62 thoughts on “Our Daily Thread 11-16-18”

  2. Went to our Teen Centre for dinner tonight. It took almost an hour for my food to come. meanwhile the folks I was sitting with went to check something out, so I just sat there waiting for my food all alone and then ate it as quickly as I could. There were others at the table, but they never said anything to me. Have you ever felt invisible?

    Liked by 7 people

  6. Jo, camp people are mostly extroverts and I am not, so I do sometimes feel invisible. At the national conference 2 years ago for the final dinner, I sat with Sundar Krishnan (our Bible teacher for the conference) and a table of extroverted camp people. He and I are introverts, so we had a quiet conversation just with the two of us while the rest of the table was quite loud. It was a bit awkward, but at least we both ‘got’ where the other was coming from. Note: if I know people really well (like my coworkers) I can be almost as loud and boisterous as them.

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  8. Good morning! It’s a good day to smile since finally we see the sun!

    Jo, I have felt that way, too, but do not feel as bothered by it now. Sometimes being left alone in such a situation is better than the awkwardness of having everyone trying to think of ways to include a person and it means the person gets put on the spot without entertaining things to say. I sometimes enjoy with fascination listening to conversations around me and wondering how people can have so much to say about nothing. And a centerpiece can make a lovely dinng mate if it is large enough ❤

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  9. This election mess in Georgia must be made for a movie since we are Hollywood, Jr. It reeks of the old rotten fish smell. My friend, Karen, and I have not discussed it. Today is her birthday. With all her health issues, I think she is a miracle survivor. Surely God has saved her for more than being a Democrat voter. I need to think of something to do for her. I am thankful her daughter got into nursing school to follow in her footsteps. It’s great she has lived to see that!

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  10. I just realized the processing of my Medicare signup took only a little over two weeks and I received my card yesterday before three weeks had passed. My friend in CA got her card within three weeks. I am saying this for others to know that it seems like a big deal, but the processing is smooth unless there are some unique complicating issues.

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  11. Good morning! I thought I would check in to make sure AJ, Linda, and Kizzie survived the storm. We had snow early in the week, with ice and about 4 inches of snow on top. I was ok with that. I was not ok with the 8 degree weather that followed.

    It’s back up to 50 degrees now, and we plan to butcher turkeys. Next week the two hogs will go. The need will wait till I am on break between semesters.

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  12. Jo, I too have frequently felt invisible. People see me as preferring to be by myself (or at least this used to be the case–it has now been years since I’ve “seen” such things, but saw evidence up till my mid-thirties). I attended the same church for more than 13 years, knew lots of people there. I often sat with one particular old couple, but if I didn’t sit with them, I sat in the middle section . . . but I found out over time that if I sat down in a pew first, no one else would sit in that pew. It wasn’t that people were avoiding me; they just saw me as a loner. So if I was one of the first people there, I’d sit down, and I’d smile at people I knew as they went by. But eventually I would get up and sit with someone (and they never seemed to mind that I did; they just wouldn’t come to me).

    My freshman year of college, I worked a job cleaning in the evening. We had various assignments, some of them requiring one person and some requiring two (and I think some of the “guy” jobs might have taken more than two, I’m not sure). Months into the job I got chatting with my boss, and she asked me my favorite assignments and why I liked them. I told her I like this one and this one and this one, and I cannot stand this other one since it is just one person and it’s lonely to be working on empty classroom floors without someone to work with. She expressed shock and said she’d given me that one a lot on purpose since she thought I liked to work alone.

    Another time, when I was single and between housemates in Chicago, I attended a women’s retreat with my church. Many of the other women were married, and most of them had children. I got to the event, which was held in a large house with rooms of all sorts of sizes. Some women were assigned to rooms sleeping five or six women, some to just two or three. I looked at the sleeping arrangements and was aghast–I was the only person assigned to a room by myself! I didn’t go on a retreat to sleep alone! I went to the pastor’s wife, fighting back tears, and asked wasn’t there any way I could get into a room with other people? She said oh, she thought I would want that room, and she changed things around. So somehow I must project the “loner” label (or at least I used to–in my Nashville church I didn’t allow such a label to form; I never ever sat in a pew if there wasn’t someone there already, and of course in the next two churches I’ve had my husband with me most of the time, and I sit in the pew we sit in even if he isn’t there).

