Prayer Requests 12-28-16

It’s Wednesday, so don’t forget to pray for The Gambia, and for Ajisuun as well. 

Anyone else?

Psalm 92:1-8

It is good to praise the Lord
    and make music to your name, O Most High,
proclaiming your love in the morning
    and your faithfulness at night,
to the music of the ten-stringed lyre
    and the melody of the harp.

For you make me glad by your deeds, Lord;
    I sing for joy at what your hands have done.
How great are your works, Lord,
    how profound your thoughts!
Senseless people do not know,
    fools do not understand,
that though the wicked spring up like grass
    and all evildoers flourish,
    they will be destroyed forever.

But you, Lord, are forever exalted.

 

19 thoughts on “Prayer Requests 12-28-16

  1. I have some concerns about my niece. She is almost 18 and is the one who has a cyst at the base of her brain, discovered about a year ago. I can’t remember all the details, but it wasn’t anything that needed surgery or other medical attention at the time, my brother and sister-in-law were told, but might in the future, some years into adulthood, I think they said.

    Anyway, I’ve noticed in H some changes over the past year when we’ve gotten together. She doesn’t seem to be “herself.” Not as happy-go-lucky, which seems reasonable, given being diagnosed with something like that in such a vulnerable place (it’s near her spinal cord, too); a little spacier (not “all there,” if you will); and other subtle things that make her appear a little off.

    When we got together on Christmas, she didn’t seem much different than she has the past year, but she fell asleep sitting up toward the end of the party. Seemed a little strange, for how noisy it was, and that she didn’t appear tired before that at all.

    My biggest concern was what happened when she was leaving. I was standing at the top of the stairway, also getting ready to go, and she was partway down the stairs, when she slumped sideways against the wall. She was stocking-footed, on carpeted steps, so it’s possible she just tripped a little, but I’m pretty sure she was stopped for a moment (with a lot of other people at the bottom of the stairs getting their boots on, etc.), and her movement off-kilter was sideways, and not forward or backward and down like you might expect when descending stairs.

    It seemed like her equilibrium was off, that she fell sideways like that. She didn’t lose consciousness or anything, and got herself right up and seemed fine then (other than being embarrassed it happened).

    Maybe it’s nothing, but could you say a prayer for her, anyway? Thanks.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. 6 Arrows, the part of the brain, the cerebellum, which controls balance and coordination lies at the back and base of the brain. The brain is encased in the skull and has nowhere to expand if there is swelling from any cause, so a growing cyst would compress the brain and cause such symptoms. If I were her neurologist, I would be taking those symptoms as a sign it is time to operate. I have a friend who had a similar cyst which was not discovered until her husband found her unconscious on their bedroom floor. She recovered nearly fully after life saving treatment, but she has some residual weakness as a result.

    I came here to ask for prayer for my family. I’ve talked about how close we are. However, making the decision about how to care for my parents is not proving easy (we have chosen to discuss it now as we are all in the same area for the holidays) – I think I mentioned the plan for them to sell their house and help one of my siblings get a house where they all could live. You see, my parents built the house they live in, and all we siblings lived our entire childhood and adolescence – and some of us an extensive part of our adulthood – in the house. The new house would become the sibling’s house, and the other married siblings are worried their access to our parents would be limited from that fact – not because of any ill intent by any parties, but because my three siblings-in-law are different men with different personalities and preferences. Pray for two things, one that we will have the wisdom to know how to best ensure that our parents are kept in comfort and security in their old age (they feel they can no longer keep running their house and feel the need to move) and that necessary disagreements would not turn into lifelong rifts between the siblings’ families.

    Liked by 9 people

  3. I cannot say more strongly how WISE it is for you all TOGETHER to be discussing this BEFORE you are in crisis. Praying for wisdom for all of you, Roscuro, and commending your family for your love in bringing this up.

    One statement that was helpful for my brothers and I as we worked through the horror of our father’s deterioration while in the middle of it, was to ask ourselves, “ten years from now when we look back on this time, how do we want to think about ourselves?”

    That question, which came from God via me, helped at least one of my brothers curb his frustration with our very trying father. He has used it many times while counseling people in the interim.

