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Our Daily Thread 2-7-13

Good Morning!

What’s on your mind today?

Snow tonight and tomorrow for us. 4-6 inches, but the line is about 15 miles north for 8-12. Yay. New England probably get’s hammered pretty good by this storm.

I’ve reached that point in the year where snow is no longer all that exciting. One more month, and we should be good. 🙂

Quote of the Day

“Home is the nicest word there is.”

Laura Ingalls Wilder

Especially when it snows. 🙂

Who has a QoD?

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61 thoughts on “Our Daily Thread 2-7-13”

  2. It is another rainy day here in the Sunny South. I am attending a contract writing class today. I have 5 of my agents going as well. They need it. Maybe they will take it better coming from a former attorney turned realtor instead of me.

    I did have a “fierce conversation” with one of my agents yesterday. I told him that what I was about to say was out of concern and I wanted him to take it at face value and not over-analyze it once we hung up the phone BUT he needed to dig into his leads and make the calls. I told him how many properties had sold near where he lives and how much in commissions that represented and that he needed to quit worrying about the “beach” area. As a matter of fact he needed to forget the beach existed and focus on his own back yard.

    I think our conversation went well. He thanked me for shooting straight with him when it was over. We shall see, he is one that will be in the class with me today. I’ve told the Team Leader to bring me an agent with a crisp new license and not some of these who have been at it a while and have bad habits. 😉 I also have to remember that I am no longer the broker.

    Speaking of no longer being the broker, I went by Seawinds yesterday and chatted with Guy I Used to Work With. We were walking out to the parking lot when one of the women who works there stopped and spoke to me. We hugged, she complimented my new boots, and she told me I looked younger and happier. Guy quipped, “It couldn’t have anything to do with her job”. Later he sent me a text that it was good to see me.

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  3. QoD:
    What would you do if a friend/acquaintance shared some things that are going on in their marriage that made you STRONGLY suspect their spouse was cheating?

    All the signs are there. He locked and changed the passwords on his phone and his computer. He spends six hours going to Home Depot. He is extremely jealous of anything she does. He wants to know where she is all the time. He is lying about money. The list goes on…

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  4. Kim,

    I’d shut up and run away. Unless you can prove it to her, and sometimes even if you can, you end up being “the bad guy”. Keep your suspicions to yourself, unless you can show her it’s true, or you actually see it. Otherwise it just leads to trouble. If you know for a fact it is, tell her because it’s the right thing to do. But just suspecting it isn’t, and if you are wrong you will wreck the friendship. That might happen even if you’re right.

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  6. Kim, I would tell her to seek out a Christian counselor because you don’t know what is going on, but you feel a trained counselor, given the counselor’s professional experience, would be a good one to talk to about what is making this change in her husband’s habits.

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  7. I have been getting some wonderful grapefruits, red flesh and small in size, from the Farmer’s Market. They are from Texas. I had no idea Texas could produce grapefruits that taste better than what I have gotten from Florida or California. Have you ever been surprised by the origin of something you got at the market?

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  8. Kim, if she shared some things, she already knows all she needs to know. I wouldn’t mention any suspicions to her nor anyone else.
    You don’t want to get caught up in this.
    AJ gave some good advice. You could end up being “the bad guy”.

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  10. I have already suggested marriage counceling and told her that if he won’t go to just go by herself.
    I am curious how others handle shared information like this.

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  12. Men don’t share information.
    Be a shoulder to cry on. That’s all.

    Unmarried men share all sorts of information in the barracks and locker rooms. Much of it untrue. Girls need to know that.

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  13. Good morning! Thanks for the birthday wishes yesterday. I had a very nice day.

    Kim: I would stay out of it. Surely she knows on some level. I agree with everyone else’s advice.

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  14. I didn’t pay for years of therapy to mess it all up now. 😉
    George’s grandmother was either known as Lady or Mamaw. Her favorite saying was “I ain’t in it, and I ain’t getting in it”. There is a lot of wisdom in those words.

