I am having a very difficult time right now. I am battling resentment, envy, and a whole host of other things. I had myself a big ol’ pity party on the way home yesterday. I feel like I can’t seem to pick a path and have it work. I went back to work with Guy because it left my license at the same company. I took a pay cut knowing I was going back into a situation that makes my stomach hurt. I have listened patiently to my husband telling me I was worth more and needed to make more money. What no one understands is that despite what it looks like on the outside, I have ZERO self confidence on the inside. Guy is a tyrant but 3 times now when I have been desperate he has thrown me a rope. I don’t have the confidence to leave him again.
I feel like nothing has worked out for me in the last 11 years. I have begged God for forgiveness for the things I have done. I have gone through the Reconcilliation of the Sinner with my former priest. I have prayed. I have asked others to pray for me. When will I stop feeling like I am still paying for past sins? What else do I have to do?
Yesterday I even resented my dad for dying and leaving me in the world alone.
There is a joke about wanting to run away from home more as an adult than as a child. That is how I feel right now. I want to bury my toes and head in the sand and pretend that I don’t have a care in the world. Here I sit at work battling tears because I am in a office full of men.
Thanks for understanding.
Kim, I understand. I really do.
I know it’s an internal battle you have to deal with. But consider this.
Last Sunday, Pastor Steve preached I John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleans us from all unrighteousness.” He didn’t say this, but the fact is: You only have to confess your sins one. time. Forgiveness takes place immediately. And it lasts forever.
Paul, in Colossians 2:13f, says, “And you, being dead in your sins…..
.hath he made alive together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses, plotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of our way, nailing it to the cross.”
There’s a country gospel song that goes:
“Praise God, my sins are gone,
They’re underneath the blood on the cross of Calvary,
As far removed as darkness is from dawn.
In the sea of God’s forgetfulness, that’s good enough for me.
Praise God, my sins are gone.”
As for GYWW. He may be a tyrant, but he loves you. I can tell. He was always there when you needed him. Whether you wanted him or not. He was there.
His management style may be terrible. I wouldn’t like it either. And I would try to leave “ASAP. But you just have to deal with it until you get another opportunity.
He will not change. That is a given. You have to expect the same thing s long as you are there.
I said “He loves you”. But I suddenly considered that you have an ability he recognizes and is exploiting that. It may be that he needs you. Think about that angle.
And maybe he likes you. You are a likable person. Your husband likes you, Chas likes you, I like you. God likes you. You are pretty, nice, and a Southern Belle. And your daddy liked you! Heck, even your dog likes you!
I’ll bet there are even some of the men in your office who like you. You know they act better just because you are there. You bring out their best!
All I can say, & maybe you’ve done this, is lay it all before God, surrender it all into His hands, & ask Him to move in your life. Then just keep doing “the next right thing.” And do it again every single day until you hurt no more. This is where I am in my own life, for different reasons.
He will either eventually move you into a better job, or you will find yourself happy where you are, & He may even change Guy’s attitude toward you. But it may all take a while. Hold steady, keep trusting in Him, don’t give up. (Again, I’m not preaching at you; this is what both Lee & I have had to do in our lives, & continue to do. And no, it’s not easy, but peace eventually comes with it.)
In the meantime, remember that you are dearly loved by God, & by us, as well as those in your own “real life”.
A few weeks ago, I mentioned Lee having blood in his urine, along with clots that come out, too. The urologist said it was probably due to the prostate cancer, but didn’t explain what causes it (& Lee didn’t think to ask). A couple or so weeks later, feeling some pain while urinating, Lee went to our primary physician, Dr. C. He suspected a UTI, & put him on a strong antibiotic.
This past Sunday, Lee was telling me, relieved, that it had been a week since he’d passed any blood, so it must have been due to the UTI.
But this morning, the blood & clots are back. 😦 This is disturbing to him (to me, too, quite frankly.)
