I click and up pops a dog with hair in his eyes.
That would bother me.
Good evening Jo.
Good morning everyone else.
I always check my mail before coming over here.
If it were not for people wanting me to send them money, I would get almost nothing.
I can’t send money. Not even to the good causes.
Why? I would get on a list. Then it would be much worse.
The Windows 10 update from hell is currently running (for 40 minutes now) on my home computer so I’m forced to use this tiny laptop. It’s not the same when you’re used to a huge screen. I had to put my glasses on. 😦
Good morning! The cutie in the header brought a smile to my face. She is dogadorable!
I just saw on the news that a 20 million dollar donation was made to research efforts against childhood cancer. A girl whose dad worked for the Peach Bowl got leukemia and died within five months. She was so lively even near the end and touched everyone’s heart. Chick-fil-a sponsors the Peach Bowl and made the donation in her honor. They said only 4% of funding for research in the past was allocated to childhood cancer while 96% was allocated to study adult cancer. I had no idea. That’s just not right!
A beautiful day here, though I have not been out to see it and it is too dark to see. Forty eight here, expected to get up to sixty two. It is laundry day but I suppose the clothes will need to hang out a bit longer. But the turkey bones are boiling and broth is being made.
AJ, the second half goes faster. That Dirty Harry line is one of my husband’s imitations, so I’ve heard it a lot. 🙂 Heard it again just now, in fact, when I told him about this thread.
I didn’t understand most of the words of the song. But in Luke 11:1, the disciples asked Jesus to teach the disciples to pray. Hence, the “Lord’s Prayer”. However, Jesus goes on to say, “ask, and you will receive>” The issue, is seems to me, is not the words but the faith and heart. God already knows what it’s about before we even start to pray.
That’s my Heidi, after having rolled around on the floor for a bit. 🙂
************
Continuing yesterday’s discussion from the prayer thread on here: I was flabbergasted by X’s saying that practices aren’t as important as the games.
One of the things we seek to teach Boy, and one of the main reasons Nightingale likes him being involved in team sports (besides the influence of the coaches, and the physical activity) is to teach him commitment. Every time he is about to be signed up for a new season of a sport, Nightingale reminds him that he is making a commitment to the team, and must not back out or slack off.
Mumsee – We know he is not cared for well because he comes back from an overnight, or even two overnights, with a dry toothbrush and in the same clothes he left in, and is fed junk food for the most part. Yes, Boy should take the initiative to brush his teeth and change into clean clothes himself, and he does so at home, but since he – for whatever reason – needs a prompt at his dad’s place, his dad should prompt him. But X doesn’t even think of it.
X also lets Boy stay up late, even though he wakes up early in the morning, and X sleeps in longer. Boy told me that he was up until at least 1am the other night, and then woke up at 7 in the morning. He lets his dad sleep until 10 or so.
I don’t know what happened up there.
One of the problems I have with her is due to a characteristic I liked about her for over 55 years of our marriage.
She wants to help.
How would you like it if there was nothing at all that you could do?
Chas, I have been thinking the past few days, on the words of Solomon in Ecclesiastes 5:
Guard your steps as you go to the house of God and draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools; for they do not know they are doing evil. Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and you are on the earth, therefore let your words be few.
Kizzie, not cared for well is not the same as being cared for. He will take care of the boy differently, that is the nature of mankind. None of us do it the same. Sounds like you two have very high standards so most of his time meets that. But the fact of the matter is, the man is part of the boy’s life. You do what is before you and the boy will watch and make his own decisions. They may well not be the decisions you want.
A friend recently went through a time when her seventeen year old daughter moved out. She had to realize that her daughter’s decisions were her own. Yes, we care and we want the best for her. But she is a human being and will make her own decisions.
I remember my mother being upset that the grandmother who lived with the neighbors would be doing the dishes, although there were children who could do them. I think the reason she often did them was because it was one of the few things she could still do. She was able to contribute to the family in this way. I suppose like the small tasks we give toddlers to do (and which often make the chore more difficult) we need to find things for those to do who cannot do anything too difficult. Folding washcloths etc. Separating small items. Pairing socks. What are some others?
There is a push on social media to educate folks not to say “sorry” when someone announces that their baby (born or on the way) has Down Syndrome. A video has some young people with Down Syndrome using swear words – for instance, saying that you can say “That’s @#$%&@# great!” instead of “sorry”, to make the point that “sorry” is the only “bad word” to use in that circumstance.
I understand the sentiment; I really do.
