Good morning! I almost typed Goose instead of Good. We are having a Goosebump Morning. It’s in the 40s. And more rain is expected. Not good for the egg hunts today.
Wesley and I attended a program one year on making the pysanky (sp?) eggs that are so intricately decorated in the Ukrainian style. I remember Kare said something about them. I always wanted to try to make some but never did. Wondering if Kare made some?
One of the tax clients use to make this sugar eggs that were open on one side and decorated within with a pretty scene. They could be displayed like a knickknack. I had a few but gave them to someone who had children.
Good morning, Fellow Wanderers. We are having our family Easter celebration today.
Back at the end of October, I had sent Mrs. McK an email asking her if someone in her family could pick up or drop off Chickadee just once a week. I explained about how busy Nightingale is, and that her varied work schedule along with The Boy’s various activities made it difficult for her to both pick up Chickadee and then drop her off again, and often led to hurried, not very relaxing, visits.
Chickadee told me that Mrs. McK said she had read my email and would reply in a couple days.
So in mid-March, having not received a reply from her after all, I sent her another email, reiterating much of the first one, then asked YA on Facebook to let her mom know. Two weeks later, with still no reply, I sent a follow-up email, and told YA about that, also mentioning that I had not yet received a reply from her mom. YA said she knew that her mom had read it, and was surprised her mom had not answered yet.
That was almost a month ago. Still no reply. Mrs. McK and I used to send emails back and forth fairly regularly. This has me wondering if there is something she doesn’t want to tell me. Praying that if there is something I need to know, that is being kept from me, it will be revealed to me. I am beyond frustrated with this situation. As I’ve said before, Mrs. McK would be absolutely devastated if this was happening with one of her daughters.
Good morning all. I know this song isn’t traditionally an Easter hymn, but since Jesus rose from the dead, we all know he lives. Oh, and forgive me for choosing this singer, but he’s the one who stole AJ’s name, so I thought it would be appropriate. If you don’t like Country music, skip this one.
Kizzie, my heart hurts for you. I would count on nothing from that woman. Total disrespect no matter what the reason. Praying you will find a way to get Chickadee there without her help.
Kare made a pretty psanky egg. I had to look up the spelling and spell check still rejects it. 🙂 I had a young neighbor who used to make these. Well, maybe still does; she just doesn’t live her anymore. They are quite the craft.
A couple days ago I mentioned that for our dinner today, to save time and effort, Nightingale would be buying some of our dinner rather than making it all from scratch, as she usually prefers to do. She has bought a cake and hot cross buns, and has ordered a rotisserie chicken to pick up later. From scratch, she is making borscht, scalloped potatoes, and seafood-stuffed mushrooms. It’s gonna be a delicious dinner.
That sounds like a wonderful meal, Kizzie. I think the situation with McK is just horrid. But it could also mean that YA is not being truthful. I would send a snail mail letter that the mom has to sign for to be sure she is in the know. It is reasonable what you are requesting and you need to know why they are unable to help you out. Y’all helped them in their times of need. Maybe the mom is suffering from depression or something. But whatever, you deserve an answer.
To answer Janice’s question, sleeping in, most definitely. 🙂 But I also went to bed relatively early for me (10). I had multiple dreams about people from work (or who used to be from work), kind of made me sad.
We’re getting a deep marine layer effect along the coast for the coming days so it’s very gray and overcast outside this morning. I was supposed to have lunch with a former co-worker (maybe that’s what sparked the dream?) but she texted last night saying she was feeling sad as it was the first anniversary of her estranged dad’s death and it was hitting her surprisingly hard, said said she wouldn’t be good company and asked if we could reschedule.
Michelle’s home church broadcast their Good Friday service on FB live yesterday, which was unique. I only saw a couple minutes of it.
I’m so sorry about the McK situation, Kizzie. But I suspect she has “answered” by her repeated silence, there’s no way she could have missed all your several messages to her. She’s choosing to ignore the request for whatever reason, not much you can do but to let it go. They all sound like rather odd people, to be honest.
Thanks, Peter, for that nice version of He Lives by the UnrealAJ. There is some country music I like but much of it covers subjects that I do not care for and has ways of expression that are not appealing to my senses. This one was good for me.
Michelle, I just read the passage that The Real posted on the prayer thread, and it got me thinking about the phenomenon of the Sabbath, how routine life paused for 24 hours, even after such a catastrophic event – even those glad at Jesus’ death had experienced the darkness, and the earthquake, and the tearing of the veil. I am also again impressed with the steadfastness of the women. The male disciples were broken, utterly cast down, and running scared. The women who had followed Jesus were the ones who looked where Joseph and Nicodemus – how strange it should be the two men with the most to lose, and who had kept quiet for fear of the Jews all this time, who were the ones to step forward at the moment when it all seemed utterly futile and carry out the defiling task (Numbers 19:11: “He that touches the dead body of any man shall be unclean seven days”) of burying Jesus’ lifeless body* – had buried Jesus and then went to prepare the spices needed to cover the body. It says that they rested on the Sabbath according to the commandment. A day to think could have made the women shrink from their task, thinking of the possible consequences of adorning the body of a man crucified as a criminal and whose tomb was guarded by a squad of hated and feared Roman soldiers, but they remained steadfast to their task.
*According to the law, because a touching dead body made one ceremonially unclean for a week, those who were defiled from a dead body during the Passover would have to celebrate it the next month (Numbers 9:7-11).
About Jesus descending to hell in the Apostles’ creed, the phrase “descended into hell” is better taken in the sense of “descended into death”: https://www.christianpost.com/news/al-mohler-true-christians-believe-every-word-apostles-creed.html. Pastor A preached verse by verse through I Peter, including the bewildering passage in chapter 3, verses 19 to 20, pointing out that Noah was a preacher of righteousness (II Peter 2:5). In essence, what Peter is saying in that passage, was that salvation, which only occurs through Jesus Christ, was proclaimed by the Spirit through Noah to those who were disobedient, but only eight were saved in the ark, while the rest suffered eternal judgement. This fits better the context of the passage, where Peter is encouraging Christians to be faithful in the midst of overwhelming opposition.
I remember having to write a story about the specially decorated Russian/Ukrainian eggs when I was new (and a features writer back then) at my former newspaper many years ago. We had someone local who was an artist who created them, and I had not been familiar with the art until I was assigned to do that story.
“He Lives” was a favorite of my former pastor in the Quaker church. He always became very animated when he sang it, pointing upward as I recall. 🙂 And it was among the pieces he wanted us to sing at the memorial service for his son who died of AIDS. Not a dry eye in the church. Life is so complicated sometimes. 😦
If Jesus “descended into Hell” as the Apostle’s Creed says,
How can the tell the thief on the cross,” Verily I say unto thee, To day thou shalt be with me in paradise.”??
… there is something that we need to keep in mind. The original phrase in the Roman Symbol did not say, “He descended into hell.” It said that Christ descended into the nether world, or Sheol, that is, the grave. The whole point of the addition was to affirm not Christ’s descent into hell but Christ’s physical death. In other words, the physical death of Christ needed to be emphasized in the face of docetists who were saying that Christ didn’t have a body that could die. In fact, some second century versions of the Roman symbol substituted “dead” for “descended to the netherworld.” Clearly the creed was formed and used to battle the docetists who denied the humanity of Christ. Consequently, this phrase, now rendered “descended into hell” was originally meant to teach of the bodily death of Christ. …
_________________________________
Chas, I agree, hence my comment that the phrase in the Apostles’ creed does not mean Jesus went into hell, the place of eternal torment. Since the Creed is a translation from early church documents written in Latin and Greek, newer English translations of the Apostles Creed use the phrase “descended to the dead”, rather than “descended into hell”: https://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/churchhomeleadership/nicene-apostles-creeds.html
I am not quibbling about words here.