Please pray specifically for whatever is causing this to be healed, & in general, that God would heal him of the prostate cancer & whatever may be wrong with his heart. (He was told he needs to see a cardiologist, which he hasn’t done yet. We don’t know what the issue is, but he hasn’t had any more of the racing heart episodes he had a while back.)
Kim, take all those thoughts captive to Christ. Respond with the truth of scripture (yes, in your mind!). The accuser is having a field day. Your feelings will follow your thoughts being changed.
Of course, I am fighting a battle of my own, so I preach to myself as well.
What I didn’t mention about Lee is that yesterday he was put on three medications (temporarily) to deal with a knot or something in his sacroiliac – a steroid (prednisone), a muscle relaxant, & a pain reliever. The bloody urine is much more today than it had been previously, so he stopped taking the meds & put a call in to our doctor.
As for me, what I wrote about laying everything (the situations, the feelings, etc.) before the Lord & surrendering it all to Him is what I have had to do time & time again of late. Kathaleena’s advice to take our thoughts captive to Christ is part of that.
When I start to think of our financial worries, & worry about what kind of a job Lee will get after he sells his route, I can feel a great deal of anxiety. So I have to make myself stop worrying & once again put those worries into God’s hands, trusting Him to work it all out, being willing to face tough times if God so wills.
But what really grips my heart with fear is the thought of losing my husband. I am so scared! But again, I need to take those thoughts & fears captive to Christ, live & enjoy this day, & leave my husband & his health in God’s hands. It is something I need to do each day.
I am – we are – at Your mercy, oh gracious, loving heavenly Father!
I think we have worked out the problem. Mr. P will be buying a house now that I have bought his truck from him. Now that he has gone back to college and BG is in high school I will be able to ground them both and take their car or truck away from them. Once I receive the commission on the purchase of his home I will turn around and pay off the loan on the truck I just bought. USAA was extremely accommodating on this. Don’t worry though. In this state a Married Man MUST put his Wife on the deed of any property he purchases.
Now the 50 page VA Disclosure on the Purchase of Real Property is a nightmare of a document.
For Kim, “There is therefore now no condemnation of those who are in Christ Jesus.” Words from a Bible verse and a praise song I have somewhere on a CD.
Jesus put your sins to death on the cross when He died there. Don’t keep saying that did not take care of those sins. His sacrifice was enough. It is finished. It is a done deal like when you turn the keys over to the new home owner.
Repercussions from past sins may affect our present lives, but that is not because God is punishing us. Probably some of your experience is just a factor of the economic instability of our times. When we were young things were looking up and we had great expectations that have never really played out in reality. Scarcity of good jobs means employees are more at the mercy of employers. That’s not God’s fault or your fault. Just be kind to yourself and let yourself recognize how God loves you through the tough times. Relax in Him and give your burdens to Jesus. Over and over, as often as you feel hurt, turn to Him. He is there 24/7 for you.
Over the weekend I thought how You never rest. You rested that one day after creation, and since then You don’t slumber or sleep. Yet You loved Your children so much that You commanded that they take a day of rest weekly. So many ways You show Your love for us. Help us each to more fully recognize Your love that is the greatest force in the universe. We do have a multitude of problems, hurts, anxieties, stresses, pressures, infirmities, nusances, irritations, andwhatevers that deflate our good moods and work against us experiencing abundant life. Please help us all to rise up in Your power, the power that even raised the dead, and overcome the obstacles before us. I ask for You to overcome physical ailments being suffered by Lee, and also by Mike, AJ and Cheryl, and other blog family folks. You know each hurt, each ailment, each pain, each undiagnosed condition, just the whole assortment of what needs the healing touch and help of Jesus Christ. Please, quickly, give relief and full healing. If any are to experience the “thorn” as Paul did, please give them Your strength during times of weakness.
I pray for those needing employment or improvement in employment situations. Some names who come to mind are Kim, Donna, Lee, my brother, some of our blog family children, some of our missionaries, and others that You know. Please do not neglect these needs so people fall into despair. I pray You will inspire with hope and help people keep faith as they wait on You.
