75 thoughts on “Our Daily Thread 9-21-19”

  2. I don’t know the species, but it looks like an accipiter (a variety of hawk that includes Cooper’s, sharp-shinned, and at least one other US species–and that feeds on birds). It’s lovely!

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  6. Morning all! It is a cool morning and the coffee always tastes a tad bit better on mornings such as this! The guys will be here in a bit to work on the floors so I think I will find some sort of diversion away from the house. A drive down a country road with hopes of Mr Ammon’s sheep being out in the pasture for a quick visit 😊

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  7. Good morning. Another beautiful day here, or so it sounds from the roosters calling out the glory of God. Soon be light enough to go do chores. Looking forward to seeing what God hath done in daughter after our many prayers of yesterday.

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  8. Good morning! Art and I went to Sam’s around 7 a.m. so I could get my 40 lb.. bag of kitty litter and four cases of bottled water. I also found a watermelon. I asked for help in loading the car. At home I used a hand truck and Art’s help to get things inside. You should have seen Miss Bosley run out of the way of the rolling hand truck with the bag of kitty litter on it. That was a cat’s nightmare. Revenge of the Cat Litter. I took it to the stairs and let it roll down the stairs to her bathroom. Usually my brother helps me with this, but he is having car trouble. Miss Bosley was amazed, bewildered, and catanoid by our new methods that she considered madness.

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  9. The weather is still hot and dry. I saw that parts of Atlanta are considered to be in severe drought. All our plants are shriveling and browning even more except the evergreen English ivy still retains its color.

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  11. For the record, Janice had to point out drought evidence to this Californian. It all looked green to me.

    A beautiful day in my neighborhood. I’m still catching up on real life and have prep for tomorrow’s final service for our departing pastor. Rachel and I probably had our final walk and pray—with tears for both of us.

    We began 18 years ago because young Jessie was wild in choir. We ended our prayer with thanks for how far Jessie has come (Biola graduate, runs a girl’s mission in Mexico while studying for a Master’s in Italy), along with all the prayer for our seven children, nine grandchildren, four in-law children and two terrific children.

    God has been good to us over the years.

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  13. If only we could have given you some of our rain. I am grateful for a good amount, but we seemed to have gone beyond. Glad we will not be tinder dry going into winter, however. Our leaves are brilliant this year because of the rain.

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  14. The cat is still hanging on. She is on a towel in the middle of the bed. Not where I would leave her but oh well. The laundry room is covered in puppy training pads.
    Little Miss doesn’t understand so is currently standing at the bedroom door crying because she can’t get in to the cat. Of course she has been awake since 6:30.

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  19. Kim, is veterinarian euthanasia an option being considered?

    Yes, Janice, we’ll show you drought. While ours in California is considered to be “gone,” the effects linger and it really is year-to-year. We’re now still teetering on the brink, always. Another year of lower-than-average rain could/would probably throw us right back into that drought category at this point.

    Work bled well into Friday evening with a call from the local maritime museum director in a panic over a comment in my story from yesterday (in which restaurant owner said he’d love to feature a new sign for his new restaurant but it happens to be in the museum). She wanted me to take it out of the story, but instead I added a sentence behind it saying it was unlikely to happen as the sign was specifically given as a gift to the museum which uses it in an exhibit. But it was too late by then to get the changed copy to the print edition as their deadline had passed.

    Then I’d left the “s” out of Ischia (an island off of Italy), so I fixed that online easily enough, but again too late for print version — and belatedly, ouch, it was discovered that the headline the editor had written included a bad typo; those headlines can be fixed but they tend to live on in the already-shared links for eternity, unfortunately, unlike body copy corrections which are cleaner to make. I sent a msg to our online weekend “fix-it” desk this morning to see if there’s any way to somehow get the repaired headline to reflect on links already out there.

    The process has become just so very frustrating with no copy desk left and so few of the people who remain doing too many things at once. I also wound up, at the last minute yesterday, having to process and add to the story’s photo gallery a handout photo that had been texted to me at the very end of the day. Everyone’s just having to juggle too much.

