The eldest of those children is four years younger than I. The kind of malnutrition and physical and psychological torment that leaves a 29 year old seeming like a child is unthinkable.
It’s an awful story. Some of the neighbors said they’d see the children from time to time, I just wonder if any of them notified someone with concerns? I haven’t read the more recent stories over the past 24 hours, that may have been addressed by now but I hadn’t seen it mentioned earlier.
Perris is something of a no-man’s land (or has been), about an hour’s (+?) drive east from LA. About 15 years ago I went out there when I adopted one of my former rescue dogs from the SoCal Aussie Rescue person who was fostering him after they got him out of a shelter. There also are many dog breeders in the area. It may be more developed now, but parts of it at least seemed semi-rural back then, lots of open space and people living in trailers.
Not that this is the same thing, but a few days before that story broke, I was telling Nightingale about Jaycee Dugard, who was kidnapped at age 11, and found 18 years later, with two daughters she had born in her teens to her kidnapper-rapist. They were kept in structures in the backyard, and sometimes the children were seen, but no one followed up. (The man was a convicted sex offender who had previously been convicted of kidnapping and raping another girl.)
My regular Sunday morning rant about women’s clothes.
Elvera has a blouse that you need to slip over her head and then put your arms in a blouse.
YES, a two part blouse. Took me 15 minutes.
Yes
It took us 15 minutes to get her head and arms in the same blouse.
It is a fancy outfit she has never worn before.
Elvera has lots of nice clothes. Some beyond comprehension.
I’ll worry about getting it off later.
She may sleep in it.
I’ve probably told this story before. A dear lady at our old church, Maria, was dealing with her husband Paul’s decline into Alzheimer’s. She was telling me of how Paul insisted on wearing the same clothes day after day, arguing with her that no, he hadn’t worn the same outfit more than a day.
I told her that we had a similar thing with Mary (my MIL). Mary would change into her nightie in the bathroom, and hang up her clothes to wear the next day, thinking she had only worn them once, and could wear them again the next day. So what I did was, every couple days, slip in there sometime in the evening and switch out the clothes with fresh ones.
Maria said she didn’t think she could do that, as she thought it would be deceptive, and disrespectful to her husband. I assured her that she would actually be respecting him by protecting his dignity by making sure he had clean clothes. With tears in her eyes, she thanked me for giving her a new perspective on the matter. (I can’t remember how I replied to the matter of it possibly being deceptive, but I know I had some reply to that.)
Chas – Does Linda know about your problems with Elvera’s clothes? Maybe she can weed out the difficult ones, leaving easy, but nice, clothes for her. Maybe even buy some, if she doesn’t have enough.
Karen, Linda may have helped buy it.
It was never worn before. I took the tag off it.
It may just be my ignorance at work.
But I know a man would never put up with such things.
Speaking of a similar, but different subject.
I noticed this morning how, from childhood, women are more concerned about looks than men.
Chuck met us at church and had his granddaughter, CollinsLee with him. Elvera mentioned how pretty she was with her red hair bow. That never happened to Caden.
From childhood, girls are concerned with “pretty”.
And there is a push to have people stop calling little girls pretty, but to compliment them on other things, like their intelligence or talents.
I understand the notion. But I think we also tend to tell little boys they look cute or handsome, although probably not as often as we call girls pretty.
I will try to figure that blouse out. May be something simple I don’t understand.
But, I may take your advice and lose it. She has lots of nice clothes.
Karen. I think it is good for young kids to overhear a close adult say something about them. E.g. “That CollinsLea surely is cute” “Caden is a smart kid.” etc.
We were not pretty children and our clothes were always second hand and out of date, so people generally commented on some aspect of our appearance which was out of the ordinary. Second sibling had a collection of hats with which she made a small sensation – one of the pillars of the church was overheard to say, when she wore her ‘Anne of Green Gables’ style straw hat, “I’d kill for a hat like that!” Youngest sibling had a brilliant smile, which she later admitted to using to wheedle candy from the church folk who were known to carry that article about their person. For me, it was my curls, which were at once the thing I was known for and the thing I wished I didn’t have because that was all anyone ever seemed to notice about me. My hair still attracts comment from the older folk of the church, sometimes making me feel as if I have never really grown up.
I’ve tried to remember to compliment children on aspects of their characer rather than their looks ever since a mother requested it 38 years ago. “She can change her behavior,” the mother explained, “But not how she looks.”
