like where I live. Just reading in the local paper about two guys running for schoolboard. One is a farmer, the other a rancher. Story ends with:
Wemhoff said his opponent would be a good person for the job as well.
“I think we’d both be good candidates,” he said.
Branson agreed, and said he wasn’t going to actively campaign against Wemhoff.
“If he wins, he would be a good fit for it as well, ” Branson said.
Both of them are good guys, care about the community, and want to serve. But they are not going to attack each other over it. At the end of the show, they will still shake hands if they meet on the street.
The same thought did occur to me, saying nothing at this point might be best. It’s fairly clear where the situation has been left for now, and perhaps simply a break in communication efforts or attempts might soothe things over — in time. Seems like nothing more *needs* to be said.
I’m really going to need a new hot water heater soon. 😦
Segments in our community have become quite vicious in their online postings, unfortunately; publicly “outing” (true or not) affairs going on between some public officials (complete with photos), ripping people up in some pretty mean language. It’s so sad, social media brings out the absolute worst in some people.
I’m still trying to get the scoop on the mountain lion.
My heart hurts for you, Cheryl. I have a contentious relationship with my one and only sister. It makes me sad and I do all I can to make it as good as it can be. We are decent to one another in direct conversation and the few times we are together, although she can go ballistic on me. We have to communicate as she is my mom’s caregiver. She lies about me on social media and I cannot wholly trust her. I was like you trying over and over, but I realize, other than prayer there is not much I can do. I try not to talk about it to others or involve them in it. I can only hope people recognize the lies for what they are. I love her and I really believe she loves me, in spite of her behavior. I can honestly say I have never tried to harm her in any way and have tried to always do what was right in God’s eyes concerning her. I hope someday we may have a truly good relationship. It hurts, but I have learned through her and others, I cannot change anyone but myself. So, sorry she is hurting no only you, but others who love her, apparently. Also sorry she seems to have some very bad theology she is listening to and believing.
Snowing…. ❄️
Dj I forget..how old is Annie? I know the anesthesia is harder on them (and us) the older they/we get. When Babe had her last teeth cleaning she was loopy and odd behaving for two weeks. She would look at me with that “how could you! “ stare. I am hoping that is all it is with sweet Annie…..
Michelle and DJ. I think that at this point she thinks the conversation is continuing, so I think the kindest thing to do is to send her a firm letter closing the door, and explaining why it is closing, but letting her know I don’t see this as a ban from her ever contacting me again. In other words, I’m through with trying to contact her–forever if need be, though hopefully that won’t be the case–but I’m not “writing her off.” If someday she decides “I really was rotten to Cheryl, and I miss her–but with all I did, she may not be willing to hear from me,” she can remember that when I told her goodbye, I specified that I was saying goodbye to business as usual, not the possibility it could someday be something different. I don’t want to be the boyfriend who just stops calling without telling you he’s breaking up with you, but the one who explains gently that at this point in your lives you just aren’t right for each other.
Nancyjill, Annie is 12 so on the older side — it could just be a delayed rebound. I’ve called and left a message for the vet but after that Annie did actually eat a couple bites of food; I’d put down a very small saucer of milk, which she usually enjoys but ignored at first, then took a couple small laps. She’s up and about, meowing and acting much more normal, but she should be really, really hungry since she hadn’t eaten since last night (and not a lot then, either).
Vet called, said only to hold off on giving her the antibiotic until tomorrow to make sure she’s “really” eating — she’s only been eating a couple bites so far here and there late this afternoon and the antibiotic has to be given “with food” or it will upset their system.
DJ – It seems that cats are particularly difficult to give medicine to. I’ll say a prayer for Annie to cooperate with you, or that you will find a good trick to accomplish getting the medicine into her.
My sweet neighbor has several neighborhood ladies over tonight for desserts and snacks. Since it was snowing so beautifully outside (5 inches so far) she put on Christmas music. What a lovely evening and I am thankful I only had to but walk across the back of the property to get to her house. The pine branches are hanging low due to the wet heavy snow…I believe I heard someone say there are only 9 Mondays left until Christmas! 🎄 😊
So thankful to hear Miss Annie is doing better Dj…🐱
Last time I had to squirt medicine into Annie’s mouth, I’d managed to get a technique going where I would dose her at her food dish. But it’s not working this time.
The medicine is squirting everywhere, on her face, into the air, the cat sprouting 4 more legs and leaping out of my grip, sending the dogs running through the house to get away from the commotion.
Dogs really are easier — canned cheese ‘whiz’ makes everything go down with enthusiasm, doggie “smiles” and adoration for such a wonderful owner.