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  15. Kim – QOD – I would keep my opinions to myself. You will not be thanked for telling your friend about your suspicions. And at this point it is pure conjrcture on your part.

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  16. Good Morning….we awakened to four inches of fresh fallen snow! It is so beautiful in the Forest!
    Kim…I agree with Chas….she already knows..be a friend to her…be the shoulder of comfort and support….I was in that situation with a friend…I cried with her and I listened to her heart….we are still great friends (she an unbeliever who happens to dislike Christians very much…. and she knew I was praying for her)
    Happy belated birthday Ann!! Blessed to know it was a truly wonderful day for you!
    Yesterday was Ronald Reagan’s birthday as well….you share your birthdate with a favorite President of mine!
    Have a blessed day everyone 🙂

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  17. Yes Kim it is all very good advice. I have a friend whose husband has the same symtoms. I would not suggest he is having an affair to her as others have said she already knows all she needs to. My problem is watching for abuse. He is already extremely verbally abusive.

    So I have an alternative QoD that follows on Kim’s. I have seen in many marriages, not necerssarily bad ones, where the wife is expected to declare where she is all the time, but husbands don’t seem to think it is necessary for them to be as up front. Why is that do you suppose?

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  18. It’s always been uncomfortable for me when friends unload about problems in their marriages to me. I just listen sympathetically (maybe suggest counseling) and, when it’s possible, try to gently turn the subject to something else.

    It’s been a crazy week at work, although the high-level meetings only lasted the first couple days, then everyone left for the airport. Still don’t know what going to come of all that, but we all agree it’s not good. One thing I did hear was that a change in Cali law has made foreclosures less frequent — and that’s caused our legal ad revenue to plummet.

    And newspapers can’t withstand any more plummeting from anywhere. 😉

    Finishing the dog package today but now I have a couple stories to get done for the weekend. Kind of nice to be back on an easier “daily” story schedule, though. The big centerpieces are gratifying, but rather intense and they pretty much prevent me from doing a whole lot of anything else.

    Question for you all about jury duty laws (and I realize they differ depending on jurisdiction): I know someone who’s been called to serve in LA on a grand jury, it’s a 2-month stint. She says there’s no way out of it (even though she’s losing pay from her company along with health benefits unless she manages to put in a certain # of extra weekend and after-courtroom work hours to keep the benefits in place).

    I know for regular jury duty there are financial hardship exceptions but she seems to be telling me that there is absolutely none for this service (according to her, one man said he would default on his mortgage if he had to serve the 2 months and the judge basically told him “tough”).

    I can’t believe the state can really force people to incur that kind of financial hardship. We’re not a serfdom, after all.

    (And I understand about cracking down on people who just want to shirk their civic duty and get out of it for any reason, that’s simply not right either — there is a duty aspect to it; but if a company won’t pay your salary in your absence, and may even yank your benefits, how can the courts demand that folks do that?)

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  19. Kim, if it is a habit of this woman to continually talk about all her husband’s faults, I would try to turn your conversations in another way. Sometimes all it takes is asking someone what they want to do about the relationship. Complaining about a spouse can be a really bad habit. The person is often fishing for someone else to validate their complaints. The problem is that often only one side is heard. I know of women who would meet to do this regularly. They are no longer married. The grass was not greener, either.

    We all sometimes need a shoulder to cry on, but we should be very careful about this. If it is something that is habitual and non-productive, it is a problem.

    Once you suggest counseling or another avenue of help, it is best to not sit and listen to complaint after complaint. Complaining helps no one. Sometimes being a friend is listening; sometimes it is being honest enough to say, if things are that bad, do something productive about it.

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  23. As far as knowing where each other is: I just think this is a matter of thoughtfulness. I cannot imagine why anyone should NOT give their spouse some knowledge of where they are going to be. Sometimes, that knowledge has been needed for emergencies.

    I cannot imagine my husband just taking off without letting me know where he is planning to be and when he may be back. Nor would I do that to him. There are situations where time seems to get away with us, which is another matter. Or there are times that I may be planning on being at a certain place and plans needed to be changed at the last minute. I would not feel I needed to let my husband know every minute or vice-versa, but generally we would know where each other was.