I didn’t have children then, but I thought it wise. Now I tell my Adorables they’re are both beautiful, thoughtful, kindhearted, helpful and generous–as the situations requires/suggests. 🙂
But I do try to balance that with more comments about things they can choose to do. Several of these Adorables are a little vain (for good reason. They take after . . . . ) 🙂
I forever lost the goodwill of a little boy who had adored me by making the mistake of calling him cute. I’d taught him in a church club program for a couple of years, and he was maybe nine at the time. His little sister came by, and he and I were admiring her, and I said that he and she were the cutest kids in the church. He never ever reacted the same way to me. I’ve been quite careful since never to call any boy cute unless he is super young (like three or four). I was a girl, of course, but would likewise have hated to be called cute, because I didn’t like anything that identified me as “little.”
Beauty is important to girls and women, though, and it’s important to men that women be beautiful, and so I won’t altogether avoid telling a girl or woman she is pretty, or that that outfit really looks good on her, or whatever. I’m guessing that a girl who never is called pretty might fear that she is not. (I myself always thought I wasn’t pretty and that my little sister was prettier, though I don’t know whether it ever bothered me greatly. Meanwhile my sister, the pretty one, did hear that she was pretty, but she never heard it from Mom and so she believed that she wasn’t pretty, and that bothered her.)
I generally tell my nieces and nephew that they are nuts, crazy, etc., which they view as a high compliment, as we did when our father told us the same thing. My nephews also like it, though they pretend not to, when I pull their ears when they are being mischievous – it has the same debilitating effect as our father’s technique of grabbing us by the scruff of the neck when our mischief got out of hand (a hand on the back of the neck tickles terribly and we would collapse, helplessly giggling). Teasing is the love language of our family. My mother is delighted when her grandsons are a bit impertinent – never in a malicious way, since they love her dearly – and inquire why she looks so old; as they are delighted when she threatens to punish them for their impertinence and proceeds to disable them (she is very strong, even with her painful arthritis) and then hugs them, despite their laughing protests.
When I was in West Africa, I discovered that there was a hierarchy of teasing in the culture – grandchildren showed affection for their grandparents by saying awful things about them, but if you were the namesake of someone, it was up to you to defend them from their grandchildren’s insults. I once witnessed our mutual friend, who was fluent enough to join in the joking, go so far as to take off her shoe and raise it to an impertinent grandchild of her namesake, at which they ran off delightedly laughing and everyone else who was listening to the exchange joining in the general merriment. That was one aspect of the culture that I could understand – I just wished I could speak the language better to join in when my namesake was so attacked by her descendants, of which there were many who would start in when they discovered who I was named after.
Cheryl, oddly enough, though we weren’t pretty children, when we were teens, we received many compliments upon our appearance. My dear friend, Second, Youngest, and I liked to hang out together and the compliments amused us, since we knew none of us were conventionally beautiful. We decided that it was because we were an aggregate of young females and we collectively gave the impression of youthful beauty, although individually that was not the case 🙂
Roscuro, 8:02: “…grandchildren showed affection for their grandparents by saying awful things about them…”
My nephew and my MIL have a great deal of affection for each other, and both have quite a sense of humor.
When nephew was in his teens, I think, there was a time he and and our family were over at my MIL’s house and she was making potato salad. She puts hard-boiled eggs in her salad, but while removing the shells that day, she dropped a shell fragment into the salad and got half-disgusted, half-laughy about her clumsiness.
She chastised herself, saying, “Oh, Grandma! You’re so old and short and fat and ugly and dumb!”
My nephew, after a pause, and with a twinkle in his eye, remarked, as if in a curious frame of mind, “Grandma? You’re not dumb.”
I was told one of my granddaughters told her mom that she didn’t want to wear something, because too many people would call her cute. This was the same granddaughter who told me about the mean kids on the school bus who called her a little girl. Such a slur! After all, she was six! They did later become friends, apparently, in spite of this horrible name calling.
Made it to school and back, walking. met another, young teacher, this morning and she took my bag to school. I am better, but was so glad that the principal took my yard duty. Time for an after school nap.
Wandering Views 
😦 Way too many people sick.
🙂 We are not sick.
😦 That horrible story of those poor children in California. Praying they find great blessings in the rest of their lives.
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The eldest of those children is four years younger than I. The kind of malnutrition and physical and psychological torment that leaves a 29 year old seeming like a child is unthinkable.
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It is finally warmer here.
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I’ve been following that story, too. The 29 year old only weighs 82 lbs. Heartbreaking.
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It’s an awful story. Some of the neighbors said they’d see the children from time to time, I just wonder if any of them notified someone with concerns? I haven’t read the more recent stories over the past 24 hours, that may have been addressed by now but I hadn’t seen it mentioned earlier.