It’s a serious matter with me. I have thought much about it, and I think I have mentioned it before:
I am 89 (almost) years old.
I have a wife who is slowly losing it.
All my friend I have known (except one who has heart trouble) from younger years are gone.
etc.
I have thought much about the destiny of those who have died.
Jesus told the thief “Today….in paradise”
Jesus met with Elijah and Moses. Now we know Elijah didn’t die. But Moses (according to Joshua) did.
Judging from Paul’s description, in 2 Cor. 12:2, I believe he had a death experience.
We know that the body will be resurrected at the rapture. But I gather from the above, and other illustrations I could make, that our spiritual body, which is what we really are, goes to be with the Lord immediately upon death.
I don’t believe in the ”looking down from heaven” bit that people often use. But I hope we know each other. I have no trepidation at all while thinking about this.
DJ – What has me flummoxed by Mrs. McK’s non-response is that she is a very friendly, caring, sweet person. Although it was definitely not right for her to not clue me in to Chickadee’s plan to move with them, it was she who insisted that they find a place in a town close to us. They could have moved earlier to a couple other places which were much further away, but she insisted they stay fairly close. So this non-response does not seem like her, which is why it has me wondering.
There is only one way to cook grits decently and it involves the largest pot you own and a paint scraper. This recipe doesn’t even begin to cover it. You are going to need to boil them over at least twice. Read the link to the story below. The paint scraper? I’ll let you figure that out for yourself after you have eaten the grits. 🙂
Old-Fashioned Grits
Ingredients
1 cup coarsely-ground grits
5 cups water (4 1/2 if you want thicker grits)
1 tbsp salt
4 tbsp butter (or to taste)
Instructions
In a large, heavy-bottomed saucepan, bring the water to a boil.
Bring the heat down to medium, so that the water simmers, then slowly whisk in the grits, stirring constantly until they begin to thicken (3-5 minutes).
Reduce the heat to low, so that the grits bubble once or twice every few seconds, but aren’t rolling.
Cook for 40-50 minutes (the coarser your grits are, the longer they need to cook), stirring frequently to make sure the grits aren’t scorching on the bottom of the pan.
Once the grits are tender and cooked through, whisk in the butter and salt, and serve hot.
Kizzie, that is strange. But things change, people become encumbered by stress, illness, fluctuating emotions or other life issues that affect behavior and/or personality. ? Seems like they’ve stayed out of direct touch for some time now and the girls maybe aren’t sharing any of what’s ‘really’ going on, perhaps? So that’s your concern, I see, that things might not be all well with them in the household. What was the last direct and meaningful contact you had with the mom?
They came to Hubby’s memorial service, but we didn’t talk much then. Before that, the last time I spoke to her face-to-face was the day they were moving Chickadee’s stuff out. We did exchange some emails now and then after that for a while.
In other news, there’s a hot game of Go Fish going on right now between The Boy and Chickadee.
RK – I liked your comment earlier (about the card game) because I thought it was funny, but I didn’t quite get it. Then Nightingale just told me about the quote from that Washington state senator. Now I get it!
“A Washington state senator has drawn the ire of nurses after remarks she made suggesting that nurses in smaller hospitals “probably play cards for a considerable amount of the day.”
The Washington State Senate considered a bill Tuesday, SHB 1155, that would provide nurses with uninterrupted meal and rest periods.”
Kizzie, I’m not sure it was her place to tell you that your daughter was moving in with her–it was your daughter’s place to tell you that. If I were in that situation, someone else’s adult daughter moving from her family home to live with my family, I would either assume the daughter would tell her parents or I would talk to the daughter and see if she had told them yet, and encourage her to do so. But I wouldn’t see it as “my place.” Now, if she were not yet of age, then I’d make sure she had told them, and I wouldn’t let her move in until I knew the parents knew and approved.
Second, I remember that last time you brought this up, some of us asked you why you didn’t call her, and you gave the reasons. (I don’t remember what they were.) But if you don’t feel enough of a relationship with them to call the lady, I wouldn’t be inclined to be asking her for favors, or fretting over her non-response. Should she respond, yes. But if you don’t have enough of a relationship to call or stop by, asking for a weekly favor is a lot to ask. And she may feel too awkward to tell you “no” and so she just figured a non-response is a no.
Why not try to call her and get together for something? Invite her for Easter dinner or something like that? The longer you go without friendly overtures between you, the more awkward it will be in the future. And if you aren’t close enough to her to make friendly overtures, then you aren’t close enough to her to ask her a favor. (She has no obligation to provide transportation; it’s definitely a favor you are requesting.)
Cheryl – Considering that Mrs. M and I were friends at the time, and saw each other quite often, I disagree that she shouldn’t have said something. Yes, Chickadee should have been the one to tell me, but with her not doing so, I still think Mrs. M should have clued me in. She could even have merely suggested that I talk to Chickadee about how she feels about them moving, or some such thing. Or she and her husband could have said to Chickadee, “Yes, you can move in with us, but only if you talk to your parents first.” To see me time and time again over the course of 11 months (between being asked to move and actually moving) and not saying a word to me was not right.
As for calling her, right now she doesn’t have her own phone. But even if she did, I would still not like the idea. Quite frankly, she is one of those people who talk and talk and talk, usually repeating the same thing in different ways, and it is hard to get off the phone with her, or stay on topic. And yes, after so much time without us getting together as friends, it would be awkward, and coming after the emails, could be seen as being aggressive on my part. As I said, we used to exchange emails fairly often, so my reaching out to her via email would not be considered unusual.
I would say that at this point, we are no longer actual friends, although we would be friendly if we bumped into each other somewhere.
As for this being asking for a favor, I’d say yes and no on that. I understand how it could be considered a favor, but they said from the beginning that they would provide rides for her, along with us. If they don’t want to do that, then they can say so, but they haven’t even done that.
Kizzie, I typed something out earlier, erased it, and told myself to mind my own business.
Everyone on this blog has read about me lamenting over BG. I have shared the good, the bad, and the ugly about her and asked for prayers. How old is Chickadee? I am assuming she is over 21. BG is 21. Guess what? Neither you nor I have any control over this. I
The harsh truth is that if Chickadee wanted to be with you she would be. If she wanted to get there to see you, she would find a ride. Uber and Lyft exist. She could pay someone to drive her. I am sorry. I know it hurts. My own has tap danced on my heart multiple times.
Just this week I got a text from her asking what I was doing. I took a deep breath and thought, Oh God! What now? Turns out for the first time it was just a text to see what I was doing. She wasn’t in trouble and she didn’t ask for anything.
She has broken up with her boyfriend I didn’t like. She is talking about going to school. The other night she had a date with a 23-year-old. There were some circumstances I didn’t like, but again she is 21. I turned 21 in Maryland at college. I was there and couldn’t get home to my dad. I am still amazed he let me go. He did. That’s what parents do. They raise them and let them go.