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  13. Hi invisible people! I am also invisible but along with what Janice said. I like to listen and am amazed that they have so much to talk about. Every week, I stand there listening to the buzz but not the details, at church. Sort of like at bowling, except the men would talk to me. But I prefer it when the extroverts realize and just go on about their business, leaving me to my pondering. It is comfortable to be among them, knowing they are there, and knowing they are not going to inundate me with conversation. It works.

    I have, in the past, attempted to engage people in conversation and still do if somebody is looking alone and yet like they want to talk. There is an elderly lady with dementia that I talk with. We admire her shoes together. Just a few words every week.

    There have been times when an extrovert will disengage from the flock to ask me a specific question, and then take the info back to the group. That works. And seventeen year old son takes the time to visit a bit for the week.

    I used to think it was because I was out of sync, first as a homeschooler, then as a mom of small folk when I was over fifty. But in reality, unless it is one on one or very close, I have nothing to say so we are all more comfortable that way.

    Daughter was actually shocked when I went with her to her mom’s Bible group one time. Once the small group conversation started, several people were talking with me, asking me questions about child rearing and Scripture and the combination. She had never seen that side of me, that people could be interested in what I had to say. People. They are amazing and unique and it is a joy to be part of them in His service.

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  14. (Continued from 10:25)

    Other than those times that people are pushing me off to be alone when I don’t want to be alone, I learned long ago to work with it. At social events that don’t happen to have the friends who do talk to me, I sit and watch people and enjoy the party even if no one ever talks to me. I was blessed in Nashville to have a close friend who nearly always attended, and with her there I wasn’t alone–the only time in my life I’ve had that experience. I once attended a party without her, one that invited all the women in the church, but the hostess didn’t like me. It was a lonely evening, and late in the evening a lady showed up who hardly ever attended our church anymore, but who was super popular and known for her hugs. She said she just came for a minute to say hi to everyone.

    She and I had taught Sunday school together for a year, and she was my real-estate agent when I bought my home (and again when I sold it), so she definitely knew me, and she liked me well enough. But that night she simply did not see me. She came into the living room, where I was sitting, and hugged everyone in the room–but she didn’t see me sitting there. So I stood up to be more huggable; she got talking to someone else and never did see me. Eventually I drifted into the next room (where she hadn’t yet greeted people), and soon she came through that room, again greeting everyone but me with hugs. I think I ended up in four different rooms, and eventually (by that time super pathetically) even standing casually near the front door so that she could at least see me when she went out . . . and she never did see me. I know she wasn’t ignoring me; she liked me and that wasn’t her style. She quite simply just never noticed me at all.

    I’ve noticed through the years, though, that often when those super-popular people have some deep concern they don’t want to share with everyone, it is that quiet observant person, not the flashy extrovert, they seek out to talk. So I figured that is my “place” in the body, and that is OK. Oh, and I doubt my husband would have ever married me had he met me in person before meeting me online. Like me, he’s right in the middle between extrovert and introvert, and we understand each other extremely well. But I was 43 when we met and had never had a “real” date in my life (the few I had had were always prefaced by some version of “we’re just friends”). So had I been a member of his church, there’s a decent chance that he wouldn’t have noticed me either. But knowing that I do get overlooked easily, I try to be proactive in finding my own place in things when possible. And it was much, much easier in Nashville (where I lived alone and worked alone) when I got Misten and then didn’t “quite” live alone. Up until I got her, it was hard to leave a party and head home to an empty house (proof that I am not an introvert; a real introvert would have been relieved to get home). It also was often hard to get to a Friday night, in my single days, knowing I’d be home alone that night while most people I knew had families or went out with their friends, and I was going to be alone Friday night and all day Saturday. I finally made Friday my book marathon night, and would read long into the night, and after that I enjoyed Friday nights.

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  15. I’ve been ignored and overlooked, too, at times. It can feel very uncomfortable, and bring me to the verge of tears.