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  21. DJ, I am amazed at how flexible you have been in learning to adapt to all the changes. Sometimes it can be difficult for the tax preparers because so much can change at the last minute with forms and interpretations of new laws, etc. and if it is a year when the software package has changed in more than the basic ways, well, there can always be more to muddle the pool of work. Art frequently says he is up to his neck in alligators.
    DJ is up to her neck in coyotes.

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  23. Janice – Why all the bottled water? Is it for personal use or to go to the office?

    Hubby had some Contigo stainless steel water bottles that I would fill for him each day. (I would fill them the evening before, and refrigerate them.) Nightingale and Boy have a bunch of different water bottles that they use.

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  24. Have any of you cat owners (or who are owned by cats 😉 ) used the crystal kind of cat litter? Nightingale recently picked up some of that for us to try. Except for the poops, it doesn’t need to be scooped, and a one-and-a-half to two-inch layer of it in the litter box is supposed to last three months. (Since we have two cats, it will probably only last a month and a half for us.)

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  25. I’ve always used something called (seriously) “World’s Best Cat Litter.” It lasts forever here since Annie’s an indoor-outdoor cat (first bag literally lasted us a couple years), but she’s going through it faster now that she’s staying indoors more. I buy it on amazon. Right now she’s sleeping in the dog house in the backyard, one of her new favorite spots.

    I tried to get started on the patio and garage, but it’s really warm again this weekend and I didn’t last long. 😦

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  26. chewy.com is a good site, too, I buy Annie’s and Cowboy’s prescription foods from Chewy. They have good prices and are super fast, I sometimes receive deliveries in 1 day.

    8 brands rated here

    ___________________________

    http://nymag.com/strategist/article/best-cat-litter.html

    RECOMMENDED BY EXPERTS JULY 8, 2019
    The Best Cat Litter, According to Vets
    By Karen Iorio Adelson

    Carly Fox, a staff doctor at Animal Medical Center, says that for most cats and their owners, a clumping litter is the best option. “It allows for easy removal of urine and feces and you don’t have to dump the whole box of litter — just scoop up the part that’s soiled and then replace as needed,” she says, before adding that studies have shown cats prefer unscented, clumping litter.
    _____________________________

    Thanks for sharing, right? You’re all welcome.

    Liked by 2 people

  27. We’d been using the scoopable (clumping) litter for several years. When Nightingale went to buy some the other day, the clerk (or perhaps it was another customer) raved about this new crystal kind. The crystals supposedly absorb the urine, but also kill the odor, which is why it is not scooped. The color of the crystals fade as they lose their effectiveness . . .or something like that.

    I’ll let you know how it works out.

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  28. DJ. Mr. P will probably take her Monday. He has had her on a towel on an ottoman next to the sofa. She looks tired. He was up with her during the night. Mr. P is a nurturer and he is taking good care of her.
    I am keeping my mouth shut. I told him he will know the right decision to make when it is time to make it.

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  29. Woke up to a hard rain here. It has stopped now and the air is clear. Perhaps it is the beginning of rainy season? Anyway, it was good to hear and much needed. Someone posted yesterday that their water tank was empty and they have six children. All of our household water comes from the rain that lands on our roof and goes into our tanks. Except for what we use to flush. We have river water piped into our homes for that.

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  30. Roscuro, 11:49, that is a good article. I remember on a couple of occasions as a woman well into my thirties and coming to terms with the (sad) fact that I would probably never bear children, being rebuked by women in my church as though expressing a desire to be a mother was saying I wished to engage in fornication.

    Then there was the time I went to a women’s retreat and was roomed with a woman in her twenties and her mother, and the woman in her twenties (and single) turned out to be pregnant. I was present at that retreat when she told the pastor’s wife, and the pastor’s wife gave her a hearty congratulations. I died a little inside. Where was the congratulations for the woman who yearned for children, and who went out of her way to love other women’s children while living a chaste life? That retreat was one of the hardest weekends of my life, for many reasons but definitely including that one.

