Please pray for my daughter, Lindsey. Saturday night, she stated she is an atheist and hasn’t bought into the whole Jesus/God myth for about a year. My heart broke as I listened to her rant angrily about the hypocrisy of the church and how she doesn’t need such a fanciful crutch.
I’m not sure what she’s so angry about–but her revelation explains a lot about her recent behavioral and attitudinal changes. Would you please pray for her heart to be pieced by God’s love and that she’d return to a saving relationship with her Abba Father?
Annms, I know it doesn’t help but I am in the same boat with you. It hurts, but I remind myself that I felt the same way at one time and here I am today.
Some things came to a head with Miss BG yesterday morning. She is 18 after all and doesn’t have to answer to us and “has a social life and wants to be with her friends”….oh how tired I am of hearing that. I happened to have an opportunity to talk to my nephew yesterday. He is worried about her (he is 28 but has always been an old man where his sister and BG are concerned)
Then I talked to her Nana….she has been to see Nana since sometime in August. THAT is ridiculous! We live just over a mile from her!!! She is the only grandparent (except my stepmother) that BG has.
Paul had to step in yesterday so she has decided he is Satan again. In fairness, his patience has been put to its limit. I am the one in the middle.
Thank You for Your abiding presence with each person on this blog. Help us to abide in You at all times and daily spend quality time in prayer and Bible study.
Lord, the sway of our culture and the world is to let go of You and go with the downward flow of the world. It especially hits our young hard as they are trying to figure out life and what they want and expect it to be. I ask You for Your help in salvation of Ann’s daughter L. who has lost her way. I ask that her heart be softened so she can believe. She is at a difficult spot now. People who are unbelievers have led her off Your track. May she witness from a distance the troubles others fall into by going away from Your lighted path. May that warning be enough to make her look again to the light of Jesus. Please keep all young family members who are tending to break up with the only God who loves them safe from the worst things that go with faulty decision making. May the Holy Spirit draw them to Jesus in a swift motion before they get damaged in some bad way. Please use their times in the wilderness to firm up and seal their future faith. I pray in Jesus’ name, Amen
Ann, I’m so sorry. I know how great a shock this must be for you, since so recently she seemed so interested in the things of God. But that God still triggers a emotional and mental response in her, even if it is anger, signals that she is under conviction. I know from personal experience that sometimes the faith that seemed so bright can fade rapidly and even a feeling of hostility can take its place. But God can still work in spite of our unbelief (Mark 9:24). I know so many cases of teens who left the faith, only to return almost in spite of themselves some years later.
May I make a suggestion? You cannot change her heart, only God can. Her faith or lack thereof is between her and God. But you can ask her to be respectful of your faith. You are her parents, and she should learn to curb her tongue in honour to you. She may disagree with you, but she must be respectful and not rant. Too often, people who have decided to leave the faith of their parents behind seem to think that gives them license to spew vitriol. Not only can they be hurtful, but they also become extremely difficult to be around, even for outsiders who may or may not be Christians. People who have a chip on their shoulders aren’t popular with anybody.
Ann–Years ago, I heard similar words from one of my daughters. It took some time, but we kept our door open and our prayers going. She is now a firm believer. Yesterday, her pre-teen son expressed some displeasure at hearing us discuss things from the bible. He thought we do that way too often. She had some words for him!
All this to advise patience. It is heart-breaking. I remember it well. God is so gracious and good. Who knows why some need to take the harder road? She will have lots of people praying for her and for you.
Ann – I’m in the same boat with you, dear sister. It hurts.
Roscuro’s advice was good. I would add, although I suspect you already know this, to be careful about not “preaching” to her in the name of “witnessing”. Now & then, talk about what God is doing in you in a natural way, the way you always would have.
As Lee has been growing by leaps & bounds in his faith over the past year, I’ve noticed that we often talk about the things of God between ourselves, but with Chrissy or Emily within earshot. We don’t do this on purpose, it is just a natural part of our conversation.