But parents I know, or have read of, have talked or written about how disappointed or scared they were when they learned their baby had DS. It’s not that they are disappointed in their babies, but for their babies. As parents, we want to protect our children from difficulties. I wonder if this “Don’t say sorry” campaign is going to make it hard for parents to be honest about their feelings and fears.
Mumsee – I don’t doubt that X loves Boy (although Nightingale, in her bitterness, does doubt it). But X is an irresponsible young man. (He will soon be 31, btw, if anyone is wondering his age.) He is physically able to work, but is on disability, and sometimes does work for friends “under the table”. His well-off grandmother is currently helping to subsidize his lifestyle by having him live with her in her new condominium, in which she had the basement finished into a bedroom and living space for him.
I know that mothers and fathers parent differently, but even fathers know that their children need to brush their teeth. Often it seems like Nightingale is the father in that she is the tough one, and is not over-protective. X is the one to give in because Boy “doesn’t feel good”, even if there are no real symptoms presenting. Almost funny, really.
I wish that shot of Heidi was aimed at a more attractive part of the room. That corner next to the entertainment center (which I often call the mantle, because that’s how I think of the top of it) is where some of Boy’s downstairs toys are.
Kizzie, it’s a mark of our odd society that 70-90% of Down syndrome babies are aborted before birth, yet one is not supposed to express sympathy in the hardship of the care of those who survive. Yes, any baby is a blessing from the Lord, and made in God’s own image, and Down children are uniquely sweet. But a family with such a child does have an extra difficulty involved, and some very difficult decisions (like who will care for this child after the parents die).
Nightingale has said for years that X’s mom is an enabler. She makes excuses for X, and when he needs money, she’ll pay him to rake her leaves or something (something that a son, even a grown one, should do for his mother anyway, without pay). She and the grandmother are not doing X any favors, nor did the courts who have let him off time and again over the years without any jail time. (He’s been arrested several times for various crimes, including for “evading responsibility” just a couple weeks after his arrest for attacking Nightingale.)
Nightingale is determined not to be an enabler for her son, and she certainly is not so far. She is loving and supportive and encouraging, but she is also tough, insisting that he stand on his own two feet and do what is right.
Seven billion people on the planet, many different ways to parent. And I am not saying the man in this situation is even parenting, I don’t know. But you two need to just relax and do what you can and not worry about what you can’t. The boy’s teeth will not fall out if he does not brush his teeth every day. Or none of my children would have any teeth. Let the legal system work, the judges and ad litem’s do really know their jobs. And they have seen stuff you cannot imagine and still called it parenting. Actually, the most important thing for the boy is to know that people love him and he has a purpose. Well, besides learning who he is in Christ. Not that they do what he tells them or not, but that they want to be part of his life. The dad may not be capable of love, I don’t know, but he is what she set the boy up with and there you have it.
That is a cute dog, Kizzie. Fathers and mothers parent very differently and that is why children need both as often as possible. I would bet many fathers would not be diligent about children brushing their teeth. Missing practices for a sport is another thing. That is something that the boy may find quite frustrating as he grows and wants to participate in games. Both missing practices and school days will frustrate that plan. As the boy gets older he will make his frustration known, no doubt. The decisions these judges have to make take a whole lot of wisdom for sure.
My daughter and I were slightly horrified when my seven year old grandson joined his father salmon fishing in Alaska. We were afraid he would drown. He was just fine, however, and eventually ran his own boat before joining the Marines.
Chas, I’ve mentioned before that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to give her something that she can do, even if it doesn’t “need” to be done. Can she still write? Have her write a letter to her grandchild–even if it doesn’t make sense, and even if it’s not something you actually send. When my father-in-law was struggling with dementia, my sister-in-law would often go into the kitchen and grab all the dish towels and hand towels from a drawer, mess them up as though they’d never been folded, and bring them and set them in front of Dad: “Mom needs you to fold these for her.” If she’s steady on her feet, maybe she can sweep. Maybe it’s even as simple as “Honey, could you help me with something? Could you hold this for me?” And ask for it back in a few minutes, and then ask if she can hold it again. Or have her stir something.
It doesn’t have to be something that needs to be done. That isn’t the point. It’s letting her use her mind, her hands, whatever parts of her can be used at all.
Cheryl – And many children with DS have serious health problems. Seven year old Maddie, the daughter of my friends Bill and Michele, had reconstructive heart surgery shortly after birth. She does not eat by mouth, needing a feeding tube, and her kidneys seem to be slowly failing.
It broke my heart when I read that Bill and Michele stopped participating in something at their church (that involved them not being with their girls during that time) because they decided that they need to be together as much as possible as a family since they don’t know how long they will have with Maddie.