    One time I was gathered with my family and my mom asked (publicly) how I was doing. Since I didn’t have any new life news to share, I made a joke. “I’m getting married next month, and I’m going to have a baby. Other than that, nothing new.” Everyone laughed, but later one of my brothers privately rebuked me, because I had been “joking about fornication.” Um, no, I was joking about the two biggest events in a woman’s life. At the time I felt guilty when he rebuked me, because I couldn’t put my finger on how he was wrong in his rebuke, but he was.

    A few times in my late twenties and early thirties, in church I would watch a mother or father with a baby, and I would smile. But at some point the smiles would turn to tears. I left the service for a few minutes at least twice, and eventually I learned to look away before the smiles turned to tears.

    Anyway, yes. Being a single woman within the church is different from being a married woman, and I suspect that most married women don’t really “get” that. I do think Jesus does, though, even though He was and is a man.

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  31. I managed to take some things out of the patio into the garage. And was able to (finally) finish painting the ragged ends of the bench, tipping it this way and that to get some of the underside and white splotches that were still showing through that I’d missed somehow. The last of it is drying now. That was a big job and it took about 2 months, off and on, counting all the cleaning and sanding off of loose old paint before I could even prime it. Because it had a number of oddly-shaped spindle pieces on the back and arms, it wasn’t a straight-forward kind of paint job.

    I have turquoise fingers again and some random turquoise patches on my arms. The T-shirt, which already was splattered with turquoise, is a lost cause but now is a handy “painting” shirt.

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  35. Husband is painting what is left of the second room for daughter. I finally managed to get the bathroom fan out and cleaned. A job my children had done prior to moving out and tried to walk me through the last time. I had to call for a talk through but it got done. The other fans are not so complicated.

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  36. But we still have thirteen year old’s room to paint. He wants red, white, and blue. I don’t know what he plans to do with his swastikas. Hopefully, he will stop with that.

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  37. X again did not take Boy to football practice Friday night. If he misses Friday practice, he won’t be in the weekend game as much as he would like.

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  39. Kizzie, something worth thinking about. Even gracious, loving human beings have a tendency to push back when someone pushes against us, especially if there is “bad blood” involved, but sometimes even if there isn’t.

    So, if I am having a discussion with you about theology and we come from different places, my inclination isn’t to admit perceived problems with my own position; it’s to see the problems with yours, and to exaggerate the strength of mine. If you are open with the problems in yours, I’m more likely to meet you and be open, too, but if you come at me arguing against my position too rudely, I’m likely to defend even aspects of it I don’t personally like. If we’re looking to meet in the middle, I want my starting place to be as far from that middle as possible.

    It’s called polarizing, also tug of war. The more I pull, the harder you tug. What matters a little bit to me might or might not provide buttons for you to push. What matters a lot to me gives you buttons to push.

    Generally a man is going to be far more interested in his son playing football than the mother will be–in fact, a mother’s inclination is going to be to see it as an unsafe sport. (It isn’t a sport that I’d want my own son playing, at least not before high school or close to it–too many injuries, especially for kids who start young.) By caring so much whether or not her son plays, Nightingale has given a perfect button for X to push. Yes, Boy should follow through on his commitments and so forth, but what he does while he is with his dad is out of her hands–and unless we’re talking about moral or criminal or dangerous acts, it really isn’t her responsibility.

    It seems to me like it has to be between Boy and his dad whether or not he goes to practice when he is with his dad. The more it bothers his mom that he misses, the less likely it is to bother his dad. Unless he has a court order requiring him to let his son attend football practice, or unless he is involving his son in criminal or immoral activity, what happens between father and son is their issue. If his dad is involving him in other things that are engaging his attention enough that he is OK with missing practice, then he’s going to miss practice. If it is really important to him that he be in practice, he can advocate for that with his dad. Or his coach can talk with his dad. But its stressing Nightingale, and you, isn’t changing anything–it’s making it more likely to happen in the future, not less, since it’s a button that makes a lot of noise when it is pushed.

    Not one person on this blog is shocked that Boy missed football practice while with his dad. Of course he did–because it still has the ability to shock and outrage you and your daughter. Take that power away from him by letting it be between him and his son whether or not his son makes it to practice, and it will cause you less stress–and Boy just might get to practice more often, too.

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  41. Is dad providing a more appealing alternative to football practice? Pizza and a movie or some other option that, for the moment, seems a lot more appealing than “practice”?