L’s name popped into my mind when I was praying last night. Keeping her in my prayers, along with BG & others.
We are trying to do the office thingie this week, and it is painful. The printer is not working properly for my husband along with other things. He does not need the stress, and I am at the point of tears. I am so burdened by this state of our lives. Some days lately I almost feel like I am the female version of Job, which would be Jobellina. I know it is not really as bad as Job, but it just seems my life continues to pile up losses with no offsetting gains. Prayers are very appreciated for I know they make a difference in that things truly could be much worse.
Heavenly Father,
When I see Mumsee’s concern for her daughter, I know that is scary. Please help them through this difficult time of not knowing if things are ok. I pray for the life that has been conceived to continue according to Your will. I ask that the daughter not feel excess worry or distress during this time, but that she would put it all in Your hands. May she know You are carrying her and the little life inside in Your hands and You know best. Thank You for all life from conception to natural death, hopefully at one hundred years or older. Bless the bond between the life in the womb and the mom so that they already know the assurance of heaven no matter what. Bless the rest of the family as they wait.
Father God, thank You that the printer is doing somewhat better. Please help Art not to get so stressed. Help me to not get stressed when I see him so stressed. You know the depth of our needs on all fronts. Thank You that our brains are still functional. Thank You that You brought Wesley safely back to his apartment after the ten hour driving trip to the conference. Please help my brother who is under tremendous stress trying to meet the hyper requirements of trying to keep his job under the performance plan due to finish at month’s end. He has not been available for us because of the horrific work demands. You know the situation, the meaness, and the pressure he is under. He does not need it with his diabetes. I know You have Your reasons, Lord, for allowing suffering. I just hope to see some relief soon. I miss the writer’s group I was just getting to be a part of, I miss my involvement with CLI, and I miss my work in the the church library. I try to make the best of life changes, but everytime I think I am getting settled into where I am suppose to be it feels like the carpet gets pulled out from under me and I hit the cold hard concrete floor. Thank You that I can trust You will pick me up again. And again. And again.
Please forgive me for my ranting. You see it all. We continue to see Your hand in our lives and that is more important than any losses.Please keep me focused on Jesus. I keep looking for Him in the clouds. In Your timing…
I REALLY, desperately need prayer for a situation going on with Mr. P and BG. She hasn’t done anything around the house…she is 18 and wants to “be with her friends” to the exclusion of everyone and everything else. She hasn’t been to see her Nana. She stays away from home as much as she can and I have to leave in the morning just as she is getting up. When I come home she is at work and doesn’t come home until 10pm.
It all came to a head yesterday morning. Today he is threatening to turn her phone off and that she will have to go back to her Dad if she she doesn’t change by Friday.
I can’t stand this. I do not like being in a position to choose between my husband and my child. She is in the wrong. I know that, but I don’t like being in the middle.
I am very sorry about all the pain expressed here today. Praying through these requests as I sit here at the library. (Internet’s been out at home since yesterday afternoon, except very briefly earlier today. — 6 arrows.)
Kim, stand with your husband. Then you won’t have to be alone in the middle. BG will be the only one by herself, and she will see you and Mr. P standing together. There is stability for all of you in that arrangement, and ultimately, I believe, it will draw her into right relationship with you and Mr. P more readily than if all of you are scattered individuals.
What’s that song? “Stand by your Man”
Sorry, Kim, that is just what came to mind. You are not in the middle. Work with Mr. P and come up with a plan. Rights of living there come with responsibilities.
You aren’t providing a hotel.
Feel free to disregard this.
“I love you too much to let you live so selfishly and foolishly.” Repeat. Stand with your husband, Kim. Don’t let her see any weakness. She, obviously, knows how to push your buttons. A difficult time for you all, but it will end. My sympathy to you and the others going through those difficult times! My prayers, too, of course.
