97 Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long. 98 Your commands are always with me and make me wiser than my enemies. 99 I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes. 100 I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey your precepts. 101 I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word. 102 I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me. 103 How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! 104 I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.
Wisdom, have I ever asked for that? Still struggling with getting eleven year old to treat the black cat nicely. He treats all of the other animals very nicely, but is constantly doing things to the black cat. This morning, I came around a corner and he had the black cat and was shaking it. Why the cat does not rip his arms off is beyond me. We tend to have very nice patient animals for whatever reason. The other day he had twine around its neck again and was trying to shove it off the deck. I don’t think he is actually trying to hurt the animal so much as scare it and the animal is not getting scared or boy would never catch it. Odd. I have told son to stay away from all of the animals, limited his unsupervised outside time, etc. We have all talked to him. He is very attuned to God but this one area seems insurmountable. I do remember his brother telling him black cats were of the devil, but brother never acted on that. Though he apparently did some animal abuse prior to coming here. Wisdom.
Sunday morning’s service at church is going to be a children’s Christmas program. Nightingale & The Boy have been invited to come by a friend of mine, & by me. (I didn’t realize my friend, who is also a Facebook friend of Nightingale’s, had invited her until I invited her myself. I was pleased to hear that my friend had reached out to her about that.)
Since The Boy still needs to fulfill his Duty to God thing for Cub Scouts, & attending a church service is one of the options, Nightingale is considering coming to this special service on Sunday. You can imagine how hopeful I am.
Please pray that they will indeed come (& Chickadee, too, who will be here after childsitting Saturday night), & that the Holy Spirit will move in a deep, mighty way in each of them.
Speaking of Chickadee, as I did briefly above, I continue to see evidence of how very much in need of God she is. A couple topics came up in the last few days that elicited a response from her that sounded exactly like something YF would say, with no room for nuance on the subject.
And last night, she “lost it” with The Boy again, yelling very loudly at him, then crying. Nightingale says the doses of her anti-depressant & anti-anxiety meds are very high, so we are concerned that she is still having such trouble.
She needs Jesus. (And so do Nightingale & her Boy.)
Mumsee, if your eleven year old understands the birds and the bees, maybe you can explain that the black cat could father or mother other color cats that the world needs. For that reason he should not harm the cat…it might harm the cats of other colors that could be born. All cats are part of God’s good creation. He needs to take care of the cat because it is God’s way of controlling the rat population. Then tell about the plague and how cats, including black ones, have saved people’s lives because of that. Maybe he can learn to respect them if you think of things that touch his heart. You know him and what is important to him. If you can find a way to relate the black cat to something he holds valuable then it might work.
Kizzie, not every anti-depressant works for every person, so high doses that aren’t working may actually be causing the problem, or at least not helping it. That’s my unscientific opinion, that the meds aren’t doing her any good, high dose or no.
Cheryl – Exactly. Maybe I didn’t get my point across – that we think she is not on the right meds. Nightingale & I suspect she is being treated for straight depression & anxiety, but that she needs to be more properly diagnosed. Some time soon, Nightingale is going to talk to her about it, & suggest she pursue the Asperger’s angle, for a definite diagnosis. (It may be something else, but I am 95% certain that she is on the autism spectrum.)
In addition to seeing a therapist every week, she sees a psychiatrist periodically, specifically to monitor how the medications are affecting her.
A young camper from this summer has aplastic anemia and is at death’s door. Please pray for B, his mom, and his twin sisters who have been tested to see if they are a bone marrow match. If they’re not doctors are quite certain that B has no other option for survival.
Kizzie, you and your family have my prayers. Praying for the Spirit’s working in your loved ones’ hearts.
Speaking in an earthly sense, I am very concerned for your grandson. He has a father like — well, you know better than I the kind of man he is — and when The Boy is at home with you and his mother, a place that no doubt is a sanctuary for him, his safe place gets torn to shreds at unpredictable times when his aunt, who does not live there, yells loudly. At him.