I have heard the same thing said of other handicaps with which children are born, whether deafness, Down Syndrome etc. I recently told my granddaughter that I am sorry the her sister has DS. I love her as much as any of our other grandchildren, but she will have more challenges as will her family. It is sin that caused us to have ailing bodies and not what God originally intended. None of us know the challenges our children will face, but parents with DS already know there WILL be many challenges. It seems to me another ‘too sensitive’ argument, but at the same time a wake up call to be more specific about what we are sorry about. All children are precious, including those with DS and worse, but that doesn’t mean we ignore the difficulty. Nor should we ignore the blessings, which are often in disguise.
Cheryl – That’s the kind of thing we tried with my MIL. Unfortunately for us – and for her – she was not sweet like Elvera, so she was offended that we gave her things to do, even though she wanted to do things.
Here’s an example of her obstinance: We were all in a Payless shoe store one time. Hubby could see that Mary was tired, and showed her an area at the back, where she could sit down. She said she was fine, although we could see her leaning against unstable counters (they were on wheels, so they moved when she leaned on them). A few minutes later, on her own, she wandered down to that area, saw the chairs, and said, “Finally! A place where I can sit.”
IOW, if something was suggested or offered to her, she would refuse, even is she really wanted whatever it was. You can imagine how hard that was to deal with.
But with someone like Elvera, I’m sure that those suggestions would be helpful. I pray that if I am ever struck with dementia that I will be much more like Elvera than Mary.
Chas- Here are the lyrics to the song:
Draw me, oh, draw me, please draw me, my Jesus.
Into your presence, where I cannot lie.
My soul is so thirsty, I cannot endure it.
And if I can’t get closer, I surely will die.
Take me, oh take me, please take me, my Jesus.
Quickly, before I forget that I’m lost.
For so many times, my mind has deceived me,
That I really don’t have to carry the cross.
That I really don’t have to carry the cross.
I just need to know how to pray.
My wicked desires block the way,
Sometimes I have grieved you away,
I don’t want to do that today.
Help me, oh help me, please help me my Jesus.
Save me from sins that I thought were all gone.
Kill me with kindness, and break through my blindness.
I know till I’m dead, I can never live on.
I know till I’m dead, I can never live on.
I just need to know how to pray.
My wicked desires block the way,
Sometimes I have grieved you away,
I don’t want to do that today.
For the record, I am mostly passing on Nightingale’s concerns about X. I share some of them, and it does irk me that he is so irresponsible, but I don’t get as bent out of shape as she does.
What does concern me, though, is that Boy needs a good man in his life (preferably a godly Christian man) to teach him how to be a man, especially a man of integrity. Hubby wanted to do that. I may never understand why God took him out of Boy’s life so early, and it hurts, but I choose to trust God anyway, even when I so wish it could have been different.
The problem isn’t giving Elvera something to do. It is that when we go out on the deck, she thinks it needs sweeping. That sort of thing.
The problem with that sort of thing is that I can’t allow her to fall. That event almost always ends with her
in the hospital. Three times since we have been here.
I want to avoid that. I always hold her when we go for a walk, which we do often because she needs exercise. .
But we manage.
Chas my Mom just purchased one of those desk cycles…where you sit down in a chair or on the sofa and pedal for exercise. I have no idea if it is beneficial physically but she insists she feels better. I am just hoping she doesn’t trip over the thing when she gets up!
We had a down syndrome girl in our church. She lived to be 50 or 60 and recently died. I still remember her sitting in front of me at church and leaning back, patting my hand and saying “I love you.”
NancyJill – X’s dad and mom divorced when he was about four. X’s dad was also unreliable, often not showing up when he said he would. At some point, X’s mom remarried, to a decent man with three sons of his own. They blended their families, and X and his older sister consider their step-brothers to be their brothers.
We had a boil water alert for about two days. I found an article about it. In the article a question is noted as to why it took twelve hours to get the alert out. That is the main reason we use bottled water. Michelle heard the thunderstorms that knocked out the power that created the water system problem.
Thanks Kizzie. I wondered if he considers his step brothers as “real” brothers, does he consider his stepfather as his “dad”? Did he have a healthy relationship with stepdad and did he keep in touch with bio dad? When I meet someone who appears to be broken I want to know a bit of their growing up. My Dad did not have a good role model of a father. His Dad was despicable yet my Dad determined he would never be like his Dad. So much pain was buried within my Dad. By the grace of our Lord my Dad indeed was a gentle man providing as best as he could for our family exhibiting none of the horrid behaviors of his father….and for that I am deeply thankful. I pray that for the boy as well….