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Perris is something of a no-man’s land (or has been), about an hour’s (+?) drive east from LA. About 15 years ago I went out there when I adopted one of my former rescue dogs from the SoCal Aussie Rescue person who was fostering him after they got him out of a shelter. There also are many dog breeders in the area. It may be more developed now, but parts of it at least seemed semi-rural back then, lots of open space and people living in trailers.
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Not that this is the same thing, but a few days before that story broke, I was telling Nightingale about Jaycee Dugard, who was kidnapped at age 11, and found 18 years later, with two daughters she had born in her teens to her kidnapper-rapist. They were kept in structures in the backyard, and sometimes the children were seen, but no one followed up. (The man was a convicted sex offender who had previously been convicted of kidnapping and raping another girl.)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kidnapping_of_Jaycee_Dugard
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My regular Sunday morning rant about women’s clothes.
Elvera has a blouse that you need to slip over her head and then put your arms in a blouse.
YES, a two part blouse. Took me 15 minutes.
Yes
It took us 15 minutes to get her head and arms in the same blouse.
It is a fancy outfit she has never worn before.
Elvera has lots of nice clothes. Some beyond comprehension.
I’ll worry about getting it off later.
She may sleep in it.
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I think you should lose that blouse in the wash, Chas.
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I agree with Michelle. 🙂
I’ve probably told this story before. A dear lady at our old church, Maria, was dealing with her husband Paul’s decline into Alzheimer’s. She was telling me of how Paul insisted on wearing the same clothes day after day, arguing with her that no, he hadn’t worn the same outfit more than a day.
I told her that we had a similar thing with Mary (my MIL). Mary would change into her nightie in the bathroom, and hang up her clothes to wear the next day, thinking she had only worn them once, and could wear them again the next day. So what I did was, every couple days, slip in there sometime in the evening and switch out the clothes with fresh ones.
Maria said she didn’t think she could do that, as she thought it would be deceptive, and disrespectful to her husband. I assured her that she would actually be respecting him by protecting his dignity by making sure he had clean clothes. With tears in her eyes, she thanked me for giving her a new perspective on the matter. (I can’t remember how I replied to the matter of it possibly being deceptive, but I know I had some reply to that.)
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Fortunately for us, Mary wore simple, easy-to-put-on clothes. 🙂
She had slacks with elastic waists, and pullover sweater tops. But they were nice-looking, a little fancier than what you might be imagining.
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Chas – Does Linda know about your problems with Elvera’s clothes? Maybe she can weed out the difficult ones, leaving easy, but nice, clothes for her. Maybe even buy some, if she doesn’t have enough.
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Agreed, lose the complicated blouse(s).
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Karen, Linda may have helped buy it.
It was never worn before. I took the tag off it.
It may just be my ignorance at work.
But I know a man would never put up with such things.
Speaking of a similar, but different subject.
I noticed this morning how, from childhood, women are more concerned about looks than men.
Chuck met us at church and had his granddaughter, CollinsLee with him. Elvera mentioned how pretty she was with her red hair bow. That never happened to Caden.
From childhood, girls are concerned with “pretty”.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And there is a push to have people stop calling little girls pretty, but to compliment them on other things, like their intelligence or talents.
I understand the notion. But I think we also tend to tell little boys they look cute or handsome, although probably not as often as we call girls pretty.
LikeLike
I will try to figure that blouse out. May be something simple I don’t understand.
But, I may take your advice and lose it. She has lots of nice clothes.
Karen. I think it is good for young kids to overhear a close adult say something about them. E.g. “That CollinsLea surely is cute” “Caden is a smart kid.” etc.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We were not pretty children and our clothes were always second hand and out of date, so people generally commented on some aspect of our appearance which was out of the ordinary. Second sibling had a collection of hats with which she made a small sensation – one of the pillars of the church was overheard to say, when she wore her ‘Anne of Green Gables’ style straw hat, “I’d kill for a hat like that!” Youngest sibling had a brilliant smile, which she later admitted to using to wheedle candy from the church folk who were known to carry that article about their person. For me, it was my curls, which were at once the thing I was known for and the thing I wished I didn’t have because that was all anyone ever seemed to notice about me. My hair still attracts comment from the older folk of the church, sometimes making me feel as if I have never really grown up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve tried to remember to compliment children on aspects of their characer rather than their looks ever since a mother requested it 38 years ago. “She can change her behavior,” the mother explained, “But not how she looks.”