    To me this is the same courtesy I would show anyone living in my home. Why would I not extend that courtesy to the one I love most?

    If I feel a need to lie about where I have been or where I am going, we have much bigger issues with which to deal.

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  24. We are not talking about common courtesy, but the need to know being magnified. Of course we should let our spouses know our whereabouts, and we generally discuss the details of where we have gone just because we love each other and want to hear about each others’ day.

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  26. We have always had a policy in our house that everybody knows where everybody else is at all times.
    Not specifically: Elvera is going to Greenwood tomorrow, that’s enough.
    I am going to Lions. Most of my cell phone minutes are used saying, “I decided to go to….. (instead of coming home)”
    But if I’m going to get a haircut and go to the library, I say that. If I decide to go somewhere else, I call.

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  27. That is how it is here, too, Chas.

    Yes, mumsee, I know that there are bigger issues of control and abuse with knowing a spouses etc. whereabouts. I do think some young people, though, think they have no obligation to know what each other are doing. If you want to live with only yourself to please, you should live with yourself only. Abuse is a whole other thing and there are usually a lot of red flags besides this issue.

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  28. yes, we have had instruction on “telling folks where you are going” around here. Sometimes they seem to think they are too old to tell where they are going. We say, “nope”.

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  29. OK, it’s a week before Valentine’s Day and I have something I need to get for my husband, which is in a different town than the one we usually shop in. I’m telling him about two other stores I’m going to . . . do I have to tell him about the “extra” one (which is actually the “real” reason I’m going to town)? I want to be honest and all. . . .

    Actually, what’s funny is that last year, it might have been Valentine’s Day, both of us were heading the same place, driving separately, a few days apart. Both of us knew what the other one was doing, and he even joked about did we want to go together if we might be going to the same place, but we never acknowledged it openly and we made our own trips. (But he went closer to the day, I think the day before, and there were so many husbands doing last-minute shopping that everyone in line got a free piece of chocolate. Hey! Sexism!)

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  30. I also do agree that there is a big problem with the marriage of Kim’s friend. It certainly looks like you suspect, Kim. I would advise the woman to make sure she protects herself and her interests, while she gets professional help. Anyone who treats her like that obviously does not have HER best interests at heart.

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  32. Nuh–I wouldn’t feel obligated to tell him about that extra stop, Cheryl. Every spouse needs a little leeway with both time and money sometimes. Would you feel he is obligated to tell you each stop? Just treating each other as we want to be treated goes a long way.

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  33. Cheryl,

    I’d say you don’t need to tell him about the extra one, that’d ruin the surprise. He’ll know when you give it to him and you can tell him then. It’s not as if you are hiding something that would be hurtful to him, or in the company of someone he may have a problem with, quite the contrary. I’d say you were ok not mentioning it. I’d also say you were a good wife for wanting to surprise him with something he likes. 🙂

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  34. When I am at home and my husband is at the office, he does not call and tell me where he is going for lunch or if he is going to get a haircut or pick up office supplies, etc., neither do I tell him I am going out to get groceries, to the bank, to shop at the mall, to work for a few hours at church, etc. We are not the type to keep calling each other throughout the day to keep up with each other’s whereabouts. I feel okay about that. If it were otherwise it would feel a bit controlling from either side. If we have to go out of town separately from each other then we call upon arrival or at least by the evening of the day of arrival if the day’s activities are requiring us to be in a meeting, etc.

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  35. I remember once asking at worldmagblog how many people believed the story of Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden was literally true. While I wasn’t really surprised, nevertheless, it was kind of startling when about half a dozen people immediately popped up with fervent assurance that they had no doubt.

    In the same category of hard to believe nonsense, I just read at the NBC television sports web site One in four Americans think God helps decide the outcome of football games.

    Even if you think there is an (imaginary) being called “God,” you think It has nothing better to do with Its time than to cheat at football? If It wanted to cheat, it could go back in time and say, “Hey, Adam; hey Eve; I didn’t pick you from the A-Team. I am replacing you with two new original humans who will obey me better.”