The prayer of a righteous man availed much… ❤️
We’re writing to let you know that we’ve unsuspended your account. We’re sorry for the inconvenience and hope to see you back on Twitter soon.
A little background: we have systems that find and remove multiple automated spam accounts in bulk, and yours was flagged as spam by mistake. Please note that it may take an hour or so for your follower and following numbers to return to normal.
If you need to get in touch with us again, please file a report through your Twitter app or our forms page, as this account isn’t monitored for replies.
Chas, if you think Elvera might fall if she sweeps the deck, could you maybe get a lightweight wheelchair for her to sit in and use a leaf blower to clean off the deck? It could almost seem like a little game. Sometimes you have to think of new ways to do things.Holding a blower and moving it side to side could count for exercise. A strong powered hairdryer might work, too. Just a bit of fun and silliness to get the job done and to feel useful.
I just got a really lovely email from a former missionary who lives in Lexington, KY. He was asked to lead the women’s Bible study (even he thought that an odd honor) and this fall they’re examining Biddy Chambers and My Utmost for His Highest using MY book as the textbook.
What an honor!
She’s now up to one reference in a research book, one daily devotion in a devotional book, two Ph.D. dissertations, and now a textbook. And you guys were there for the whole writing!
Thanks for cheering me on while I wrote it!
(Cue WWI music).
I wrote back and explained I may very well be in Indiana in October (a new wrinkle in my life that came down the day before I flew to Janice’s town), so I may get to drive to Lexington, too. Hmmmm. Maybe not. My time in Indiana will be interesting. More on that later. (I see you, Cheryl).
In the meantime, I sent them this video which I recorded for a friend in Louisville’s book club.
NancyJill – I’m not sure how close X feels to his step-dad. He calls him by his name, not “Dad”.
As for his own dad, he lives in the Midwest now, but they keep in touch, at least somewhat.
A kind of weird thing, though, did bother X. I know you all know his real name, but I’m going to use fake names here. Say his first and middle names are Charles Frederick. His half-brother (biological father’s son from second marriage) would be Carl Freidrich. IOW, the half-brother’s name is very similar to his, with their first names rhyming, and the middle names being the same but in different languages. (Add a B to what you know his name is, and you’ll get it. “Carl’s” middle name is the Irish version of X’s middle name.)
X and his sister don’t think of “Carl” as their actual brother, I don’t think. The second wife didn’t want to have much to do with her husband’s first family. Very sad.
Kizzie, the girls are close to me, but call me by my first name, because I’m not “Mom.” I don’t really like the first name, but nothing else works. (“Miss Cheryl” would be odd, for instance.)
Maybe the best response to news from someone that they are having a baby with Down Syndrome, if you’re not sure of their attitude, would be to ask questions instead of offering a reaction. Maybe something like “Wow, that sounds challenging. How do you feel about it?”
Belatedly, thank you for all the birthday wishes. Church in the morning, dinner with friends after church, an afternoon nap, and small group Bible study in the evening. Our family celebration will be Thursday evening.
The couple of days since then have been a bit rough. I’ll put some notes on the prayer thread.
Wandering Views 
I click and up pops a dog with hair in his eyes.
That would bother me.
Good evening Jo.
Good morning everyone else.
I always check my mail before coming over here.
If it were not for people wanting me to send them money, I would get almost nothing.
I can’t send money. Not even to the good causes.
Why? I would get on a list. Then it would be much worse.
LikeLiked by 3 people
The Windows 10 update from hell is currently running (for 40 minutes now) on my home computer so I’m forced to use this tiny laptop. It’s not the same when you’re used to a huge screen. I had to put my glasses on. 😦
LikeLiked by 5 people
It says “This may take a while.”
I figured that out already, now that we hit the 45 minute mark, we’re up to 19% complete.
Yay. It should finish up just in time for Christmas.
LikeLiked by 5 people
The look in Heidi’s eyes looks like she is trying to decide if you’re gonna go for her toy or the Bible. She’s pretty sure you’re after that toy.
That’s a “Do you feel lucky, punk?” look. 🙂
LikeLiked by 5 people
Morning all, and good night. We got some nice rain tonight so it will settle the dust and the rocks in the roads. Three days left in the term.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Morning! My computer wants to update but I keep hitting the “later” button. 😊
Cute doggie up there with bedhead! 🐶
LikeLiked by 3 people
Good morning! The cutie in the header brought a smile to my face. She is dogadorable!