I didn’t have children then, but I thought it wise. Now I tell my Adorables they’re are both beautiful, thoughtful, kindhearted, helpful and generous–as the situations requires/suggests. 🙂
But I do try to balance that with more comments about things they can choose to do. Several of these Adorables are a little vain (for good reason. They take after . . . . ) 🙂
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I will remark that The Boy is cute, or looks handsome in some outfit, but more often, I look for reasons to compliment his behavior.
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I forever lost the goodwill of a little boy who had adored me by making the mistake of calling him cute. I’d taught him in a church club program for a couple of years, and he was maybe nine at the time. His little sister came by, and he and I were admiring her, and I said that he and she were the cutest kids in the church. He never ever reacted the same way to me. I’ve been quite careful since never to call any boy cute unless he is super young (like three or four). I was a girl, of course, but would likewise have hated to be called cute, because I didn’t like anything that identified me as “little.”
Beauty is important to girls and women, though, and it’s important to men that women be beautiful, and so I won’t altogether avoid telling a girl or woman she is pretty, or that that outfit really looks good on her, or whatever. I’m guessing that a girl who never is called pretty might fear that she is not. (I myself always thought I wasn’t pretty and that my little sister was prettier, though I don’t know whether it ever bothered me greatly. Meanwhile my sister, the pretty one, did hear that she was pretty, but she never heard it from Mom and so she believed that she wasn’t pretty, and that bothered her.)
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I generally tell my nieces and nephew that they are nuts, crazy, etc., which they view as a high compliment, as we did when our father told us the same thing. My nephews also like it, though they pretend not to, when I pull their ears when they are being mischievous – it has the same debilitating effect as our father’s technique of grabbing us by the scruff of the neck when our mischief got out of hand (a hand on the back of the neck tickles terribly and we would collapse, helplessly giggling). Teasing is the love language of our family. My mother is delighted when her grandsons are a bit impertinent – never in a malicious way, since they love her dearly – and inquire why she looks so old; as they are delighted when she threatens to punish them for their impertinence and proceeds to disable them (she is very strong, even with her painful arthritis) and then hugs them, despite their laughing protests.
When I was in West Africa, I discovered that there was a hierarchy of teasing in the culture – grandchildren showed affection for their grandparents by saying awful things about them, but if you were the namesake of someone, it was up to you to defend them from their grandchildren’s insults. I once witnessed our mutual friend, who was fluent enough to join in the joking, go so far as to take off her shoe and raise it to an impertinent grandchild of her namesake, at which they ran off delightedly laughing and everyone else who was listening to the exchange joining in the general merriment. That was one aspect of the culture that I could understand – I just wished I could speak the language better to join in when my namesake was so attacked by her descendants, of which there were many who would start in when they discovered who I was named after.
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Cheryl, oddly enough, though we weren’t pretty children, when we were teens, we received many compliments upon our appearance. My dear friend, Second, Youngest, and I liked to hang out together and the compliments amused us, since we knew none of us were conventionally beautiful. We decided that it was because we were an aggregate of young females and we collectively gave the impression of youthful beauty, although individually that was not the case 🙂
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I still tell Elvera that she is the prettiest one thee when we go to a meeting of same generation people.
i.e. The prettiest one in Adult IV.
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We have a teasing kind of family, too. 🙂
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Roscuro, 8:02: “…grandchildren showed affection for their grandparents by saying awful things about them…”
My nephew and my MIL have a great deal of affection for each other, and both have quite a sense of humor.
When nephew was in his teens, I think, there was a time he and and our family were over at my MIL’s house and she was making potato salad. She puts hard-boiled eggs in her salad, but while removing the shells that day, she dropped a shell fragment into the salad and got half-disgusted, half-laughy about her clumsiness.
She chastised herself, saying, “Oh, Grandma! You’re so old and short and fat and ugly and dumb!”
My nephew, after a pause, and with a twinkle in his eye, remarked, as if in a curious frame of mind, “Grandma? You’re not dumb.”
Oh, she laughed!
I love that kind of humor. 🙂
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I was told one of my granddaughters told her mom that she didn’t want to wear something, because too many people would call her cute. This was the same granddaughter who told me about the mean kids on the school bus who called her a little girl. Such a slur! After all, she was six! They did later become friends, apparently, in spite of this horrible name calling.
Life is always interesting with children.
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Made it to school and back, walking. met another, young teacher, this morning and she took my bag to school. I am better, but was so glad that the principal took my yard duty. Time for an after school nap.
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Glad to hear that, Jo.
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