    In your case, I suppose you could frame it: “How can our family best glorify God in helping our parents make decisions about what they want the end of their lives to look like?”

    My husband found the best buy-in for his non-believing father by presenting things this way: “can you do this for us, Dad?”

    He may not have liked the choices, but my father-in-law would sacrifice for his children. That made all the difference in the world to us, however, the point wasn’t brought up until too late for him.

    And, if I may, have everything clearly delineated in writing. My parents wrote their wills and health care directives way early in their minds–at 60. They were clear with my brothers and me about their expectations, not only for themselves, but also for our relationship. They didn’t want money or other issues of that sort to come between us.

    I didn’t worry much about being the executor–I knew the lawyer would guide me–but I was horrified when they gave me the health directorship. “Great. You gave it to the one person who will feel guilty for the rest of her life if she makes a poor decision,” I said in reaction to my mother’s news.

    My mother then said the most important words of my life: “We know our children. We know you’ll do the right thing.”

    In the years to come, I blessed God so much for her words. I had to sign the forms to remove her from life support–her words echoed when I scribbled my name.

    And for my father–the seven year nightmare when I made hard call after hard call, often over my brother’s objections, my mother’s words meant everything to me.

    And since I’m crying as I type this, they obviously are still the closest thing to a blessing I got from my parents.

    Blessings to you and your family.

    Liked by 7 people

  4. Phos,
    we went through that except that we were the parents, and there were no siblings.
    So. I understand that simplifies things considerably. However. Certain things apply.
    If the parents sold their house, they should be able to buy their own house.
    Believe me, they don’t want to live in someone else’s house.
    If they don’t have enough to pay for their own house, the siblings could combine equal payment for the house and split evenly the result from a later sale.
    It is important that the place belong to them.

    We gave up a good situation to be close to family. Not good, but better than the alternative.
    Get personal emotions out of the equation and do the smart thing. The parents are still their own people. Daddy may no longer be the authority figure in the family, but he’s still the daddy.

    I.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Well, as if Phos/Roscuro didn’t have me emotional, Michelle finished me off with her mother’s words.
    I was the only child. My stepmother guided me through the hard decisions which says multitudes about her. It could have been so much worse.

    I am so thankful your parents realize this time has come and that you and your siblings are able to help with this transition. I will share this cautionary tale from a friend’s experience.

    My friend S is from a wealthy family. His mother sold her home in PA and put an addition on his brother’s home in Washington State where she would live. Brother is a physician and all looked promising until his wife was diagnosed with cancer. The wife went “off her rocker”, had an affair, and filed for divorce. She demanded half of everything and got it. Dr. Brother had to liquidate everything including the house. Now Mother is here in assisted living and my friend S is juggling and supplementing what money is left.

    I, by no means, intend the above to cause disharmony among your siblings. I offer it so that every contingency can be addressed.
    Praying that all goes more smoothly than you can imagine.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for that information, Roscuro. I will pass it along.

    Praying for your family situation — that’s wise that you all are thinking this through now.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I will respectfully disagree with Chas here. While some would certainly feel as Chas described, there are other parents who would not only be better off living with their grown children, they want to. And if both parents become somehow incapacitated, mentally or physically, it is so much easier for all involved to be in one residence.

    We did it both ways. My MIL lived with us for a little over four years, until her resistance of my help made it dangerous for both of us for me to continue to take care of her. But my mom insisted in staying in her own home, which we respected, & worked around. When Mom got to the point where she needed someone with her constantly, SIL & I took turns spending 24-hour periods at her house.

    If the parents could have an area that is “theirs”, preferably with their own bathroom, too, that would be ideal. Mary (MIL), had a large bedroom with a bathroom, furnished with her favorite chair, her bed, a little table in front of the chair, & a TV. She preferred staying in this little cocoon, so the girls would take her dinner in to her, & watch TV with her. (The comedy “Home Improvement” was on a channel at dinner time, & they all enjoyed it together.)

    Nightingale plans to either stay here & eventually renovate what needs renovating, or one day have her own home, with an area in it for us. I am so touched & proud that that is in her heart.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. I, too, disagree with Chas. When we moved here, we gave Son and DIL the money to buy the house so that it is in their names. They pay all of the monthly expenses and we live rent-free. Seems like a win-win. Our apartment has it’s own entrance and we are free to come and go as we please and anyone can visit us. I can’t see any down side to it.