Wandering Views 
Good morning again.
I had some problem last night because she wanted to go over to Polly’s.
I convinced her that Polly was already in bed with Mel.
So? It was easily resolved,
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Good Morning Everyone. Why is it that you can have days, even weeks when nothing much is happening then suddenly everything is on fire and needs to be handled NOW and you are double booked? Such is life.
Tomorrow I will leave home, work, then attend Cirque Du Soleil Axel. Clare and I have dinner plans then the show. I will spend the night at her house rather than come home late. Friday I will haul myself out to P’cola Beach for the women’s retreat. Temperatures will be cool with some rain. The beach can be gorgeous in those conditions.
I told the staff at the meeting yesterday morning that I wanted to not have to answer an email, text, or phone call. They told me they had my back. Mr. P is somewhat jealous that I have this planned.
I realized this past week that at 5’4″ and “of a certain age”, I am going through a growth spurt. It all began with the situation with the receptionist. Then there was a book discussed here that sent me reeling. Next was the recommendation of a book Love Me Don’t Leave Me. Several years ago (2016), Mr P and I went to marriage counceling, when the therapist released us, she said that I had “abandonment issues” and she wanted me to come back. When her office called and wanted me to pay $500 as a “new patient”, I told them I was cured, thank you very much.
There is some sort of statistic that makes the rounds that there are 2,000 negative words in the English language and only about 1,000 positive ones. I know all the negative ones and repeat them to myself on an endless loop. I am working on rewiring my brain.
For today I will let go of the past so that I can be available for the present and the future.
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Morning! Kim around here we would say “that’s good thinkin’ “. Sometime I find myself in a funk and I am reminded to “take every thought captive”. I try to encourage while still being realistic. Working through the yuck in this life with with the compassion and direction from our Lord is quite a comfort. Have a blessed busy time this week. As for me I will be hunkered down in the snow reading and doing some stitching 😊
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A $500 doctor’s fee can cure lots of ailments.
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Good morning! Another beautiful header!
I have church this morning, late afternoon and evening. I already had a chance to offer a ride to Bible study. Gotta get myself ready and in gear to venture out on the road. Beware! Student Driver, deja vu.
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The butterfly is a variegated fritillary, and as far as I know I never saw one until a year ago. Isn’t it pretty? The outside of its wings are pretty, too, but this is a species that feeds with its wings open, and I haven’t gotten good photos with its wings closed.
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First morning regimen for the cat meds, not going well. I need to give her a syringe filled with an antibiotic but it has to be given with food.
She seems to feel fine, but would not eat. So I decided she must be having some mouth pain. Out comes the syringe filled with pain med, I jam it in her mouth but don’t get much of it in before she vanishes.
I have a 9 a.m. meeting with someone at a local coffee house for a story I’m working on so I need to get ready and get out of here.
Meanwhile, someone posted a photo of a mountain lion on the roof of a local shopping center, supposedly. I may finally, after all these years and after so many mythical, never-confirmed sightings, get to do a real local mountain lion story.
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I think most of us suffer from stinkin’ thinkin’ and that is why the bible mentions all it does about our thoughts. He even tells us to pray when we are anxious and He will give us that peace beyond understanding and GUARD our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Boy, do we need that! I have to remind myself all the time. So grateful we have the bible to help us remember and The Holy Spirit!
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1/3 This past week (more than that, really) has been quite hard. I try to avoid posting personal stuff that involves other people, though some of you know of this. And I probably won’t post beyond this initial post, though if you have my e-mail address you are welcome to e-mail me and ask a question or two.
The first troubling thing has been our previous pastor (pastor of our last church) being in the hospital fighting for his life—and his wife told us yesterday that if it weren’t for the modern ability to cut through the ribs (a very painful surgery) and get into the lungs, this would have killed him. My husband was chair of the pulpit committee that brought him to our church, and sees him as the best friend he has had in many years and like a brother, so even from afar it has been really hard to “see” him suffer and to not know the outcome. (We have been calling and texting with his wife, and my husband has been the one sending out reports to other pastors.)
The second thing is an ongoing issue, very painful and sorrowful to me, that has come to a crisis point in the last few months and a sorrowful conclusion this month: My only sister (we have five brothers), the one who was widowed and left with five children six years ago, has become alienated from me by her own actions.