Let her go. Quit hurting yourself over this. Take what she is willing to give you and find a way to be happy with it.
Please know I love you and I didn’t want to write those words because I don’t ever want to hurt you. When I write them to you, I am also reminding myself.
You may also have to face some hard facts along this path. I have. BG has opened up some things that would… well we won’t go there. As her mother, it was hard to hear. On a few of them, I wanted to strangle someone. I firmly believe we are where we are today because I have had the world praying for her for years.
I didn’t get the card thing either, thanks Kizzie 🙂
Well, I’ve been running around today, had to get another couple storage boxes for the garage then went into the pet store to buy treats as we were out. I thought I was in Petco so I gave her my petco card. Cashier says “Um, this is PetSmart.” “Oh.” Lady behind me in line wanted to make me feel better so she says “I’ve done that.” I slunk out with our bag of dog treats.
Think I’ll go run around some more. All avoiding dealing with the den shelves and clearing out some more things from that filing cabinet I suppose.
beautiful sunshine here, but we know…. We will likely get some torrential rain later. This rain just goes on and on. Looking at blue skies is just a blessing to be savored.
Watched Adorable #1, 11 years old, pitch four innings of baseball today. He struck out six! He had the RBI for all three runs for his team! He struck out the final batter with 2 on and the opposite team with two runs. I decided to leave while we were ahead . . .
Brought Adorable #2, 9, home with me and how fun to stop for frozen yogurt and then cook together: Auntie Arly’s potatoes and the breakfast casseroles for church tomorrow. She was a great help and we were well into a rousing game of Uno with Mr. Why Has This Card Game Changed? when her father and Adorable #4, 6, showed up.
A lovely afternoon. Now to finish the laundry!
(Arly’s potatoes are shredded parboiled potatoes, sour cream, shredded cheese, chopped green onions and cream of mushroom soup mixed together and topped with bread crumbs. Bake at 375 for 30 minutes or until bubbly. Delicious!)
Being sent to prison was the second best thing to happen to Chuck Colson.
He found Christ before that. I read his book long ago.
HE IS RISEN!
Of all days, though, not to attend church, this is it.
Elvera has had bronchitis since Wednesday. She has coughing spells, mostly at night, but occasionally during to day too. WE may go to SS. I haven’t decided yet. It has been twenty minutes since the last cough.s. We’ll see.
Morning…Chas I am asking the Lord to heal the cough and to comfort her body. May His peace envelope you two this morning as He ministers to you.
A very contemplative morning as we observe what has been wrought for us. He is good.
Seventeen year old son is under the weather but rode off this morning on his bike with his broken arm sticking out. Hoping we don’t catch something to share with three month old. Husband leaves today.
Kizzie, I think McK had an obligation to tell you because Chickadee has a condition, is it Asperger’s? That is my opinion. I do wish you had some other way to be in contact, such as mutual friends who could check into the situation for you. I feel frustrated over this with you. Asking God right now for a breakthrough. We can’t rush God, though. Everything is in His timing.
Kim – I cried a bit while reading your comment to me last night. Something that is just dawning on me is that it may be that Chickadee doesn’t want to come over more than she does. (And yet, when I first emailed Mrs. M it was because Chickadee was expressing missing us “so much”, and wanting to see us.)
I don’t know what to do. The fact that her not childsitting with me anymore and their not giving her rides, meaning we see much less of her, has happened in the midst of also grieving Hubby’s death makes it all feel worse. I know that I am too emotional about the situation, but it feels like getting kicked when I was already down.
You asked how old Chickadee is. She is 26-going-on-27 (in June, same birthday as Michelle). But in many ways, her maturity is still like that of an older teen. The McKs are taking care of her, so to speak, so she hasn’t had the experiences needed to mature as an adult. YA is 31, but her maturity seems closer to one ten years younger.
She cannot afford Uber or Lyft, since she has no income. Her application for SSI was rejected, and then her appeal was rejected. Her “therapist” – who has refused to even try assessing her for autism – is helping her with another appeal.
I said above that I don’t know what to do. That is not entirely true. I know that the most important thing to do is to continually surrender. submit, and commit her and her situation to God. And I also pray for God to move in the McK family.
Thank you, Janice. Yes, we strongly believe she has Asperger’s Syndrome. These days, though, I guess that term is out of favor, as it is merely another place on the autism spectrum.
This morning I was thinking more on what Cheryl said about this being my asking them for a favor. (To me, if it is a favor I am asking, then it is for Chickadee as much as for us.) In what I am about to say, please know that I am not saying that anyone is under any obligation to return favors, or that we did what we did expecting anything in return.
When the McKs lived here, because of their oft-repeated remarks of being “poor”, we charged them a rent that was only about 2/3 of what we could have charged for a three-bedroom apartment in our area. Add to that that the electricity is on one bill (not separated by apartment), so we paid for their electricity use as well. Even so, they asked permission to pay their rent in two installments each month, and we agreed. (And they were still usually late with those installments, but we never complained.)
We did all the yard work and snow removal, whereas many places with reduced rent expect some help with that. (We really should have expected their help.) If we hadn’t gotten around to shoveling the outside stairs they used, they would just walk over the snow.
When they were planning on going on a cruise with their good friends from South Carolina (who often took them on vacations with them), they had mentioned that the costs they would still have to pay were going to hurt them some, so Hubby told them they didn’t have to pay the second installment of their rent that month.
I puppysat their dog sometimes when they would be away for the day.
When they were having trouble saving the money for a security deposit for a new apartment, we cut their rent almost in half for the last several months. (So imagine our chagrin when Mr. McK bragged about buying a big-screen TV to use for a computer monitor to better enjoy his video games.)
Again, we did those things not expecting anything in return, and I am not now saying that they “owe” us. But as Christians, ISTM that they should be “doing unto others” what they would have done to them.
Quite frankly, looking back at all I wrote, I think we were chumps, and I hate to say that.
Kizzie, yes, they took advantage of you, and I think some of us were saying that at the time. In one sense, financially they have “repaid,” however, in taking care of Chickadee for the last several years. And being kind to someone, even for an extended period, doesn’t mean they later “owe” you, especially if they have been out of touch with you for several years. And they probably are not Christians, so expecting them to behave as such will probably disappoint you, too.
By the time I was 22, I lived in a different state from my mom (my dad died when I was a teen). From then until her death 14 years later, I saw her on average less than once a year. Granted, whether I saw her at her house or the house of one of my siblings, each visit was for at least two days, but still, I saw her 10-12 times in those last 14 years. (I spent a week with her when my stepfather died and a few days here and there other times, including going for a few days when she had surgery.) And oh, by the way, I’m the one who saw Mom the most frequently, with the possible exception of my California brother (since he lived only one state away).
We have now been gone from our old home 11 months. We have driven up there four times and plan to drive up again for Mother’s Day; our older daughter and family have come this way once, our younger daughter three or four times. So our daughters have seen us way less than once a month, and his mother has seen us about quarterly (on average). My mother had two brothers, and I think she didn’t see one of them for about 20 years (the last 20 years of his life), and the other she saw just twice in the last quarter century of her life. Some posters on here have children (or parents) they haven’t seen in years. In the adult world, even if you get along very well with your parents (or your siblings), you don’t necessarily see them all that often. I last saw my California brother five years ago, and I don’t know when I will see him again.
