🙂 I an reading the Bible through on a chronological schedule. A Psalm, a couple of OT chapters and a NT chapter. By some quirk (I know what it is), the Psalm I’m reading today is Psalm 48, ours for the day.
A few months ago when I was reading through the Psalms, my daily reading was very close to (and maybe a few days, exactly) corresponding with the Psalm AJ would post. Good reinforcement.
I don’t know whether this will be a request, or a praise, or maybe just one long ramble that could have simply gone on the daily thread. Bear with me as I spill some thoughts that were heavy on my mind last night after having awoken from a dream, after which I was unable to fall back to sleep for a long time.
I am currently reading a book I have in my Kindle Cloud Reader, entitled Glorious Ruin: How Suffering Sets You Free, by Tullian Tchividjian. I’ve read the first few chapters, and one thing I’ve taken away from the book so far is how we often tend to minimize our pain, rationalizing that others have it so much worse, or that “we subordinate suffering to the result it might achieve”, etc.
Anyway, the book came to mind last night while lying awake after the dream I had. It has been a recurrent dream over the past few years, maybe more, but for sure did not start until after one or both of my miscarriages (in 2002 and 2006).
In the dream, I am at a fairly advanced stage of pregnancy (well more than halfway through), but my belly is flat, and I can’t feel the baby moving. I get this horrible feeling that something has happened to the baby, but I don’t remember any signs of having had a miscarriage. Then I start thinking that maybe I am very deluded, and that I was never pregnant to begin with.
That’s when I wake up.
In the past, after awaking from the dream, I have had a very unsettled feeling, trying to remember if I am pregnant or not. It takes me a while to remember what age I am (now almost 52), and how many years it’s been since my last pregnancy (nearly seven years now).
Last night upon waking, though I had those same feelings I described above, but things soon went much deeper than that. I started thinking about my real miscarried babies, and I just laid there and cried and cried on my pillow. I have not cried like that since the burial services we did for our babies all those years ago. In fact, at the time of the miscarriages, I only cried for a few days with the first one, and only a few hours with the second one.
I’d always compared myself with others whose losses were much greater than mine — repeated miscarriages with no living children, inability to conceive at all, pregnancy loss after the mom can feel signs of life… You name it, I always rationalized away my pain as not a big deal compared to…
So I don’t know what happened last night, but something (rather, I think, Someone) broke through. I have this sense that I had not fully grieved, and now (maybe?) God is setting me free from my feeling that I should not be so concerned about my earthly suffering, since this world is only temporal, not eternal.
I am learning that I don’t need to push down my pain, or suck it up, or fight to get control of it. God is with us in our suffering.
What a comfort that is.
Praise be to God. And thank you to all who read this meandering whatever-it-was.
If, like me, 6 Arrows, you were really busy with other things at the time you lost those children, this may be God putting a finger on your need to grieve a little more. I’ve had to do that once or twice over the years. Events were catapulting so much in the midst of a deep grief, I could only move forward and try to control or keep moving, particularly when I had a bunch of children looking to me to clean, cook, drive, read, wash, etc.
Later when I had a “breathing moment,” in my life, memories of some of the grief I didn’t have opportunity to fully grieve, came back and I went through it again. It’s hard, but it’s healthy and you really do feel better on the other side.
Taking time out with a death really is a good idea. When my dad died, even though it was expected, I said to my husband, “I wish I could just step out of life for a week and sit shiva–sit and think and cry and grieve and get it over with.” But life bobbed merrily along like a fast running river and I was up and away before I felt like I really said goodbye well.
And now I’m crying, so obviously I still have work to do there.
6 arrows, so glad you were able to release some of that grief. Michelle, hugs to you both.
No, it’s not about the job. I haven’t heard anything, it’s in God’s hands, but does he want me to phone them and ask if they’ve made a decision? I don’t know. Suggestions welcome. I know Friday was a busy day for them. They make sure that Saturday no one works and yesterday was Sunday – church in the AM and then new campers arriving at 2:30pm. I think they’ve been busy.
Kare, I suspect they’ll let you know when they decide something.
You likely don’t want to work for people who make a decision and sit on it.
Unless there’s a special reason.
I once attended a management seminar where they said, “Never release bad news on a Friday afternoon.”
Bob, It’s apolitical thing. Both parties do. Not much attention is paid to politics on the weekend. That’s why you see repeats on Fox, “Caught on camera” on MSNVC, etc. It is even worse during football season.
The reason you don’t release bad news of Friday is that people have a chance to worry, consider, gossip and spread misinformation when there is no authoritative source to correct misinformation.
Emily & Forrest left early this afternoon for four days of camping. Praying for their safety, & also that my nature-loving pantheist Emily will have a divine encounter with the Creator of that beautiful nature that she loves.
Hoping that someone sees this as I can’t stay up any longer. On my right side from my lower back to my knee, I am in a lot of pain. Don’t know what I did, just pray that the pain will ease.
Wandering Views 
🙂 I an reading the Bible through on a chronological schedule. A Psalm, a couple of OT chapters and a NT chapter. By some quirk (I know what it is), the Psalm I’m reading today is Psalm 48, ours for the day.
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A few months ago when I was reading through the Psalms, my daily reading was very close to (and maybe a few days, exactly) corresponding with the Psalm AJ would post. Good reinforcement.