I just saw on the news that a 20 million dollar donation was made to research efforts against childhood cancer. A girl whose dad worked for the Peach Bowl got leukemia and died within five months. She was so lively even near the end and touched everyone’s heart. Chick-fil-a sponsors the Peach Bowl and made the donation in her honor. They said only 4% of funding for research in the past was allocated to childhood cancer while 96% was allocated to study adult cancer. I had no idea. That’s just not right!
LikeLiked by 3 people
We are suppose to hit near the record of 97 degrees again today. The average for Sept. is 82.
LikeLike
A beautiful day here, though I have not been out to see it and it is too dark to see. Forty eight here, expected to get up to sixty two. It is laundry day but I suppose the clothes will need to hang out a bit longer. But the turkey bones are boiling and broth is being made.
LikeLiked by 1 person
AJ, the second half goes faster. That Dirty Harry line is one of my husband’s imitations, so I’ve heard it a lot. 🙂 Heard it again just now, in fact, when I told him about this thread.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Good MorningEveryone. Hope you have a good one.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Good morning, and it is. Nice video this morning, of one of the grandsons having a meltdown. Something about teething. I attribute it to the red hair.
LikeLiked by 2 people
“dogadorable”- great word, Janice.
The dog looks like I do in the morning before the daily prep and breakfast.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Sometimes this is the way I feel when I pray.
“I just need to know how to pray.
My wicked desires block the way,
Sometimes I have grieved you away,
I don’t want to do that today.”
Keith Green
Here is the whole song.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I didn’t understand most of the words of the song. But in Luke 11:1, the disciples asked Jesus to teach the disciples to pray. Hence, the “Lord’s Prayer”. However, Jesus goes on to say, “ask, and you will receive>” The issue, is seems to me, is not the words but the faith and heart. God already knows what it’s about before we even start to pray.
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s my Heidi, after having rolled around on the floor for a bit. 🙂
************
Continuing yesterday’s discussion from the prayer thread on here: I was flabbergasted by X’s saying that practices aren’t as important as the games.
One of the things we seek to teach Boy, and one of the main reasons Nightingale likes him being involved in team sports (besides the influence of the coaches, and the physical activity) is to teach him commitment. Every time he is about to be signed up for a new season of a sport, Nightingale reminds him that he is making a commitment to the team, and must not back out or slack off.
Mumsee – We know he is not cared for well because he comes back from an overnight, or even two overnights, with a dry toothbrush and in the same clothes he left in, and is fed junk food for the most part. Yes, Boy should take the initiative to brush his teeth and change into clean clothes himself, and he does so at home, but since he – for whatever reason – needs a prompt at his dad’s place, his dad should prompt him. But X doesn’t even think of it.
X also lets Boy stay up late, even though he wakes up early in the morning, and X sleeps in longer. Boy told me that he was up until at least 1am the other night, and then woke up at 7 in the morning. He lets his dad sleep until 10 or so.
LikeLike
I don’t know what happened up there.
One of the problems I have with her is due to a characteristic I liked about her for over 55 years of our marriage.
She wants to help.
How would you like it if there was nothing at all that you could do?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Chas, I have been thinking the past few days, on the words of Solomon in Ecclesiastes 5:
Guard your steps as you go to the house of God and draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools; for they do not know they are doing evil. Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and you are on the earth, therefore let your words be few.
LikeLike
Kizzie, not cared for well is not the same as being cared for. He will take care of the boy differently, that is the nature of mankind. None of us do it the same. Sounds like you two have very high standards so most of his time meets that. But the fact of the matter is, the man is part of the boy’s life. You do what is before you and the boy will watch and make his own decisions. They may well not be the decisions you want.
A friend recently went through a time when her seventeen year old daughter moved out. She had to realize that her daughter’s decisions were her own. Yes, we care and we want the best for her. But she is a human being and will make her own decisions.
Meanwhile, we join you in prayer.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I remember my mother being upset that the grandmother who lived with the neighbors would be doing the dishes, although there were children who could do them. I think the reason she often did them was because it was one of the few things she could still do. She was able to contribute to the family in this way. I suppose like the small tasks we give toddlers to do (and which often make the chore more difficult) we need to find things for those to do who cannot do anything too difficult. Folding washcloths etc. Separating small items. Pairing socks. What are some others?
LikeLiked by 3 people
There is a push on social media to educate folks not to say “sorry” when someone announces that their baby (born or on the way) has Down Syndrome. A video has some young people with Down Syndrome using swear words – for instance, saying that you can say “That’s @#$%&@# great!” instead of “sorry”, to make the point that “sorry” is the only “bad word” to use in that circumstance.