Kim, my first thought before I read the other opinions was that you must stand with Mr. P on this. If she came home for a short visit then you could do the hotel thing, but if she lives there then she has certain responsibilities. Does she need time management lessons to help her arrange things so she can fit it all in? I know the Scouts helped our son on that aspect of life with one of the merit badges he earned. If she can’t make things happen in a reasonable way then I would suggest sending her to a course on time management, perhaps at one of the college noncredit courses and probably she should have to pay for part of it. I would probably give her the phone for a certain time of the day as a part of the time management plan. And we have some experts on this blog who seem to be time management whizzes like Michelle. She amazes me with all she fits into her life. Maybe she could give BG some pointers.
Kim, you have no idea how much your daughter reminds me of a certain young woman you met in Florida. She desperately wants her freedom. I tell her just three more months and then she can move out of eldest daughter’s house and be independent…as soon as she returns our car she is using. She can buy herself an Iphone and everything. Life will be just the way she wants it. She is not absolutely certain she is going to do that.
Turn off the phone. She’s demonstrating unreliability. Or, give her a pay as you go phone and she’s on her own. She’s 18. She wants to be independent, let her. She owes rent. If she can’t manage to pay you, she’ll have to make arrangements at work to have her rent sent directly to your bank account. Does she need you to make that arrangement for her with the boss?
You’re not helping her if she is able to get away with being rude, not going to school, not acting responsible about the gifts she has been given and so forth. You know this.
I know how scary it is to let a headstrong 18 year old do what she wants–as a mother you think of all sorts of horrible scenarios.
(I shudder when I think of that scam where she nearly went with a trafficker. I told my brother about that story when HIS headstrong 18 year old was all excited about a job helping girls get out of sex trafficking–she ran into the guy offering the position at the mall and was ready to go! My brother, a high school teacher of all things, was encouraging her until I asked him if he had ever heard of an NGO with such jobs that did NOT have an office? I then told him the BG story.
My niece now works as a barista at a legitimate coffee shop and my brother, in the cold nightmares in the middle of the night, is very thankful for that story you told, Kim)
But where does it end?
You, P and G, along with Nana, all have to agree on what to do and hold a firm line. And don’t trust what she says, or the excuses she makes, about her relationship with any of the other three. Use your eyes.
This is SO INCREDIBLY UNFAIR of her to do this to you.
Yikes. I hate it when daughters are mean to my friends. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. I really hated it when my daughter was mean to me and scared to death when she ran away. Thanks be to God my husband could get through to her, but those were tense, tense times I never want to live through again.
It’s because you love her that you’re vulnerable. And she knows it. 😦 🙂 Grrrrrrr.
All above comments–except the thanks–subject to agreement with what God is saying to you personally, of course.
Time management? Last night at 1ish, I read up on Insomnia. I have most of the characteristics. Now starting a sleep journal and if things aren’t better in a month, I’ll complain to my teenage doctor yet again. I function, but it doesn’t make any sense.
What is outrageously funny to me, seventeen year old daughter does not believe there are any other girls on the planet with a disagreeable mom. She says none of her friends have any problems with their moms. My step mom laughed when she heard that and commented, “she does not get out much, does she.”
There you go trying to blow the smoke and mirror illusion . . . I’m just so sorry this is happening to so many of you. The good news is . . . . eventually they grow up. The same kid who sent me sobbing to counseling with my gut in a scramble is delightful now.
But you know what? I’m still a little wary–the hurt was very real.
So then I feel bad again! 🙂 Can’t win!
I have done this enough times that I know it too shall pass. Which explains why we were willing to let her move to Boise when eldest daughter suggested it. And she suggested it with no idea that seventeen year old was so angry. Seventeen year old has never forgiven us for adopting more children. She has always thought she should be an only.
Anyway, as they get there, we have done what we can and it is time for them to fledge. They may flounder for a bit, but then, most likely, they will soar.
And this is why I write. Sometimes I can’t find my real feelings until I write about something and then they flood.
After I wrote my scree above, I cooked dinner–using a chef’s knife on a butternut squash. As I thought through the above, I got more and more upset until I had to stop because I was becoming dangerous with the knife.
Yikes!