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  42. Let’s see, play video games with dad and eat stuff, or go to practice and be told what to do. Tough choice.

    What Cheryl said, very well.

    I will add, the draw of playing video games seems especially strong to males.

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  44. It’s nice and cool this morning but is supposed to climb to 84 degrees (90 in other parts of LA inland from us) by afternoon. Then the temps will go down again by midweek and by late in the week there will be wind — and possibly even that rare, exotic thing called rain.

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  47. I am shocked that X did not take his son to practice. I am also puzzled as to why, once again, the Boy is expected, by a collection of very conservative people who think that a man should be the head of the household, to be more mature than his very immature father. Children are not supposed to raise themselves. Every child I have ever known, including myself, has, at the age that the Boy is, reflected the standards of behaviour enforced by their parents. X is deliberately sabotaging his own child’s chances of becoming skilled at a sport, and once again, people are blaming it on the Boy. Talk of victim blaming. If the Boy were a teen, he could be said to be making his own choices, but not even the Bible holds a child responsible before the age of puberty. Developmentally, biologically speaking, the Boy is not able to make those kinds of choices. His brain is not fully wired for that kind of decision making. Nor should he have to. X is a deadbeat dad. End of story.

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  48. I don’t see anyone blaming the Boy. I do see frustration of the manipulative behaviors of a “dad”. My inquiry was to how Mom and GrandMom know that Boy missed practice and if Boy had complained to them. I do know a couple of 7 year olds who have the gumption to inquire as to why they are not being taken to an event that is important to them…two of my grandsons have such personalities. Kizzie I am so sorry this situation seems to never get better for you and your loved ones….

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  49. Not blaming the boy, Roscuro. None of us are. We are saying that Kizzie and daughter cannot make the ex do what they want. He will do what he wants. If the court does not like it, the court can change the deal.

    From a different perspective. it is quite possible that football is not the best choice for the boy at this age, or any age and God can be protecting him. I am not a fan of organized sports for children, though most of mine have been involved to some degree.

    But I would expect the boy to express his wishes to his parent, most do. Mom, I wanna…. Dad, I wanna. or don’t wanna as it goes But the mom gets to decide what the boy does when with him and the dad gets to decide when the boy is with him. That is the law.

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  50. Roscuro, no one is expecting the boy to be more mature than his father. But if he cares about the sport, then he might be inclined to beg to go to practice. When I was a child, if Friday night was library night, I would have been reminding people that tonight was the night we go to the library. In the scheme of things, it doesn’t matter whether the Boy goes to football practice or not. My husband’s reading says that they have found that the earlier children start playing football, the more chance there is of serious injury in it, and the less likely they are to continue the sport during high school. He’s at an age where he really just might not care that much, and where his playing is actually going to work against his chances of playing later and being good at it. So it’s hardly the worst parenting in the world not to encourage him to play football. (That doesn’t mean it’s good parenting, but if the worst thing this father does is not take his son to football practice, that isn’t abuse or creating a victim.)

    The issue seems to be that the boy’s father knows that the boy’s mother wants him to play football, and he himself either doesn’t care whether he plays or he wants him not to, because his mother wishes it. We can only guess why he isn’t being taken to practice. It’s also possible the boy cares more about football when he is with his mother, who cares about it, than when he is with his father, who doesn’t. If the boy is ambivalent when with his father, or appears to be ambivalent, then his father is unlikely to push him just to appease the mother. We don’t know his reasons.

    Whatever the exact reasons, everyone knows that the father isn’t all that inclined to take his son to football practice. Making a big deal about it isn’t going to make it better–these parents can’t stand each other, and neither one is all that inclined to do something to please the other. So unless it is enforceable by court order or by adjusting the schedule so that his mother has him on practice nights, it is probably wisdom for mother and grandmother to realize that the more they push, the less likely they are going to get the father to give in and get his son to football practice. The coach can talk to the father man to man, or the son can tell his father this is important to him. But there is “bad blood” between this father and the mother and grandmother, and their involvement isn’t going to get the father to change his mind or his behavior.