I understand the sentiment; I really do.
But parents I know, or have read of, have talked or written about how disappointed or scared they were when they learned their baby had DS. It’s not that they are disappointed in their babies, but for their babies. As parents, we want to protect our children from difficulties. I wonder if this “Don’t say sorry” campaign is going to make it hard for parents to be honest about their feelings and fears.
LikeLike
Mumsee – I don’t doubt that X loves Boy (although Nightingale, in her bitterness, does doubt it). But X is an irresponsible young man. (He will soon be 31, btw, if anyone is wondering his age.) He is physically able to work, but is on disability, and sometimes does work for friends “under the table”. His well-off grandmother is currently helping to subsidize his lifestyle by having him live with her in her new condominium, in which she had the basement finished into a bedroom and living space for him.
I know that mothers and fathers parent differently, but even fathers know that their children need to brush their teeth. Often it seems like Nightingale is the father in that she is the tough one, and is not over-protective. X is the one to give in because Boy “doesn’t feel good”, even if there are no real symptoms presenting. Almost funny, really.
LikeLike
I wish that shot of Heidi was aimed at a more attractive part of the room. That corner next to the entertainment center (which I often call the mantle, because that’s how I think of the top of it) is where some of Boy’s downstairs toys are.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kizzie, it’s a mark of our odd society that 70-90% of Down syndrome babies are aborted before birth, yet one is not supposed to express sympathy in the hardship of the care of those who survive. Yes, any baby is a blessing from the Lord, and made in God’s own image, and Down children are uniquely sweet. But a family with such a child does have an extra difficulty involved, and some very difficult decisions (like who will care for this child after the parents die).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nightingale has said for years that X’s mom is an enabler. She makes excuses for X, and when he needs money, she’ll pay him to rake her leaves or something (something that a son, even a grown one, should do for his mother anyway, without pay). She and the grandmother are not doing X any favors, nor did the courts who have let him off time and again over the years without any jail time. (He’s been arrested several times for various crimes, including for “evading responsibility” just a couple weeks after his arrest for attacking Nightingale.)
Nightingale is determined not to be an enabler for her son, and she certainly is not so far. She is loving and supportive and encouraging, but she is also tough, insisting that he stand on his own two feet and do what is right.
LikeLike
Seven billion people on the planet, many different ways to parent. And I am not saying the man in this situation is even parenting, I don’t know. But you two need to just relax and do what you can and not worry about what you can’t. The boy’s teeth will not fall out if he does not brush his teeth every day. Or none of my children would have any teeth. Let the legal system work, the judges and ad litem’s do really know their jobs. And they have seen stuff you cannot imagine and still called it parenting. Actually, the most important thing for the boy is to know that people love him and he has a purpose. Well, besides learning who he is in Christ. Not that they do what he tells them or not, but that they want to be part of his life. The dad may not be capable of love, I don’t know, but he is what she set the boy up with and there you have it.
LikeLiked by 3 people
That is a cute dog, Kizzie. Fathers and mothers parent very differently and that is why children need both as often as possible. I would bet many fathers would not be diligent about children brushing their teeth. Missing practices for a sport is another thing. That is something that the boy may find quite frustrating as he grows and wants to participate in games. Both missing practices and school days will frustrate that plan. As the boy gets older he will make his frustration known, no doubt. The decisions these judges have to make take a whole lot of wisdom for sure.
My daughter and I were slightly horrified when my seven year old grandson joined his father salmon fishing in Alaska. We were afraid he would drown. He was just fine, however, and eventually ran his own boat before joining the Marines.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Chas, I’ve mentioned before that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to give her something that she can do, even if it doesn’t “need” to be done. Can she still write? Have her write a letter to her grandchild–even if it doesn’t make sense, and even if it’s not something you actually send. When my father-in-law was struggling with dementia, my sister-in-law would often go into the kitchen and grab all the dish towels and hand towels from a drawer, mess them up as though they’d never been folded, and bring them and set them in front of Dad: “Mom needs you to fold these for her.” If she’s steady on her feet, maybe she can sweep. Maybe it’s even as simple as “Honey, could you help me with something? Could you hold this for me?” And ask for it back in a few minutes, and then ask if she can hold it again. Or have her stir something.
It doesn’t have to be something that needs to be done. That isn’t the point. It’s letting her use her mind, her hands, whatever parts of her can be used at all.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Cheryl – And many children with DS have serious health problems. Seven year old Maddie, the daughter of my friends Bill and Michele, had reconstructive heart surgery shortly after birth. She does not eat by mouth, needing a feeding tube, and her kidneys seem to be slowly failing.