Expectations kill relationships. Enjoy your times with Chickadee. Invite her to come see you, and look for opportunities to see her in other settings if you can. But remember that it is not at all rare for adults to see their parents infrequently, and come to terms with that. I would recommend that you work to make friends that you can do things with. You aren’t quite an empty nester, but you need real-life relationships outside your children.
Appreciate the time you have, but realize that it is very rare for a parent of adult children to see them every week or even every month–and a mother who doesn’t drive is not going to see her daughter who doesn’t drive as often as mother and daughter who drive all over town see each other.
Sorry Kizzie. They played you. It goes under the heading “No good deed goes unpunished”. The good news is they are no longer sponging off of you.
I know from experience it hurts when your child would rather be almost anyplace other than with you. BG is supposed to be here in a little while. I have already had a conversation with myself that I will not let her spoil what I do have. Go back and look at the above picture of her when she was two. I smocked and made that dress.
In about an hour another little girl will arrive and want her MIMi. I already know one day she will break my heart too. She will want to be with her friends and not sit in my lap and look at books. She won’t hold her little hands up to me. So today I will be happy and savor it now so smile then, when it happens.
Cheryl – Mr. and Mrs. McK are believers, although they had not been faithful in church attendance in the years that I knew them. Don’t know if they attend a church now or not.
We just returned home from a lovely church service and then we all stayed afterwards to “break bread” together for a meal. It was truly a sweet time of fellowship and getting to know one another better.
Kizzie I have a daughter who lives here with her husband and three of my grandchildren. I have seen her 3 times since Christmas. Twice she stopped by with granddaughter while granddaughter was getting in driving hours for her license….those times they stayed about 15 minutes. I was invited to coffee with daughter a couple of weeks ago and we did have a lovely time together. I have not seen son in law nor two grandsons since Christmas. Today is Easter and I got a text while at church saying “miss you hope you are having a lovely Easter”. I cannot demand they spend time with me and it is quite obvious they would rather not. I have learned and continue to learn “have no expectations and you will not have disappointment”. Does it hurt…at times yes….like the dickens…but we survive and we have others with whom we enjoy being around and they likewise.
One of our Pastor’s wives asked if we were getting together with family today…I told her no…she replied she wished her family didn’t live so far away because she would love to spend this day with her folks…maybe next year I will invite them over to spend the day with us…. 😊
And to prove my point. My child has a car of her own. She lives with her dad about 7 miles from me. I got a test just as we were cleaning up the kitchen that she has been “sick in bed” all day. I didn’t reply to that, then she wanted to know if I had spoken to her dad. I haven’t replied to that one either.
She either wants to see me and will make arrangements to do so or she won’t. Me? Grandpa and Daddy “hid” Easter eggs in the back yard and Missy, Mommy, and I hunted them. We found out that Missy likes Club Cracker and Pimento Cheese. She also had roasted carrots, asparagus, and a little ham.
I call foul on whether or not the McK’s are believers. The probably told you they were to make the con they were pulling on you work. Of course, I am cynical. Don’t tell me anything. Show me.
Yeah, that is my thought. If you routinely skip church, you are at least acting like an unbeliever. I’ve heard no evidence that they are believers, that I recall.
In those circumstances (people who say they are believers but seem alienated from the faith or acting contrary to it with no sign of remorse or repentance), I usually qualify it by saying they are “professing” believers. I take people at their word for the most part if they say they’re Christians. True believers can obviously fall into grave error in life and doctrine or simply be astray, living in a state of rebellion for a time, so it’s not an easy or sure call we can make from the outside.
(One of the songs we sang today includes the line “In all I do, I honor you.” I’ve always stumbled in singing that line as I can’t honestly ever say that is the case — so I was glad when the pastor said pretty much the same thing afterward, he said when he sings that particular line, he uses it more as a prayer, not a claim of how he always lives.)
Were they regular in church and/or Bible study when you knew them better? They may well be believers (or not); and you’re probably not in close enough contact with them now to have a very clear picture.
DJ, is that the song that starts “I am forgiven because you were forsaken”? It’s one of my favorite contemporary songs (and by contemporary I mean 21st century, not baby boomer oldies 🙂 ).
Yes, “You Are My King (Amazing Love)” — Our bulletin says the words were written in 1738 (John Wesley) but the music must be more contemporary.
It’s a pretty and evocative song, but honestly that one particular claim in that line makes me stumble every time! 🙂
Just heard from Carol who was (finally) supposed to go to church today — a group that comes in to conduct their Wednesday Bible Study there offers rides to residents to their church (not sure which one that is but Carol says they’re “Christian”) and I’ve really been encouraging Carol to go!
Come to think of it, she’s been very hit and miss when it comes to church attendance, for years now. She’ll go a year or more without ever going, though she’s always a signed-up member of the Lutheran Mo. Synod church wherever she’s living.
Her usual reason for not going always is “Oh, I woke up and my legs hurt.” I have no doubt her legs always pretty much have some discomfort, but it’s always the reason she gives when she’s going to finally go to church and then winds up not going. So the same thing today, “I woke up and my legs hurt.” I told her to try next week again that going to church is really very important. “I know,” she’ll say. But she really hardly ever goes in the all the years I’ve known her. She seems to enjoy it when she does go so not really sure what the steady absences are about.
I don’t really know much about this group that holds the Bible study, sounds like a typical contemporary evangelical church, but it makes me thankful that someone is doing that kind of thing and trying to get folks out to church on Sundays. The biggest problem getting to church for those folks who live there is the transportation.
I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I probably did. But I think she’d benefit so much by going regularly to a local church, something she never seems to be able to do beyond intermittently at best. The fact that this one offers up the door-to-door transportation and there are other residents whom she knows going also is a huge perk.
Her beau at least got to go to church, his cousins picked him up and took him with the family in South LA. They’re African American and he told me when I asked once that he was Baptist. Carol said he was very dressed up in a jacket and tie and looked nice. As of 3 p.m. he hadn’t gotten back yet.
Good mooring Aj, et al.
I was getting worried. Said a prayer, and here you are.
We need you.
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Good morning! I almost typed Goose instead of Good. We are having a Goosebump Morning. It’s in the 40s. And more rain is expected. Not good for the egg hunts today.
Wesley and I attended a program one year on making the pysanky (sp?) eggs that are so intricately decorated in the Ukrainian style. I remember Kare said something about them. I always wanted to try to make some but never did. Wondering if Kare made some?
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One of the tax clients use to make this sugar eggs that were open on one side and decorated within with a pretty scene. They could be displayed like a knickknack. I had a few but gave them to someone who had children.
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this=the
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Is everyone busy today or sleeping late?
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Good morning, Fellow Wanderers. We are having our family Easter celebration today.
Back at the end of October, I had sent Mrs. McK an email asking her if someone in her family could pick up or drop off Chickadee just once a week. I explained about how busy Nightingale is, and that her varied work schedule along with The Boy’s various activities made it difficult for her to both pick up Chickadee and then drop her off again, and often led to hurried, not very relaxing, visits.
Chickadee told me that Mrs. McK said she had read my email and would reply in a couple days.
So in mid-March, having not received a reply from her after all, I sent her another email, reiterating much of the first one, then asked YA on Facebook to let her mom know. Two weeks later, with still no reply, I sent a follow-up email, and told YA about that, also mentioning that I had not yet received a reply from her mom. YA said she knew that her mom had read it, and was surprised her mom had not answered yet.