    Speaking of tears, during this grieving process I’ve learned something new about myself that surprises me. Before this past year, I’ve thought of myself as being pretty open emotionally. But I have discovered that I find it difficult to cry in front of others, even my own daughters. I will tear up, and even get choked up (where my voice sounds like I’m crying or about to), but I don’t go over the edge into full-on crying. All my weeping has been done when I am alone.

    (In church I sometimes will have tears running down my face, but not when face-to-face with anyone.)

    In the very beginning, I did cry some in front of others, but even then, there was a restraint to it.

    As I said, realizing this about myself has surprised me.

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  16. Here in my town, we got several inches of snow, and then the sleet and rain came. The rain didn’t wash the snow away, but merely managed to pack it down. The snow is now super-super heavy. One guy on Facebook said it was like cement.

    I managed to shovel a path from the front door across the porch and down the few stairs there to the driveway. By the time I finished that, my right arm was killing me.

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  18. Morning! It is a cloudy start to the day but the snow is melting. We shall get 1-3 inches more of the white stuff tomorrow….yes!
    Jo I have been in similar situations more times than I could count. At times it is awkward but the older I get the better I am at navigating the life of an introvert.
    I had a gathering of neighborhood women in my home this Wednesday evening. I put many hours of preparation into hosting this time with neighbors….lots of food…lots of cleaning…making certain all would feel welcomed. During our time of having dessert I found myself in the family room sitting in the recliner with my dessert…all alone while the others were chatting away with one another. I sat there content with a dumb smile upon my face feeling as though I had been banished to Siberia….I don’t believe anyone ever noticed 😊

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  20. Oh, one particular blessing of this Nashville friend that I mentioned: you probably all know how it can be awkward to wander around after church looking for someone to talk with, before you get into any conversations and between conversations. Usually people who are already talking look so intent and you can’t enter an ongoing conversation.

    Well, this friend and I were known to be close friends. If one of us showed up to class or a picnic before the other, people would ask “Is the other one coming?” She was married with kids, but her kids were grown and her husband attended a different church. I rarely sat with her Sunday morning, but at any other time we would likely hang out together, and we stayed an hour after prayer meeting to talk every week. But neither of us liked cliques, and we were both deliberate about not being our own two-person clique. If we saw someone else wandering around when we were chatting, one or both of us would make eye contact with the person, in the way that says “You can join our conversation if you like.” Many, many is the time other people joined us with a visible look of relief. It’s one of my sweetest memories of that friendship. (We’re still friends, but we don’t see each other weekly anymore, and now she has a ton of grandkids and her life is busy, so we don’t talk all that frequently.)

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  22. Oh, look. We’re all invisible! What fun we can have.

    Painters are coming today, we’re at the stage of finishing up odds and ends with a final walkthrough set for tomorrow, hopefully, then what ever little things need to be done.

    I’ve decided to paint the side wood awnings on the porch overhang brandywine. They’re part of the trim, so it’s all cream right now but as you drive down the street toward the house it just all looks so washed out next to the rich house color. Those pieces were partly painted brandywine by mistake early on and I liked it. The painter thinks it looks better dark, but then he’s not a color consultant (an understatement, he’s had some kind of really odd ideas). But on this I sort of agree with him. This front porch add-on is a pain to deal with in terms of paint colors. It really dominates the front of the house. Thank you, 1950s people who did this.

    I know it’s wrong to paint part of it the darker color. It’s trim. It should be CREAM. This is an outlaw move. But I guess I’ll break the rules on this one. After all, it’s only paint and can be repainted later. I still think the real ‘fix’ for that too-pale front of the house is darker shingles on that long porch overhang (the top is visible) — or ideally someday a faux tile panel in a clay color. But that’s not happening real soon. I got some free samples of one such product but it looks very shiny. It may be the most affordable, though.

    But later for all that.

    I just want these painters out of here. I’ll go to the credit union today and get the rest of the money they’re owed as we may reach the final pay out this weekend.

    And then they’ll be … gone? Whew. Only took half a year.

