Who can we pray for today?
And it’s Wednesday, so don’t forget Gambia and those ministering there. 🙂
Psalm 105:1-5
1 O give thanks unto the Lord; call upon his name: make known his deeds among the people.
2 Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him: talk ye of all his wondrous works.
3 Glory ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the Lord.
4 Seek the Lord, and his strength: seek his face evermore.
5 Remember his marvellous works that he hath done; his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth;
Wandering Views 
Mike’s infection appears to be clearing and he has been sort of good about lying down most of the time. But….today he is driving people to town, then taking on to an ortho appt and others to here and there. Too much too fast? I hope not.
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That’s good news Mumsee.
We’ll keep praying for him, you, and the Nest. Just tell him to take it easy and not overdo it. Don’t want a relapse. That’s probably easier said than done though. Keep us updated.
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And don’t forget Gambia today.
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Lot of tension today with 4th Arrow (11-year-old girl), who doesn’t want to be homeschooled.
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Continuing prayers for Mike and The Gambia.
6 Arrows, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what is it about the homeschooling that your daughter does not like? Is it the curriculum or being around her other family members all day because she feels they are distracting from her own work and thoughts? Does she want a custom-fitted program that she helps design herself? My son and I would attend a used curriculum fair as he got older and he would get to pick what looked good to him to use along with some things I chose. Sometimes we overbought not knowing what would work out the best. It could always be resold at the next curriculum fair. Some programs are tied to a computer or other screen all day. I did not like that approach for our son, but some people like it. I had different areas of the home where my son could do some work in his room, some at a desk in the kitchen and other work in the living room. That way he at least got to not be in the same spot for too many hours. When we did standardized testing he would sit at a desk looking at a blank wall in the foyer so that had its own special place, too. Where is the influence coming from that makes your daughter want to not homeschool? We have both homeschool and public school children in our Sunday School which includes around that age. I don’t think either homeschoolers or public schoolers would want to trade places. Have you ever done a tour of the public school with your daughter so she can see exactly what she is missing and would miss if she had to be there all day? I will pray for a more peaceful situation with her. And also that if she is a child with a rebellious spirit that the Lord will intervene and direct that spirit to work for good against bad things in this world instead of trying to rebel against the education her parents want for her. If she has a rebellious spirit then she would suffer within the school system too from that. I hope she can see and understand that. May you all be blessed with a better situation soon.
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I have a request for our Pastor, Bill Seiple. He had a heart attack while vacationing in Virginia Beach. They did a cathaterzation (sp?) and put in a stent. He’s doing well but must remain in the hospital until Friday.
And also for my brother Don who will be filling in for Bill preaching this Sunday.Thanks all.
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Janice, no, I don’t mind you asking. To answer your questions:
First, we don’t really know what she doesn’t like about homeschooling. When we ask her, she just cries and says she just wants to try going to school. Today my husband told her he wants her to write down what it is she does and doesn’t like about homeschooling, and what she thinks are good and bad things about going to school. Hubby and I are looking forward to getting something coherent from her instead of drama and solutions (“let me go to school”) before the actual problem and the reasons for it have even been established.
One thing that she has mentioned recently is that it’s frustrating to her when she’s with her younger two siblings and they’re doing things they shouldn’t and won’t listen to her when she tells them to stop. That’s an area where I’ve fallen down on the job, and I told her she would not have to be in charge of both of them at the same time and have to deal with that anymore. But though that situation has now improved, she still is upset about this whole homeschooling thing.
As far as curriculum goes, we’re pretty eclectic, picking and choosing according to specific giftings/challenges and so on. This is our family’s 15th year of homeschooling, and I’ve always allowed the children some voice in what subjects, resources, etc. they’d like to have each year. However, my daughter (who actually started with this “I want to go to school” bit two years ago already, but it’s become more pronounced lately) has not even wanted to pick out anything in the last year or so. I suppose she sees it as defeat — if we’re ordering more materials, then it’s more of the homeschooling instead of school — and she wants nothing to do with expressing any interest in furthering her home education, it seems.