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The absence of a Sunday post makes the Psalms change. It will likely track my reading for a week.
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A beautiful Psalm today.
I just took a very big step of faith. I’m a little nervous about it, but so were the men who took that first step into the Jordan.
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Kare, new job? 🙂
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I don’t know whether this will be a request, or a praise, or maybe just one long ramble that could have simply gone on the daily thread. Bear with me as I spill some thoughts that were heavy on my mind last night after having awoken from a dream, after which I was unable to fall back to sleep for a long time.
I am currently reading a book I have in my Kindle Cloud Reader, entitled Glorious Ruin: How Suffering Sets You Free, by Tullian Tchividjian. I’ve read the first few chapters, and one thing I’ve taken away from the book so far is how we often tend to minimize our pain, rationalizing that others have it so much worse, or that “we subordinate suffering to the result it might achieve”, etc.
Anyway, the book came to mind last night while lying awake after the dream I had. It has been a recurrent dream over the past few years, maybe more, but for sure did not start until after one or both of my miscarriages (in 2002 and 2006).
In the dream, I am at a fairly advanced stage of pregnancy (well more than halfway through), but my belly is flat, and I can’t feel the baby moving. I get this horrible feeling that something has happened to the baby, but I don’t remember any signs of having had a miscarriage. Then I start thinking that maybe I am very deluded, and that I was never pregnant to begin with.
That’s when I wake up.
In the past, after awaking from the dream, I have had a very unsettled feeling, trying to remember if I am pregnant or not. It takes me a while to remember what age I am (now almost 52), and how many years it’s been since my last pregnancy (nearly seven years now).
Last night upon waking, though I had those same feelings I described above, but things soon went much deeper than that. I started thinking about my real miscarried babies, and I just laid there and cried and cried on my pillow. I have not cried like that since the burial services we did for our babies all those years ago. In fact, at the time of the miscarriages, I only cried for a few days with the first one, and only a few hours with the second one.
I’d always compared myself with others whose losses were much greater than mine — repeated miscarriages with no living children, inability to conceive at all, pregnancy loss after the mom can feel signs of life… You name it, I always rationalized away my pain as not a big deal compared to…
So I don’t know what happened last night, but something (rather, I think, Someone) broke through. I have this sense that I had not fully grieved, and now (maybe?) God is setting me free from my feeling that I should not be so concerned about my earthly suffering, since this world is only temporal, not eternal.
I am learning that I don’t need to push down my pain, or suck it up, or fight to get control of it. God is with us in our suffering.
What a comfort that is.
Praise be to God. And thank you to all who read this meandering whatever-it-was.
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Praying, Kare!
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Donna @ 11:00. I was going to ask if it is about the job.
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Interesting thoughts, 6 arrows.
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I took notes out of Glorious Ruin, great book.
If, like me, 6 Arrows, you were really busy with other things at the time you lost those children, this may be God putting a finger on your need to grieve a little more. I’ve had to do that once or twice over the years. Events were catapulting so much in the midst of a deep grief, I could only move forward and try to control or keep moving, particularly when I had a bunch of children looking to me to clean, cook, drive, read, wash, etc.
Later when I had a “breathing moment,” in my life, memories of some of the grief I didn’t have opportunity to fully grieve, came back and I went through it again. It’s hard, but it’s healthy and you really do feel better on the other side.
Taking time out with a death really is a good idea. When my dad died, even though it was expected, I said to my husband, “I wish I could just step out of life for a week and sit shiva–sit and think and cry and grieve and get it over with.” But life bobbed merrily along like a fast running river and I was up and away before I felt like I really said goodbye well.
And now I’m crying, so obviously I still have work to do there.
xoxox
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{{{Michelle}}}
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6 arrows, so glad you were able to release some of that grief. Michelle, hugs to you both.
No, it’s not about the job. I haven’t heard anything, it’s in God’s hands, but does he want me to phone them and ask if they’ve made a decision? I don’t know. Suggestions welcome. I know Friday was a busy day for them. They make sure that Saturday no one works and yesterday was Sunday – church in the AM and then new campers arriving at 2:30pm. I think they’ve been busy.
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Kare, I suspect they’ll let you know when they decide something.
You likely don’t want to work for people who make a decision and sit on it.
Unless there’s a special reason.
I once attended a management seminar where they said, “Never release bad news on a Friday afternoon.”
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Chas, but then what would the White House have to say on a Friday?
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Thanks, Chas, I was hoping for some wise advice. 🙂
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Bob, It’s apolitical thing. Both parties do. Not much attention is paid to politics on the weekend. That’s why you see repeats on Fox, “Caught on camera” on MSNVC, etc. It is even worse during football season.
The reason you don’t release bad news of Friday is that people have a chance to worry, consider, gossip and spread misinformation when there is no authoritative source to correct misinformation.
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A (100+ year-old) newspaper I once worked for was shut down on a Friday afternoon. And it was a Friday the 13th.
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Emily & Forrest left early this afternoon for four days of camping. Praying for their safety, & also that my nature-loving pantheist Emily will have a divine encounter with the Creator of that beautiful nature that she loves.
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Amen.
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Hoping that someone sees this as I can’t stay up any longer. On my right side from my lower back to my knee, I am in a lot of pain. Don’t know what I did, just pray that the pain will ease.
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