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  51. Mumsee, sometimes, to quote Shakespeare, “the law is an ass”.

    Cheryl, Kizzie is expressing her frustration to her friends here. The way Kim does with her work situation. What Kizzie says on here about the situation does not reflect what is said to X about the situation. Indeed, with the court orders in place, neither Kizzie nor her daughter are able to communicate directly to X about the situation. So, Kizzie’s expressed frustration here really has no bearing on X’s behaviour.

    As I often say to my mother when pouring out my frustration about a situation, “I don’t need you to solve the problem, I need you to listen.”

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  54. Mr P and Mo are on the sofa. A couple of times I have heard a sob. I have to admire and love that he is touching her and letting her know he is still taking care of her. She isn’t alone.

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  56. A few points here:

    * What Roscuro said about not being able to pass on our frustration to X is correct. I am merely venting here.

    * Although X and Nightingale can’t stand each other, he and I have been more amiable (if that’s the right word) to each other for a while now.

    * X says he wants to be involved with Boy’s sports activities, but then doesn’t get him to them as often as he should.

    * The custody agreement does indeed specify that he needs to get him to these practices.

    * Nightingale has observed that Boy is like her in that he will get a little nervous even before an activity he enjoys, so he often needs a push to get going. One time she literally (not figuratively) was dragging him towards the field until a coach came over and walked him over. Boy ended up having a great time that evening.

    * I hear ya about the concerns about football. I’m glad that it is only for a season.

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  57. While Boy may want to play football and go to practice, kids (or adults!) often don’t have the maturity to pass up something that is more immediately gratifying and more fun. So his choice or agreement to skip practice (to the extent that he weighs in?) may not at all reflect is true wants but only that of the moment and being easily convinced that skipping practice offers something easier and more enjoyable in the short-term.

    Tough situation, and I’m sorry you have to be going through that as it could also bring pressure from the coach and/or teammates down the line.

    Kim 😦 That is so heartbreaking, we’ve all been there.
    +++++++++++++
    So I told myself today I’d scrub down the old wooden patio furniture (a table and 2 chairs, the table with a stain left by a leaky insect repellant can I need to get out) and put some sealant on them. I have the materials but it’s another warm, humid day. Still, I won’t really have much time next weekend and it’s supposed to rain then anyway. I’m thinking of making a quick job of it, if I can …

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  58. Lizzie, well, if it’s part of the legal agreement that he get to practices, then that’s pretty much the final word, I’d think. X agreed to do that and isn’t abiding by that agreement.

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  61. Kizzie, I was involved as a child for years in extracurricular activities, namely music. I loved music, desperately wanted to play the violin, and wanted to excel, but there were times when I hated, just hated, practicing. I needed my mother’s firm, “We are paying for the lessons, so you need to practice” to get me through those times and help me learn the self discipline necessary to excel in any field. So, I completely understand how the Boy can both want to play football and still allow himself to be turned off by his father.

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  62. So there you go. Get the info to the judge that the child is not being taken as the agreement says. He can change the dates so the boy goes on mom’s days.

    It will also reflect in future decisions of the judge.

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  63. Kizzie, we use bottled water because we seem to have boil water alerts fairly frequently, yet whatever reason we do not receive the alerts in a timely manner. Sometimes the water has even been tinged with the Georgia red clay when they work on a small section of the line and no one receives notice. Our county CEO is doing an investigation as to what is going on with people not being informed as early as they should be. Our area has grown so much that I think our infrastructure is stretched and failing at points. In the past few years we got a new water meter. They have projects going all the time. It would cost less in the short run to use tap water, but if we got e coli or something it could be very costly in more ways than just financial. Miss Bosley uses bottled water, too. And we do keep it at the office, also, for clients and staff.

    My phone likes Lizzie, also.

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  64. I think X has demonstrated that his heart is not in following through with the sports activity with the Boy. Perhaps as a man he feels pressured to take on the role so he says he will to make a show, but he really has no interest in it. How much has he ever been involved in sports? Maybe the other dads intimidate him with their abilities and sports knowledge. I am trying to understand what motivates him to do what he is doing. It is not working so I would try to find a third party who would be a backup for dad to carry him. Then give the Boy the option of going to football or not. Let him drop out for this one season if he wants. It may seem like a loss of money, but it can be considered the cost of gaining experience and knowledge. It also would cause a lot less stress. What type hobbies does X enjoy? Maybe he would like to help the Boy to work toward earning scout badges instead. That could be fun for them as Father and Son.