It broke my heart when I read that Bill and Michele stopped participating in something at their church (that involved them not being with their girls during that time) because they decided that they need to be together as much as possible as a family since they don’t know how long they will have with Maddie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have heard the same thing said of other handicaps with which children are born, whether deafness, Down Syndrome etc. I recently told my granddaughter that I am sorry the her sister has DS. I love her as much as any of our other grandchildren, but she will have more challenges as will her family. It is sin that caused us to have ailing bodies and not what God originally intended. None of us know the challenges our children will face, but parents with DS already know there WILL be many challenges. It seems to me another ‘too sensitive’ argument, but at the same time a wake up call to be more specific about what we are sorry about. All children are precious, including those with DS and worse, but that doesn’t mean we ignore the difficulty. Nor should we ignore the blessings, which are often in disguise.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cheryl – That’s the kind of thing we tried with my MIL. Unfortunately for us – and for her – she was not sweet like Elvera, so she was offended that we gave her things to do, even though she wanted to do things.
Here’s an example of her obstinance: We were all in a Payless shoe store one time. Hubby could see that Mary was tired, and showed her an area at the back, where she could sit down. She said she was fine, although we could see her leaning against unstable counters (they were on wheels, so they moved when she leaned on them). A few minutes later, on her own, she wandered down to that area, saw the chairs, and said, “Finally! A place where I can sit.”
IOW, if something was suggested or offered to her, she would refuse, even is she really wanted whatever it was. You can imagine how hard that was to deal with.
But with someone like Elvera, I’m sure that those suggestions would be helpful. I pray that if I am ever struck with dementia that I will be much more like Elvera than Mary.
LikeLike
Chas- Here are the lyrics to the song:
Draw me, oh, draw me, please draw me, my Jesus.
Into your presence, where I cannot lie.
My soul is so thirsty, I cannot endure it.
And if I can’t get closer, I surely will die.
Take me, oh take me, please take me, my Jesus.
Quickly, before I forget that I’m lost.
For so many times, my mind has deceived me,
That I really don’t have to carry the cross.
That I really don’t have to carry the cross.
I just need to know how to pray.
My wicked desires block the way,
Sometimes I have grieved you away,
I don’t want to do that today.
Help me, oh help me, please help me my Jesus.
Save me from sins that I thought were all gone.
Kill me with kindness, and break through my blindness.
I know till I’m dead, I can never live on.
I know till I’m dead, I can never live on.
I just need to know how to pray.
My wicked desires block the way,
Sometimes I have grieved you away,
I don’t want to do that today.
Draw me, oh draw me, please draw me my Jesus.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Cute Heidi. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
For the record, I am mostly passing on Nightingale’s concerns about X. I share some of them, and it does irk me that he is so irresponsible, but I don’t get as bent out of shape as she does.
What does concern me, though, is that Boy needs a good man in his life (preferably a godly Christian man) to teach him how to be a man, especially a man of integrity. Hubby wanted to do that. I may never understand why God took him out of Boy’s life so early, and it hurts, but I choose to trust God anyway, even when I so wish it could have been different.
LikeLike
Kizzie perhaps I missed it but was there a father in X’s life? I am just wondering what if any example of a father was set before him?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wish I could “like” Peter’s 11:13.
The problem isn’t giving Elvera something to do. It is that when we go out on the deck, she thinks it needs sweeping. That sort of thing.
The problem with that sort of thing is that I can’t allow her to fall. That event almost always ends with her
in the hospital. Three times since we have been here.
I want to avoid that. I always hold her when we go for a walk, which we do often because she needs exercise. .
But we manage.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Chas my Mom just purchased one of those desk cycles…where you sit down in a chair or on the sofa and pedal for exercise. I have no idea if it is beneficial physically but she insists she feels better. I am just hoping she doesn’t trip over the thing when she gets up!
LikeLike
We had a down syndrome girl in our church. She lived to be 50 or 60 and recently died. I still remember her sitting in front of me at church and leaning back, patting my hand and saying “I love you.”
LikeLiked by 4 people
NancyJill – X’s dad and mom divorced when he was about four. X’s dad was also unreliable, often not showing up when he said he would. At some point, X’s mom remarried, to a decent man with three sons of his own. They blended their families, and X and his older sister consider their step-brothers to be their brothers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We had a boil water alert for about two days. I found an article about it. In the article a question is noted as to why it took twelve hours to get the alert out. That is the main reason we use bottled water. Michelle heard the thunderstorms that knocked out the power that created the water system problem.