It’s not I’m still upset with my daughter–though I’m careful if I ever have to say anything negative–as much as the tsunami of emotions that nearly overwhelmed me remembering that time.
The point is, every time I felt like my husband “sided” with my daughter “against” me, I became distraught and felt so marginalized, if not dismissed, I had difficulty knowing what to do. He was struggling to make peace between two females he loved and thought I, as the adult, needed to control myself better.
Maybe he was right, except every time he “chose” her, I got more and more depressed and felt so insignificant that it dredged up horrible feelings of unworthiness from somewhere in my past.
So black and ugly.
And that’s what was coming back tonight. I don’t know if what I wrote is pertinent to Kim’s situation, and so I’m sorry if it’s not. I can see this is an area of my heart that is not completely healed–and I thought it was fine.
I guess I’ve got some work to do, yet, myself. 🙂
So, if you think to pray for me–my request is that I will see and understand what God is trying to show me through this and if I have forgiveness issues I need to work through, that I would figure out what they are and do it! 🙂
Perhaps it is pertinent to note it’s been an emotional day for me. My nephew is 20 today, a college sophomore. He was 3 months old when my mom died, and I can’t believe that much time has passed since I last could talk to my mom.
I’m tired, my heart is aching, I’m crying and I think I’m going to soak in a hot tub–who cares about the drought?–and then go to bed.
Michelle, I can relate. It has been 20 years since my husband left us. He still thinks that there is no problem. Then, last night, the director was concerned that we hear and understand him. But he needs to hear and understand us and there was no sense of that at all. Not sure what we can do about it, but a number of us are quite upset.
Wandering Views 
Please pray for my daughter, Lindsey. Saturday night, she stated she is an atheist and hasn’t bought into the whole Jesus/God myth for about a year. My heart broke as I listened to her rant angrily about the hypocrisy of the church and how she doesn’t need such a fanciful crutch.
I’m not sure what she’s so angry about–but her revelation explains a lot about her recent behavioral and attitudinal changes. Would you please pray for her heart to be pieced by God’s love and that she’d return to a saving relationship with her Abba Father?
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Praying with you Ann
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Ann, my heart breaks for you. I can only imagine how hard that must be to hear. I just prayed for you for wisdom and love in this circumstance.
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Annms, I know it doesn’t help but I am in the same boat with you. It hurts, but I remind myself that I felt the same way at one time and here I am today.
Some things came to a head with Miss BG yesterday morning. She is 18 after all and doesn’t have to answer to us and “has a social life and wants to be with her friends”….oh how tired I am of hearing that. I happened to have an opportunity to talk to my nephew yesterday. He is worried about her (he is 28 but has always been an old man where his sister and BG are concerned)
Then I talked to her Nana….she has been to see Nana since sometime in August. THAT is ridiculous! We live just over a mile from her!!! She is the only grandparent (except my stepmother) that BG has.
Paul had to step in yesterday so she has decided he is Satan again. In fairness, his patience has been put to its limit. I am the one in the middle.
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Heavenly Father.
Thank You for Your abiding presence with each person on this blog. Help us to abide in You at all times and daily spend quality time in prayer and Bible study.
Lord, the sway of our culture and the world is to let go of You and go with the downward flow of the world. It especially hits our young hard as they are trying to figure out life and what they want and expect it to be. I ask You for Your help in salvation of Ann’s daughter L. who has lost her way. I ask that her heart be softened so she can believe. She is at a difficult spot now. People who are unbelievers have led her off Your track. May she witness from a distance the troubles others fall into by going away from Your lighted path. May that warning be enough to make her look again to the light of Jesus. Please keep all young family members who are tending to break up with the only God who loves them safe from the worst things that go with faulty decision making. May the Holy Spirit draw them to Jesus in a swift motion before they get damaged in some bad way. Please use their times in the wilderness to firm up and seal their future faith. I pray in Jesus’ name, Amen
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Ann, I’m so sorry. I know how great a shock this must be for you, since so recently she seemed so interested in the things of God. But that God still triggers a emotional and mental response in her, even if it is anger, signals that she is under conviction. I know from personal experience that sometimes the faith that seemed so bright can fade rapidly and even a feeling of hostility can take its place. But God can still work in spite of our unbelief (Mark 9:24). I know so many cases of teens who left the faith, only to return almost in spite of themselves some years later.