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2/3 When I was preparing to marry, she had all sorts of demands about how we should conduct the courtship, including tearful pleas that we commit not to touch each other until after we were married and an ongoing insistence that our oldest brother must sign off or we could not legitimately marry. (Remember I was 44 years old, and each of his trips to Nashville he stayed with my shepherding elder and his wife, who got to know him well and heartily approved—he stayed with them in all about 40 days, leaving a grocery gift card as a “thank you” at the end of each visit. My pastor also spent multiple hours with us and approved, and so did all my local friends; my second oldest brother, the one I was closest to, spent a few hours with us and agreed to “give me away.” The oldest brother who was “supposed to sign off” ended up not even meeting my husband until our first anniversary.) She had all kinds of charges about why my husband was not a good man for me (this before she even met him), and after she did meet him (the weekend of my bridal shower), she continued to oppose the match and try to get our oldest brother to intervene.
Shortly before we married, she told me that she “hadn’t felt close to me” since shortly after her own marriage, because allegedly I wrote her a letter demanding that we talk on the phone more and she thought that disrespected her husband. (I never wrote such a letter; we continued to talk on the phone several hours a week well past the period of this alleged letter, and anyway I would have understood if she had less time to talk than she did.) It was an “aha” moment for me, because in all the travels to be with her after the births of each child, her house fire, quite a few Christmases, and more, it always felt like there was a distance between us, though all of her children adore me. But I’d committed to call each child on their birthday and buy a gift for each child for each Christmas, to travel to see them several times a year while I lived in the South, and otherwise to play my role in letting her children have the “extended family” we didn’t have growing up. When her husband died suddenly, my husband and I dropped everything and drove down there, and stayed for two weeks, helping her get life insurance proceeds applied for, a will drawn up, better equipment for mowing their acreage, and so forth, as well as simply being there for her and the children and helping with household tasks.
After she was widowed, I determined to do as much as I could from afar, and tried to call her every week. She only accepted about one in three calls from me, and after six or eight months of that, I cut back to calling her every three or four weeks—and then she told me she thought I didn’t care about her.
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3/3 Two or three years ago she closed off relationship with our youngest brother (who had been the sibling she was closest to in childhood); she has not accepted a phone call from him since. I chose not to take sides (though eventually I had heard enough to believe that she is actually the one at fault), and it angered her that I did not take sides. She began to make all kinds of accusations about me, including that I lack empathy for her, that we have a “fake” relationship, and that I am a master manipulator. More than a year ago she told me that she had decided to accept phone calls only on Sunday (she never makes phone calls herself, not having long distance on her phone—though now that she has a cell phone, she probably could). Though Sunday isn’t the best day for me to make phone calls, I tried multiple Sundays and only reached her once—I suspect in retrospect she found it easier to screen calls from me if she limited me to one day a week. In all of 2018 we talked a grand total of about two hours, nearly all of it before her “only on Sundays” stipulation made in spring 2018—remember this is someone with whom I talked three or four hours a week into our thirties.
At some point she sent me an e-mail saying she wouldn’t accept my phone calls until we worked through our “issues” with each other (my manipulation and lack of empathy). I answered her charges, showing her for example decades worth of times I have “been there” for her, and pointing out that the examples of manipulation she gave were not (by definition) manipulation. I also kept telling her all the things I like about her, how we are the only pair of sisters on my mom’s side of the family and that is something we shouldn’t take for granted but should treasure, and so forth. In the last year, we have talked by phone about 15 minutes (total), mostly just her answering the phone when I call for her children’s birthdays, with one call last week (about five minutes) to check on her and the kids. “Working through issues” with someone who is certain you are a bad person is not a useful exercise, and months of answering her charges (or apologizing if even vaguely warranted) has brought no progress. I told her I am willing to have relationship with her, but not to “work through issues” outside of relationship—I called her pretty much to see if she would accept my call or if it was time to call it quits. After the brief conversation, she doubled down and told me no further contact with her or her children until we have worked through the issues . . . and it is clear we never can work through the issues to her satisfaction. I am preparing one final letter (snail mail) to tell her goodbye. I continue to pray that God will soften her heart toward me, but meanwhile I do grieve for a 50-year relationship that is ending needlessly. I’ve told her I am not a perfect sister, but my conscience is clear concerning her, that I have loved her and all five of her children with all five of the love languages through the years, and that I am not guilty of the charges. Ultimately, this isn’t about me, it’s about her. But that doesn’t keep it from hurting.
I haven’t said anything on here because I don’t want to disrespect her in any way, and I’m not looking to host a pity party. But I think all of you know how much I have worked to be part of her life (even our move a year ago was partly to be closer to her), and I thought it was time for an update and a request for prayer.