That was almost a month ago. Still no reply. Mrs. McK and I used to send emails back and forth fairly regularly. This has me wondering if there is something she doesn’t want to tell me. Praying that if there is something I need to know, that is being kept from me, it will be revealed to me. I am beyond frustrated with this situation. As I’ve said before, Mrs. McK would be absolutely devastated if this was happening with one of her daughters.
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I have been waiting on this.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BweqsDBDKo_/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=15s8er4gpiteu
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Good morning all. I know this song isn’t traditionally an Easter hymn, but since Jesus rose from the dead, we all know he lives. Oh, and forgive me for choosing this singer, but he’s the one who stole AJ’s name, so I thought it would be appropriate. If you don’t like Country music, skip this one.
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Kizzie, my heart hurts for you. I would count on nothing from that woman. Total disrespect no matter what the reason. Praying you will find a way to get Chickadee there without her help.
Kare made a pretty psanky egg. I had to look up the spelling and spell check still rejects it. 🙂 I had a young neighbor who used to make these. Well, maybe still does; she just doesn’t live her anymore. They are quite the craft.
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It’s OK Peter, His gospel stuff has grown on me. 🙂
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Janice, I did make a couple of pysanky, but a very simple one with just white and one colour. Some at the session made beautiful traditional eggs.
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Sounds just like an Easter sing to me.
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What was happening on that Holy Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday?
Here’s some speculation from me.
https://www.michelleule.com/2016/03/26/holy-saturday-now/
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Up at 4am. At work since before 7. The byword from EMS has been”oh, are we interrupting your card game?”
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A couple days ago I mentioned that for our dinner today, to save time and effort, Nightingale would be buying some of our dinner rather than making it all from scratch, as she usually prefers to do. She has bought a cake and hot cross buns, and has ordered a rotisserie chicken to pick up later. From scratch, she is making borscht, scalloped potatoes, and seafood-stuffed mushrooms. It’s gonna be a delicious dinner.
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That sounds like a wonderful meal, Kizzie. I think the situation with McK is just horrid. But it could also mean that YA is not being truthful. I would send a snail mail letter that the mom has to sign for to be sure she is in the know. It is reasonable what you are requesting and you need to know why they are unable to help you out. Y’all helped them in their times of need. Maybe the mom is suffering from depression or something. But whatever, you deserve an answer.
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To answer Janice’s question, sleeping in, most definitely. 🙂 But I also went to bed relatively early for me (10). I had multiple dreams about people from work (or who used to be from work), kind of made me sad.
We’re getting a deep marine layer effect along the coast for the coming days so it’s very gray and overcast outside this morning. I was supposed to have lunch with a former co-worker (maybe that’s what sparked the dream?) but she texted last night saying she was feeling sad as it was the first anniversary of her estranged dad’s death and it was hitting her surprisingly hard, said said she wouldn’t be good company and asked if we could reschedule.
Michelle’s home church broadcast their Good Friday service on FB live yesterday, which was unique. I only saw a couple minutes of it.
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I’m so sorry about the McK situation, Kizzie. But I suspect she has “answered” by her repeated silence, there’s no way she could have missed all your several messages to her. She’s choosing to ignore the request for whatever reason, not much you can do but to let it go. They all sound like rather odd people, to be honest.
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Thanks, Peter, for that nice version of He Lives by the UnrealAJ. There is some country music I like but much of it covers subjects that I do not care for and has ways of expression that are not appealing to my senses. This one was good for me.
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Michelle, I just read the passage that The Real posted on the prayer thread, and it got me thinking about the phenomenon of the Sabbath, how routine life paused for 24 hours, even after such a catastrophic event – even those glad at Jesus’ death had experienced the darkness, and the earthquake, and the tearing of the veil. I am also again impressed with the steadfastness of the women. The male disciples were broken, utterly cast down, and running scared. The women who had followed Jesus were the ones who looked where Joseph and Nicodemus – how strange it should be the two men with the most to lose, and who had kept quiet for fear of the Jews all this time, who were the ones to step forward at the moment when it all seemed utterly futile and carry out the defiling task (Numbers 19:11: “He that touches the dead body of any man shall be unclean seven days”) of burying Jesus’ lifeless body* – had buried Jesus and then went to prepare the spices needed to cover the body. It says that they rested on the Sabbath according to the commandment. A day to think could have made the women shrink from their task, thinking of the possible consequences of adorning the body of a man crucified as a criminal and whose tomb was guarded by a squad of hated and feared Roman soldiers, but they remained steadfast to their task.
*According to the law, because a touching dead body made one ceremonially unclean for a week, those who were defiled from a dead body during the Passover would have to celebrate it the next month (Numbers 9:7-11).
About Jesus descending to hell in the Apostles’ creed, the phrase “descended into hell” is better taken in the sense of “descended into death”: https://www.christianpost.com/news/al-mohler-true-christians-believe-every-word-apostles-creed.html. Pastor A preached verse by verse through I Peter, including the bewildering passage in chapter 3, verses 19 to 20, pointing out that Noah was a preacher of righteousness (II Peter 2:5). In essence, what Peter is saying in that passage, was that salvation, which only occurs through Jesus Christ, was proclaimed by the Spirit through Noah to those who were disobedient, but only eight were saved in the ark, while the rest suffered eternal judgement. This fits better the context of the passage, where Peter is encouraging Christians to be faithful in the midst of overwhelming opposition.
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I remember having to write a story about the specially decorated Russian/Ukrainian eggs when I was new (and a features writer back then) at my former newspaper many years ago. We had someone local who was an artist who created them, and I had not been familiar with the art until I was assigned to do that story.
“He Lives” was a favorite of my former pastor in the Quaker church. He always became very animated when he sang it, pointing upward as I recall. 🙂 And it was among the pieces he wanted us to sing at the memorial service for his son who died of AIDS. Not a dry eye in the church. Life is so complicated sometimes. 😦
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If Jesus “descended into Hell” as the Apostle’s Creed says,
How can the tell the thief on the cross,” Verily I say unto thee, To day thou shalt be with me in paradise.”??
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some thoughts from others
The Apostles’ Creed: He descended into Hell
https://www.placefortruth.org/blog/apostles-creed-he-descended-hell
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… there is something that we need to keep in mind. The original phrase in the Roman Symbol did not say, “He descended into hell.” It said that Christ descended into the nether world, or Sheol, that is, the grave. The whole point of the addition was to affirm not Christ’s descent into hell but Christ’s physical death. In other words, the physical death of Christ needed to be emphasized in the face of docetists who were saying that Christ didn’t have a body that could die. In fact, some second century versions of the Roman symbol substituted “dead” for “descended to the netherworld.” Clearly the creed was formed and used to battle the docetists who denied the humanity of Christ. Consequently, this phrase, now rendered “descended into hell” was originally meant to teach of the bodily death of Christ. …
_________________________________
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Chas, I agree, hence my comment that the phrase in the Apostles’ creed does not mean Jesus went into hell, the place of eternal torment. Since the Creed is a translation from early church documents written in Latin and Greek, newer English translations of the Apostles Creed use the phrase “descended to the dead”, rather than “descended into hell”: https://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/churchhomeleadership/nicene-apostles-creeds.html
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I am not quibbling about words here.
It’s a serious matter with me. I have thought much about it, and I think I have mentioned it before:
I am 89 (almost) years old.
I have a wife who is slowly losing it.