    Liked by 6 people

  24. I actually like to be a fly on the wall from time to time. (I know, a shocking Extrovert comment).

    My husband accuses me of interviewing everyone I meet–which I do because I’m genuinely interested and to give me something to say.

    Sometimes I get cynical, however, and wait to see if I’ll ever be asked a question. On bad days, I time people to see if they’ll ever get around to asking about me or my family.

    I’ve often gone a full weekend without anyone asking me a personal question. I’m not sure what to make of that, but, again, my husband thinks I just overwhelm people.

    Jo, of course, is living in a situation where it’s easy to feel isolated–while she’s in the middle of everything, she doesn’t have a family or many peers. I can see where that would be hard.

    xoxox

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  27. And Michelle. And Kim. Most of the rest of us would be sitting watching.

    Until my husband came in the room, he, like Kim, cannot understand not being in the center of it all. Why would a person not be talking? Well, I can fix that, he says. And does. Which is why, for years, the people in outlying communities all thought he must be raising these children alone as they had never seen or heard me. And everybody would greet him on the street or in the stores, and give me a nod, “Oh! you must be Mike’s wife!”. I much prefer that.

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  28. Michelle, my mom thought questions to be rude–even from her own children. In her later years, she tolerated a few from me, almost as though she realized there wasn’t much more time to answer what might interest me to know. But one time she asked, alarmed “Are you writing this down?” and I knew that doing so would be another breach of her etiquette. (I don’t remember whether I was writing down what she said then, but I do know I sometimes did . . . but I should have written down more.)

    To this day, I do better with the “uh, huh, I’m listening” nods and eye contact rather than specific questions. Also, I tend to think of “How are you?” as a silly formality (though, yeah, a culturally appropriate one), and I often realize after a brief conversation with people at church that I never turned it around and asked them. It isn’t lack of caring–I’ve been told several times I’m a good listener–but not being good with small talk and questions. I don’t think anyone in my family is good at small talk, which means we are all a bit socially awkward.

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  29. But not here. Here Mike is “Mumsee’s husband”.

    So QOD: Introvert or Extrovert?

    My answer: Introvert

    (I think most of us understand this does not mean we don’t like being with other people, but that we need to recharge alone. My KJ is a super “people person” in many ways, but she has to get away by herself to recharge. I’m the same way, but not as much.)

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  30. I was kidding when I posted my6:50 about wanting to be invisible.
    But after reading yours, I take the “kidding” part back
    Seems like someone is (mostly WAS) wanting me to do something.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Introvert.

    I can identify with Jo. It is awkward to be the oldest in a group of younger people, who have completely different interests and are at a totally different season in life. Many younger folks were not taught to appreciate and honor their elders, so think nothing of leaving them eating by themselves. I am the oldest in all of my classes at the college. I think a big difference between me and the younger ones, I that I realize I don’t know everything.

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  32. I’m halfway between an extrovert and an introvert, and only in recent years have I found out there is a word for that, too: ambivert. I don’t recharge by being alone (in general). I can handle being alone, but I prefer being with people. But I far prefer being with one or two people I know than with a crowd. And I have certain things I enjoy doing alone, such as reading a book or taking a walk–but in both cases I enjoy having someone else with me, having someone else in the room also reading a book, or walking with someone else. As long as I’ve had adequate people time, I’m OK with being alone for several hours. I seek “quiet,” but I don’t really ever seek “aloneness.” Companionable quiet is quite a blessing, such as sitting quietly while both of you read your own books, and once in a while sharing a nugget with the other.

    I also have things I can’t do by myself. I’ve never been to a movie by myself, and one time I went to a sit-down restaurant by myself but I decided “never again.” And I lived by myself between housemates in both Chicago and Nashville–but I don’t like living alone, to the extent that I actually advertised for housemates in Nashville, and had total strangers come look at my house and sit in my living room and talk to me about renting the bedroom. (Ultimately I could not see doing that every year for the rest of my life, and hosting a string of young women just out of college; so I started doing online dating to get a “permanent” roommate, and a more intimate one.)