    Oh, I forget. That would be boring for God if everybody lived happily ever after.

    Carry on, as you were.

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  36. Ha. I even tell my dogs where I’m going when I leave the house. 🙂 You know how those border collies are.

    Huge ex-cop manhunt with lots of (very) local connections going on in our parts today. I’m just waiting to hear that it’ll all somehow bump our Sunday Westminster dog show project I’ve slaved over for 2 weeks now. 😉 Sigh.

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  37. Janice, we don’t call each other all the time either. Like Chas, if someone is going to be late or a long time somewhere we would talk about it. Just like if we were invited some place, we would talked to one another about it, when possible. Commom courtesy type things.

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  38. AJ, For you New Yorkers, James Harden is Jeremy Lin’s new teammate. I heartily suggest that you subscribe to the NBA League Pass. I figure that right now there is nothing I can do to keep from being communized, so I distract myself with basketball.

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  40. Kim, None of my friends are observant enough to pick up on the facts referenced in your QOD. However, we would be quick to notice and comment if a friend’s backswing was getting to short or if his kid could outdrive him.

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  43. I don’t watch the NBA much at all. But I do watch the NCAA all the time.

    Like last night, I watched the unranked, ain’t won since like December, TCU team(GO Horned Frogs!!) knock off #5 Kansas. First evers like crazy for the Frogs. 🙂

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  44. For the record, I was joking when I asked if it was acceptable to go into town and not mention one of the stores I was going to, when the reason for going to that store (and the main reason for the trip) was to get something for my husband. It was just funny that everyone was having that conversation when I was about to “hide” something from my husband.

    But now I’m back home, with the Valentine’s gift hidden in my closet and some other treats not hidden. And I’ll let you know if he decides on Feb. 13 that he needs to go into town by himself. . . .

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  47. DonnaJ, the grand jury thing sounds weird. Go to http://www.cgja.org

    Thanks for the AQoD answers. My husband is a wanderer. Not with women, but the kid of guy who goes to Hope Depot and remembers he also needs to go to the auto parts place and cleaners. And he’ll stop at Starbucks and talk to strangers and then collect firewood on the way home. It is not that he wouldn’t tell me where he’s going; he doesn’t know yet 😉 After 30 years I expect this of him and I have learned to set a time if we need to go somewhere. He is always punctual to set times and usually tells me storied about his wanderings. I have never mistrusted him. In fact, I trust he will do this.

    At a baby shower the women on our street were talking about how their husbands all do this. But one woman pointed out that her husband wants to know where she is going and for how long. The rest of us realized that our husbands do the same thing, but we never thought about it before. It just is what it is. I just thought it was funny that a dozen or so women had this experience. One of those gender things. Like how guys wait to pulle over toward freeway exits until the last quarter mile.

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  48. Adios, my husband is actually a little “better” about letting me know how long he’ll be gone than I am, if anything. I figure that since he has been married (and then has had kids) most of his adult life and I haven’t, he’s just more used to it. I won’t leave without telling him I’m going to be going, but he’s more likely to go, run his errands and get it over with, and then come home, and I’m the one who takes twice as long in a store as I expect to. As women go, I’m not particularly a “shopper,” but I can end up window shopping longer than I expect.

    I have an older friend who once enthralled a large number of women at a women’s retreat by telling all the details of a vacation her (truck driver) husband took her on. He told her just to leave the details to him, and it turns out he didn’t plan anything at all. They’d just drive wherever looked interesting to him, stop to spend the night wherever they agreed, and set off again the next day. He looked back on it as the vacation of a lifetime, and she looked back on it with affection for him and amusement.