He is the most vulnerable member of your household, only a child. He is impressionable, forming at his tender age a lot of opinions about how the world works, how other people relate to him, and so on. IMHO, he needs refuge from episodes involving out-of-control adults, especially when the ire is directed at him.
You can’t control what happens to him when he’s away from your home, as I know you know, but you can take action to protect him in his own (your) home. I know I am limited in my understanding of the total situation, Kizzie, but from what you’ve written about Chickadee in the past, and here again today regarding her anger directed at The Boy, it looks like he needs protection from her wild, uncontrolled, unpredictable mood swings that end in loud yelling.
I don’t mean to be harsh on Chickadee. I know you love your daughter(s) deeply, and wish the younger still lived with you. But she does not, and, IMHO, she should be regarded as anyone else who does not live in your household. She earns the privilege of visiting your home if she is not destructive — emotionally, physically, or any other way. Violate the privilege, especially if it happens more than once (and it has for her), and expect to lose the privilege.
As you know, my piano studio is in my home. If I had a student who yelled at me, that child would receive a warning, and if it ever happened again — at any interval later — the student would be dismissed for good.
On the other hand, if a student ever yelled at or acted abusively in another manner toward one of my minor children, there would be no warning, but immediate and permanent dismissal from my student roster. Nobody comes into my home and behaves that way toward my children, no matter if they’re clients, relatives, or anyone else. If they do, they’re not welcome back.
My point is, I don’t want my kids growing up with the feeling it is their fault if someone else exhibits sinful anger toward them. Not that they’re faultless, but legitimate anger can be expressed without shouting. An adult who fails to control his or her anger when dealing with children has no business being around others’ youths. Too many times, children internalize false guilt when they have been sinned against, especially when those sinful acts have been perpetrated by the close relatives in their lives.
Kizzie, please consider (with Nightingale’s approval, because she is The Boy’s mother) getting other help for you in child-sitting The Boy, if you feel you need it, by asking in your church, or the local homeschool community, or getting a responsible teenaged daughter of older friends Nightingale may have. My oldest daughter, with no expectation of pay, stepped in her senior year of homeschool to help our neighbors in their time of need after their youngest was born extremely prematurely. There are servant-hearted young people in many places who are happy to help a family in need, and do so with self-control while dealing with their young charges’ immaturity.
I understand that might cause you to worry that Chickadee might not ever come home to visit, if she no longer has a child-sitting job in your household. Perhaps the old saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” may come into play. That could be the means through which her heart softens toward family, when she is released from every duty related to your household, and has no timetable for when she has to be there.
Praying for you, for wisdom and comfort. (And not intending to sound like what I’ve said here is the “wisdom” you need. These are mostly condensed thoughts from two books I am currently reading, both of which deal, somewhat or heavily, with childhood experiences and their ramifications in adulthood. YMMV.)
God knows. May He grant you and yours the peace that can only come from His loving hand.
6 Arrows – I will take what you have said into consideration.
As I’ve said at other times, Chickadee can usually be very good with him. I will admit that I have yelled pretty loudly at him myself, when he has been particularly frustrating. I will talk to Nightingale about it.
Well, Janice, the black cat is an it. But he does well at mouse, vole, shrew, rabbit, weasel, and snake reduction and son has definitely seen that. His sister thinks it is because the black cat picks on the multi colored one and he is trying to let him know not to do it. But he has also seen the two cats sleeping back to back.
Kizzie, excuse the bluntness of the question, but I don’t know how to ask it except very straightforwardly. Have you been abused?
I am truly sorry if you have been.
I ask, because your 8:04 pm causes me some concern that perhaps you were at one time.
Abusers are quite adept at turning a conversation about their sins into a “yeah but look what you’ve done wrong” discussion, in an effort to put the spotlight on the other person’s sinfulness.
Your 8:04 concerns me because you’ve turned the spotlight on yourself, taking it off of Chickadee and her sinful anger when you say, “I will admit that I have yelled pretty loudly at him myself, when he has been particularly frustrating.”