All my friend I have known (except one who has heart trouble) from younger years are gone.
etc.
I have thought much about the destiny of those who have died.
Jesus told the thief “Today….in paradise”
Jesus met with Elijah and Moses. Now we know Elijah didn’t die. But Moses (according to Joshua) did.
Judging from Paul’s description, in 2 Cor. 12:2, I believe he had a death experience.
We know that the body will be resurrected at the rapture. But I gather from the above, and other illustrations I could make, that our spiritual body, which is what we really are, goes to be with the Lord immediately upon death.
I don’t believe in the ”looking down from heaven” bit that people often use. But I hope we know each other. I have no trepidation at all while thinking about this.
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Another view sees the phrase as referring also to the event of Christ’s having taken on our sin on the cross.
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DJ – What has me flummoxed by Mrs. McK’s non-response is that she is a very friendly, caring, sweet person. Although it was definitely not right for her to not clue me in to Chickadee’s plan to move with them, it was she who insisted that they find a place in a town close to us. They could have moved earlier to a couple other places which were much further away, but she insisted they stay fairly close. So this non-response does not seem like her, which is why it has me wondering.
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There is only one way to cook grits decently and it involves the largest pot you own and a paint scraper. This recipe doesn’t even begin to cover it. You are going to need to boil them over at least twice. Read the link to the story below. The paint scraper? I’ll let you figure that out for yourself after you have eaten the grits. 🙂
Old-Fashioned Grits
Ingredients
1 cup coarsely-ground grits
5 cups water (4 1/2 if you want thicker grits)
1 tbsp salt
4 tbsp butter (or to taste)
Instructions
In a large, heavy-bottomed saucepan, bring the water to a boil.
Bring the heat down to medium, so that the water simmers, then slowly whisk in the grits, stirring constantly until they begin to thicken (3-5 minutes).
Reduce the heat to low, so that the grits bubble once or twice every few seconds, but aren’t rolling.
Cook for 40-50 minutes (the coarser your grits are, the longer they need to cook), stirring frequently to make sure the grits aren’t scorching on the bottom of the pan.
Once the grits are tender and cooked through, whisk in the butter and salt, and serve hot.
https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2019/04/18/707689763/saving-the-story-of-grits-a-dish-born-of-poverty-now-on-fine-dining-menus?fbclid=IwAR0CHWo9RIA_QbNAx7xfnQmiTkPbcpzhGKUwWHA-zbmKH48Hkp29GTMJrJ0
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But what ARE “grits”? Asking for a friend.
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Kizzie, that is strange. But things change, people become encumbered by stress, illness, fluctuating emotions or other life issues that affect behavior and/or personality. ? Seems like they’ve stayed out of direct touch for some time now and the girls maybe aren’t sharing any of what’s ‘really’ going on, perhaps? So that’s your concern, I see, that things might not be all well with them in the household. What was the last direct and meaningful contact you had with the mom?
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They came to Hubby’s memorial service, but we didn’t talk much then. Before that, the last time I spoke to her face-to-face was the day they were moving Chickadee’s stuff out. We did exchange some emails now and then after that for a while.
In other news, there’s a hot game of Go Fish going on right now between The Boy and Chickadee.
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By the way, there also is an entire Twitter discussion going on today under the hashtag #HolySaturday
https://twitter.com/hashtag/HolySaturday?src=tren&data_id=tweet%3A1119623365025832962
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But be forewarned, there’s a fair amount of heretical ideas and statements to be found there. It is Twitter, after all.
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RK – I liked your comment earlier (about the card game) because I thought it was funny, but I didn’t quite get it. Then Nightingale just told me about the quote from that Washington state senator. Now I get it!
“A Washington state senator has drawn the ire of nurses after remarks she made suggesting that nurses in smaller hospitals “probably play cards for a considerable amount of the day.”
The Washington State Senate considered a bill Tuesday, SHB 1155, that would provide nurses with uninterrupted meal and rest periods.”
https://www.cnn.com/2019/04/20/politics/washington-state-senator-nurse-remarks/index.html
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Kizzie, I’m not sure it was her place to tell you that your daughter was moving in with her–it was your daughter’s place to tell you that. If I were in that situation, someone else’s adult daughter moving from her family home to live with my family, I would either assume the daughter would tell her parents or I would talk to the daughter and see if she had told them yet, and encourage her to do so. But I wouldn’t see it as “my place.” Now, if she were not yet of age, then I’d make sure she had told them, and I wouldn’t let her move in until I knew the parents knew and approved.
Second, I remember that last time you brought this up, some of us asked you why you didn’t call her, and you gave the reasons. (I don’t remember what they were.) But if you don’t feel enough of a relationship with them to call the lady, I wouldn’t be inclined to be asking her for favors, or fretting over her non-response. Should she respond, yes. But if you don’t have enough of a relationship to call or stop by, asking for a weekly favor is a lot to ask. And she may feel too awkward to tell you “no” and so she just figured a non-response is a no.
Why not try to call her and get together for something? Invite her for Easter dinner or something like that? The longer you go without friendly overtures between you, the more awkward it will be in the future. And if you aren’t close enough to her to make friendly overtures, then you aren’t close enough to her to ask her a favor. (She has no obligation to provide transportation; it’s definitely a favor you are requesting.)
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Cheryl – Considering that Mrs. M and I were friends at the time, and saw each other quite often, I disagree that she shouldn’t have said something. Yes, Chickadee should have been the one to tell me, but with her not doing so, I still think Mrs. M should have clued me in. She could even have merely suggested that I talk to Chickadee about how she feels about them moving, or some such thing. Or she and her husband could have said to Chickadee, “Yes, you can move in with us, but only if you talk to your parents first.” To see me time and time again over the course of 11 months (between being asked to move and actually moving) and not saying a word to me was not right.
As for calling her, right now she doesn’t have her own phone. But even if she did, I would still not like the idea. Quite frankly, she is one of those people who talk and talk and talk, usually repeating the same thing in different ways, and it is hard to get off the phone with her, or stay on topic. And yes, after so much time without us getting together as friends, it would be awkward, and coming after the emails, could be seen as being aggressive on my part. As I said, we used to exchange emails fairly often, so my reaching out to her via email would not be considered unusual.
I would say that at this point, we are no longer actual friends, although we would be friendly if we bumped into each other somewhere.
As for this being asking for a favor, I’d say yes and no on that. I understand how it could be considered a favor, but they said from the beginning that they would provide rides for her, along with us. If they don’t want to do that, then they can say so, but they haven’t even done that.
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I’ve already made tomorrow’s dessert, pineapple stuffing, and the ambrosia.
All that’s left tomorrow is throw the ham in before church, and make the green beans and potatoes after. 🙂
Oh, and my favorite part, the eating. 🙂
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Kizzie, I typed something out earlier, erased it, and told myself to mind my own business.
Everyone on this blog has read about me lamenting over BG. I have shared the good, the bad, and the ugly about her and asked for prayers. How old is Chickadee? I am assuming she is over 21. BG is 21. Guess what? Neither you nor I have any control over this. I
The harsh truth is that if Chickadee wanted to be with you she would be. If she wanted to get there to see you, she would find a ride. Uber and Lyft exist. She could pay someone to drive her. I am sorry. I know it hurts. My own has tap danced on my heart multiple times.