Please, Lord, may those out of control and threatening fires be shown in a major way to be shown beyond a shadow of a doubt to be under Your grand control. Please make Your glory to shine forth powerful as You tame the flames. You made fire come down and consume the bull offering from Elijah so I know You alone have full control over flames and rain, considering Elijah saw that tiny cloud in the distance that brought rain. I ask again for a show of Your power through the elements of fire and water. Many others are praying for You to work these things out for Your glory. Please act upon our combined prayers for we all believe on the power in the name of Jesus to accomplish great things. I pray knowing You can answer in ways even greater than what we think of to ask. May we witness Your love in Your sweet answers. In the name of Jesus, Amen
Kim, will you sell Mr. P the same house that we all looked at this weekend?
If you are having a bad day, Kim, this is the place to post. What an outpouring of love and concern God uses His people to show His love.
I can tend to get down too or feel slights. Tough to deal with. And God knows so pours out an extra helping of His love on us.
“In this state a Married Man MUST put his Wife on the deed of any property he purchases.” Kim, you’re in Alabama, right? Don’t be too sure. My brother-in-law left my sister’s name off their house through a glitch (he bought it through an online auction and his name was on the bid but hers wasn’t–nothing intentional), and it has caused a real problem for her and the kids, because of the way it works in Alabama when someone dies intestate. (She gets the first $50,000 and then she and the children all have equal shares of the rest . . . and she cannot sell “their house” until the youngest of them is 19. I believe that is how it works.)
Guy told me this afternoon (when I picked him up from dropping off his vehicle and delivered him to his other vehicle) that I no longer have the work ethic I used to have. He wants me to work until 5:30 every day. I get to work at 7:30. He says that working for the company they over payed me and spoiled me. It has ruined me.
You are correct Cheryl. Anyone who dies intestate in the state their estate is settled that way. I used to understand it that a wife only got a child’s portion. If a house is bought through a real estate agent and it is the primary home then the title company now requires that the wife be on the deed. My dad had moved out of the house he and my stepmother built. He bought another house. She received their home with right of survivorship free and clear. When he bought the other house I was on the deed with right of survivorship but with a mortgage. Stepmother got a paid for home and I got a home with a mortgage. I had to let the house go back to the bank. When he closed on it she had to sign a document allowing him to NOT put her on the deed. You can bet on it that I will be on this deed with enough life insurance on Mr. P to make sure I don’t have to move.
Yes, Jo it is the same house. My income cannot be counted and I cannot be on the mortgage because I have been “self employed” since March and you must be self employed at least two years and have the tax returns to back up your income now. It is a good thing overall but I was a real twister on this. What we did was transfer all debt out of Mr. P’s name and into mine. When we close on the house, I will take the commission out of it and apply it to the debt that is now in my name.
I ask that You would give Kare wisdom as she tries to keep harmony between those at camp who are bully types and those they treat poorly. May the girls all learn behaviors that will make them be a blessing rather thsn a curse in their groups. Please may forgiveness be learned and practiced and appreciated rather thN revenge. May Your divine justice rule in case any destructive behaviors go on behind the backs of staff. May You shed light on any situations that are encoraging bully behaviors. Thank You for Kare’s heart to work witj the young and be a good role model for them.
In Jesus’ name, Amen
Wandering Views 
Could use some prayer today as I attempt to overcome an obstacle
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I am having a very difficult time right now. I am battling resentment, envy, and a whole host of other things. I had myself a big ol’ pity party on the way home yesterday. I feel like I can’t seem to pick a path and have it work. I went back to work with Guy because it left my license at the same company. I took a pay cut knowing I was going back into a situation that makes my stomach hurt. I have listened patiently to my husband telling me I was worth more and needed to make more money. What no one understands is that despite what it looks like on the outside, I have ZERO self confidence on the inside. Guy is a tyrant but 3 times now when I have been desperate he has thrown me a rope. I don’t have the confidence to leave him again.