Don’t get me wrong, It is right and good to confess one’s sins. But we were discussing Chickadee’s sinful anger. Your bringing up your own sinfulness (which I am quite confident you, as a believer who is indwelt by the Holy Spirit, recognize and repent from) turns the discussion away from Chickadee and her culpability.
Those who have suffered abuse are often made to feel like what happened to them was their own fault, because they themselves are sinful.
Please don’t use your past sins, of which you’ve repented and received forgiveness, as a whip to chastise yourself, Kizzie. And remember that apologizing to those we’ve dealt with sinfully, and expressing a willingness to try to avoid that behavior again, is a good thing. I’ll bet you’ve done that when you’ve gotten angry with The Boy.
Also, remember that abusers can sometimes be very sweet, turning on the charm at will. Their abusive episodes are no less hurtful just because they have moments where they seem very nice and good. In fact, the unpredictability of them can be quite frightening, when they seem to come out of the blue like that.
I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m saying Chickadee is abusive. As far as I know, she doesn’t intend to get as angry as she does with The Boy. She isn’t purposely mean, I don’t believe. And I know you said at least once that she apologized to him after getting angry in the past, and that is good.
I don’t know if she apologized this time, and don’t need to know, but there comes a time that repeated sin, repeated apologies, more sin, more apologies, has to be dealt with. And if she doesn’t always apologize for her angry outbursts, then The Boy is not getting the message in those instances that the problem lies with her, not him.
How much more anger from those who are not walking with Christ, who are not truly repentant, can The Boy take without adopting an “I’m bad, and I deserve this” mentality?
No one but God knows.
I guess I would be far less concerned about YF’s influence on your 25-year-old daughter, than I would be on the effect your daughter’s actions could have on her 7-year-old nephew.
Please know this is all spoken (written) with love, Kizzie. Praying especially for your young grandson tonight.
Wandering Views 
Wisdom, have I ever asked for that? Still struggling with getting eleven year old to treat the black cat nicely. He treats all of the other animals very nicely, but is constantly doing things to the black cat. This morning, I came around a corner and he had the black cat and was shaking it. Why the cat does not rip his arms off is beyond me. We tend to have very nice patient animals for whatever reason. The other day he had twine around its neck again and was trying to shove it off the deck. I don’t think he is actually trying to hurt the animal so much as scare it and the animal is not getting scared or boy would never catch it. Odd. I have told son to stay away from all of the animals, limited his unsupervised outside time, etc. We have all talked to him. He is very attuned to God but this one area seems insurmountable. I do remember his brother telling him black cats were of the devil, but brother never acted on that. Though he apparently did some animal abuse prior to coming here. Wisdom.
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Sunday morning’s service at church is going to be a children’s Christmas program. Nightingale & The Boy have been invited to come by a friend of mine, & by me. (I didn’t realize my friend, who is also a Facebook friend of Nightingale’s, had invited her until I invited her myself. I was pleased to hear that my friend had reached out to her about that.)
Since The Boy still needs to fulfill his Duty to God thing for Cub Scouts, & attending a church service is one of the options, Nightingale is considering coming to this special service on Sunday. You can imagine how hopeful I am.
Please pray that they will indeed come (& Chickadee, too, who will be here after childsitting Saturday night), & that the Holy Spirit will move in a deep, mighty way in each of them.
LikeLiked by 6 people
Speaking of Chickadee, as I did briefly above, I continue to see evidence of how very much in need of God she is. A couple topics came up in the last few days that elicited a response from her that sounded exactly like something YF would say, with no room for nuance on the subject.
And last night, she “lost it” with The Boy again, yelling very loudly at him, then crying. Nightingale says the doses of her anti-depressant & anti-anxiety meds are very high, so we are concerned that she is still having such trouble.
She needs Jesus. (And so do Nightingale & her Boy.)