    Liked by 2 people

  33. Introvert. I need alone time. I live with a verbal processing extrovert who has a lot of free time in his mostly retired life. If he sees my overwhelmed self heading for the door…grabbing my shoes and purse on the way…he knows….and his question as I depart…”alone time?”…and my reply “you betcha!…bye!” 🙃

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  34. Introvert. Which is why this is the perfect place for us. I get lots of peace and quiet and he gets to be a truck driver so he can talk with people and still come home to peace and quiet. I think he used to be an extrovert but has become an ambivert.

    But we lived in Athens and Turin and Frankfort and elsewhere and I survived so I will survive Boise until I don’t. Who would ever have thought I would move to Boise???? Go Boise.

    Liked by 3 people

  38. Mumsee, no worries, most big cities now have electric scooters you can rent and hop. All the hipsters use them. You’ll need a smart phone to unlock them, though. There also are electric bikes but the scooters seem to be taking over as the preferred means of individual city transportation.

    zoom zoom.

    Maybe Boise has good public transportation? LA is very spread out so while we have lots of buses and now also a growing subway and train system, getting exactly where you want or need to go often just doesn’t *fit* with the routes that are available.

    Besides, we love our bumper-to-bumper freeways.

    Becoming a reporter pushed me into excelling at small talk 🙂 It seems so easy and natural for me but a number of friends I’ve had find it difficult. But I also like to be alone and I think being a reporter — writing is something of a solitary pursuit even on busy newspaper staffs — has reinforced that with me.

    Liked by 3 people

  39. Wow, at 12:37 we have a photo of Anonymous’s relatives. 🙂

    When I was young, say 20, I couldn’t relate at all to 20-year-olds. At college (22-25), I remember specifically noting that the female students had virtually three conversational topics: boys, music, and movies. I couldn’t converse on any of those subjects, and found them tedious to overhear, so that often left me feeling left out. When I heard that the men’s dorm often had theological arguments, I was jealous. That sounded so much more interesting!

    Now I’m not at all intimidated by young people, as I’m not expected to converse as an equal, so that is freeing.

    But my husband often goes through the whole plot line of movies (complete with which actors played which role, a detail that interests me not at all unless it’s one of about three or four I know) and I do my best not to let my eyes glaze over. When we lived local to our daughters, he would talk sports with one daughter, movies with the other, and when either of those subjects came up I would discreetly slip out of the room and let them have daddy/daughter time.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Mumsee, somehow I have missed the “move to Boise” conversation and details. I will require those, so I can be in the know.

    The best I can come up with is that I am an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert. I love to be around people. I will talk to any and everyone. I will walk up to a complete stranger and start talking. At first, I was hesitant about teaching adults, so I made a joke out of it. “I have a degree in elementary education, so let’s cover the basics. The bathroom is located (someplace) and you don’t have to raise your hand to go. They laughed and that was all I needed.
    I told you all what happened to me in the Knoxville airport last Saturday all because a woman had a carry on suitcase with poppies on it and I want to take a picture to send to Michelle. How strange is that? Some random woman walks up and wants a picture of your suitcase????
    I am also an only child. I am used to entertaining myself. I am quite comfortable alone. There are times I want to be alone and go crawl in bed and read a book. Sometimes I am grumpy when Mr. P comes in and turns on the TV. I actually enjoy my long drive to and from work. In the morning I listen to books on Audible. Often they are business related books that I wouldn’t otherwise read because I could find a million and one other things to do rather than read them. On the way home I may talk to someone, listen to the radio, or drive in total silence lost in my own thoughts. I have decided I really don’t want anyone riding anywhere with ME. I will gladly ride with THEM.
    I mean for goodness sakes, I met a man in Pensacola, flew across the country with him and drove to Who Knows Where Idaho to spend a week with his wife and children. I can’t be too shy.

    Liked by 6 people

  41. So this place seems tilted a bit toward introverts. I wonder if that’s because we can get good social time in but can (figuratively) walk away from it any time we want to be alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Those are what I think. Sure we have friends, just rarely meet them. But I know I can count on my friends here to lift me up to the Lord, encourage me, and let me know when I am in error. That is good.