Just this week I got a text from her asking what I was doing. I took a deep breath and thought, Oh God! What now? Turns out for the first time it was just a text to see what I was doing. She wasn’t in trouble and she didn’t ask for anything.
She has broken up with her boyfriend I didn’t like. She is talking about going to school. The other night she had a date with a 23-year-old. There were some circumstances I didn’t like, but again she is 21. I turned 21 in Maryland at college. I was there and couldn’t get home to my dad. I am still amazed he let me go. He did. That’s what parents do. They raise them and let them go.
Let her go. Quit hurting yourself over this. Take what she is willing to give you and find a way to be happy with it.
Please know I love you and I didn’t want to write those words because I don’t ever want to hurt you. When I write them to you, I am also reminding myself.
You may also have to face some hard facts along this path. I have. BG has opened up some things that would… well we won’t go there. As her mother, it was hard to hear. On a few of them, I wanted to strangle someone. I firmly believe we are where we are today because I have had the world praying for her for years.
Please remember I love you.
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Oh my GOOD-ness. I just looked up what pineapple stuffing is. I may need some of this my own self.
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Now I have to go look up pineapple stuffing…
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Oh yeah…
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I didn’t get the card thing either, thanks Kizzie 🙂
Well, I’ve been running around today, had to get another couple storage boxes for the garage then went into the pet store to buy treats as we were out. I thought I was in Petco so I gave her my petco card. Cashier says “Um, this is PetSmart.” “Oh.” Lady behind me in line wanted to make me feel better so she says “I’ve done that.” I slunk out with our bag of dog treats.
Think I’ll go run around some more. All avoiding dealing with the den shelves and clearing out some more things from that filing cabinet I suppose.
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Potato salad.
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beautiful sunshine here, but we know…. We will likely get some torrential rain later. This rain just goes on and on. Looking at blue skies is just a blessing to be savored.
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Watched Adorable #1, 11 years old, pitch four innings of baseball today. He struck out six! He had the RBI for all three runs for his team! He struck out the final batter with 2 on and the opposite team with two runs. I decided to leave while we were ahead . . .
Brought Adorable #2, 9, home with me and how fun to stop for frozen yogurt and then cook together: Auntie Arly’s potatoes and the breakfast casseroles for church tomorrow. She was a great help and we were well into a rousing game of Uno with Mr. Why Has This Card Game Changed? when her father and Adorable #4, 6, showed up.
A lovely afternoon. Now to finish the laundry!
(Arly’s potatoes are shredded parboiled potatoes, sour cream, shredded cheese, chopped green onions and cream of mushroom soup mixed together and topped with bread crumbs. Bake at 375 for 30 minutes or until bubbly. Delicious!)
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I love baseball
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Being sent to prison was the second best thing to happen to Chuck Colson.
He found Christ before that. I read his book long ago.
HE IS RISEN!
Of all days, though, not to attend church, this is it.
Elvera has had bronchitis since Wednesday. She has coughing spells, mostly at night, but occasionally during to day too. WE may go to SS. I haven’t decided yet. It has been twenty minutes since the last cough.s. We’ll see.
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Morning…Chas I am asking the Lord to heal the cough and to comfort her body. May His peace envelope you two this morning as He ministers to you.
A very contemplative morning as we observe what has been wrought for us. He is good.
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I’m feeling congested too, it was a restless night.
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Seventeen year old son is under the weather but rode off this morning on his bike with his broken arm sticking out. Hoping we don’t catch something to share with three month old. Husband leaves today.
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Kizzie, I think McK had an obligation to tell you because Chickadee has a condition, is it Asperger’s? That is my opinion. I do wish you had some other way to be in contact, such as mutual friends who could check into the situation for you. I feel frustrated over this with you. Asking God right now for a breakthrough. We can’t rush God, though. Everything is in His timing.
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Kim – I cried a bit while reading your comment to me last night. Something that is just dawning on me is that it may be that Chickadee doesn’t want to come over more than she does. (And yet, when I first emailed Mrs. M it was because Chickadee was expressing missing us “so much”, and wanting to see us.)
I don’t know what to do. The fact that her not childsitting with me anymore and their not giving her rides, meaning we see much less of her, has happened in the midst of also grieving Hubby’s death makes it all feel worse. I know that I am too emotional about the situation, but it feels like getting kicked when I was already down.
You asked how old Chickadee is. She is 26-going-on-27 (in June, same birthday as Michelle). But in many ways, her maturity is still like that of an older teen. The McKs are taking care of her, so to speak, so she hasn’t had the experiences needed to mature as an adult. YA is 31, but her maturity seems closer to one ten years younger.
She cannot afford Uber or Lyft, since she has no income. Her application for SSI was rejected, and then her appeal was rejected. Her “therapist” – who has refused to even try assessing her for autism – is helping her with another appeal.
I said above that I don’t know what to do. That is not entirely true. I know that the most important thing to do is to continually surrender. submit, and commit her and her situation to God. And I also pray for God to move in the McK family.
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Thank you, Janice. Yes, we strongly believe she has Asperger’s Syndrome. These days, though, I guess that term is out of favor, as it is merely another place on the autism spectrum.
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This morning I was thinking more on what Cheryl said about this being my asking them for a favor. (To me, if it is a favor I am asking, then it is for Chickadee as much as for us.) In what I am about to say, please know that I am not saying that anyone is under any obligation to return favors, or that we did what we did expecting anything in return.
When the McKs lived here, because of their oft-repeated remarks of being “poor”, we charged them a rent that was only about 2/3 of what we could have charged for a three-bedroom apartment in our area. Add to that that the electricity is on one bill (not separated by apartment), so we paid for their electricity use as well. Even so, they asked permission to pay their rent in two installments each month, and we agreed. (And they were still usually late with those installments, but we never complained.)
We did all the yard work and snow removal, whereas many places with reduced rent expect some help with that. (We really should have expected their help.) If we hadn’t gotten around to shoveling the outside stairs they used, they would just walk over the snow.
When they were planning on going on a cruise with their good friends from South Carolina (who often took them on vacations with them), they had mentioned that the costs they would still have to pay were going to hurt them some, so Hubby told them they didn’t have to pay the second installment of their rent that month.
I puppysat their dog sometimes when they would be away for the day.
When they were having trouble saving the money for a security deposit for a new apartment, we cut their rent almost in half for the last several months. (So imagine our chagrin when Mr. McK bragged about buying a big-screen TV to use for a computer monitor to better enjoy his video games.)
Again, we did those things not expecting anything in return, and I am not now saying that they “owe” us. But as Christians, ISTM that they should be “doing unto others” what they would have done to them.
Quite frankly, looking back at all I wrote, I think we were chumps, and I hate to say that.
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Kizzie, yes, they took advantage of you, and I think some of us were saying that at the time. In one sense, financially they have “repaid,” however, in taking care of Chickadee for the last several years. And being kind to someone, even for an extended period, doesn’t mean they later “owe” you, especially if they have been out of touch with you for several years. And they probably are not Christians, so expecting them to behave as such will probably disappoint you, too.
By the time I was 22, I lived in a different state from my mom (my dad died when I was a teen). From then until her death 14 years later, I saw her on average less than once a year. Granted, whether I saw her at her house or the house of one of my siblings, each visit was for at least two days, but still, I saw her 10-12 times in those last 14 years. (I spent a week with her when my stepfather died and a few days here and there other times, including going for a few days when she had surgery.) And oh, by the way, I’m the one who saw Mom the most frequently, with the possible exception of my California brother (since he lived only one state away).