I feel like nothing has worked out for me in the last 11 years. I have begged God for forgiveness for the things I have done. I have gone through the Reconcilliation of the Sinner with my former priest. I have prayed. I have asked others to pray for me. When will I stop feeling like I am still paying for past sins? What else do I have to do?
Yesterday I even resented my dad for dying and leaving me in the world alone.
There is a joke about wanting to run away from home more as an adult than as a child. That is how I feel right now. I want to bury my toes and head in the sand and pretend that I don’t have a care in the world. Here I sit at work battling tears because I am in a office full of men.
Thanks for understanding.
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I love you, Kim.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Kim, I understand. I really do.
I know it’s an internal battle you have to deal with. But consider this.
Last Sunday, Pastor Steve preached I John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleans us from all unrighteousness.” He didn’t say this, but the fact is: You only have to confess your sins one. time. Forgiveness takes place immediately. And it lasts forever.
Paul, in Colossians 2:13f, says, “And you, being dead in your sins…..
.hath he made alive together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses, plotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of our way, nailing it to the cross.”
There’s a country gospel song that goes:
“Praise God, my sins are gone,
They’re underneath the blood on the cross of Calvary,
As far removed as darkness is from dawn.
In the sea of God’s forgetfulness, that’s good enough for me.
Praise God, my sins are gone.”
As for GYWW. He may be a tyrant, but he loves you. I can tell. He was always there when you needed him. Whether you wanted him or not. He was there.
His management style may be terrible. I wouldn’t like it either. And I would try to leave “ASAP. But you just have to deal with it until you get another opportunity.
He will not change. That is a given. You have to expect the same thing s long as you are there.
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I said “He loves you”. But I suddenly considered that you have an ability he recognizes and is exploiting that. It may be that he needs you. Think about that angle.
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And maybe he likes you. You are a likable person. Your husband likes you, Chas likes you, I like you. God likes you. You are pretty, nice, and a Southern Belle. And your daddy liked you! Heck, even your dog likes you!
I’ll bet there are even some of the men in your office who like you. You know they act better just because you are there. You bring out their best!
LikeLiked by 6 people
Crying with you, dear Kim.
All I can say, & maybe you’ve done this, is lay it all before God, surrender it all into His hands, & ask Him to move in your life. Then just keep doing “the next right thing.” And do it again every single day until you hurt no more. This is where I am in my own life, for different reasons.
He will either eventually move you into a better job, or you will find yourself happy where you are, & He may even change Guy’s attitude toward you. But it may all take a while. Hold steady, keep trusting in Him, don’t give up. (Again, I’m not preaching at you; this is what both Lee & I have had to do in our lives, & continue to do. And no, it’s not easy, but peace eventually comes with it.)
In the meantime, remember that you are dearly loved by God, & by us, as well as those in your own “real life”.
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A Song link in the prayer thread”
I thought this might work here.
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=my+sins+are+gone+lyrics&FORM=VIRE1#view=detail&mid=1D6EEE1514D799AF61181D6EEE1514D799AF6118
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My prayer request:
A few weeks ago, I mentioned Lee having blood in his urine, along with clots that come out, too. The urologist said it was probably due to the prostate cancer, but didn’t explain what causes it (& Lee didn’t think to ask). A couple or so weeks later, feeling some pain while urinating, Lee went to our primary physician, Dr. C. He suspected a UTI, & put him on a strong antibiotic.
This past Sunday, Lee was telling me, relieved, that it had been a week since he’d passed any blood, so it must have been due to the UTI.
But this morning, the blood & clots are back. 😦 This is disturbing to him (to me, too, quite frankly.)
Please pray specifically for whatever is causing this to be healed, & in general, that God would heal him of the prostate cancer & whatever may be wrong with his heart. (He was told he needs to see a cardiologist, which he hasn’t done yet. We don’t know what the issue is, but he hasn’t had any more of the racing heart episodes he had a while back.)