    Liked by 7 people

  45. Interesting last night, some folks I know and like came over to sit by me, but the young gals had left their bags/bilums on the floor so they went away.
    It was quite awkward.

    Like

  46. But it did make for an interesting discussion on here!
    Yes, in a group I can be a leader, but I need my quiet time. The very loud-mouthed boy in my class last year drove me crazy.

    Liked by 2 people

  47. Seriously Mumsee
    It is that I have outlived my friends. Al, Vernon, Slim, Dale, et. al. are all dead.
    You think I should be happy that I have lived so long, but it isn’t the same.
    Mel has serious heart problems and can’t get around.
    And I can’t get up and go around because I’m caring for TSWITW.
    I’m just thankful that I can do that.
    I used to be active in Lions, but now I have someone take me because I don’t drive at night.
    And I can’t participate in most of the activities.

    But enough complaining. I have been immensely blessed during these 88 years. Even the things that seemed bad have turned out for the best.

    e.g. I didn’t want to go to Hendersonville, But Elvera wanted to be near her family (who, except for one, Mel’s wife) are gone. And I am here to care for her.
    That is my purpose in life. A guy in my SS class wants me to join the Men’s Choir. But I can’t get out to practice.

    But other than Lions and kin, you are all have left.
    If it sounds like a love letter, it is.

    And a special thanks to Aj. I know this takes lots of doing.

    Liked by 9 people

  49. We are glad we are here for you. You brighten all of our days.
    When I found out my father was dying I told any and everyone that I was not prepared to live in a world without him. Now I am not prepared to log on to this blog and not see your posts. Please hang around a little longer. Some of us need you too.

    Liked by 5 people

  52. My friend and my daughter’s former church tried to start an adult singles group where they could fellowship and have fun together, but it was a total flop because 90% of them were introverts. They said it was just so awkward! 🙂

    In other news – we go pick up the pallets with my new kitchen on it tomorrow!!!!! I’m so excited!!!!

    Liked by 6 people

  54. It may sound strange, but in some ways I am a little like Chas.
    I did make good friends here, but they have all gone finish. There are few left here that are my age. In my fellowship group, I am the only single. I still can get out and am still learning and growing as a teacher, so I will stay. I plan on another 2 1/2 years here, until June of 2021

    Liked by 5 people

  55. In the military we knew we had only a year and a half to make friends as people would be rotating out. Then it was either be lonely or make new ones. And so we met and enjoyed a lot of friends but the only friend I am still in contact with is one I made in fifth grade. My mom let me take hershey bars in for my Sept birthday. This friend (extremely nice and popular, in my view) had been selected to make the display for adverbs on the cork board. She selected me to help her. I was in awe and thought it was because my mom let me bring a chocolate bar for each student. Later, years later, she told me, no, she selected me because she liked me. I was stunned. She is coming over either tomorrow or on Tuesday to bring a couple of quilts she made for the youngest two. I am eternally grateful as she is the one who encouraged me in my young faith so many years ago and has kept it up all these years. God is amazing.

    Liked by 8 people

  58. I’m an introvert in a large group of strangers but an extrovert around people I know. A lot depends on the topic. Also, upon first meeting someone it takes a while to open up. Kim and RKessler can attest to that. I follow this simple rule: A fool with his mouth shut is thought to be wise until he opens his mouth and removes all doubt. As past president of the Northeast Missouri chapter of the OMIF* Club, I have to keep quiet a lot. Last month at a Bible camp we were talking about Nabeel Quereshi’s book and I called it “Seeking Alah, Finding Nemo”. See what I mean? I still get ribbed about it.

    *Open Mouth, Insert Foot

    Liked by 3 people

  60. I am an introvert. I am, generally, quite shy, but not always. I am content to be alone and prefer doing things myself rather than with a group. I think that can hinder some learning opportunities. I have to make myself get out with others. I don’t always want to be alone, however, and I love when my family is around me.

    Liked by 1 person

  61. I’m an extrovert around a piano — as a performer or teacher. Expressing myself through music was what brought me out of my extreme introversion as a child.

    Liked by 3 people

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