We have now been gone from our old home 11 months. We have driven up there four times and plan to drive up again for Mother’s Day; our older daughter and family have come this way once, our younger daughter three or four times. So our daughters have seen us way less than once a month, and his mother has seen us about quarterly (on average). My mother had two brothers, and I think she didn’t see one of them for about 20 years (the last 20 years of his life), and the other she saw just twice in the last quarter century of her life. Some posters on here have children (or parents) they haven’t seen in years. In the adult world, even if you get along very well with your parents (or your siblings), you don’t necessarily see them all that often. I last saw my California brother five years ago, and I don’t know when I will see him again.
Expectations kill relationships. Enjoy your times with Chickadee. Invite her to come see you, and look for opportunities to see her in other settings if you can. But remember that it is not at all rare for adults to see their parents infrequently, and come to terms with that. I would recommend that you work to make friends that you can do things with. You aren’t quite an empty nester, but you need real-life relationships outside your children.
Appreciate the time you have, but realize that it is very rare for a parent of adult children to see them every week or even every month–and a mother who doesn’t drive is not going to see her daughter who doesn’t drive as often as mother and daughter who drive all over town see each other.
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Sorry Kizzie. They played you. It goes under the heading “No good deed goes unpunished”. The good news is they are no longer sponging off of you.
I know from experience it hurts when your child would rather be almost anyplace other than with you. BG is supposed to be here in a little while. I have already had a conversation with myself that I will not let her spoil what I do have. Go back and look at the above picture of her when she was two. I smocked and made that dress.
In about an hour another little girl will arrive and want her MIMi. I already know one day she will break my heart too. She will want to be with her friends and not sit in my lap and look at books. She won’t hold her little hands up to me. So today I will be happy and savor it now so smile then, when it happens.
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It’s been a while since Cheryl showed up and wrote what I wanted to say. Thank you.
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Cheryl – Mr. and Mrs. McK are believers, although they had not been faithful in church attendance in the years that I knew them. Don’t know if they attend a church now or not.
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We just returned home from a lovely church service and then we all stayed afterwards to “break bread” together for a meal. It was truly a sweet time of fellowship and getting to know one another better.
Kizzie I have a daughter who lives here with her husband and three of my grandchildren. I have seen her 3 times since Christmas. Twice she stopped by with granddaughter while granddaughter was getting in driving hours for her license….those times they stayed about 15 minutes. I was invited to coffee with daughter a couple of weeks ago and we did have a lovely time together. I have not seen son in law nor two grandsons since Christmas. Today is Easter and I got a text while at church saying “miss you hope you are having a lovely Easter”. I cannot demand they spend time with me and it is quite obvious they would rather not. I have learned and continue to learn “have no expectations and you will not have disappointment”. Does it hurt…at times yes….like the dickens…but we survive and we have others with whom we enjoy being around and they likewise.
One of our Pastor’s wives asked if we were getting together with family today…I told her no…she replied she wished her family didn’t live so far away because she would love to spend this day with her folks…maybe next year I will invite them over to spend the day with us…. 😊
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And to prove my point. My child has a car of her own. She lives with her dad about 7 miles from me. I got a test just as we were cleaning up the kitchen that she has been “sick in bed” all day. I didn’t reply to that, then she wanted to know if I had spoken to her dad. I haven’t replied to that one either.
She either wants to see me and will make arrangements to do so or she won’t. Me? Grandpa and Daddy “hid” Easter eggs in the back yard and Missy, Mommy, and I hunted them. We found out that Missy likes Club Cracker and Pimento Cheese. She also had roasted carrots, asparagus, and a little ham.
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I call foul on whether or not the McK’s are believers. The probably told you they were to make the con they were pulling on you work. Of course, I am cynical. Don’t tell me anything. Show me.
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Yeah, that is my thought. If you routinely skip church, you are at least acting like an unbeliever. I’ve heard no evidence that they are believers, that I recall.
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In those circumstances (people who say they are believers but seem alienated from the faith or acting contrary to it with no sign of remorse or repentance), I usually qualify it by saying they are “professing” believers. I take people at their word for the most part if they say they’re Christians. True believers can obviously fall into grave error in life and doctrine or simply be astray, living in a state of rebellion for a time, so it’s not an easy or sure call we can make from the outside.
(One of the songs we sang today includes the line “In all I do, I honor you.” I’ve always stumbled in singing that line as I can’t honestly ever say that is the case — so I was glad when the pastor said pretty much the same thing afterward, he said when he sings that particular line, he uses it more as a prayer, not a claim of how he always lives.)
Were they regular in church and/or Bible study when you knew them better? They may well be believers (or not); and you’re probably not in close enough contact with them now to have a very clear picture.
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DJ, is that the song that starts “I am forgiven because you were forsaken”? It’s one of my favorite contemporary songs (and by contemporary I mean 21st century, not baby boomer oldies 🙂 ).
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Michelle, I wonder if Adorable #1 would like to be known as an Adorable? 🙂
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Yes, “You Are My King (Amazing Love)” — Our bulletin says the words were written in 1738 (John Wesley) but the music must be more contemporary.
It’s a pretty and evocative song, but honestly that one particular claim in that line makes me stumble every time! 🙂
Just heard from Carol who was (finally) supposed to go to church today — a group that comes in to conduct their Wednesday Bible Study there offers rides to residents to their church (not sure which one that is but Carol says they’re “Christian”) and I’ve really been encouraging Carol to go!
Come to think of it, she’s been very hit and miss when it comes to church attendance, for years now. She’ll go a year or more without ever going, though she’s always a signed-up member of the Lutheran Mo. Synod church wherever she’s living.
Her usual reason for not going always is “Oh, I woke up and my legs hurt.” I have no doubt her legs always pretty much have some discomfort, but it’s always the reason she gives when she’s going to finally go to church and then winds up not going. So the same thing today, “I woke up and my legs hurt.” I told her to try next week again that going to church is really very important. “I know,” she’ll say. But she really hardly ever goes in the all the years I’ve known her. She seems to enjoy it when she does go so not really sure what the steady absences are about.
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I don’t really know much about this group that holds the Bible study, sounds like a typical contemporary evangelical church, but it makes me thankful that someone is doing that kind of thing and trying to get folks out to church on Sundays. The biggest problem getting to church for those folks who live there is the transportation.
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DJ, I always sing that line as “in all I do, let me honour You” it makes more sense because the other will never be until heaven.
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I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I probably did. But I think she’d benefit so much by going regularly to a local church, something she never seems to be able to do beyond intermittently at best. The fact that this one offers up the door-to-door transportation and there are other residents whom she knows going also is a huge perk.
Her beau at least got to go to church, his cousins picked him up and took him with the family in South LA. They’re African American and he told me when I asked once that he was Baptist. Carol said he was very dressed up in a jacket and tie and looked nice. As of 3 p.m. he hadn’t gotten back yet.
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Kare, I like that, thanks
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I have not read everything posted yet but wanted to post this Leonard Cohen Hallelujah You Tube. I had never seen it. What do you think of it?
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I’m not overly familiar with Cohen’s piece, but have heard it — so how does that work, getting the rights to the music and changing the lyrics?
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If anyone is looking for a reply from me, I left it over on the April 21 thread. 🙂
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