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  9. Thank you all so much for your comments and advice. It is much appreciated.

    Linda, I have a couple of questions, since your scenario looks a lot like the one we are considering. Do you have other children which agreed to your daughter and son-in-law taking the money for the house? Second, how did you give the money without incurring capital gains taxes to daughter and son-in-law (I know such laws differ in jurisdictions, but there is usually some overlap)?

    Kizzie, yes, the idea is to give them their own space and even their own bit of land where they could garden and my father could putter around in a workshop. The truth is that my father is currently making things harder for himself by insisting on doing work that doesn’t need to be done, like digging out the foundation of one of his many sheds. He doesn’t really need the shed and he has injured both shoulders (torn muscles), so that the digging caused him great pain, but he wouldn’t quit. Having him live with considerable freedom on his son-in-law’s property might help him to slow down. Also, the house my parents currently live in has two full floors, plus a basement. Not only do they have to pay more for heating such a large house, but my mother finds it difficult to go up and down the stairs. The intention is to build them a place on one level.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. We have offered to have dad and stepmom move into half the house with their own entrance and he would but she wouldn’t and she is the one most in need. If she goes first, he will probably move in with us or my brother and his wife. Otherwise, they will probably move into assisted living. Each person is individual.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. One size probably doesn’t fit everyone, it likely depends on a lot of factors including personalities, financial resources and relationships within the family.

    Tough decisions in any scenario.

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  12. Yes, one size does not fit everyone. My parents sold their home and purchase a one level condo which they love. No yard work or outdoor up keep. They will likely move from there to a place where meals will be provided when the time comes. This was the first year my stepmom said she wasn’t going to cook Christmas dinner as it is too much work. My sister took it on and her husband and I helped – it was all good.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. A new housing development in my community (it hasn’t been built yet) is attracting a lot of interest from “empty-nester” couples who are anxious to downsize (to single-level condos or something similar) but still want to stay in town and have some independence.

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  14. One thing I would say is that parents don’t necessarily have to treat all children equally in their will. But if they don’t, they should make sure the children understand why. When Mom died, we found her will (dividing the assets equally) and also several old wills. Interestingly, in some of the early wills she and Dad had deliberately disinherited the older children, explaining that they were on their own and any money would be needed to raise us. That made sense. At one point one of my brothers asked me if I had a will (I was single at the time) and said he thought I should leave everything to my sister, since no one else needed anything.

    I know of a family in Chicago with two children. The son was married and lived in Texas; the daughter was single and lived with her parents their entire life, which included paying a lot of the household expenses and caring for her dad (an invalid) after her mother died. When her father died, she found that the house had been willed to her. That made total sense–it was her home, and she had put a lot of time and care into it, as well as into her parents’ care. Further, a house in Chicago comes with very high property taxes, which is why I rented in Chicago. (My rent was lower than her taxes, plus there’s insurance, maintenance, etc.) But she insisted that the house should be not only in her name, but her brother’s. That made no sense, but she insisted strongly enough that her brother finally agreed. Her parents should have told her they were willing her the house outright, and explained the choice to both her and her brother, so they both could see it wasn’t favoritism but a sensible and fair choice.

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  15. In keeping with that “care of elderly parents” theme, I know a nurse who is middle-aged and married, but she and her husband weren’t able to have children. I was present one day when she spoke of how “selfish” it is that some parents want to live with their adult children rather than going into assisted living or a nursing home, to be cared for by professionals. It stunned me simply because I’ve always found it sad when elderly people are reduced to no other options. Assisted living in which you have your own room and a bit of a social life might be a good choice for some, but it isn’t as “ideal” as living with family. And a nursing home is truly a last resort situation.

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  16. From T’s (staff member) FB post:
    “He did well!!!
    The surgeon is in awe. Considering the amount of damage done to the heart it is a miracle. The hole in his aorta was the size of a quarter. I quite sure he survived through the Holy Spirit’s intervention moving through prayer. He will prob wake up later today.
    He will still need lots of prayer for a smooth recovery.
    Thank you for the support.”

    The surgery lasted about 10 hours!!

    Liked by 6 people

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