LikeLiked by 2 people
https://www.ajc.com/news/local-govt–politics/dekalb-ceo-thurmond-says-review-needed-after-outages-led-boil-water-alert/27f08bhYMsc7ShrSpThILM/
LikeLike
Thanks Kizzie. I wondered if he considers his step brothers as “real” brothers, does he consider his stepfather as his “dad”? Did he have a healthy relationship with stepdad and did he keep in touch with bio dad? When I meet someone who appears to be broken I want to know a bit of their growing up. My Dad did not have a good role model of a father. His Dad was despicable yet my Dad determined he would never be like his Dad. So much pain was buried within my Dad. By the grace of our Lord my Dad indeed was a gentle man providing as best as he could for our family exhibiting none of the horrid behaviors of his father….and for that I am deeply thankful. I pray that for the boy as well….
The prayer of a righteous man availed much… ❤️
LikeLiked by 3 people
I did hear that thunderstorm . . .
In other news, I got this email just now:
Hello,
We’re writing to let you know that we’ve unsuspended your account. We’re sorry for the inconvenience and hope to see you back on Twitter soon.
A little background: we have systems that find and remove multiple automated spam accounts in bulk, and yours was flagged as spam by mistake. Please note that it may take an hour or so for your follower and following numbers to return to normal.
If you need to get in touch with us again, please file a report through your Twitter app or our forms page, as this account isn’t monitored for replies.
Thanks,
Twitter
LikeLiked by 4 people
Oh, so very interesting.
Spiritual warfare anyone? That sure felt like a distraction to me . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
Chas, if you think Elvera might fall if she sweeps the deck, could you maybe get a lightweight wheelchair for her to sit in and use a leaf blower to clean off the deck? It could almost seem like a little game. Sometimes you have to think of new ways to do things.Holding a blower and moving it side to side could count for exercise. A strong powered hairdryer might work, too. Just a bit of fun and silliness to get the job done and to feel useful.
LikeLike
I just got a really lovely email from a former missionary who lives in Lexington, KY. He was asked to lead the women’s Bible study (even he thought that an odd honor) and this fall they’re examining Biddy Chambers and My Utmost for His Highest using MY book as the textbook.
What an honor!
She’s now up to one reference in a research book, one daily devotion in a devotional book, two Ph.D. dissertations, and now a textbook. And you guys were there for the whole writing!
Thanks for cheering me on while I wrote it!
(Cue WWI music).
I wrote back and explained I may very well be in Indiana in October (a new wrinkle in my life that came down the day before I flew to Janice’s town), so I may get to drive to Lexington, too. Hmmmm. Maybe not. My time in Indiana will be interesting. More on that later. (I see you, Cheryl).
In the meantime, I sent them this video which I recorded for a friend in Louisville’s book club.
Enjoy. Ha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
NancyJill – I’m not sure how close X feels to his step-dad. He calls him by his name, not “Dad”.
As for his own dad, he lives in the Midwest now, but they keep in touch, at least somewhat.
A kind of weird thing, though, did bother X. I know you all know his real name, but I’m going to use fake names here. Say his first and middle names are Charles Frederick. His half-brother (biological father’s son from second marriage) would be Carl Freidrich. IOW, the half-brother’s name is very similar to his, with their first names rhyming, and the middle names being the same but in different languages. (Add a B to what you know his name is, and you’ll get it. “Carl’s” middle name is the Irish version of X’s middle name.)
X and his sister don’t think of “Carl” as their actual brother, I don’t think. The second wife didn’t want to have much to do with her husband’s first family. Very sad.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just saw on Facebook that my cousin Mike in New York bowled his 49th 300 game today, which is also his 62 birthday. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Kizzie, the girls are close to me, but call me by my first name, because I’m not “Mom.” I don’t really like the first name, but nothing else works. (“Miss Cheryl” would be odd, for instance.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe the best response to news from someone that they are having a baby with Down Syndrome, if you’re not sure of their attitude, would be to ask questions instead of offering a reaction. Maybe something like “Wow, that sounds challenging. How do you feel about it?”
LikeLiked by 2 people
Belatedly, thank you for all the birthday wishes. Church in the morning, dinner with friends after church, an afternoon nap, and small group Bible study in the evening. Our family celebration will be Thursday evening.
The couple of days since then have been a bit rough. I’ll put some notes on the prayer thread.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LikeLiked by 1 person
DJ- 😱
LikeLike