May I make a suggestion? You cannot change her heart, only God can. Her faith or lack thereof is between her and God. But you can ask her to be respectful of your faith. You are her parents, and she should learn to curb her tongue in honour to you. She may disagree with you, but she must be respectful and not rant. Too often, people who have decided to leave the faith of their parents behind seem to think that gives them license to spew vitriol. Not only can they be hurtful, but they also become extremely difficult to be around, even for outsiders who may or may not be Christians. People who have a chip on their shoulders aren’t popular with anybody.
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Wise advice Roscuro
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Amen.
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Ann–Years ago, I heard similar words from one of my daughters. It took some time, but we kept our door open and our prayers going. She is now a firm believer. Yesterday, her pre-teen son expressed some displeasure at hearing us discuss things from the bible. He thought we do that way too often. She had some words for him!
All this to advise patience. It is heart-breaking. I remember it well. God is so gracious and good. Who knows why some need to take the harder road? She will have lots of people praying for her and for you.
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Ann – I’m in the same boat with you, dear sister. It hurts.
Roscuro’s advice was good. I would add, although I suspect you already know this, to be careful about not “preaching” to her in the name of “witnessing”. Now & then, talk about what God is doing in you in a natural way, the way you always would have.
As Lee has been growing by leaps & bounds in his faith over the past year, I’ve noticed that we often talk about the things of God between ourselves, but with Chrissy or Emily within earshot. We don’t do this on purpose, it is just a natural part of our conversation.
L’s name popped into my mind when I was praying last night. Keeping her in my prayers, along with BG & others.
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Prayer for daughter as she is experiencing cramping.
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Oh no. Please let us know.
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We are trying to do the office thingie this week, and it is painful. The printer is not working properly for my husband along with other things. He does not need the stress, and I am at the point of tears. I am so burdened by this state of our lives. Some days lately I almost feel like I am the female version of Job, which would be Jobellina. I know it is not really as bad as Job, but it just seems my life continues to pile up losses with no offsetting gains. Prayers are very appreciated for I know they make a difference in that things truly could be much worse.
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Heavenly Father,
When I see Mumsee’s concern for her daughter, I know that is scary. Please help them through this difficult time of not knowing if things are ok. I pray for the life that has been conceived to continue according to Your will. I ask that the daughter not feel excess worry or distress during this time, but that she would put it all in Your hands. May she know You are carrying her and the little life inside in Your hands and You know best. Thank You for all life from conception to natural death, hopefully at one hundred years or older. Bless the bond between the life in the womb and the mom so that they already know the assurance of heaven no matter what. Bless the rest of the family as they wait.
Father God, thank You that the printer is doing somewhat better. Please help Art not to get so stressed. Help me to not get stressed when I see him so stressed. You know the depth of our needs on all fronts. Thank You that our brains are still functional. Thank You that You brought Wesley safely back to his apartment after the ten hour driving trip to the conference. Please help my brother who is under tremendous stress trying to meet the hyper requirements of trying to keep his job under the performance plan due to finish at month’s end. He has not been available for us because of the horrific work demands. You know the situation, the meaness, and the pressure he is under. He does not need it with his diabetes. I know You have Your reasons, Lord, for allowing suffering. I just hope to see some relief soon. I miss the writer’s group I was just getting to be a part of, I miss my involvement with CLI, and I miss my work in the the church library. I try to make the best of life changes, but everytime I think I am getting settled into where I am suppose to be it feels like the carpet gets pulled out from under me and I hit the cold hard concrete floor. Thank You that I can trust You will pick me up again. And again. And again.