You asked where the influence was coming from that makes her not want to homeschool, and I’d have to say it’s from being in Sunday School, which I never particularly wanted her to be in, but her dad did. Our church has a school, and many of the kids who go to the school are also in Sunday School. She makes friends easily, and I suppose she enjoys being popular and wants more time with those kids. The day school class for her grade is rather unusual in that the girls in the class (there are many boys, but only about five girls) do not get along very well with each other. Several mothers of these girls have told me, in the presence of my daughter, how all those girls are so different from each other, and none of them really like any of the others. So it’s probably pretty gratifying to my daughter that she seems to be the popular one (without even going to school there!) that some of these girls are gravitating toward. I’m sure some of them are probably saying, too, that they wish my daughter could go to school with them.
My husband and I have suggested to our daughter that one of us could take her and a friend out for some fun activities sometimes, but again, that brings tears because it’s like conceding defeat again. Homeschooling + seeing friends isn’t good enough. She wants to be with friends at school.
So we’d really like to get to the root of why nothing but school pleases her. 😦
We are thinking of taking a family vacation, hoping that will help draw her closer to family. We have not been on vacation in about ten years, which she wouldn’t remember, as she was only a toddler. Family life got very challenging after 5th Arrow, who is about two years and nine months younger than she, was born (he has developmental delays and other challenges), and a lot of our efforts went into working with him, and daughter sort of got lost in the shuffle. He is now nine years old and is much improved in many ways, and taking a family vacation would be much more doable now than it was before this. I think we all need something to revitalize us as a family, and a vacation may be just the thing that would help draw our family, and especially our daughter, closer together as a unit. That is my prayer, anyway.
Sorry for the book. We appreciate your prayers, Janice, and anyone else reading this.
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Prayers for the wife and family & our church after our associate pastor died last night after a long battle with cancer. 😦 It wasn’t a surprise — but it’s still very hard. He was very loved and such a blessing to our church. .
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Janice, I wanted to thank you also for your suggestions about working in varying locations in the house for variety. I’ve thought some about that (who is working where when, etc.) but haven’t been real purposeful in changing things up a bit. Thanks for your commentary.
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6 Arrows, obviously it is ultimately your decision. But she does need to articulate her case clearly, and you need to be satisfied that the school option is good for her and something you can afford financially before you consider that route. But it seems like pointing out to her that schoolday interactions with peers are fairly limited, and telling her that she can have the girls over for social events, and planning such an event, might be a good place to start.
My sister’s eldest has sometimes expressed interest in attending school (or at least he did when they lived down the street from the local school and he saw schoolkids going by their house daily, and appearing to be having fun!). She nipped that desire in the bud by giving him a taste of the length of the public school schoolday–for a few days he had to get up earlier (as though he were getting on the bus) and study for about twice as long as he typically does, and that was enough to tell him he preferred the freedom of homeschooling.
There may be ways to meet your arrow’s desires (whether they are for friendship, for some particular variety of classes, whatever) without enrolling her, or enrollment might end up being the best option for her, at least for a period.
I took high school by correspondence, and for two years had NO interaction with other teenagers except my younger brother and sister. Other kids in our church were at least four years younger than me, except one boy my sister’s age (a year younger than me). It was a disastrously lonely time of my life . . . only in my case, the social realities of middle school had been so horrid that I had no expectation that I would have had friends had I attended high school. Had I had any expectation of that, I don’t think I could have borne the desolation and loneliness of those years. We need positive human contact, and I had very little. (My parents had each other, and so did my brother and sister, and I was “odd man out.” We saw people only at church, most weeks.)
May you have wisdom and compassion as you figure this one out.
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6 Arrows, I had written a long response and somehow it got lost when I tried to send it. I think my server was on the blink and I hit send before I realized I should wait.
I will try to put down at least some of what I wrote before. What Cheryl wrote sounds very good, too.
First, I think your daughter is popular with the girls partly because she is a novelty to them and they may be vying for her attention to see who can be her best friend. If she was in school with them she might lose her treasured status of being popular. You might tr y to have a weekly scheduled activity for the group of girls, something you could coordinate and participate in as a helper/guide/instructor. Maybe an art class, sewing class or whatever would hold an interest for the girls that they do not get elsewhere, and something that would allow for a lot of social interaction unlike what they have time for in the regular school setting. You could also invite some other homeschool girls (or guys, too, if that feels comfortable and depending on the activity). Some homeschool guys and gals I knew got involved with a Lego Robotics club for another option. One thing I did was to have a very small class where my son and two of his friends did a dramatic reading of Pilgrim’s Progress and I was the narrator. The guys really got into their reading and had a great learning time. These are just some general ideas.