LikeLiked by 2 people
Praying Karen and Kim.
Kim, take all those thoughts captive to Christ. Respond with the truth of scripture (yes, in your mind!). The accuser is having a field day. Your feelings will follow your thoughts being changed.
Of course, I am fighting a battle of my own, so I preach to myself as well.
LikeLiked by 5 people
What I didn’t mention about Lee is that yesterday he was put on three medications (temporarily) to deal with a knot or something in his sacroiliac – a steroid (prednisone), a muscle relaxant, & a pain reliever. The bloody urine is much more today than it had been previously, so he stopped taking the meds & put a call in to our doctor.
As for me, what I wrote about laying everything (the situations, the feelings, etc.) before the Lord & surrendering it all to Him is what I have had to do time & time again of late. Kathaleena’s advice to take our thoughts captive to Christ is part of that.
When I start to think of our financial worries, & worry about what kind of a job Lee will get after he sells his route, I can feel a great deal of anxiety. So I have to make myself stop worrying & once again put those worries into God’s hands, trusting Him to work it all out, being willing to face tough times if God so wills.
But what really grips my heart with fear is the thought of losing my husband. I am so scared! But again, I need to take those thoughts & fears captive to Christ, live & enjoy this day, & leave my husband & his health in God’s hands. It is something I need to do each day.
I am – we are – at Your mercy, oh gracious, loving heavenly Father!
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Dr. C says none of the meds would cause the blood & clots, so Lee is going to go back on them, & call the urologist.
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I think we have worked out the problem. Mr. P will be buying a house now that I have bought his truck from him. Now that he has gone back to college and BG is in high school I will be able to ground them both and take their car or truck away from them. Once I receive the commission on the purchase of his home I will turn around and pay off the loan on the truck I just bought. USAA was extremely accommodating on this. Don’t worry though. In this state a Married Man MUST put his Wife on the deed of any property he purchases.
Now the 50 page VA Disclosure on the Purchase of Real Property is a nightmare of a document.
LikeLiked by 7 people
For Kim, “There is therefore now no condemnation of those who are in Christ Jesus.” Words from a Bible verse and a praise song I have somewhere on a CD.
Jesus put your sins to death on the cross when He died there. Don’t keep saying that did not take care of those sins. His sacrifice was enough. It is finished. It is a done deal like when you turn the keys over to the new home owner.
Repercussions from past sins may affect our present lives, but that is not because God is punishing us. Probably some of your experience is just a factor of the economic instability of our times. When we were young things were looking up and we had great expectations that have never really played out in reality. Scarcity of good jobs means employees are more at the mercy of employers. That’s not God’s fault or your fault. Just be kind to yourself and let yourself recognize how God loves you through the tough times. Relax in Him and give your burdens to Jesus. Over and over, as often as you feel hurt, turn to Him. He is there 24/7 for you.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Heavenly Father,
Over the weekend I thought how You never rest. You rested that one day after creation, and since then You don’t slumber or sleep. Yet You loved Your children so much that You commanded that they take a day of rest weekly. So many ways You show Your love for us. Help us each to more fully recognize Your love that is the greatest force in the universe. We do have a multitude of problems, hurts, anxieties, stresses, pressures, infirmities, nusances, irritations, andwhatevers that deflate our good moods and work against us experiencing abundant life. Please help us all to rise up in Your power, the power that even raised the dead, and overcome the obstacles before us. I ask for You to overcome physical ailments being suffered by Lee, and also by Mike, AJ and Cheryl, and other blog family folks. You know each hurt, each ailment, each pain, each undiagnosed condition, just the whole assortment of what needs the healing touch and help of Jesus Christ. Please, quickly, give relief and full healing. If any are to experience the “thorn” as Paul did, please give them Your strength during times of weakness.
I pray for those needing employment or improvement in employment situations. Some names who come to mind are Kim, Donna, Lee, my brother, some of our blog family children, some of our missionaries, and others that You know. Please do not neglect these needs so people fall into despair. I pray You will inspire with hope and help people keep faith as they wait on You.