LikeLiked by 6 people
Mumsee, if your eleven year old understands the birds and the bees, maybe you can explain that the black cat could father or mother other color cats that the world needs. For that reason he should not harm the cat…it might harm the cats of other colors that could be born. All cats are part of God’s good creation. He needs to take care of the cat because it is God’s way of controlling the rat population. Then tell about the plague and how cats, including black ones, have saved people’s lives because of that. Maybe he can learn to respect them if you think of things that touch his heart. You know him and what is important to him. If you can find a way to relate the black cat to something he holds valuable then it might work.
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Kizzie, wonderful news of the possibility that they will attend. Of course I will pray.
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Kizzie, not every anti-depressant works for every person, so high doses that aren’t working may actually be causing the problem, or at least not helping it. That’s my unscientific opinion, that the meds aren’t doing her any good, high dose or no.
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I’m off to pray about an interesting idea that will relieve my husband of my Biddy and fire obsessions.
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Cheryl – Exactly. Maybe I didn’t get my point across – that we think she is not on the right meds. Nightingale & I suspect she is being treated for straight depression & anxiety, but that she needs to be more properly diagnosed. Some time soon, Nightingale is going to talk to her about it, & suggest she pursue the Asperger’s angle, for a definite diagnosis. (It may be something else, but I am 95% certain that she is on the autism spectrum.)
In addition to seeing a therapist every week, she sees a psychiatrist periodically, specifically to monitor how the medications are affecting her.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A young camper from this summer has aplastic anemia and is at death’s door. Please pray for B, his mom, and his twin sisters who have been tested to see if they are a bone marrow match. If they’re not doctors are quite certain that B has no other option for survival.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Kizzie, you and your family have my prayers. Praying for the Spirit’s working in your loved ones’ hearts.
Speaking in an earthly sense, I am very concerned for your grandson. He has a father like — well, you know better than I the kind of man he is — and when The Boy is at home with you and his mother, a place that no doubt is a sanctuary for him, his safe place gets torn to shreds at unpredictable times when his aunt, who does not live there, yells loudly. At him.
He is the most vulnerable member of your household, only a child. He is impressionable, forming at his tender age a lot of opinions about how the world works, how other people relate to him, and so on. IMHO, he needs refuge from episodes involving out-of-control adults, especially when the ire is directed at him.
You can’t control what happens to him when he’s away from your home, as I know you know, but you can take action to protect him in his own (your) home. I know I am limited in my understanding of the total situation, Kizzie, but from what you’ve written about Chickadee in the past, and here again today regarding her anger directed at The Boy, it looks like he needs protection from her wild, uncontrolled, unpredictable mood swings that end in loud yelling.
I don’t mean to be harsh on Chickadee. I know you love your daughter(s) deeply, and wish the younger still lived with you. But she does not, and, IMHO, she should be regarded as anyone else who does not live in your household. She earns the privilege of visiting your home if she is not destructive — emotionally, physically, or any other way. Violate the privilege, especially if it happens more than once (and it has for her), and expect to lose the privilege.
As you know, my piano studio is in my home. If I had a student who yelled at me, that child would receive a warning, and if it ever happened again — at any interval later — the student would be dismissed for good.
On the other hand, if a student ever yelled at or acted abusively in another manner toward one of my minor children, there would be no warning, but immediate and permanent dismissal from my student roster. Nobody comes into my home and behaves that way toward my children, no matter if they’re clients, relatives, or anyone else. If they do, they’re not welcome back.
My point is, I don’t want my kids growing up with the feeling it is their fault if someone else exhibits sinful anger toward them. Not that they’re faultless, but legitimate anger can be expressed without shouting. An adult who fails to control his or her anger when dealing with children has no business being around others’ youths. Too many times, children internalize false guilt when they have been sinned against, especially when those sinful acts have been perpetrated by the close relatives in their lives.