Please forgive me for my ranting. You see it all. We continue to see Your hand in our lives and that is more important than any losses.Please keep me focused on Jesus. I keep looking for Him in the clouds. In Your timing…
I pray in Jesus’ name, Amen
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Amen. And it is good to know that He does see it all, and knows the end He desires.
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I REALLY, desperately need prayer for a situation going on with Mr. P and BG. She hasn’t done anything around the house…she is 18 and wants to “be with her friends” to the exclusion of everyone and everything else. She hasn’t been to see her Nana. She stays away from home as much as she can and I have to leave in the morning just as she is getting up. When I come home she is at work and doesn’t come home until 10pm.
It all came to a head yesterday morning. Today he is threatening to turn her phone off and that she will have to go back to her Dad if she she doesn’t change by Friday.
I can’t stand this. I do not like being in a position to choose between my husband and my child. She is in the wrong. I know that, but I don’t like being in the middle.
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I am very sorry about all the pain expressed here today. Praying through these requests as I sit here at the library. (Internet’s been out at home since yesterday afternoon, except very briefly earlier today. — 6 arrows.)
Kim, stand with your husband. Then you won’t have to be alone in the middle. BG will be the only one by herself, and she will see you and Mr. P standing together. There is stability for all of you in that arrangement, and ultimately, I believe, it will draw her into right relationship with you and Mr. P more readily than if all of you are scattered individuals.
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What’s that song? “Stand by your Man”
Sorry, Kim, that is just what came to mind. You are not in the middle. Work with Mr. P and come up with a plan. Rights of living there come with responsibilities.
You aren’t providing a hotel.
Feel free to disregard this.
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“I love you too much to let you live so selfishly and foolishly.” Repeat. Stand with your husband, Kim. Don’t let her see any weakness. She, obviously, knows how to push your buttons. A difficult time for you all, but it will end. My sympathy to you and the others going through those difficult times! My prayers, too, of course.
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What they said, Kim, don’t let her put you in the middle. You are with your man, standing together to help her grow up.
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Praying for, & crying over, all these requests. God is able!
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Kim, my first thought before I read the other opinions was that you must stand with Mr. P on this. If she came home for a short visit then you could do the hotel thing, but if she lives there then she has certain responsibilities. Does she need time management lessons to help her arrange things so she can fit it all in? I know the Scouts helped our son on that aspect of life with one of the merit badges he earned. If she can’t make things happen in a reasonable way then I would suggest sending her to a course on time management, perhaps at one of the college noncredit courses and probably she should have to pay for part of it. I would probably give her the phone for a certain time of the day as a part of the time management plan. And we have some experts on this blog who seem to be time management whizzes like Michelle. She amazes me with all she fits into her life. Maybe she could give BG some pointers.
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Kim, you have no idea how much your daughter reminds me of a certain young woman you met in Florida. She desperately wants her freedom. I tell her just three more months and then she can move out of eldest daughter’s house and be independent…as soon as she returns our car she is using. She can buy herself an Iphone and everything. Life will be just the way she wants it. She is not absolutely certain she is going to do that.
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Turn off the phone. She’s demonstrating unreliability. Or, give her a pay as you go phone and she’s on her own. She’s 18. She wants to be independent, let her. She owes rent. If she can’t manage to pay you, she’ll have to make arrangements at work to have her rent sent directly to your bank account. Does she need you to make that arrangement for her with the boss?
You’re not helping her if she is able to get away with being rude, not going to school, not acting responsible about the gifts she has been given and so forth. You know this.
I know how scary it is to let a headstrong 18 year old do what she wants–as a mother you think of all sorts of horrible scenarios.
(I shudder when I think of that scam where she nearly went with a trafficker. I told my brother about that story when HIS headstrong 18 year old was all excited about a job helping girls get out of sex trafficking–she ran into the guy offering the position at the mall and was ready to go! My brother, a high school teacher of all things, was encouraging her until I asked him if he had ever heard of an NGO with such jobs that did NOT have an office? I then told him the BG story.
My niece now works as a barista at a legitimate coffee shop and my brother, in the cold nightmares in the middle of the night, is very thankful for that story you told, Kim)
But where does it end?