Please, Lord, may those out of control and threatening fires be shown in a major way to be shown beyond a shadow of a doubt to be under Your grand control. Please make Your glory to shine forth powerful as You tame the flames. You made fire come down and consume the bull offering from Elijah so I know You alone have full control over flames and rain, considering Elijah saw that tiny cloud in the distance that brought rain. I ask again for a show of Your power through the elements of fire and water. Many others are praying for You to work these things out for Your glory. Please act upon our combined prayers for we all believe on the power in the name of Jesus to accomplish great things. I pray knowing You can answer in ways even greater than what we think of to ask. May we witness Your love in Your sweet answers. In the name of Jesus, Amen
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Sorry I garbled a bit of that. I tried to fix it and made it worse. My eyes are tired.
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Kim, will you sell Mr. P the same house that we all looked at this weekend?
If you are having a bad day, Kim, this is the place to post. What an outpouring of love and concern God uses His people to show His love.
I can tend to get down too or feel slights. Tough to deal with. And God knows so pours out an extra helping of His love on us.
LikeLiked by 3 people
“In this state a Married Man MUST put his Wife on the deed of any property he purchases.” Kim, you’re in Alabama, right? Don’t be too sure. My brother-in-law left my sister’s name off their house through a glitch (he bought it through an online auction and his name was on the bid but hers wasn’t–nothing intentional), and it has caused a real problem for her and the kids, because of the way it works in Alabama when someone dies intestate. (She gets the first $50,000 and then she and the children all have equal shares of the rest . . . and she cannot sell “their house” until the youngest of them is 19. I believe that is how it works.)
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Well that’s all confusing.
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Guy told me this afternoon (when I picked him up from dropping off his vehicle and delivered him to his other vehicle) that I no longer have the work ethic I used to have. He wants me to work until 5:30 every day. I get to work at 7:30. He says that working for the company they over payed me and spoiled me. It has ruined me.
LikeLike
You are correct Cheryl. Anyone who dies intestate in the state their estate is settled that way. I used to understand it that a wife only got a child’s portion. If a house is bought through a real estate agent and it is the primary home then the title company now requires that the wife be on the deed. My dad had moved out of the house he and my stepmother built. He bought another house. She received their home with right of survivorship free and clear. When he bought the other house I was on the deed with right of survivorship but with a mortgage. Stepmother got a paid for home and I got a home with a mortgage. I had to let the house go back to the bank. When he closed on it she had to sign a document allowing him to NOT put her on the deed. You can bet on it that I will be on this deed with enough life insurance on Mr. P to make sure I don’t have to move.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes, Jo it is the same house. My income cannot be counted and I cannot be on the mortgage because I have been “self employed” since March and you must be self employed at least two years and have the tax returns to back up your income now. It is a good thing overall but I was a real twister on this. What we did was transfer all debt out of Mr. P’s name and into mine. When we close on the house, I will take the commission out of it and apply it to the debt that is now in my name.
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Kim – I am so very sorry about Guy’s hurtful & disrespectful attitude toward you. That’s gotta hurt bad. How did you reply?
I guess if I were in your situation, I might start looking for a new job, but keep the current one until a really good one comes along.
Hang in there! And remember that Guy has a crappy attitude that does not reflect reality where you are concerned.
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Hugs to you, Kim, KarenO and Kathaleena.
Praying as well.
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Heavenly Father,
I ask that You would give Kare wisdom as she tries to keep harmony between those at camp who are bully types and those they treat poorly. May the girls all learn behaviors that will make them be a blessing rather thsn a curse in their groups. Please may forgiveness be learned and practiced and appreciated rather thN revenge. May Your divine justice rule in case any destructive behaviors go on behind the backs of staff. May You shed light on any situations that are encoraging bully behaviors. Thank You for Kare’s heart to work witj the young and be a good role model for them.
In Jesus’ name, Amen
LikeLiked by 3 people