Some areas like the more close in to the city where I live have a lot of options for homeschoolers in the churches to have social times as well as classes with other homeschoolers. For about five years my son went to a homeschool band to learn clarinet on Fridays. There were many families the size of yours who would all pile into the van on Fridays to go to band. Some of those families were fortunate to have their children receive music scholarships to colleges. It was a social time mixed with learning and gave a real sense of belonging to those who included it as a part of their homeschool program. If you want to see what the program is like you may find it listed under something like Joyful Noise Homeschool Band in the Marietta, GA area. With your music background you might be a good one to start up something like that in your community.
It will be interesting to see what your daughter comes up with on her list of likes/dislikes in regards to homeschool. She may again say she can’t really pinpoint her dislikes because if she did then you might fix the problem and she would not get to “go to school” as you indicated she is doing when you ask her otherwise.
It is a lot to pray over. You may want to start researching colleges with her and show her what it takes to get in and show her how well homeschoolers do in general so that may be a motivator for her if she is a forward thinker. Most of all keep stressing how you are on her side and want the best for her in the future even if it means not having things exactly as she wants them now.
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Here is a link to the Joyful Noise Home School Band:
http://www.joyfulnoiseband.com/
It was a wonderful experience for my son and all those involved.
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6 Arrows, I am certainly praying for you. Another thing to consider, along with the other counsel you have had here today, is whether your daughter is a leader or a follower. I would never recommend sending a follower into the public school system no matter how much they beg.
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Thank you, Cheryl, Janice and RKessler. Cheryl, I agree she does need to state her case clearly, and not this general “But I just want to try something different” business. And we have talked about how limited the opportunities are for socializing in school (or they’re supposed to be, anyway). She just gets upset anytime I try to tell her about some things she may face in school that she may not like, telling me I’m just trying to make it sound bad. The thought did cross my mind that maybe I should do just as your sister did and set up a schedule like a school (and have it be just for her) so she can see the time and freedom she loses compared to her siblings.
The “odd man out” feeling you mention, Cheryl, may have started some of this when she began complaining two years ago about wanting to go to school, which is kind of funny, being that we have an even number of kids. For quite a number of years after her birth, there was a kind of pairing off of the kids: 1st & 2nd Arrows (three years apart), 3rd & 4th Arrows (four years apart), and later, 5th & 6th Arrows. However, it was a couple years ago, when 3rd Arrow was almost 14 years old and 4th Arrow (the daughter of whom I speak) was almost ten, that 3rd Arrow sort of joined 1st and 2nd Arrows in a trio, and 4th Arrow was basically alone, as 5th Arrow was so far behind her developmentally, and 6th Arrow was only 3 1/2. So she sort of lost her best playmate to the older siblings, and I didn’t help to fill that void, being occupied with numerous things (that was the year four of my friends and an aunt and an uncle died). Needless to say, a lot of things fell apart at that time, and we’re still picking up the pieces.
Cheryl and Janice, you both mentioned activities as a possible way to get her involved with something enjoyable. I was just talking to a friend of mine who homeschools, and there is a local 4-H group of homeschoolers that her daughter is a part of. Apparently the group has gotten very large, and my friend is quite dissatisfied with some of the student leadership. There is a lot of worldliness in the group that wasn’t there years ago, and the sense of camaraderie among the children as a whole, the olders working together with and enjoying the youngers has virtually been abandoned in favor of the older kids just wanting to socialize with their own limited-range age group. So hearing that made me realize that I, too, could do a better job of integrating our children into a more cohesive bunch, and not be so separate. It’s hard, though, with my children at home being ages 22, 15, 11, 9 and 5. Only the 9 and 5 year olds are similar developmentally. Second Arrow’s (age 19) leaving put a big gap in the family, as she was the one who developed very strong bonds with all her siblings. She is a peacemaker and a go-to person, and her leaving last year left a void, especially for 4th Arrow, with whom she shares a birthday and a very special bond. Her going to college and her ability to make lots of friends may also be behind 4th Arrow’s wanting the same for herself, except she is 8 years younger.