You, P and G, along with Nana, all have to agree on what to do and hold a firm line. And don’t trust what she says, or the excuses she makes, about her relationship with any of the other three. Use your eyes.
This is SO INCREDIBLY UNFAIR of her to do this to you.
Yikes. I hate it when daughters are mean to my friends. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. I really hated it when my daughter was mean to me and scared to death when she ran away. Thanks be to God my husband could get through to her, but those were tense, tense times I never want to live through again.
It’s because you love her that you’re vulnerable. And she knows it. 😦 🙂 Grrrrrrr.
All above comments–except the thanks–subject to agreement with what God is saying to you personally, of course.
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Time management? Last night at 1ish, I read up on Insomnia. I have most of the characteristics. Now starting a sleep journal and if things aren’t better in a month, I’ll complain to my teenage doctor yet again. I function, but it doesn’t make any sense.
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What is outrageously funny to me, seventeen year old daughter does not believe there are any other girls on the planet with a disagreeable mom. She says none of her friends have any problems with their moms. My step mom laughed when she heard that and commented, “she does not get out much, does she.”
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There you go trying to blow the smoke and mirror illusion . . . I’m just so sorry this is happening to so many of you. The good news is . . . . eventually they grow up. The same kid who sent me sobbing to counseling with my gut in a scramble is delightful now.
But you know what? I’m still a little wary–the hurt was very real.
So then I feel bad again! 🙂 Can’t win!
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I have done this enough times that I know it too shall pass. Which explains why we were willing to let her move to Boise when eldest daughter suggested it. And she suggested it with no idea that seventeen year old was so angry. Seventeen year old has never forgiven us for adopting more children. She has always thought she should be an only.
Anyway, as they get there, we have done what we can and it is time for them to fledge. They may flounder for a bit, but then, most likely, they will soar.
LikeLiked by 2 people
And this is why I write. Sometimes I can’t find my real feelings until I write about something and then they flood.
After I wrote my scree above, I cooked dinner–using a chef’s knife on a butternut squash. As I thought through the above, I got more and more upset until I had to stop because I was becoming dangerous with the knife.
Yikes!
It’s not I’m still upset with my daughter–though I’m careful if I ever have to say anything negative–as much as the tsunami of emotions that nearly overwhelmed me remembering that time.
The point is, every time I felt like my husband “sided” with my daughter “against” me, I became distraught and felt so marginalized, if not dismissed, I had difficulty knowing what to do. He was struggling to make peace between two females he loved and thought I, as the adult, needed to control myself better.
Maybe he was right, except every time he “chose” her, I got more and more depressed and felt so insignificant that it dredged up horrible feelings of unworthiness from somewhere in my past.
So black and ugly.
And that’s what was coming back tonight. I don’t know if what I wrote is pertinent to Kim’s situation, and so I’m sorry if it’s not. I can see this is an area of my heart that is not completely healed–and I thought it was fine.
I guess I’ve got some work to do, yet, myself. 🙂
So, if you think to pray for me–my request is that I will see and understand what God is trying to show me through this and if I have forgiveness issues I need to work through, that I would figure out what they are and do it! 🙂
Perhaps it is pertinent to note it’s been an emotional day for me. My nephew is 20 today, a college sophomore. He was 3 months old when my mom died, and I can’t believe that much time has passed since I last could talk to my mom.
I’m tired, my heart is aching, I’m crying and I think I’m going to soak in a hot tub–who cares about the drought?–and then go to bed.
Thanks.
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Your 11:00 was for me, Michelle. Thank you for typing that out.
It is the rare night that I sleep straight through, eight hours. You can count on my prayers when I awake tonight.
And beyond.
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Michelle, I can relate. It has been 20 years since my husband left us. He still thinks that there is no problem. Then, last night, the director was concerned that we hear and understand him. But he needs to hear and understand us and there was no sense of that at all. Not sure what we can do about it, but a number of us are quite upset.
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