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  65. Miss Bosley does fine with the scented Fresh Step clumping litter sold at Sam’s. There is not a lot of choice there. It’s not a big deal to clean her box several times a week. I have used the Arm and Hammer brand, but I prefer Fresh Step. I am pretty happy with what we are using so I probably won’t try the Crystal’s any time soon. But if this stops working or stops being available then I might try the newer product. I would want to know more about the crystals since they may have more chemicals.

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  66. Although it shouldn’t matter what X’s view of sports is, if it’s in the court agreement that he signed that he would be sure to get him to his practices, then that’s it. It’s part of the deal.

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  67. Janice – X used to box for a sport when he was younger, but I’m not sure about what other sports he may have been involved in. From some things that Boy has said, I think they have watched football on TV together.

    Boy really does like playing football, so he wouldn’t want to drop out.

    The next court date is October 21. We’ll see what happens then.

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  68. The only reason I thought he might want to drop out is that he is not pitching a fit to be there. Boxing has such a different mentality than a big team sport like football. I truly hope it all works out for everyone. Does anyone get outside and toss the football with him? I did things like that with Wesley when he was young, and I enjoyed it.

    Prayers for it to all go well, and especially that the Boy may meet team members and families who can be a good Christian influence.

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  69. From what Kizzie has said over the years, it seems quite obvious that X is doing this simply to get at Nightingale. He was an abusive and controling partner when she was with him. The attack he perpetrated on her after their separation showed that her leaving him was not enough to stop him and he is still trying to abuse and control through their son. Men like him have killed their own children just to get back on the woman who escaped their control: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/apr/07/he-saw-our-children-as-possessions-my-husband-killed-our-sons. The law is truly foolish in allowing such men parental rights.

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  70. Both moms and dads have killed their children. The judges, people, do the best they can. Would you prefer all children be taken from the family at any indication of trouble? Where does one draw the line? With five hundred thousand children in foster care, and not nearly that many foster families, it becomes challenging.

    A lot of people treat their children in ways other people find offensive, without doing any real harm to their children. Raising children differently is not a crime. Yet.

    Yes, he does seem to have some serious troubles. But, as far as we know, has never harmed his son other than through junk food and too much late night. But that does not actually count as harm. He has threatened the mom.

    We do tend to try to give children both parents whenever possible but the legal system is set up to offer the child as much protection as possible without entirely removing them.

    Right now, the concern is football practice. As that was written into the agreement, there should not be any problem getting the judge to change the custody situation.

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  71. As for harming his son, I don’t think that he would do anything to seriously harm him, but a couple times in the past, he has scratched scabs off of cuts to let them get infected and inflamed, to post photos on Facebook and blame Nightingale. But at the age Boy is now, I don’t think he would let his dad do that.

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  72. Janice – As I mentioned somewhere above, the reason that Boy doesn’t insist on going to practice is because he is initially a little nervous, so it is easier to just go along with his dad’s decision. When he is home, he knows that Mommy is going to take him to practice unless he is dying (a slight exaggeration 🙂 ), so he gets himself ready.

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  73. Mumsee, the law is foolish because its mechanisms are incapable of distinguishing between those who will and will not harm their own children in granting custody. The law only responds to actions that are grave enough to be criminal, and thus has frequently allowed situations to extend to the point where the abused partner and/or children are irreversibly harmed or killed. The law, like so many humans institutions, only responds to outward actions, not inward motivations, and thus is of limited value in protecting victims from those who are clever in their manipulation of both law and victim.

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  74. Could not agree more. Which is why daughter is not removed when she is merely throwing large shards of glass at us, or other items like rocks and eggs. They will take her in if she actually breaks my arm or some such thing. So, tonight, I have not called them. My arms are not broken.

    But it is what we have. The alternative? Not turn the child over as ordered, and then have the child removed from mom.

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