Janice, I have thought of starting a homeschool music group of some sort. I used to teach piano lessons, which is primarily an individual activity, of course, but I resigned when I got pregnant with 5th Arrow, and have not returned to it, though I have been asked if I would. My husband felt that starting up lessons again would be too much with my other home responsibilities. However, he may be receptive to the idea of my starting a group musical experience for area homeschoolers as it could give our daughter opportunity for interaction with other homeschooled kids in an environment that I can set up in a way I want. I’ll have to ask him what he thinks of that.
RKessler, that’s a good point about considering whether my daughter is a leader or a follower. My homeschooling friend that I mentioned above asked me the same question. My daughter seems like more of a follower to me, though I have seen some leadership tendencies in her at times. Other times, though, she’s very quiet and seems to melt into the shadows, and it concerns me that her strong desire to be away from home and in an environment with other children who may be leaders with whom she wants frequent contact and friendship could really pull her heart even farther from home. And like Janice said, the novelty of her going to school may wear off for her classmates, and she could lose her treasured status of popularity. That so often leads to children being willing to do just about anything to still be liked. The pull to be popular is very strong at that age.
Well, I guess I wrote another book tonight. 😉 Thank you so much, all, for your wisdom and your prayers.
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6 Arrows, those are huge gaps. There’s a 17-year gap oldest to youngest in my family, but seven years of that is between the oldest four and the youngest three. Within those groups the largest gap is less than two-and-a-half years. And my brother three years younger than I (with a sister between us) always seemed too young to be an interesting playmate. Part of my issue in not being close to my sister growing up is that she wanted to be a child and I wanted to be an adult. So she naturally gravitated toward the sibling younger than her, not to me, and I was more inclined to try to find older friends; I was the kid who chatted with the substitute teacher during recess. I’ve seen that play a role in other children, too–the child who is more comfortable with younger children doesn’t do well in a setting where everyone is her age and older, and the child who is more comfortable with older children and adults doesn’t do well in peer groups. (That was me.) I don’t think that total age segregation is good, but I do think children need some contact with those with similar skill sets and abilities.
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Cheryl, yes, there are big gaps between each child. We used birth control between children in the early years for reasons I won’t go into now, and had pretty much decided to stop having children after the third one. Three years later the Lord changed our hearts on that matter, and we were open to receiving more children, whenever and however many He ordained. So 4th Arrow was born three weeks after 3rd Arrow turned four. Next pregnancy I had a miscarriage, then came 5th Arrow, then another miscarriage, and then 6th Arrow. So birth control spaced our early ones, and miscarriages spaced the later ones.
I look at that pattern and I know the Lord has a reason for our children to come to us as they did. And actually, the pairing off I described above (1 & 2, 3 & 4, 5 & 6) matched up in all three cases a more immature older child with a relatively mature younger child, so although there were pretty big age gaps between the groups, the developmental gaps within the groups were notably less. I think 3rd Arrow seemed to gravitate toward her older two siblings when she grew physically, giving the appearance of three big kids and three little kids in the family. Third Arrow is very tall, and passed up her older sister in height when she was probably about 13 years old (and her sister 17). But as 4th Arrow matures, both physically and emotionally, as 3rd Arrow did, I think she will begin to have more connection with 3rd Arrow again. Of course that’s speculation, but it’s something we hope for and would like to foster, if we can.
It’s interesting what you say about children who are more comfortable with older children and adults, that they don’t do as well in peer groups, because 4th Arrow has naturally gravitated toward her older sisters at different times, so she might not do well in a peer setting. OTOH, she’s made friends well with the girls in her Sunday School class, so I don’t know. And as far as getting together with children who have similar skill sets and abilities, 4-H may be a good fit for her, despite the problems I mentioned above with our local homeschool group. (There were a lot of problems with the student leader, but he will be graduating out of the group this spring, and the parent leaders have set up some new guidelines for next fall’s start, so there may be improvement in that environment.)
We have lots of things to think and pray about. I appreciate your input, Cheryl.
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