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Oh, Cheryl, that is so sad. I am praying that she will see what she is doing and soon correct her thinking. I can’t imagine not being able to talk with my sister.
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Is she in some sort of cult that is alienating her from those who could/would be concerned?
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It is sad to see relationships broken and sometimes for the strangest of reasons. They are so important. But sometimes you just have to let it go and leave it in His hands. Praying for you.
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Kim, I know nothing of her current church except one thing that I won’t say because not everyone in Alabama fits the caricatures–I only know she left her previous church because one of my brothers told me a few months ago, but there have been strong concerns about her last four churches. (For instance, the church two churches ago–whose pastor is still legally the named guardian of her children–the pastor found out that she was looking at other churches, and he told her that was spiritual adultery and he would bring her under church discipline if she persisted. A fairly new widow at the time, though part of her knew that he was wrong–and when she called me, I confirmed with Scripture that she is wrong, because spiritual adultery is leaving Jesus, not going from one church to another one–she still ended up being intimidated enough to stop looking at other churches for a while.) I know she is going to patriarchal churches and that there have been serious issues in each of her last four churches, but I have no idea if that is the primary problem, or something else.
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I’m so sorry, Cheryl. Seems that you’ve done all you can and it is her issue, but that doesn’t make the ‘break’ any easier. Praying she’ll come around sooner rather than later.
Had a 2-hour interview with a source (and another one stopped by which was good, too) about all the residential development in the works for our smallish seaside area. Big changes ahead and I don’t think many people are quite aware of it all.
We’re having another very hot day and it’ll be hotter tomorrow — 91 degrees (it’s only 80ish today, but I suppose since I was sitting at a cafe table outside in the mid-morning sun if felt a whole lot hotter).
The cat seems to be missing, I locked all the animals in this morning when I left for my interview so she’s probably somewhere in the spare room hiding; but it’s odd behavior for her and makes me think she’s having some pain and is not feeling so good today. I tried to give her a pain med dose this morning, but most of it misfired. She wouldn’t eat anything and won’t even meow when I call her, which is odd. I need to give her an antibiotic dose, too, which is important, but that needs to be given with food. And it helps if the patient/cat is visible.
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Much of the new development is being sparked by our area being declared an “Opportunity Zone” which is: an economically-distressed community where new investments, under certain conditions, may be eligible for preferential tax treatment.
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DJ, any chance she is on the roof of a local shopping center? She is probably just tucked away, complaining about the mistreatment, exercising her right to rest and recover. It would be nice if she would cooperate with her meds though.
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I, too, am sorry to hear of the pain your sister is causing you and herself. From what you said it sounds like she has depression that has opened up a route into her heart for a bitter root to take over. Do you know what her love language is? After my friend blew up at me, I sent her a few meaningful small gifts to show I cared about her and wanted to bring her joy. That seemed to help us to get back on better terms. In making my movement toward peace without expressing any need for reciprocation I was leaving the whole situation in God’s hands if He wants relationships to thrive and flourish then He will make a way.
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Yeah, I’m not super worried about the cat, just a bit concerned. She’s probably done this in the distant past, just isn’t her usual MO, she’s pretty social (although at the vet’s, once she’s out of her crate, she hunkers down so they’ll often just throw a blanket over her so she can hide better).
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Janice, believe me that the issue is not that I haven’t done enough to love her well or that if I just did that one more thing she would change her view of me. Going any farther down that route lies madness–I have already mentally gone through the list of all five love languages, and I have loved her in all of them, even the ones that come least naturally to me.
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Morning all. Yes, it is morning here. Yesterday a friend at school came to tell me that she has a car for me. What!! They don’t have a car, but someone asked them to care for their car while they are gone and they asked if I could use it until my furlough in December. What a blessing.
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Everyone’s getting wheels.
The cat reappeared, I managed to get some more pain med into her but she still doesn’t seem to want to eat. I violated the vet’s recommendations by letting her meander into the backyard. A cat’s gotta do what a cat’s gotta do.
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I like where I live. Just reading in the local paper about two guys running for schoolboard. One is a farmer, the other a rancher. Story ends with:
Wemhoff said his opponent would be a good person for the job as well.
“I think we’d both be good candidates,” he said.
Branson agreed, and said he wasn’t going to actively campaign against Wemhoff.
“If he wins, he would be a good fit for it as well, ” Branson said.
Both of them are good guys, care about the community, and want to serve. But they are not going to attack each other over it. At the end of the show, they will still shake hands if they meet on the street.
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Currently powerless, but still have a router and battery!