Kizzie, please consider (with Nightingale’s approval, because she is The Boy’s mother) getting other help for you in child-sitting The Boy, if you feel you need it, by asking in your church, or the local homeschool community, or getting a responsible teenaged daughter of older friends Nightingale may have. My oldest daughter, with no expectation of pay, stepped in her senior year of homeschool to help our neighbors in their time of need after their youngest was born extremely prematurely. There are servant-hearted young people in many places who are happy to help a family in need, and do so with self-control while dealing with their young charges’ immaturity.
I understand that might cause you to worry that Chickadee might not ever come home to visit, if she no longer has a child-sitting job in your household. Perhaps the old saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” may come into play. That could be the means through which her heart softens toward family, when she is released from every duty related to your household, and has no timetable for when she has to be there.
Praying for you, for wisdom and comfort. (And not intending to sound like what I’ve said here is the “wisdom” you need. These are mostly condensed thoughts from two books I am currently reading, both of which deal, somewhat or heavily, with childhood experiences and their ramifications in adulthood. YMMV.)
God knows. May He grant you and yours the peace that can only come from His loving hand.
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Prayers, also, for all requests above — Mumsee, Michelle, Kare.
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Lifting up B, Kare, and his family.
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6 Arrows – I will take what you have said into consideration.
As I’ve said at other times, Chickadee can usually be very good with him. I will admit that I have yelled pretty loudly at him myself, when he has been particularly frustrating. I will talk to Nightingale about it.
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Well, Janice, the black cat is an it. But he does well at mouse, vole, shrew, rabbit, weasel, and snake reduction and son has definitely seen that. His sister thinks it is because the black cat picks on the multi colored one and he is trying to let him know not to do it. But he has also seen the two cats sleeping back to back.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Kizzie, excuse the bluntness of the question, but I don’t know how to ask it except very straightforwardly. Have you been abused?
I am truly sorry if you have been.
I ask, because your 8:04 pm causes me some concern that perhaps you were at one time.
Abusers are quite adept at turning a conversation about their sins into a “yeah but look what you’ve done wrong” discussion, in an effort to put the spotlight on the other person’s sinfulness.
Your 8:04 concerns me because you’ve turned the spotlight on yourself, taking it off of Chickadee and her sinful anger when you say, “I will admit that I have yelled pretty loudly at him myself, when he has been particularly frustrating.”
Don’t get me wrong, It is right and good to confess one’s sins. But we were discussing Chickadee’s sinful anger. Your bringing up your own sinfulness (which I am quite confident you, as a believer who is indwelt by the Holy Spirit, recognize and repent from) turns the discussion away from Chickadee and her culpability.
Those who have suffered abuse are often made to feel like what happened to them was their own fault, because they themselves are sinful.
Please don’t use your past sins, of which you’ve repented and received forgiveness, as a whip to chastise yourself, Kizzie. And remember that apologizing to those we’ve dealt with sinfully, and expressing a willingness to try to avoid that behavior again, is a good thing. I’ll bet you’ve done that when you’ve gotten angry with The Boy.
Also, remember that abusers can sometimes be very sweet, turning on the charm at will. Their abusive episodes are no less hurtful just because they have moments where they seem very nice and good. In fact, the unpredictability of them can be quite frightening, when they seem to come out of the blue like that.
I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m saying Chickadee is abusive. As far as I know, she doesn’t intend to get as angry as she does with The Boy. She isn’t purposely mean, I don’t believe. And I know you said at least once that she apologized to him after getting angry in the past, and that is good.
I don’t know if she apologized this time, and don’t need to know, but there comes a time that repeated sin, repeated apologies, more sin, more apologies, has to be dealt with. And if she doesn’t always apologize for her angry outbursts, then The Boy is not getting the message in those instances that the problem lies with her, not him.
How much more anger from those who are not walking with Christ, who are not truly repentant, can The Boy take without adopting an “I’m bad, and I deserve this” mentality?
No one but God knows.
I guess I would be far less concerned about YF’s influence on your 25-year-old daughter, than I would be on the effect your daughter’s actions could have on her 7-year-old nephew.
Please know this is all spoken (written) with love, Kizzie. Praying especially for your young grandson tonight.
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