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  51. MP to answer your question at 13:48: Shug Jordon went to heaven and was being shown around by God. They finally came to a pretty little blue and orange cottage with a small tasteful Auburn banner across the front. “Here you are.” God said, “Home sweet home.” Shug looked across the street and there he saw a huge crimson and white mansion with a tall Bama flags up and down the long golden driveway and a tremendous Roll Tide banner hanging from the beautiful front porch. Shug looked at God and said, “Lord, I don’t mean to complain but why did I get this little house and Bear Bryant got that huge mansion.” “Oh,” God said, “that’s not Bear’s house. That’s mine.” You probably have to be from Alabama to get this joke, still it might explain what been going on for the last four years. 🙂

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  52. Oh my goodness Donna, I just finished reading the article aloud to Paul and I am in tears. We both are in awe of His grace and mercy in the life of this precious sister. Thank you so much for posting the link. We have been so blessed to know of our Lord’s lovingkindness and mercy…and His now bringing us into the sweet fellowship of believers of the Reformed Church has filled us to overflowing with blessing and thankfulness! He is teaching us always…may we always have eyes to see and ears to listen…and hearts to reach out to the lost 🙂

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  53. It is a pretty remarkable article. I admit I cringed at some of her early quotes from Pat Robertson, etc., as I recall fighting through some of the same kinds of comments made by him & other televangelists years ago as well.

    How important our words are.

    I thought it was interesting that it made her feel safe when she wasn’t being actively “invited” to church by her new Christian friends.

    But it also reinforced for me the doctrine that it is God who chooses us (not the other way around) — and that his grace is, indeed, irresistible.

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  54. My area of Connecticut is expecting 20 – 25″ of snow in the blizzard that is on it’s way for tomorrow. One article said it is probably going to be “historic”.

    Oh goody. I really hope we don’t lose power.

    If we do lose power, I hope I have enough batteries for the candles. 😉

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  55. Michelle – You commented on one of these threads recently, about women in combat. You mentioned, but didn’t go into detail on, life-long injuries or health problems military women incur.

    Could you elaborate on that? The teen daughter of a dear friend has set her sights on being a Marine. She is in a Young Marines program, & very patriotic.

    I did share with my friend that essay by the man who painted a very gritty picture of life in the military, describing the need to “go to the bathroom” within inches of another’s face at times. Don’t know if the girl read it or not.

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  56. Donna, one of the books I am currently reading is Debbie Macomber’s book “One Perfect Word”….how one word can impact our lives and or the lives of others…and yes…it can impact either positively or negatively. I totally understood her expressions of feeling “safe” at not being invited to church….my Buddhist friend has relayed that exact sentiment to me. She has also brought up hurtful statements made by well known “leaders” and televangelists…I continually bring our focus towards Christ and who He is…not man and his frailties …..it is indeed our Lord who chooses us….for which I am eternally thankful…..

    Karen….batteries for you candles?! Oh my how things have changed 🙂 Stay safe and warm my friend…prayers for you all

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  57. nancyjill, yep, I remember figuring out that I needed to concentrate on Christ and on the scriptures, NOT on what the people with the weird hair were saying on TV! 🙂

    My politics also were somewhat more liberal at the time, so that was another barrier — I had to literally set all that aside and concentrate on what I was reading in the Bible. Eventually, some of those positions began to change, but only by what I read there; I still felt (and feel) there are missteps by the so-called “Christian right” on a number of issues.

    KarenO: What in the world is with your weather back there? Dang. I’m hoping my SoCal dog show peeps can just get back there in time with their dogs for their big Westminster show. Sheesh.

    Of course, the package of stories I’ve spent like TWO WEEKS putting together, with countless interviews, will probably get killed or pushed to the bottom of the page anyway by this ex-cop we’re all chasing in LA.

    The ex-cop chase has entailed the weird mistaken shooting of two newspaper delivery gals early this morning by police just blocks from our office (we’re still not sure if the deliveries were ours) … And the cop-on-the-lam used to be a cop at our local harbor station.

    Some of the reporters from our sister paper are up in Big Bear tonight where police think he now may be (and they’re expecting more snow tonight).

    Me? I’m just hoping they find him by tomorrow so we can blow it all out in Saturday’s edition and Sunday’s A1 will still be “mine” — and the Westminster Dog Show’s. 🙂

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