Do you have to say anything final, Cheryl? Can you just not say anything/ not write in the prayer/hope the Holy Spirit will change her heart?
“As such as possible as depends on you, leave in peace with one another.”
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The same thought did occur to me, saying nothing at this point might be best. It’s fairly clear where the situation has been left for now, and perhaps simply a break in communication efforts or attempts might soothe things over — in time. Seems like nothing more *needs* to be said.
I’m really going to need a new hot water heater soon. 😦
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Segments in our community have become quite vicious in their online postings, unfortunately; publicly “outing” (true or not) affairs going on between some public officials (complete with photos), ripping people up in some pretty mean language. It’s so sad, social media brings out the absolute worst in some people.
I’m still trying to get the scoop on the mountain lion.
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My heart hurts for you, Cheryl. I have a contentious relationship with my one and only sister. It makes me sad and I do all I can to make it as good as it can be. We are decent to one another in direct conversation and the few times we are together, although she can go ballistic on me. We have to communicate as she is my mom’s caregiver. She lies about me on social media and I cannot wholly trust her. I was like you trying over and over, but I realize, other than prayer there is not much I can do. I try not to talk about it to others or involve them in it. I can only hope people recognize the lies for what they are. I love her and I really believe she loves me, in spite of her behavior. I can honestly say I have never tried to harm her in any way and have tried to always do what was right in God’s eyes concerning her. I hope someday we may have a truly good relationship. It hurts, but I have learned through her and others, I cannot change anyone but myself. So, sorry she is hurting no only you, but others who love her, apparently. Also sorry she seems to have some very bad theology she is listening to and believing.
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Snowing…. ❄️
Dj I forget..how old is Annie? I know the anesthesia is harder on them (and us) the older they/we get. When Babe had her last teeth cleaning she was loopy and odd behaving for two weeks. She would look at me with that “how could you! “ stare. I am hoping that is all it is with sweet Annie…..
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Michelle and DJ. I think that at this point she thinks the conversation is continuing, so I think the kindest thing to do is to send her a firm letter closing the door, and explaining why it is closing, but letting her know I don’t see this as a ban from her ever contacting me again. In other words, I’m through with trying to contact her–forever if need be, though hopefully that won’t be the case–but I’m not “writing her off.” If someday she decides “I really was rotten to Cheryl, and I miss her–but with all I did, she may not be willing to hear from me,” she can remember that when I told her goodbye, I specified that I was saying goodbye to business as usual, not the possibility it could someday be something different. I don’t want to be the boyfriend who just stops calling without telling you he’s breaking up with you, but the one who explains gently that at this point in your lives you just aren’t right for each other.
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Nancyjill, Annie is 12 so on the older side — it could just be a delayed rebound. I’ve called and left a message for the vet but after that Annie did actually eat a couple bites of food; I’d put down a very small saucer of milk, which she usually enjoys but ignored at first, then took a couple small laps. She’s up and about, meowing and acting much more normal, but she should be really, really hungry since she hadn’t eaten since last night (and not a lot then, either).
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Vet called, said only to hold off on giving her the antibiotic until tomorrow to make sure she’s “really” eating — she’s only been eating a couple bites so far here and there late this afternoon and the antibiotic has to be given “with food” or it will upset their system.
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Cheryl – That is so very sad. I’m so sorry you are going through this with your sister.
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DJ – It seems that cats are particularly difficult to give medicine to. I’ll say a prayer for Annie to cooperate with you, or that you will find a good trick to accomplish getting the medicine into her.
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My sweet neighbor has several neighborhood ladies over tonight for desserts and snacks. Since it was snowing so beautifully outside (5 inches so far) she put on Christmas music. What a lovely evening and I am thankful I only had to but walk across the back of the property to get to her house. The pine branches are hanging low due to the wet heavy snow…I believe I heard someone say there are only 9 Mondays left until Christmas! 🎄 😊
So thankful to hear Miss Annie is doing better Dj…🐱
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Last time I had to squirt medicine into Annie’s mouth, I’d managed to get a technique going where I would dose her at her food dish. But it’s not working this time.
The medicine is squirting everywhere, on her face, into the air, the cat sprouting 4 more legs and leaping out of my grip, sending the dogs running through the house to get away from the commotion.
Dogs really are easier — canned cheese ‘whiz’ makes everything go down with enthusiasm, doggie “smiles” and adoration for such a wonderful owner.
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NancyJ. Did Bing sing? You can’t have Christmas until Bing sings.
Good morning everyone but Jo.
Good evening Jo.
Thursday is AJ’s day to sleep in.
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